The Crap We Missed – Monday 12.22.14

December 22nd, 2014 // 339 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed where we continue spiraling the holiday drain and what’s a better anchor to pull us down than Nicki Minaj‘s giant clown ass? That’s why you’re getting multiple Kardashians, as well as the illegitimate offspring of Prince and Ricky Martin with Joanna Krupa‘s cleavage, and finally, Bai Ling and Maitland Ward each giving an aspiring model/actresses better motivation to go to technical school than any commercial during Maury ever could.

The Medical Assistant program only takes 12 weeks, and don’t forget about the cute scrubs!

- Photo Boy

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Somebody Made A ‘Marvel Vs. DC’ Movie Trailer (Merry Christmas, Nerds)

December 22nd, 2014 // 14 Comments
DC Vs Marvel Trailer
WATCH: 'Marvel Vs. DC' - Epic Trailer

Because sometimes, but not often (Think every other vernal equinox.), the Internet produces something that isn’t breast and/or cat-related, so here’s a fan-made trailer for a fictional “Marvel Vs. DC” movie that starts out shit, but gets better provide you’re easily amused by cleverly-edited clips of movies you’ve seen a hundred times which I am. Although, this could’ve easily been better with farts. Seriously, one wouldn’t have killed you. You could’ve made Wonder Woman do it. That’s how Tina Fey writes Liz Lemon.

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Video: Alex Luthor

Lactating Mila Kunis Is The Best Mila Kunis

December 22nd, 2014 // 26 Comments

Mila Kunis gave birth barely two months ago, so here are 14 pics of her lactating breasts at Friday’s night Lakers game that every one of us is going to stare at even though I just mentioned they’re producing milk for an infant to drink. That shit’s going in one eye out and out the other. You can scream it in my face with a bullhorn, and it still wouldn’t register. That’s called grit. And also tinnitus.

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Photos: Splash News

Iggy Azalea Has To Be Nice To Azealia Banks Or Her Sex Tape Will Leak

December 22nd, 2014 // 41 Comments

Iggy Azalea and Azealia Banks (Who are surprisingly not the same person. God, I’m old.) have been having some sort of online shit-to-cuffs over Iggy’s appropriation of hip-hop culture without paying respect to the black community which is apparently a legitimate criticism because Q-Tip wrote a giant Twitter essay telling Iggy about herself. On top of that, Anonymous threatened to leak Iggy’s sex tape if she doesn’t apologize to Azealia even though the perverts who read and write this site recognize at this point that that shit is kind of rapey. So now you know that information, and way more importantly, I got to hotlink the words Iggy Azalea and sex tape. We ride! *mounts reindeer, gallops off*

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Photo: Getty

It’s Laurel From ‘Arrow’ In A Bikini

December 22nd, 2014 // 15 Comments

In case you didn’t get the hint from the Jessica Simpson post, there’s jackshit happening, so here’s Arrow star Katie Cassidy in Miami where I hope to God a seagull flies off with her stupid chin implant that should’ve been grounds to write her off the second season because SARAH WAS THE BEST BLACK CANARY EVER. ETHICS IN COMIC BOOK JOURNALISM!! RAWR- what the fuck am I doing? Wow, that got gross. Did I grow horns back there? Because I’m pretty sure I grew horns. And ate a baby. This is why I don’t talk about TV shows anymore.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News

Jessica Simpson Has Legs? HOLY SHIT

December 22nd, 2014 // 22 Comments

Just to give you an idea of how rough it’s going to be over the next few days, Jessica Simpson’s legs are a top story right now. A human woman possessing two lower limbs. That’s the news right now. Not the fact that Jessica Simpson’s letting everyone know she’s Batman and will rain justice down upon the streets of Gotham because her parents were murdered. Or just divorced because her dad turned out to be secretly gay. Close enough.

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Photo: Instagram

Kourtney Kardashian’s Baby Is Our King Apparently

December 22nd, 2014 // 18 Comments
Back Where It All Started
Khloe Kardashian Butt Kourtney Pregnant
Plus A Sasquatch Butt Read More »

Because she’s the hot one, I like to pretend Kourtney Kardashian is better than the rest of her family except that requires ignoring the fact she keeps letting Scott Disick put babies in her. Which gets harder and harder to do after each kid because they’re up to three now, and this one Kourtney named Reign because she actually believes all that “the Kardashians are American royalty” horseshit. Via Hollywood Life:

“Kourtney wanted a completely unique name, she wanted him to represent a ruler and Sovereign Disick doesn’t have the same ring to it as Reign Disick,” a source dished to EXCLUSIVELY. “Plus Kourtney really believes all the talk when people say that the Kardashians are American royalty, so she really took that to heart and wanted her son to continue that legacy.

According to myth, another child king was born around this time of a year, but now we’re being told this kid is our new ruler, so I feel pretty safe saying Kourtney Kardashian’s son is the Antichrist. That’s right, I just called a newborn child the Beast of the Apocalypse. That’s what I’m doing with my life. And putting a fake 666 tattoo on my forehead because the real ones fucking hurt. This kid has to meet me in the middle.

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Photo: DuJour

Good Morning, Cassie Cardelle, And Other News

December 22nd, 2014 // 3 Comments

- Gwyneth Paltrow‘s into Tantra now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Scott Disick seems really, really awesome to be the person you can’t stop having kids with. [Fishwrapper]

- Elton John and Lance Bass had competing weddings. I’ll let an expert handle this. [Dlisted]

- The Strong And Flexible Caitlin Rice [theCHIVE]

- Vaccines are making kids gay now. Of course. [The Frisky]

- Goddamn, Vita Sidorkina… [WWTDD]

- Obama says Sony fucked up by pulling The Interview. [Death and Taxes]

- Hilary Duff in yoga pants. [Popoholic]

- Natasha Galkina will blow your mind. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Rita Pereira won the week. [COED]

- That is Reese Witherspoon topless. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

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