Chris Brown & Karrueche Tran Have An ‘Open Relationship’ Now, Here We Go…

February 22nd, 2012 // 5 Comments
Panties Be Droppin'
Doutzen Kroes Bikini
Chris Brown's New Pickup Line Gonna Get You Hot, Girl Read More »

Adding fuel to the reports that Chris Brown and Rihanna are secretly back together, but possibly letting us know through their “music,” friends of his supposed girlfriend Karrueche Tran (who we completely mangled identifying the other day, but fixed now) say they’re in an “open relationship” and she knows better than to ask about Rihanna for reasons I don’t have to tell you because it’s he’ll beat the goddamn shit out of her until she dies. RadarOnline reports:

“Karrueche isn’t stupid, and she has told friends that they have an open relationship. She never asks him about Rihanna, ever. Chris will take several days to call her back at times, and that is OK with Karreuche. She doesn’t pressure or hound Chris, it’s just not what she is about. She recognizes that they are both young, and she isn’t going to let the fact Chris is spending time with his ex-girlfriend come between what they have,” a source close to the situation tells us.

And what they have is a relationship where Karrueche gets photographed all the time as Chris Brown’s girlfriend while he bangs Rihanna who’s apparently not completely retarded, just enough that she lets Chris Brown make stabbing motions at her for two to three minutes in a dark room:

“They have probably hooked up no more than half a dozen times in the past year. It’s very unlikely that Rihanna and Chris would ever get back together though,” an insider told us.
“Rihanna doesn’t care if she were to get public backlash if they were to reconcile, she is the one calling the shots now, which she likes. Rihanna knows that if they were to get back together, she wouldn’t be able to maintain that strong role, and Chris would lose interest. They are both very young, and Rihanna would never be able to trust Chris because he has problems staying faithful.

And also problems almost killing her to death, but why quibble over semantics? They’re both so young!

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

Adam Levine’s Terrified Of Christina Aguilera

February 22nd, 2012 // 5 Comments
'Ruining The Voice'
Christina Aguilera
When Fat Stops Being Jolly And Starts Getting Real Read More »

Adam Levine apparently stopped by Howard Stern this week where he essentially made it clear he does not bitch about Christina Aguilera‘s weight delaying production on The Voice, but instead repeatedly shats himself out of unfathomable terror until his model girlfriend’s vagina bathes him in a gold, rejuvenating light which is the only way to interpret this. The only way. Via HuffPost Celebrity

“This is a sensitive subject for women, but why do you think she’s gotten so heavy?” Stern asked Levine. “Is she upset? … She used to be so fucking hot … And her clothes are too tight, right?”
Levine, clearly uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed, chose his words carefully when responding about his fellow coach on “The Voice.”
“Her clothes are tight. She likes to wear tight clothes,” Levine said. “She clearly likes to talk about being comfortable with being a woman and snapping her fingers and doing the whole thing.”

Stern wasn’t going to let Levine off the hook and continued to push the subject of Aguilera’s weight, saying, “Yeah, but when you’re a plus-size woman, you can’t wear the tight clothes anymore.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, actually,” Levine said.
When asked what size Aguilera is, the “Voice” coach wisely responded, “I’m keeping my fucking mouth shut.”

“She clearly likes to talk about being comfortable with being a woman and snapping her fingers and doing the whole thing.” So Christina Aguilera’s actually black and that’s why Adam Levine’s afraid of her. Wow, seriously? Racism? In this day and age? Leave it to a Jew.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News

Kim Kardashian’s Diet Pills Don’t Really Work? GTFO

February 22nd, 2012 // 15 Comments
Truth In Advertising
Kim Kardashian QuickTrim Bikini
Kim Kardashian Wants You To Believe Caffeine Pills Did This Read More »

Shocking news this morning: Something Kim Kardashian is involved with is completely full of shit and nothing but a massive cash grab regardless of the consequences. Although in a surprise twist, nobody got pissed on in a sex tape at her mother’s command. I almost didn’t believe it myself. Page Six reports:

Partner Scott A. Bursor told us, “My firm has been retained by an individual that purchased QuickTrim, and we are investigating the matter. We have provided written notice of our client’s claims to the company and others involved in marketing QuickTrim,” and his firm is reaching out to other QuickTrim users. Bursor & Fisher has won or settled cases against firms peddling products including hair loss remedy Avacor and diet supplement Xenadrine.
In January 2010, Kim said she used QuickTrim to shed 15 pounds in weeks. Last year she tweeted that she was using it to get in shape for her wedding, and Khloe also claimed she lost 15 pounds.
Adriane Fugh-Berman, a physician at Georgetown University Medical Center, warned in 2010 that QuickTrim contains large amounts of caffeine. She said, “They’re not saying how much caffeine is in these pills. Too much caffeine can make you jittery and increase your blood pressure and pulse. If you pop a couple of these pills with your Starbucks . . . you could get caffeine poisoning, which can cause heart arrhythmias.”

