Amanda Bynes has only been walking around in public blatantly smoking weed since April 8th, so let’s give it up to the NYPD for taking just under two months to make the easiest arrest of their lives. Easy as in having probable cause, that is, because bitch went crazy on them. TMZ reports:
We’re told Amanda went ballistic when officers arrived — kicking and screaming during the arrest, and yelling … “Don’t you know who I am?”
Our law enforcement sources say she’s been booked for criminal possession of the pot, as well as reckless endangerment and felony tampering with evidence.
The endangerment and tampering occurred when Bynes allegedly threw a bong out of her apartment window.
According to NBC New York, Amanda Bynes was taken to Roosevelt Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation, so just assume that’s not going well. Then again, I probably shouldn’t rule out the arresting officers being ugly faces whose boyfriends she fucked so they Photoshopped a bong flying out her window to get back at her. She has to be right at least one of these times. Statistically speaking.
Welcome to a glorious Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I got the wonderful news that I might not be headed to the Hell I don’t believe exists. Although that caveat about being a good person might be tricky considering I have no intention of stopping this daily post. Shit. Oh well, at least I’ll roast in the good company of people like Cocaine Cowboy Bradley Cooper, the Assbeast of the Whore Klan, Shaq for making Kazaam and/or this guy blow him, and Brittany Murphy up there if we could manage to keep her dead this time. Seriously, how the fuck is that not Zombie Brittany Murphy up there?
Or maybe just because I did this. I’m aware I deserve to burn just for making you look at that,
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Sorry to hit you with two Conan clips today, but remember when I said in the Alice Eve post about Alice Eve‘s breasts that J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof couldn’t trip over themselves fast enough to apologize for showing them in Star Trek Into Darkness? You don’t and did nothing but look at her breasts? Good answer. Well, apparently J.J. went on Conan last night and brought a deleted scene featuring Benedict Cumberbatch‘s Totally Not The Character You Think He Is (I got $5 inside a puzzle box for writing that.) taking a shower. A scene that got completely cut from the movie, so I’m not sure what point J.J. Abrams was trying to make here except that he’s a sexual deviant who clearly wants to see everybody he works with naked, and goddammit, now I respect him. ABRAAAAAAAMMMMMSSSS!!
Anne Hathaway may have won an Oscar, but nothing will ever beat the pure sexual thrill of everyone seeing her vagina. Granted, this is a thought that has never once crossed Anne’s mind, I like to pretend that’s why she slapped on yoga pants and puffed her labia out to ward off predators right in front of the paparazzi. As to where the spikes are, again, I have no idea how vaginas work. They’re like those power outlets in Europe.
Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News
While The Pope just nullified Pascal’s wager and theoretically tore a hole in the supernatural universe, unleashing all the terrifying consequences that come with that, he doesn’t have spectacular breasts so I don’t even know why I brought it up. But Alice Eve does, so here she is on Conan where she ironically talks about being a life-long exhibitionist while Damon Lindelof and J.J. Abrams can’t trip over themselves fast enough to apologize for showing her boobs in space. Which practically makes her an angel save for the part where I have sex with her and her equally-hot sister angels when I get to Heaven. (Have I mentioned I love the new pope? I love the new pope.)
“Now hear me out, Cardinal Vengeance, I was only-”
“You will pay for this insolence, Francis. Rosary KICK!”
While Catholics have stood by as the church systematically shielded and abetted serial child molesters for decades, Pope Francis is probably going to finally face intense criticism and revolt for saying atheists make it into Heaven because all God really cares about is kindness and being good to each other. Because raping kids is one thing, but what the fuck is that? Just be nice? These people paid good money to say they’re better than everyone else, you sonofabitch! Via Gawker:
Referencing a passage from the Gospel of Mark in his homily, the Pope recounted the story of a priest who told an inquiring Catholic that Jesus redeemed everyone, even atheists, and all he asks in return is that people “do good and do not do evil.”
“The Lord has redeemed all of us, all of us, with the Blood of Christ: all of us, not just Catholics. Everyone!” the Pope quoted the priest as saying.
“Father, the atheists?,” the skeptical Catholic responded. “Even the atheists. Everyone!” the priest replied, and added: “We must meet one another doing good. ‘But I don’t believe, Father, I am an atheist!’ But do good: we will meet one another there.”
When reached for comment Christianity said, “For the record, that shit is INSANE. And we’d like all Catholics to know, we’re still firmly in the business of condemning queers, atheists, scientists, cough-cough-black-presidents to an eternity of burning in hellfire, so maybe join us one Sunday. We won’t even make you eat Jesus! Ha, just kidding. We do that, too. Bring the kids.”