The Crap We Missed – Monday 11.24.14

November 24th, 2014 // 153 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, which is a post awards show weekend, stuffed-to-the-gills bonanza of celebrity fuckery and stuff my near delirious mind made happen. Oh, and it’s also got almost all of the Baldwins, including Daniel who even the family thought was dead, but not Ireland, so you’re right, I don’t know why I bothered either. *throws laptop in garbage disposal*

*remembers porn, dives in after it*

- Photo Boy

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Bill Cosby’s ‘Fixer’ Comes Forward: A Pudding Pop of Rape Report

November 24th, 2014 // 82 Comments

It’s been 72 hours since I last wrote about Bill Cosby, so naturally five more accusers have come forward along with a former NBC employee who claims that he stood guard outside of Cosby’s dressing room door The Cosby Show years while Dr. Huxtable brought in model after model, some allegedly as young as 16 before paying them off. Which seems odd because I’m sure they just looked at sweaters. Sluts are always looking at sweaters. (Am I doing it right?) More »

The 2014 American Music Awards

November 24th, 2014 // 78 Comments

Now that we’ve seen Nakedsaurus, Rise of The Sasquatch Nip Guardians, Cry For Me, Justintina, and BUTTFORCE 9000, here’s the rest of The 2014 American Music Awards which you’ll probably notice contains a disproportionate amount of Kate Beckinsale pics even though she’s not a musical artist. Like anyone else there was. Check your privilege.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, MPNC / Piaggio / AKM-GSI, Splash News

AMAs: Jennifer Lopez & Iggy Azalea Touched Butts

November 24th, 2014 // 13 Comments

ABC explicitly warned Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea not to touch butts while performing “Booty” for the AMAs because it’s a family show. Which is funny because on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., another “family show” designed to promote Disney’s Marvel universe, I watched a man murder a woman before carving alien hieroglyphics into her corpse. Then again, you couldn’t see her sex parts, so gather around, children! Anyway, here’s JLo and Iggy defying said warnings and touching butts which did not send humanity plunging into darkness. However, if Kim Kardashian’s ass had rolled in and touched their connected butts, we’d all be speaking a strange dialect and harvesting cloud gems to power intergalactic space elevators. I have foreseen it.

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Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, MPNC/AKM-GSI, Splash News

AMAs: Selena Gomez Didn’t Wear A Bra

November 24th, 2014 // 15 Comments

I wasn’t joking about gunning through these, so here’s Selena Gomez at the AMAs where she wore a braless dress and cry-sang about Justin Bieber because 22-year-olds are dumb. Congratulations, you are now the foremost expert on all things Selena Gomez and may now demand the severed, gilded hands of your co-workers’ children as tribute. Or an omelet bar. Whatever you people do in offices. I don’t have all day for this.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, MPNC / Piaggio / AKM-GSI, Splash News

AMAs: Kendall & Kylie Brought The ‘Squatch

November 24th, 2014 // 32 Comments

Full Disclosure: I’ve got another giant-ass post to write about Bill Cosby, so I’m literally just throwing AMAs pics in your face starting with the least relevant and working my way up. Which is probably the greatest compliment I’ll ever give the Kardashians because I posted Kylie, Kendall and Khloe after Bleona Qereti and immediately regret it. More importantly, Kylie flashed her nipple during E!’s red carpet coverage because Kris Jenner‘s Internet game is strong, but I’m going to stick to just linking it because I can already see Chris Hansen hiding inside my coffee mug even though Miley Cyrus‘ vagina taught us in 2010 that that shit’s entirely legal. What now, Hansen? – *takes sip of coffee, gets punched in the tongue* – Dammit! It was that. That’s what’s now.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Piaggio/AKM-GSI, Splash News

AMAs: What The Hell Is A Bleona Qereti?

November 24th, 2014 // 23 Comments

According to Wikipedia, Bleona Qereti is the “Madonna of Albania” and a reality TV person on Bravo’s Euros of Hollywood. I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information, but let the record show that I tried to get to know a woman first before yelling, “You sure got nice bewbs!” inevitably making her mine and mine alone forever. I’m growing as a person.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, MPNC/AKM-GSI, Splash News

‘Burt Macklin Fights Dinosaurs’ Trailer For A Trailer And Other News

November 24th, 2014 // 2 Comments
Jurassic World
WATCH: 'Jurassic World' - Teaser Trailer

- Angelina Jolie slipped and let people see her smoking. TO THE DIVORCE-O-TRON! [Lainey Gossip]

- LeAnn Rimes to step-sons: “Why don’t you have a record deal at 11 like I did?!” [Fishwrapper]

- Kirk Cameron will tell you how to talk to gay people now. [Dlisted]

- Fingers Crossed, Our Night Ends With Lingerie [theCHIVE]

- Why aren’t victims of cults (*cough* Scientology *cough*) treated with more respect? [The Frisky]

- Jose Canseco‘s finger didn’t really fall off. This world is a lie. [WWTDD]

- Texas schoolbooks: Moses invented democracy. Yup. [Death and Taxes]

- Xenia Deli in lingerie. [Popoholic]

- The Sexiest Social Media Pics of The Week [Celebslam]

- Good God, Anna-Christina Schwartz. [Hollywood Tuna]

- That is definitely Christina Milian‘s nipple. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photo: Universal Pictures

Katy Perry’s Giant Breasts Twerking In A Bikini

November 23rd, 2014 // 39 Comments

Katy Perry got into some sort of fight with the paparazzi in Sydney on Friday and made fun of their tiny penises, but everybody seems to be friends now because here are bikini photos of her giant breasts that I’m posting now so they don’t get buried beneath AMAs red carpet pics, or worse, the eight million stories flying out of Bill Cosby‘s Jell-O raping pop. That guy’s done enough shit to women – “allegedly.” He’s good for a while.

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Photos: INFphoto.com

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