In related news, I’ve filed a class action lawsuit against anyone stupid enough to believe anything a Kardashian tells them because they’re clearly sharting up the gene pool for the rest of us non-button-swallowers. But enough of my quest for trust and justice, after the jump is Khloe and Kim’s QuickTrim commercial which I’m 90% positive will just be recycled to shill Kris Jenner’s elderly lube.

“Do you feel sexy? Do you have the body you’ve always dreamed of? Of course not, you’re old. But squirt this in your dust hole and you’ll feel like my young supple daughter in this commercial as she waits for that man-beast thing to plunder her like a schoolgirl. ZESTRA – It wets what dries ya!”

Kim & Khloe’s QuickTrim Commercial After The Jump

Lea Michele in a Bikini and Other News

February 22nd, 2012 // 3 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

- Oh, wow, England has their own Gary Busey. [BuzzFeed]

- Mardi Gras is still mostly about drunken tit flashing. Neat. [theCHIVE]

- Sacha Baron Cohen schtick is so old it might as well start smoking salvia and posting naked pics of itself to Twitter. [Huffington Post]

- Jessica Simpson almost killed the entire staff of a Mexican restaurant is how I read this. [Dlisted]

- Ashton Kutcher and Kobe Bryant just before fingercuffs. [Lainey Gossip]

- Arianny Celeste is still in a bikini. [Hollywood Tuna]

- And JLo knows exactly how her ass should be photographed in a bikini. [DrunkenStepfather: NSFW]

- Nicole Scherzinger outcleaved everyone at The BRIT Awards. [Popoholic]

- Remember when you weren’t sure if you hated Justin Theroux yet? You do now. [TooFab]

- West Virginia acts like West Virginia. [TMZ]

- CM Punk eats Chris Brown‘s lunch and shits it out on his face. [IDLYITW]

- Michael Fassbender‘s new role involves him dipping something into a shady undersomething and if you aren’t realizing that a tidal wave of penis puns just flooded my brain then this is clearly your first day here. [FilmDrunk]

- Warm Up Winter with 25 Summer Sports Hotties or just quietly masturbate in you cubicle as usual. [Bleacher Report]

- The 8 Greatest Women in Pop [Vh1]

- Kate Walsh gets naked for Shape. [Just Jared]

- Sara Chafak is Miss Finland. More importantly, she’s in a bikini. [Celebslam]

- The 20 Hottest Photos of Brittney Palmer [Heavy]

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Photos: Bauer-Griffin

BREAKING: Adele Has One Of Those Middle Fingers

February 22nd, 2012 // 20 Comments
Rollin' In The Deep
Adele
But Not In A Backseat Sex Tape Read More »

Despite dominating the Grammys and being universally revered as one of the top genuinely talented singers of the moment, Adele has been having a pretty shitty month starting with someone leaking a fake sex tape of some random fat chick getting nailed in the backseat of a car followed by her own estranged father selling stories about her to the British tabloids and ending in last night’s BRIT Awards where she was cut off after just 49 seconds prompting her to flip the bird at “the suits” (video after the jump), not her fans, according to The Sun, who cites pretty much everyone in Britain calling it a fucking retarded move by the producers. Except what’s completely ridiculous is that American photo agencies took any photo of said bird out of their rotation because God forbid somebody sees a finger. I’m actually staring at ten of my own right now and can already feel Satan using their filthy existence to lure me into the woods where I laid witness to John Proctor playing the devil’s pan flute. SAVE ME, MAN-JESUS!

NOTE: I also added pics of Rihanna on the red carpet along with her performance I didn’t watch, so just assume it involves Chris Brown punching her in the face for seven minutes as gold coins pop out of her head if I understand their working relationship correctly.

Adele Flipping The Bird At The BRIT Awards After The Jump

Drew Barrymore Is (Probably) Pregnant

February 22nd, 2012 // 10 Comments
Kissing Ellen Page
Drew Barrymore Ellen Page
Lesbianism: Is There Anything It Can't Market? Read More »

Yesterday, TMZ posted pics of Drew Barrymore leaving a doctor’s office holding what is almost definitely a printout from an ultrasound which is fucking terrible news considering Drew Barrymore’s relationships last exactly five minutes and eventually one of those five minutes will involve Dane Cook so now we owe it to this kid to make sure she gets an abortion or never be able to look each other in the eyes ever again. That said, I think we can all agree the more likely scenario is she simply broke into a doctor’s office and stole Reese Witherspoon‘s ultrasound results. It just makes the most sense.

Photos: Getty

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