The Crap We Missed – Friday 11.21.14

November 21st, 2014 // 153 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed featuring the logical conclusion to the 138 Water shoots we post almost daily. And now I’m re-looking at that link and noticing that she’s hasn’t actually been penetrated by the bottle, so nevermind, we’ve still got miles to go here. As for today’s TCWM, it’s almost exclusively women in various forms of undress, which to be honest isn’t really easy for me to mock. Chris Pine‘s coke smile? Sure, I can go all day with that, but Luci Ford‘s Instagram? No hate for that at all.

Seriously, I’m ending on a kind word, now please get the hell away from me before I bring up Kelly Clarks– DAMNIT!

- Photo Boy

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

The Bill Cosby Shitstorm With Special Guests Glenn Beck & Donald Trump

November 21st, 2014 // 65 Comments
Bill Cosby Jimmy Fallon
The Previous Shit
Bill Cosby
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And now for today’s onslaught of Bill Cosby news which brings two more accusers on top of yesterday’s Therese Serignese and Lou Ferrigno’s wife Carla for a grand total of four woman in the past 24 hours and presumably more the second I hit “Publish.” But before I begin, let’s reiterate what we know about Bill Cosby’s alleged M.O. just from the lawsuit that included 13 accusers who came forward to support Andrea Constand‘s civil suit after prosecutors decided to not go forward with criminal charges. Or if you ask shitbags in our comments, she skipped the police and sued him for money like a whore while all the other whores jumped on for whore money because where were they during the criminal investigation they had no idea was happening, those whores? But I digress: More »

Lindsay Lohan Thinks She’s Poised For A Hollywood Comeback

November 21st, 2014 // 20 Comments
Choppers Full Of Coke
Lindsay Lohan Falling Down Drunk Panty Flash Upskirt Ischia Global Fest Gala
Lindsay Is Friends With People Who Have Them. Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Lindsay Lohan‘s starring run in Speed-the-Plow will end November 29th, but before she heads back to the states finally giving England a change to delouse their capitol city, she’s of course already talking about how successful her career’s about to be. Via Radar Online:

“Lindsay is doing better than she has in years!” a close friend of the once-troubled star tells RadarOnline.com exclusively.“Lindsay is determined to be a movie star again.”

“And then Lindsay turned her gaze slightly from the mirror, eyes averted as the lights in the room dimmed without anyone touching a switch. The creature now visible in the darkened dressing room vanity had sagging, gray circles under its eyes. Eyes that were crowded with once playful freckles, now slowly melting into liver spots. Clutching at its pendulous, withered breasts and heaving them sickeningly upwards, it hissed ‘Okay girls, we’re back in the game but this could be our last chance. Anything tries to stop us, we blow it, or kill it and it doesn’t even have to be in that order.’”

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Photo: Getty

Kim Kardashian Is Already Prepared For Her Daughter To Pose Naked

November 21st, 2014 // 8 Comments
'I'mma Stay In Thailand'
Kim Kardashian Naked Ass
Even Orphans Don't Want Kim To Raise Them Read More »

Constantly doing porn has made Kim Kardashian‘s lots of money along with unprecedented fame for her and her family who literally did nothing but be related to a woman Ray J peed on. But enough about why America needs to burn, here’s Kim response to the prospect of her one-year-old daughter doing a similar photo shoot to Kim’s in Paper. Via Fishwrapper:

I would support anything she wants to do. I don’t do anything with the intention to promote anyone else doing it—that’s not even what I’m trying to do. I do it because I’m proud of it. And it empowered me to feel good about myself after I had gained 500 pounds and looked like a huge slob for so long.”

In Kim’s defense, there truly is nothing more empowering than watching a man sit in front of a computer and digitally shrink your waist to a fictional size that basic physics dictate would snap in half if it tried to take one step with that ass. Sure, anyone can get an education and break the glass ceiling at their work, but letting someone Photoshop you to unrealistic proportions so you can feel superior to other pregnant bitches on the Internet? That’s some Susan B. Anthony shit. How is she not speaking in schools? Motherfuckin’ patriarchy, I see you.

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Photos: FameFlynet, Splash News

Gwyneth Paltrow Took A Run At Martha Stewart, She Missed

November 21st, 2014 // 18 Comments
Previously In Goop
Gwyneth Paltrow
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Back in October, Martha Stewart dropped a nuclear pie bomb on Gwyneth Paltrow with a recipe titled “Conscious Coupling” complete with a description that took the piss right out of Gwyneth’s divorce. It was a laser-guided strike expected of someone who owns a goddamn drone. But now, a month and a half later, Gwyneth Paltrow has finally fired back by putting a recipe for Jailbird Cake in her latest GOOP newsletter full of deserts for the holiday. Which I guess is kind of a sick burn, except she buried it below a bunch of bullshit sections where PEOPLE eventually found it. Unlike Martha Stewart who made her shit an entire fucking page in her magazine complete with a witty introduction so you knew exactly who it was about. “Don’t be steppin’ no game if y’all ain’t ready to scorch some earf.” Those were her exact words which I’ve now repeated. You can release my family now.

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Photos Getty:

Good Morning, Miranda Kerr, And Other News

November 21st, 2014 // 4 Comments

- Chris Pratt will be Cowboy Ninja Viking. Whatever that means. [Lainey Gossip]

- Refinery 29‘s shit-ass puff-piece on Scientology has some problems. [The Frisky]

- Nick Jonas really needs you to know he’s not a virgin anymore. [Fishwrapper]

- Jamie Oliver: Spanking: bad, secretly rubbing hot peppers on my children’s food: good. [Dlisted]

- Spring Break In The 90s Was A Simpler Time [theCHIVE]

- Rose McGowan is naked. [WWTDD]

- Poland would like Winnie The Pooh to put some fucking pants on. [Death and Taxes]

- Bella Thorne‘s butt is back. [Popoholic]

- What is up, Tiffany Fallon? [Hollywood Tuna]

- That’s Marion Cottilard‘s naked butt. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: INFphoto, MPNC / Vantagenews / Xposure / AKM-GSI, Splash News

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