The Crap We Missed – Thursday 11.20.14

November 20th, 2014 // 289 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, your daily dose of random celebrities you thought were dead mixed with women’s butts in yoga pants and excited gay dudes. I honestly have no clue how these things combine so harmoniously that you guys happily devour them daily, but I choose not to question what I consider to be magic. So by all means, enjoy this random collection of photos that equates to a pulled pork sandwich with hot fudge sauce, and shit, I said yesterday I wasn’t going to make fun of Kelly Clarkson.

*walks to podium* I’d like to dedicate this award for ‘Longest Way Around For A Fat Joke’ to my parents. Your choice to raise me Catholic effectively beat the self-esteem out of me like it was an alter boy who couldn’t keep his mouth shu–*music swells*

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Marilyn Manson Denies Making A Rape Video With Lana Del Rey

November 20th, 2014 // 7 Comments
Lana Del Rey Marilyn Manson
I'm Ready To Be A Dad
Marilyn Manson
Marilyn Manson Wants Kids Read More »

While I was busy writing about rape, another sort of rape was apparently happening on the Internet because this world needs to burn. Only this one was fictional and may be a complete hoax. Via Pitchfork:

Footage from an project featuring Marilyn Manson and Lana Del Rey has surfaced online, Teco Apple points out. Eli Roth (Hostel) was possibly involved in the making of it. It depicts a series of dark scenes. There’s a bloodied woman dunking her head in water, a birthday party stocked with misfits, a debauched dinner party, and a scene in which Del Rey is sexually assaulted.

While the footage was assumed to be from a video Eli Roth shot and told Larry King was “so sick, it’s been locked in a vault for over a year,” Marilyn Manson’s people have already denied having anything to do with it and claim it’s fan-made:

“Manson did not direct this, shoot it, nor was it for a Marilyn Manson video or outtake footage made by him or to be used by him with his music,” said Manson’s representative, Kathryn Frazier of Biz3. “It must be a fan video splicing up old Manson video footage with someone else’s Lana Del Rey footage.”

“You can clearly tell because no one has an eyeball in their vagina or dental equipment coming out of their butt. Mr. Manson has a very strict aesthetic and repeatedly describing it to people hasn’t driven me to ask women if I can watch them miscarry. You’ll never prove it.”

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Getty

All The Shit Happening With Bill Cosby

November 20th, 2014 // 97 Comments
Bill Cosby
WATCH: Bill Cosby Asks AP To Edit Out Rape Allegations
Why Didn't You Bite The Dick?
Don Lemon
Don Lemon, Ladies And Gentlemen Read More »

Instead of writing 27 different posts about Bill Cosby like I did yesterday, here’s everything that’s happened since his lawyer called Janice Dickinson a liar in one handy post even though at this point at least three more accusers will probably come forward along with footage of Bill Cosby walking out of a pharmacy with a red Santa bag full of pills before I even finish this sentence. Let’s get cracking.

UPDATE: So no joke, two women, one of them Lou Ferrigno‘s wife, literally came forward while I was writing this post. THIS REALITY BENDS TO MY WHIM!

The AP Video

On November 6, not long after Hannibal Buress calling Bill Cosby a rapist went viral, the Associated Press interviewed Bill Cosby and his wife about an art exhibit in Washington D.C. During that interview, the reporter surprisingly did his job and asked Bill Cosby about the rape allegations. This was his response. Via Gawker:

“No, no, we don’t answer that.” The reporter pushes him, and he says, “There is no comment about that and I’ll tell you why. I think you were told, I don’t want to compromise your integrity, but I don’t talk about it.”

With the camera rolling, and the interview questions over, Cosby then tells the reporter to “scuttle” the footage which you can also watch above: More »

Kim Kardashian Tries To Adopt Orphan In Thailand, Orphan’s Like ‘Nah’

November 20th, 2014 // 10 Comments
'I Was Clenching!'
Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight PVC Dress Fleur Fatale Fragrance Launch
Just Stop Talking, Stop Saying Words Read More »

“I’m here now, child, your Fairy Buttmothe- why are you running?!”

