The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 10.22.14

October 22nd, 2014 // 249 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, an installment I’m not particularly proud of considering it has both Nicky and Paris Hilton in it. If this post was me in college it would be jolting awake right now, rolling over, checking for a pulse, thanking God one more time, and drunkenly finding its way home.

Nope, there’s no more links. There’s only sadness now,

- Photo Boy

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Lindsay Lohan Endorses Brazilian Politician With Chopper Full of Coke

October 22nd, 2014 // 18 Comments
Lindsay's Gone Digital
Lindsay Lohan Weisses Fest
She's Stealing Apps Now Read More »

In a now-deleted tweet, Lindsay Lohan endorsed Brazilian presidential candidate Aécio Neves yesterday because if there’s one person the people of South America look to for political advice, it’s Roja Diabla de la Whitenose, Holy Mother of DongBongs. And now for the part about coke because of course this is about coke and probably the largest amount ever involved in a Lindsay Lohan post. Even counting that time Charlie Sheen touched her boob. I almost didn’t believe it myself. TMZ reports:

Lindsay took a beating for getting involved in anyone’s politics for obvious reasons. But a source connected with LiLo tells TMZ, she’s supporting the guy because “she has plenty of contacts there and has several business trips to the country.” The source also says she has a “good contact” in Brazil who likes Neves a lot.
Here’s what Lindsay’s 8.5 million followers need to know. Neves owns a company that owns a helicopter that was seized by the federal police … seized because it was carrying 4.5 TONS of cocaine.

The Aécio Neves campaign has since released the following statement: “Dear the Americas, would you be so kind to let us know how you remove this, how you say, barnacle from the side of our helicopters? We have tried very sharp sticks and coating the sides with the butter, but it will not release it’s grip. No creature should ever be this powerful, and we pray daily to God for Him to rid of this curse. Thank you for your time.”

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News, Xposure/AKM-GSI

Tina Fey Just Burned Rob Schneider

October 22nd, 2014 // 48 Comments
Tina Fey Amy Poehler

Because Rob Schneider‘s film career really has no business existing, Tina Fey decided to point that out during her acceptance speech at the Elle Women In Hollywood Awards where she paid tribute to the late Jan Hooks who alongside Nora Dunn paved the way for Tina and Amy on SNL. Via Uproxx: More »

‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’ Really Was Just ‘Terminator 2′

October 22nd, 2014 // 9 Comments
X-Men Days of Future Past
WATCH: 'X-Men: Days of Future Past' Honest Trailer

Bryan Singer is apparently going to be a father via surrogate, but because I’ve seen enough Hollywood awful that I don’t even want to think about what’ll happen if that kid is a boy (“I do!” Shut up, Stephen Collins.), here’s the Honest Trailer for X-Men: Days of Future Past which does a way more entertaining job than I ever could of pointing out what a mediocre pile of shit everything that wasn’t Quicksilver is on top of basically having the exact plot of Terminator 2. Oh, and boob jokes. There are boob jokes. And you’re off.

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Kris Jenner Probably Shouldn’t Photoshop Other Celebrities

October 22nd, 2014 // 23 Comments
Kris Jenner Gordon Ramsay

It’s no secret that the Kardashians Photoshop their Instagram pics to fuck and back. But since they always deny it, it’s fun to see them blatantly get caught doing it. Which is exactly what happened to Kris Jenner after she posted a shopped photo with Gordon Ramsay without realizing that he already shared his own six days earlier. Or she just didn’t care because it’s not like Kardashian fans are the sharpest cakes in the urinal. You can literally tell them anything:

“Kim spends so much time with North. They’re practically inseparable.”
“I JUST WANNA WATCH THE THINGS HAPPEN ON THE TV.”

Kris Jenner Caught Photoshopping Gordon Ramsey Pic After The Jump

Teresa Giudice Fired By Crisis Manager For Trying To Book Her Own Jail

October 22nd, 2014 // 24 Comments
Teresa Giudice
Mother of The Year
Teresa Giudice
'Let's Tell The Kids We're Going To Jail On TV!' Read More »

To catch everybody up, Teresa Giudice was sentenced to 15 months in prison for fraud. Her husband got 41 months, and the tears of their children will be reality fuel, but that’s not the most ridiculous part. The most ridiculous part is Teresa getting fired by her crisis manager for fucking up the entire sentencing process by going behind her back to try and book herself at the jail from Orange Is The New Black. No really. E! News reports:

“Both for my clients and myself, I work hard to maintain a strong relationship with the Bureau of Prisons. As I’ve tried to instruct Teresa, this is a process that must be respected. A designation to a camp is a gift, not a requirement from the BOP and the judge. By making this request, Teresa has jeopardized months of work, months of preparation and in fact may jeopardize where she is ultimately designated or sent to.
“My ultimate responsibility is to all of my clients, not just to Teresa. I’m hopeful that, at some point, a change occurs and rehabilitation begins. My thought and wishes will always be with her children.”

Her children that are goddamn doomed with a terrible fucking mother if these follow-up quotes to Page Six are any indication: More »

Shia LaBeouf’s A Metamodernist Christian Now

October 22nd, 2014 // 15 Comments
Remember That Plagiarism?
Shia LaBeouf Ponytail Beard Lawless Screening
That Was Ironic Performance Art. Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

If you’re wondering what the fuck that headline means, let me get the answer right out of the way. Nothing. It means absolutely nothing other than it’s one of the rambling, navel-gazing responses Shia LaBeouf mouth-farted to Interview Magazine during what felt like an endless diatribe on art, life, and how acting is dying in front of an audience? (Sadly, not literally.)

Since the 14th century there’s been this martyrdom in art, Jesus on a cross, the Apostles being boiled in oil. But that also exists in cinema—martyrdom. Theater is about dying, about doing it so that other people don’t have to. I’m showing up with a set of problems, and I hope that they die when I’m done.

So okay, I understand how looking at a painting of Jesus on a cross reminds you how you’ll never get to bang Megan Fox again, because looking at anything should be reminding you of that, but what exactly does Christianity have to do with being an uncontrollable, drunk rage monster? More »

Good Morning, Maitland Ward, And Other News

October 22nd, 2014 // 55 Comments

- Selena Gomez might be banging Orlando Bloom again. [Lainey Gossip]

- Ryan Phillippe: “I’ve only made five good movies.” [Dlisted]

- Presenting The Internet’s Booty Hall of Fame [theCHIVE]

- Dean McDermott used to jerk off to Tori Spelling when she was on 90210. [Fishwrapper]

- Adobe sides with #GamerGate because the poor wiener children are being “bullied.” [The Frisky]

- Oscar Pistorius will basically spend 10 months in prison. If that. [WWTDD]

- Your Hypnotic Ass GIF of The Day [Girls In Cute Underwear]

- Buzzfeed is the most distrusted media outlet. [Death and Taxes]

- Keeley Hazell is still hot. [Popoholic]

- Renee Zellweger responds to Internet: “I’m healthy.” [tooFab]

- Cora Skinner in lingerie. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Cailin Russo is topless again. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: INFphoto, Splash News

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