The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 12.17.14

December 17th, 2014 // 94 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed which you will notice is getting lighter and lighter as we get forcibly dragged deeper into the holday hole. (No Collins.) But we still have some good shit for you, like Cuba Gooding Jr. going full Tom Cruise-on-Oprah, what I’m pretty sure is the first TCWM appearance of NeNe Leakes, and Simon Cowell about to find out if high quality hair plugs are any match for the strength of a spider monkey.

Did I include a bullshit Final Five in here for filler? *shoves henchman, slides down escalator rails, bolts through kitchen exit*

- Photo Boy

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Bertney & The Amazing Computer Magicked Bikini

December 17th, 2014 // 9 Comments

Bertney And The Amazing Computer Magicked Berkini Belly
A Positive Reinforcement Reader

It was a very special day for Bertney. She was at the courthouse seeing the nice old judge who always had the best news to tell Papa.
“Well, Mr. Spears,” the judge said from his very tall wooden seat. “After watching the surveillance footage you so generously provided, I shudder to think what would happen if Ms. Spears were permitted to make decisions for herself. She’s yours for another year!” And with that he banged his tiny little hammer, and Bertney clapped and giggled. It was her favorite part.
“Does that mean we get to live together forever?” Bertney asked Papa excitedly.
“Yes, it does,” Papa said with a very tired smile. Bertney wondered if he was getting enough sleep. “Now, let’s get you ready for your swimsuit pictures. We’re already running behind.” More »

A Paris Hilton Panty Flash Post? Why Not?

December 17th, 2014 // 12 Comments

In case you can’t tell we’re circling the holiday toilet for news, I already wrote about Lindsay Lohan today, and now here’s Paris Hilton flashing her panties because it’s 2006 again. (To top it off, this is me punting my way to a Bertney post to complete the trifecta.) You’ll also notice Paris has a wet spot on her ass, but before someone suggests it’s some sort of sexual discharge, the fabric is still intact, so take your sloppy science to Natural News. You don’t bring that shit in my house.

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Photos: Xposure/Vantagenews/AKM-GSI

Bill Cosby’s Daughter Thinks Rape Accusers Should Go To Jail. Yup.

December 17th, 2014 // 35 Comments
Evin Cosby
Never Go Full Dottie
Camille Cosby
Camille Cosby: 'My Husband Is The Real Victim' Read More »

Now that we’ve seen two videos of dancing breasts (here and here), let’s find out what stupid shit Bill Cosby‘s defenders are saying today. This time around it’s his daughter Evin Cosby who has been increasingly using her Facebook page to support her father and in the past 24 hours has ramped up it to the point where she’s saying his accusers should be in prison. Via Mediaite:

Rape is a serious allegation and it is suppose to be taken VERY seriously but so is Falsely accusing someone. When someone rapes a person they go to prison. THAT should also happen to the person that has wrongfully accused an innocent victim.They are not ONLY destroying innocent people’s life they are ALSO making it hard for the MEN and Women to find justice when they have been raped.

As for what prompted Evin to start lashing out on Facebook, Beverly Johnson‘s interview on The View which she had some shit to say about: More »

And Now Here’s Lindsay Lohan’s Sad Video

December 17th, 2014 // 16 Comments
Lindsay Lohan Topless Nude Love
WATCH: Lindsay Lohan - LOVE Advent Day 17

While Emily Ratajkowski’s LOVE Advent 2014 video awakened me on a spiritual and emotional level by making me realize that, yes, I absolutely would have a threeway with a panda, Lindsay Lohan‘s is a sad, depressing look at the futility of life. Her breasts were so big, and yet everything about her is fucked beyond repair. What hope is there for the rest of us? *listens to Photo Boy whisper in his ear* Don’t get addicted to coke? Really? That’s it? Fascinating. False alarm, everybody!

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Emily Ratajkowski Made One of Those Sexy Dancing Videos, Too

December 17th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Here’s Emily Ratajkowski‘s video for LOVE Magazine’s Advent 2014 which involves her dancing braless in a loose tanktop while tugging on her panties, so there’s literally no reason for you to have read any of this. In fact, the only person who should be reading this is an automated alien archivist from the future as it sifts through the remains of our planet, so this next part is especially not for you idiots: I know the location of the Paradox Stone. Reanimate my body and make me your king! *crosses fingers*

Emily Ratajkowski Dancing For LOVE After The Jump

Stephen Collins Confesses To Molesting Three Underage Girls

December 17th, 2014 // 22 Comments
Stephen Collins

Despite audio recordings of him admitting he’s a child molester being leaked to the press, Stephen Collins had the benefit of everybody forgetting all of this even happened thanks to Bill Cosby and a large swath of assholes believing his wife made the whole thing up to get more money out of the divorce because the Internet is a giant shitbox for everyone to shit their insecurities into when they’re not being distracted by some new piece of shit that just dropped in. We should honestly fire the whole thing into the sun. Anyway, Stephen Collins has apparently decided to confess to PEOPLE magazine, but mostly to say this all happened a long, long time ago and he’s totally cured because that’s how pedophilia works. It’s like turning off a light switch: More »

Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

December 17th, 2014 // 15 Comments

- Aaron Sorkin should really stop talking. [Lainey Gossip]

- James Franco only wants to fuck Lana Del Rey‘s music. Her vagina bores him. [Fishwrapper]

- Scary Spice‘s husband might be an abusive asshole. [Dlisted]

- Nothing Beats A Woman’s POV [theCHIVE]

- Elisabeth Hasselbeck is still a giant fucking moron. [The Frisky]

- Amy Pascal doesn’t owe Al Sharpton shit. [The Daily Banter]

- Demi Lovato‘s side-boob posed for Allure. [WWTDD]

- Oh, good, another Bush running for president. What could go wrong? [Death and Taxes]

- Daniela Lopez Osorio‘s in a bikini. [Popoholic]

Goddamn, Bridget Malcolm… [Hollywood Tuna]

- That’s Olivia Wilde‘s vagina alright. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

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