On a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, supreme ass-clencher Kim Kardashian pretended to possess a soul capable of empathy and compassion by expressing interest in adopting a young girl from an orphanage in Thailand because every episode can’t be about shopping and a mouse in Kourtney‘s new mansion. Just most of them. Anyway, the 13-year-old girl was apparently savvy enough to realize she’d just be fed to the Wookiee which is what I’m going with. The Daily Mail reports:

Pink, an outstanding scholar whose mother sent her to the home because she was too poor to care for her and fund her education, immediately bonded with Kim and gave her a bracelet in a visit in April filmed for her hit show Keeping Up with The Kardashians.
But after being told the reality TV star wanted to adopt her, Pink said: ‘Everyone wants to have a different or a better life, I suppose. But when I thought about it I realised it wouldn’t be good for me, because I would have to leave so much behind. I wasn’t ready for that.’

Except if you watched the episode, you were led to believe it was the sage-like wisdom of Kris Jenner who stopped the deal by telling Kim you can’t just buy children from Thailand. You have to go to Malawi. That’s how Madonna does it: More »

Lady Gaga Has An Armpit Tattoo, Also Side Boob

November 20th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Remember Lady Gaga? Used to be Paul from The Wonder Years? Eh, it doesn’t matter. Here she is showing off her new armpit tattoo in England which I’m posting because you can see her side boob, and side boob isn’t Bill Cosby raping people. “Allegedly.” A topic I’ll eventually have to write about later today before staring into the phalanx of rape apologists this site attracts, so let’s table my depression for a minute and look for stray nipples. Whadda ya say, champ? (I’m doing it right now, aren’t I? Goddammit.)

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Fame/Flynet

Stop Asking Serious Artist Baby Goose To Be ‘Sexiest Man Alive,’ Girl

November 20th, 2014 // 11 Comments
'2014 Sexiest Man Alive'
Chris Hemsworth Shirtless Bathing Suit
It's Official. Thor Soaks All The Panties. (Enjoy Your Legacy, 'People') Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Yesterday, we spent some time considering whether or not Thor could get us off harder than any other chiseled actor, and today, we’ll spend even more time thinking about one of the guys who didn’t get that honor. I want to make it perfectly clear that when we’re casually discussing who is “the sexiest” by way of People magazine’s top-selling feature, we’re saying that when we sexually climax in the height of our passion, we’d like it to be all over Chris Hemsworth in the bed of a rusty farm truck. Perhaps this is why Ryan Gosling has decided “multiple” times not to be the superimposed face on your fat, sweaty lover’s body. Via The Wrap:

“They tried a few times, especially during his huge year in 2011,” an individual close to the cover negotiations said. Multiple efforts were consistently squashed by the actor’s team. “The consensus was he’s too serious for it, too artsy,” the individual added.

Or maybe this whole thing is a complete farce to sell magazines and/or get people to click on websi- *gets knuckles rapped with ruler by Fish* Fine, I just want to pull one more quote from this in-depth investigation into why Ryan Gosling doesn’t want me thinking about him when I masturbate with shampoo in the shower. Why, Ryan?! Why don’t you want us jerking off to your face??!!

But it’s the “Drive” star who speeds away from the glory.

Wow. That awful pun is hands-down the grossest thing written in this post. We can all agree on that as well as how much we want to blow Loki, because he’s totally the hottest Asgardian. (Now I’m mixing your nerd jargon with gay sex fantasies. Make me write another one of these. Go ahead.)

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: MPNC/AKM-GSI

Good Morning, Alexandra Eriksson, And Other News

November 20th, 2014 // 7 Comments

- Benedict Cumberbatch wants to be Ryan Gosling. [Lainey Gossip]

- This is what Kylie Jenner looks like without 800 pounds of war paint. [Fishwrapper]

- Donald Sutherland thinks Jennifer Lawrence is Jesus, so guess who saw the nudes. [Dlisted]

- Rip-Roaring Redheads Coming In Hot [theCHIVE]

- Anna Wintour‘s backhanded reason for putting Kim Kardashian on the cover of Vogue. [The Frisky]

- Molly Shannon got breast implants. These are words I actually just wrote. [WWTDD]

- Julien Blanc, the pick-up artist jackass who chokes women, got shut down by the UK now. [Death and Taxes]

- Scarlet Johansson has a new mom hairdo. [Popoholic]

- Victoria’s Secret Casting Is The Best Thing Ever [Hollywood Tuna]

- What’s up, Brooke Perry? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: FameFlynet

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next »