Dec 1 2009 Diane Kruger in a bikini
Here's Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson in Mexico over the holiday and apparently a major part of their relationship includes Joshua taking sexy bikini photos of Diane. Presumably for the day she wakes up and realizes "Wait a minute. Weren't you in The Skulls?" then dies trying to steam clean her vagina. It's really just a matter of time.
Dec 1 2009 Colin Farrell's baby mama lost the weight fast and other news
- Angelina Jolie wears the parachute pants in her relationship. [Lainey Gossip]
- Sophie Monk pretends she's pregnant for publicity. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Natalie Portman at the Gotham Awards just set off my Batarang. [Just Jared]
- Marilyn Monroe loves the ganj. [PopEater]
- Nicole Richie is making a sitcom now because reality shows are the free clinic of the TV world. Right, Paris? [Celebslam]
- Chris Noth shirtless at the beach. [PopSugar]
- Lady GaGa's insane outfits finally try to kill her. [ICYDK]
- Britney Spears returns from Australia. So that's why I smell fried chicken and anti-psychotics... [Splash News]
- Katie Holmes defends giving Suri exactly what she wants and the answer surprisingly doesn't include the words "Her freaking eyes shoot lasers!" [Betty Confidential]
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Dec 1 2009 Tiger Woods gets slap on the wrist and case closed
Tiger Woods will be cited for careless driving for his car accident early Friday morning, and despite a golf club-wielding wife allegedly beating the fuck out of him, that pretty much wraps things up. People reports:
"The investigation has concluded that Mr. Woods is at fault in the crash," a Florida Highway Patrol spokeswoman said Tuesday afternoon at a press conference, saying that they found that Woods, 33, had not driven in a "careful and prudent manner" when he was hurt in a one-car crash outside his Orlando home.
Police said there were no claims of domestic violence in the case and "there was insufficient evidence available to issue a subpoena for additional medical information that may exist."
In related news, Tiger Woods owns the state of Florida now but will grant interstate travel to and from Disney World provided everyone stops saying his wife kicked his ass. Officials in Washington will urge compliance, but only if Tiger permits the elderly to vote in general elections because, seriously, who else is going to?
NOTE: Added old modeling photos of Tiger's wife and a crazy Chinese video recreating the night of the crash after the jump.
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Dec 1 2009 Joanna Krupa's nude PETA ad worked
Because they didn't make it to actually save animals, PETA's latest ad featuring Joanna Krupa has already managed to piss off the Catholic Church. Fox 411 reports:
"The fact is that cats and dogs are a lot safer in pet stores than they are in the hands of PETA employees," Catholic League President Bill Donohue said in a statement. "Moreover, pet stores don't rip off Christian iconography and engage in cheap irreligious claims."
"PETA is a fraud," Donohue continued. "It also has a long and disgraceful record of exploiting Christian and Jewish themes to hawk its ugly services. Those who support this organization sorely need a reality check. They also need a course in Ethics 101."
Krupa issued a statement responding to the Catholic League, saying: "As a practicing Catholic, I am shocked that the Catholic League is speaking out against my PETA ads. I'm doing what the Catholic Church should be doing, working to stop senseless suffering of animals, the most defenseless of God's creation."
Of course, this is all just smoke and mirrors to cover up the real travesty here: Nipple airbrushing. Seriously, are you kidding me, PETA? Joanna Krupa basically has a Crucifix jutting out of her vulva, but even after Keeley Hazell, a nipple would be too much? Fuck this. I'm going outside to punt Pomeranians.
Dec 1 2009 Let the Tiger Woods Whore Parade Begin!
And now for the inevitable barrage of strippers trying to score their own reality show by saying they blew Tiger Woods. TMZ reports:
The woman -- Jaime Grubbs, claims she met Tiger in Las Vegas in April, 2007. The woman -- a cocktail waitress who was 21 at the time -- began what she says was a long-running affair with Tiger.
According to Us Weekly, Grubbs has more than 300 text messages from Tiger -- who married Elin Nordegren in 2004.
The magazine, which comes out tomorrow, claims Grubbs had 20 sexual encounters with Tiger. Us Weekly has photos, racy texts from Tiger, as well as a voicemail from November 24, in which Tiger suggests his wife might be on to the alleged affair.
There are exactly two reasons why I don't buy this chick's story:
1. She was on VH1's Tool Academy, so honestly, I don't know why I'm not stopping here.
2. If Jesus Christ used his wizard powers to win the Powerball for a month straight, Tiger Woods would still have more money. Which means if he was going to cheat on his wife, his mistress' body would be fired into the sun before Tiger even strapped on a jetpack to fly out of the secret cloud mansion he banged her in.
Food for thought.
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Dec 1 2009 Jessica Simpson is a sparkly sausage
For the record, I'm not saying Jessica Simpson looks fat in these pics as much as I'm saying it took a team of Norwegian welders to get that dress around her giant torso. There's a difference.
Scope Out (20) Pics of Jessica After the Jump
Dec 1 2009 Rihanna and I should start dating
During a radio interview with Hot 97, Rihanna talked about her nude photos that were leaked online in May and how embarrassing it was to explain it to her mom, according to BBC News. But then she dropped this little nugget of awesome:
"If you don't send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him."
And Chris Brown almost robbed young women of this role model? I'LL KILL HIM!
Nov 30 2009 Emma Watson in a bikini
Because perverts make up 98% of The Superficial's traffic - And 110% of the editorial staff. (I have a conjoined twin.) - here's a bikini-clad Emma Watson in Jamaica this morning. For any young Harry Potter fans accidentally stumbling upon this post, you're probably experiencing strange feelings you've never felt before. But don't worry, those feelings are perfectly natural and are only going to send you to Hell for a fiery eternity spent wishing you only thought about baseball and free market capitalism. No biggie.
NOTE: Did I tell you guys James Dobson is covering the site today? Probably should've mentioned that.
Nov 30 2009 Alessandra Ambrosio poses for DT and other news
- Paris Hilton goes skiing with arms dealers which proves she's a biological weapon for the government. [Lainey Gossip]
- Carmen Electra's leaked lesbian "sex tape" was really a viral ad. That would explain the lack of sex. [Drunken Stepfater: Site is NSFW]
- Chelsea Clinton is engaged. [Just Jared]
- Michael Lohan did NOT threaten to kill himself on Twitter but appreciates the idea. [PopEater]
- Kevin Federline lost some weight. I think. It depends on the angle, really. [Celebslam]
- Colin Farrell gets shirtless for the woman he knocked up. [PopSugar]
- Shauna Sands stops pretending she wasn't 100% behind the release of her sex tape. [The Blemish]
- Britney Spears might have proposed to Jason Trawick. Or got down on one knee to pick up an M&M. Story developing... [Wonderwall]
- Tom Cruise horns in on Katie Holme's So You Think Can Dance action because he's a tiny eater of joy. [Socialite Life]
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Nov 30 2009 Kim & Khloe Kardashian are full of shit
Kim Kardashian posted the rest of the obviously Photoshopped pics from her QuickTrim photoshoot on her blog today. Of course, since Kim has the intelligence of a reality star who followed the footsteps of Paris Hilton, she included non-airbrushed pics of a fully-clothed Khloe and herself that slap you in the face with how edited the bikini shots are. Unless these two know some sort of sorcery that makes Khloe's Chewbaccian ass deflate at will, there's no way in hell these two legitimately lost weight.
Also that would require work, I rest my case.
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