Before everyone gets really confused, this is actually stripper Blac Chyna in Calabasas the other day who probably looks familiar because it’s who Amanda Bynes is literally trying to carve herself into. No, really. Via Fox News:
In a rare interview with In Touch, the actress-turned-Twitter-sensation explained that she modeled her new style after famed stripper Blac Chyna.
Like Chyna, Bynes has two shiny studded cheek piercings and sports bleach blonde hair. The 27-year-old former Nickelodeon star is also often photographed wearing heavy eye makeup, just like Chyna.
In related news, if you see a basketball pump in the background of Amanda Bynes’ 800 Twitter photos, call an ambulance, she’s trying to put it in her ass. (See, also: Car tires, Easter hams, Peter Dinklage.)
Now that it’s time to pick the news-meat off the bones of the Oklahoma tornado survivors, above is Wolf Blitzer not even entertaining the thought that maybe everybody in America isn’t a Christian – Or in light of recent events, might have rationally and logically thought, “Wait, if God is real, why did He just plow history’s largest tornado through an elementary school? Those were perfectly un-aborted kids!” – because he asked a woman not once, but twice if she “thanked the Lord” only to have her not only politely reply that she’s an atheist, but also show incredible poise and respect for anyone who did thank the Christian God. Granted, Wolf was in a red state that doesn’t want Big Government telling them to put safe rooms in their houses or schools, so the odds were with him, but that’s the kind of gross, overly-broad (not to mention clearly wrong) generalization I’d make in heartbeat, so right away you can see how badly he fucked up here.
Here’s a topless Miranda Kerr after having a wardrobe malfunction during a photo sh- Wait, why the hell are you even reading this? TOPLESS MIRANDA KERR. I even added the uncensored ones! Now go on, get outta here, ya crazy kids. God love ya. *tussles your hair*
Comedian April Macie stopped by Howard Stern on Monday where she recounted a tale about the time she went to a hotel party “five or six years ago” with Lance Armstrong who apparently is very open about asking women he just met to eat his anus. So right about now is where you want to start wondering if it was fair to tear him down because of all that doping for surely this man is our greatest athlete. Via Examiner.com:
“I went to use the bathroom, and I went in and Lance was bent over a bathtub and she was just face deep in his asshole… I was terrified. And then he came out and said: ‘Does your friend want in on a round too?’ and I was like: ‘Of taint tickling? I’m gonna take a pass’… I think it’s hilarious that he would ask without even knowing my first name – to eat his asshole. Like: ‘Do you want in on a round too? Of asshole eating?… I got pretty for the evening. I didn’t know he was going to ask me to eat his asshole later on.”
You’re probably noticing there are pics below of Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong from when they used to date back in 2008. That’s so the next time you watch one of her movies you can think to yourself, “Hey, I bet she ate Lance Armstrong’s butthole.” I’m an enhancer of entertainment experiences. It’s my hobby.
Photos: Getty / Flynet, Splash News
- Lindsey Vonn‘s vagina is helping Tiger Woods win again. [Lainey Gossip]
- Shia LaBeouf lied about all the real fucking he’d be doing in Lars von Trier‘s Nymphomaniac. [Dlisted]
- Facebook: The Battleground of Trolls and Idiots, and yes, I linked this entirely for the first one. [theCHIVE]
- Brad Pitt was on drugs the whole time he was married to Jennifer Aniston. [tooFab]
- George Takei writes Amazon reviews now? Oh my… [BuzzFeed]
- Cora Keegan is your newest Victoria’s Secret model. [Popoholic]
- Kevin Durant gave $1 million to the Red Cross Oklahoma Disaster Relief Fund. [IDLYITW]
- Alexina Graham is a redhead with awesome breasts. This is why we’re alive. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Justin Bieber might propose to Selena Gomez now. Oh, good. [Celebslam]
- Demi Moore in a bikini, anyone? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Nikki Sixx hates Kim Kardashian now. [Amy Grindhouse]
- Dan Akroyd still thinks there’s going to be a Ghostbusters 3. [FilmDrunk]
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Photo: Splash News
I’m really trying not to get my hopes up for Man of Steel after getting my face pissed in by The Dark Knight Rises, but goddamn, if this doesn’t look like Zack Snyder wasn’t kidding when he said this Superman was going to be a brawler. That said, hopefully he doesn’t lose focus on the true essence of the character which is knocking up Lois then fleeing the planet while she’s left raising an asthmatic super-kid. If I had to describe Superman to someone who’d never heard of him before, it’d start with that. “You see, Jimmy, Superman’s a strange visitor from a distant planet whose sperm is too strong for our Earth condoms, yet not strong enough to fire through a woman’s uterus killing her instantly. Which is where the ‘super’ comes from because he ain’t got time for no kids.”