North West Will Have To Work For What She Wants

October 23rd, 2014 // 1 Comment
Kim Poses Naked
Kim Kardashian Naked Butt
Will Tell You She Was Fully Clothed The Whole Time Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

The Superficial’s Theory of Kardashian, which states “Upon the opening of the mouth, utter bullshit shall spew forth until said mouth closes or is rendered unintelligible by oral processes related to the filming of interracial pornography,” so we already know that when Bos Optimum, or Kim Kardashian, as the humans who arrogantly ignore her bovine royalty title refer to her, says that North West will have a job at some point in her life, we can disregard that as just the cud talking. Via E! Online:

“I was saying that earlier to my friends, ‘I wonder what [North's] first job is gonna be.’ And they were like, ‘What? She’s gonna have a job?’ and I was like, ‘Are you kidding me? Of course she is,’” she told the publication. “She will have to work for what she wants.”

There’s more about how Kim always had to “save up” for stuff that she wanted as a kid and trust me you guys, I’m trying really fucking hard not to make a sex worker joke about a baby here, especially in light of this horrific mess, so I’ll go with the only way this mythical job interview could possibly go: More »

Mama June Is Dating A Convicted Child Molester

October 23rd, 2014 // 15 Comments
Mama June Shannon

“Will this’n here help you catch more keeds? I love you!”

Last month, we found out that somehow Sugar Bear done cheated on Mama June (I really stop joking about all of this as you’ll see in a minute.) because if Jon Gosselin has taught us anything, it’s that reality TV is a questionable pussy goldmine. On the same token, if reality TV has taught us anything, it’s that it’s a hotbed for the very worst of humanity because nothing brings in the ratings like pure fucking awful. TMZ reports:

Mama June is seeing someone new, but there’s a big problem … the guy just got out of prison after serving time for molesting one of June’s relatives … TMZ has learned.
The new guy is 53-year-old Mark McDaniel. He was convicted in 2004 for aggravated child molestation. Prosecutors say he molested an 8-year-old child — forcing oral sex. June was dating McDaniel at the same time he molested the child.

WARNING: Rant coming. More »

‘Brazilian Candidate? Look At Me Topless In My Underwear!’

October 23rd, 2014 // 11 Comments

Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan was all over the place after she tweeted then untweeted an endorsement for a Brazilian presidential candidate with ties to cocaine smuggling because of course. So what quicker way to change the subject than by posting a topless photo of yourself to Instagram? Which might work if the entire Internet hasn’t seen you naked a hundred times. At least move your hair out of the way if you want me to forget about that stuff I was just saying (Brazil nuts, right?) or take a page from Courtney Stodden‘s book. Then again, I don’t think you have body for this. The fake, cartoon body.

Courtney Stodden’s Nude Instagram After The Jump

Brad Pitt Seems Like A Good Sport

October 23rd, 2014 // 7 Comments
Brad Pitt Between Two Ferns

Full Disclosure: I’ve never watched an entire episode of Between Two Ferns. In fact, I think the only one I ever clicked on was the Natalie Portman one and bailed after a minute. And yet for some reason this morning, I decided to watch the new Brad Pitt episode in its entirety which surprisingly pays off at the end. Plus, once you aggregate one viral video, you kind of want to aggregate them all so it looks like you don’t spent all morning reading Clickhole and wondering what you’re doing with your life.

And that’s how you blog a blog. Any questions?

Brad Pitt ‘Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis’ After The Jump

Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

October 23rd, 2014 // 13 Comments

- Captain America‘s probably banging Minka Kelly again. [Lainey Gossip]

- Jennifer Lopez is following in Britney Spears‘ footsteps. The Britney Spears. [Dlisted]

- These Girls Know How To Work A Dress [theCHIVE]

- LeAnn Rimes will destroy Christmas now. [Fishwrapper]

- Toys R Us caved to the Florida mom bitching about Breaking Bad figures. [The Frisky]

- Megan Mahoney is your new hot teacher who got caught banging students. [WWTDD]

- Homosexuality is a sin, says guy who jerks off in strangers cars with spark plugs. [Death and Taxes]

- Olivia Munn wore some sort of ballerina thing. [Popoholic]

- Is this a message to Shia LaBeouf? What’s happening here? [tooFab]

- Kelly Brook‘s 2015 calender is here. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Victoria’s Secret is finally catching up to the Internet. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

‘The Avengers: Age of Ultron’ Official Trailer Is Here And Good God

October 23rd, 2014 // 21 Comments
Avengers Age of Ultron
WATCH: 'Avengers: Age of Ultron' Official Teaser

So Marvel had made a private video for its girlfriend Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. to see next week, but this is the Internet, so somebody leaked that shit last night detonating millions of nerd boners who clearly have no respect for privacy. That wasn’t meant for you. — At least not until an hour later when Marvel said “Fuck it” and gave everybody an official version in glorious HD which you should be watching right now instead of reading my stupid shit. There’s an Iron Man inside an Iron Man with creepy Pinocchio music, and all I’m doing is making highly questionable Fappening jokes. You’re making poor choices with your life. Your mom and I are worried.

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The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 10.22.14

October 22nd, 2014 // 271 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, an installment I’m not particularly proud of considering it has both Nicky and Paris Hilton in it. If this post was me in college it would be jolting awake right now, rolling over, checking for a pulse, thanking God one more time, and drunkenly finding its way home.

Nope, there’s no more links. There’s only sadness now,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Lindsay Lohan Endorses Brazilian Politician With Chopper Full of Coke

October 22nd, 2014 // 17 Comments
Lindsay's Gone Digital
Lindsay Lohan Weisses Fest
She's Stealing Apps Now Read More »

In a now-deleted tweet, Lindsay Lohan endorsed Brazilian presidential candidate Aécio Neves yesterday because if there’s one person the people of South America look to for political advice, it’s Roja Diabla de la Whitenose, Holy Mother of DongBongs. And now for the part about coke because of course this is about coke and probably the largest amount ever involved in a Lindsay Lohan post. Even counting that time Charlie Sheen touched her boob. I almost didn’t believe it myself. TMZ reports:

Lindsay took a beating for getting involved in anyone’s politics for obvious reasons. But a source connected with LiLo tells TMZ, she’s supporting the guy because “she has plenty of contacts there and has several business trips to the country.” The source also says she has a “good contact” in Brazil who likes Neves a lot.
Here’s what Lindsay’s 8.5 million followers need to know. Neves owns a company that owns a helicopter that was seized by the federal police … seized because it was carrying 4.5 TONS of cocaine.

The Aécio Neves campaign has since released the following statement: “Dear the Americas, would you be so kind to let us know how you remove this, how you say, barnacle from the side of our helicopters? We have tried very sharp sticks and coating the sides with the butter, but it will not release it’s grip. No creature should ever be this powerful, and we pray daily to God for Him to rid of this curse. Thank you for your time.”

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News, Xposure/AKM-GSI

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