The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.22

May 26th, 2012 // 61 Comments

Welcome to another infected exciting installment of The Most Important People on the Internet brought to you by the letters, S, T and D and featuring an almost gynecological glimpse into Paris Hilton‘s death-hole that you get to stare at until we get back on Tuesday. Think of it as our way of saying thanks for coming up with funny shit to populate this post each week. (We always give the best gifts, I know.)

Now would be a good time to start buying hand sanitizer in bulk,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Pacific Coast News

The Crap We Missed – Friday 5.25.12

May 25th, 2012 // 439 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed coming at you early because our numbers indicate there are five of you reading this right now and we also calculated that booze is delicious. Anyway, today we’ve got an important status report regarding Rose McGowan‘s face since yesterday: Still Awful. Also, Mario Lopez wants you to know that when you mess with him, you get the horns. In your butt. Meanwhile, a heroic Spanish talk-show host attempts to help Will Smith fight off the gay thoughts and Paris Hilton defiles a children’s amusement.

Mommy, why’s the horsey melting?

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Britney Spears Walked Off X Factor Already

May 25th, 2012 // 49 Comments
'Where's Mah Chick'n?!'
Britney Spears Cellulite Legs Tight Minidress Jason Trawick
Britney's X-Factor Rider Sounds About Right Read More »

With a dressing room stocked full of fried chicken, tater salad and all the Doritos a girl can eat hanging in the balance, you’d just assume Britney Spears would take her first day as an X Factor judge very seriously. (You keep saying she’s also getting paid $15 million like that means something. I don’t get it.) Instead she walked off in the middle of an audition which is exactly why Simon banned candy wrappers from being on set. “She can bloody smell them, you twits!” TMZ reports:

Britney Spears walked off the set of “X Factor” moments ago … and according to several people in the audience, she was upset after a contestant butchered her song, “Hold It Against Me.”
Britney did not come back immediately … and four contestants auditioned in front of the remaining judges … and an empty seat.

Ha! I like how they pretended she can recognize her own songs. But, seriously, how the hell did they expect this to go down? You’re dealing with a woman has a set routine every afternoon of chocolate milk, one episode of SpongeBob (Two if she doesn’t let her kids play with the garbage disposal again.) then naptime. You interrupt that schedule and you might as well forget getting her to sit still during dinner. That’s your funeral, bub.

Photos: Splash News

Excuse Me, Nicole Kidman, Could You Point Me In The Direction Of That Movie Where You Pee All Over Zac Efron?

May 25th, 2012 // 29 Comments

Back that way? Thanks.

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Kanye West Debuted A Movie At Cannes. In Theory.

May 25th, 2012 // 45 Comments
Must. Meet. Beyonce.
Kim Kardashian Nipple Short Hair Cleavage Kanye West Photoshoot
Kim Kardashian Is A Stalker Now Read More »

You may have noticed Kanye West and Kim Kardashian all over the place at Cannes which of course turned out to be a giant publicity grab (See how empty they are inside?) for his short film “experience” Cruel Summer that debuted last night. Though not so much as part of the festival as part of Kanye renting out a giant tent in the middle of a casino parking lot. Long story short, the short’s about a car thief who falls in love with a Arabian princess (You can beat your head into your desk now.) but her parents won’t let them be together until he cures her blindness because car thieves do that. Anyway, the whole thing was apparently displayed on seven screens completely surrounding the audience – “three opposite the bleachers, two on either side, one on the ceiling, and one on the floor” – because Kanye West can’t pay attention to movies. No, really. Via Vulture:

“The [seven screens idea] is related to a post–Steve Jobs, post-Windows era of where we’re always on a BlackBerry or a phone at a ballgame, at the movies, and you’re looking at seven windows when you’re online. And I’ve found myself even falling asleep at the theater unless I’m talking to somebody or I’m on the phone, and it’s because of the amount of information that we have at once.

“So, really, the whole genesis of this presentation comes from the fact that I’m a fucking asshole to watch movies with. Just terrible. I played Angry Birds during Inception, and can you believe people tried to shush me? Kanye West? Well, look who’s trapped inside my movie now, bitches. HAHAHA! SHUSH! SHUSH YOUR MOUTHS! AHAHAHAHAHA- Shit, it’s James Bond. To the zeppelin, yo!” *fires up jetpack*

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Jenna Jameson Got A DUI

May 25th, 2012 // 36 Comments
F@$K You, Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Handler Jenna Jameson
Jenna Jameson Isn't A Fan Read More »

Porn star Jenna Jameson drunkenly ramming into a pole is somehow news this morning, so, eh, what the hell? I’ll take a trip down your rabbit hole, TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ the porn queen was involved in a single car accident at around 1:30 AM after her car struck a pole.
According to our sources, Jameson showed signs of possibly being under the influence of alcohol and was given a field sobriety test . We’re told she was subsequently arrested for misdemeanor suspicion of DUI.

Transcript of 911 Call:

“Some chick just crashed into a pole. I think she’s really hurt, too. It looks a grenade went off between her legs-”
[Inaudible sound]
“Nevermind, she says it always look like that.”
[Inaudible sound]
“Ma’am, I’m a woman, please stop offering to suck my dick if I help you escape. The police are already here.”
[Screaming in background]
“Officer, officer! It’s okay, it’s okay. That’s just how it looks. — Listen, I’m gonna hang up. This guy’s freaking out.”

END CALL.

Photos: Getty

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next »