‘You Can’t Escape Me…’

November 29th, 2010 // 55 Comments

“You can never escape – your master.

MUAHAHAHAHA!”

Photos: Fame, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. I was there!!!!!! And the Pillisbury Doughboy was screaming in terror that she was gonna eat him. As you can see he was in terror.

  2. I was really there, at 37th street to be exact.

  3. JesseJimmy

    Look! It’s the Pillsbury Doughboobs!

  4. maly

    Wow, totally looks like ghostbusters,
    and yeah it totally looks like he is saying You will never escape me
    hahahahah

  5. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    rovingardener
    Commented on this photo:

    The poor gingerbread man didn’t see it coming.

  6. looks like someone tried to glue her lips shut………the fools! That will never work. I bet he was a goner by 38th street!

  7. freebie

    If she wore clothes a size larger, she wouldn’t look like a sausage. That coat is way to tight on her.

  8. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    megan
    Commented on this photo:

    a jacket one size bigger wouldnt have been too bad ^^

  9. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    Insert…Eclairs…NOW!!!!

  10. Mena

    Oh parade planners, your “coincidence” in float planning has not gone unnoticed. Tee hee!

  11. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Mark B
    Commented on this photo:

    Frigging corporate horseshit! Now they are letting TWO Pillsbury Doughboys into the parade?!

  12. jojo

    Jessica’s collective gas was used to blow up many Thanksgiving Day floats. Here we see the Pillsbury Dough boy inflated after a day old taco, which was found in the folds of her neck

  13. fester

    “Remember, the secret to looking slim is to stand next to people who are fatter than you!”
    -Rodney Dangerfield

    I have never seen the Pillsbury Doughboy looking so svelte…

  14. Elle

    This picture is worth a thousand words…or muffins, can’t decide.

  15. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Steelerchick
    Commented on this photo:

    Now how did we know she would be on the Pillsbury Doughboy float????

  16. Kelley

    Keep the comments relevant to the post, you twat.

  17. fester

    It’s amazing how much you can load on the back of a flatulent-bed truck.

  18. Melissa

    Wow, she’s really testing the tensile strength of those buttons, huh.

  19. When I first saw this picture I thought “Big deal, Jessica is dragging home her shopping cart after going out for groceries”.

  20. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Bill
    Commented on this photo:

    First…. :)

  21. The oven conveniently hides the fact that the Pillsbury Dough Boy’s poppin’ fresh dough behind her.

  22. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Jackie
    Commented on this photo:

    Mumpsface.

  23. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    You have to open your mouth wide to eat an air biscuit.

  24. Ismoss

    End of passion play, crumbling away
    I’m your source of self-destruction
    Veins that pump with fear, sucking dark is clear
    Leading on your deaths construction

    Taste me you will see
    More is all you need
    Dedicated to
    How I’m killing you

    Come crawling faster
    Obey your Master
    Your life burns faster
    Obey your Master
    Master

    Master of Puppets I’m pulling your strings
    Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
    Blinded by me, you can’t see a thing
    Just call my name, ’cause I’ll hear you scream
    Master
    Master
    Just call my name, ’cause I’ll hear you scream
    Master
    Master

    Needlework the way, never you betray
    Life of death becoming clearer
    Pain monopoly, ritual misery
    Chop your breakfast on a mirror

    Taste me you will see
    More is all you need
    Dedicated to
    How I’m killing you

    Come crawling faster
    Obey your Master
    Your life burns faster
    Obey your Master
    Master

    Master of Puppets I’m pulling your strings
    Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
    Blinded by me, you can’t see a thing
    Just call my name, ’cause I’ll hear you scream
    Master
    Master
    Just call my name, ’cause I’ll hear you scream
    Master
    Master

    Master, Master, where’s the dreams that I’ve been after?
    Master, Master, you promised only lies
    Laughter, Laughter, all I hear or see is laughter
    Laughter, Laughter, laughing at my cries
    Hell is worth all that, natural habitat
    Just a rhyme without a reason
    Neverending maze, drift on numbered days
    now your life is out of season
    I will occupy
    I will help you die
    I will run through you
    Now I rule you too

    Come crawling faster
    Obey your Master
    Your life burns faster
    Obey your Master
    Master

    Master of Puppets I’m pulling your strings
    Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
    Blinded by me, you can’t see a thing
    Just call my name, ’cause I’ll hear you scream
    Master
    Master
    Just call my name, ’cause I’ll hear you scream
    Master
    Master

    • just saying

      Here’s one more reason that Metallica should hire someone to write their lyrics… my cat could do better than this. Saw a documentary on them, and it showed them “writing” lyrics… the best they could come up with was “my lifestyle determines my death style.” Heavy, man. ROFL

    • Metallica sucks Satan's cock

      Hey loser, your favorite band is shit and you are a waste of space.

  25. This is the closest she’s ever been to having a bun in the oven.

  26. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Bethy
    Commented on this photo:

    Nothing could prepare the young trumpet player for the KFC vortex that would ensue.

  27. GravyLeg

    Fucking epic. ROFLMAO

  28. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Vince Lombardi
    Commented on this photo:

    “One time, at band camp….”

  29. sobrietyisacrutch

    Good Lord this girl is big! I hate to think what she’s going to look like after she pops out a couple of puppies.
    Since I’m sure it would have to be done doggy style.

  30. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Please buy a coat that fits comfortably over those big hooters & thick waist.
    Thank U.

  31. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    JesseJimmy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Show me how wide you had to open your mouth to inhale the durtucken”

  32. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    JesseJimmy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oops, I farted!”

  33. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    JesseJimmy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Give me back my cookies!”

  34. one day she’s gona be that big :(

  35. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    Nine months later the stay puft marshmallow man was born.

  36. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    Biggest lunch box ever.

  37. Colin

    For the first time together, the doughboy AND the doughgirl!

  38. Keyser Soze

    Damn she got fat.

  39. Devo

    My sister was there, and overheard a group of children shouting, “Is it Santa? It’s Santa! It’s Santa! Oh wait, it’s just Jessica Simpson.”
    True story.

  40. Marco

    Mehh, I’d still hit it. Hey, I’d even coax her into bed with the promise of extra frosting.

  41. TheCrow471

    Which one is Jessica Simpson?

  42. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    cassie
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that Amber from Teen Mom sitting up there? It IS Armageddon!!

  43. tally

    i swear superficial writer is obsessed with jessica simpson like he secretly wants to fuck her or something..

  44. Jessica Simpson Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    This pose is precisely why the Pillsbury dough boy floated behind Simpson.

  45. Maplewood

    Hey, it’s Jessica Simpson following a float with a tiny lookalike!

  46. Leeroy

    I have to say that while this site is usually good for a laugh, this picture and caption made me laugh out loud at my desk. Love it!

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