Because making a sex tape requires work and might confirm she was born a man, Courtney Stodden needed a new plan quickly before Farrah Abraham squirted her into obscurity. And to her credit, she came up with “Watch me get new tits!” which somehow worked because we’re all looking right at them. It’s practically witchcraft.
Photos: Glen McCurtayne/Coleman-Rayner
Remember when Miley Cyrus was a sweet, little country singer and folks would come into FYE asking if you have them “Hanner Montanner DBDs ’cause it’s such an adorable daddy/daughter show and my granddaughter just loves it?” She’s Rihanna now. Miley Cyrus is Rihanna. Although, on the bright side, your granddaughter can smack her ass now, so let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth. (That’s where her kind hide their gold.)
Right around two weeks ago, Kim Kardashian suddenly didn’t want the paparazzi taking pictures of her anymore despite that being the one thing that defines her that isn’t a sex tape. Except the obvious reason is she was the size of a house and looked exactly like a woman at the natural end of her pregnancy who could fire out a baby at any second. Which isn’t good when you’re trying to sell People magazine a story that your nameless newborn is a fragile preemie who could totally die, you guys:
Admitted June 14 due to complications, Kardashian – whom sources confirm was about 37 weeks pregnant – went into premature labor.
West, meanwhile, who’d returned from promoting his new album Yeezus in Europe just hours before, rushed to her side.
Though she’s been spending time in an incubator to regulate her body temperature, a standard course of treatment for premature babies, Baby K – whose parents have nearly decided on a name – is “doing very well,” says a hospital source.
As a precaution, Kim Kardashian has asked doctors if it’s possible to leave the child in the incubator until she’s 18. Preferably at the hospital, but she could clear out a closet if she has to. God, kids, amirite?
Photos: Splash News
John Mayer threw a hissy fit when Taylor Swift wrote “Dear John’ about him because writing songs about your ex is bush league. Except at some point when he should’ve been spending every waking minute suffocating between Katy Perry‘s breasts, he decided to get Taylor back by writing his own song about her, according to women who understand song lyrics. Which makes perfect sense because it’s not like John Mayer’s ever said the following words about exactly what he’s doing:
“I will say as a songwriter that I think it’s kind of cheap songwriting,” he says. “I know she’s the biggest thing in the world, and I’m not trying to sink anybody’s ship, but I think it’s abusing your talent to rub your hands together and go, ‘Wait till he gets a load of this!’ That’s bullshit.”
See? Completely different situation. Now that that’s cleared up, wait till Taylor Swift gets a load of this!
‘Paper Doll’ Video After The Jump
You know in Star Trek whenever the Enterprise gets attacked and there’s always that stock footage of crew members jumping around while sparks fly out of the fake computers? That’s almost exactly what it’s like here whenever something like the Kelly Brook topless pics hits. William Shatner even shows up. So in that confusion, I completely missed these surprisingly awesome Melissa Joan Hart pics even though Photo Boy put one in The Crap We Missed because women with 10 kids (rough estimate) shouldn’t look this good. Then again, I could just be nostalgic for my freshman year wallpaper: More »
Here’s Rihanna performing in Birmingham yesterday where apparently her fans were getting a bit too grabby, so she beat them with a microphone. And if you’re thinking, well, she probably did it to get free, nope. She was already walking away before listening to Angel Chris Brown while Devil Chris bit her ear because nobody ever listens to him. It’ll take five minutes to drive back here and run over them with a Lambo. Five minutes.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily