Kanye’s Ducking Kim Kardashian Again

May 24th, 2013 // 11 Comments
Sure It Is
Kim Kardashian Fat Feet Heels Pregnant
Kim Thinks The Baby's Going On Tour With Kanye Read More »

Kim Kardashian arrived in Paris this week, but according to the Daily Mail, just as soon as she got there Kanye West hopped on a plane to Milan as is his wont. Of course, it probably didn’t help that Kim showed up with cameras to film Keeping Up With The Kardashians which Radar Online reports has become entirely about her pregnancy because she’s super private now. On top of that, she brought Kris Jenner who Kanye fucking hates for selling photos behind his back if you believe this entirely believable report of him flipping out on her backstage during SNL. Via Uproxx:

West apparently learned that his girlfriend and her mother were “secretly selling images of him and Kim, behind his back” and I assume once he told someone, the immediate reaction was, “This is a surprise?” Regardless, this alleged revelation allegedly led to an alleged argument between West and his alleged future mom-in-law, and it was so bad that it would have made Justin Bieber look like the Pope.
“Kanye was an assh*le and he was being very standoffish to everyone there. Lorne Michaels will never invite him back. Backstage Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian with Kanye and his bodyguards and basically hovering over him while they scream and yell. The whole cast fled out of the way and security had to be called.
Kim was crying and Kris was basically being carried away by security. Chris Rock tried to step in but Kanye just brushed him to the side and was like ‘Man! this is nothing.’ Kris was raving and screaming the whole time and she felt bad for Kim.”

Anytime Kanye West was near Kim Kardashian, he should’ve immediately noticed he couldn’t even quietly fart in a corner without a cameraman going, “Garlic! Kanye ate garlic today!” Then again, the idiot has a ridiculous ego and probably thought these people track his every move like goddamn bloodhounds instead of being tipped off by the vampire cunt grandmother of his unborn child. So I don’t know how somebody managed to spell it out to him, but I bet it required a cartoon of Jay-Z called, “Yeezus Christ, That Bitch Is Selling Your Photos.”

Photos: Splash News

Good Morning, British Kate Upton, And Other News

May 24th, 2013 // 5 Comments

- Paris Hilton got signed to Cash Money. Why the fuck would you do that? [Lainey Gossip]

- Nicole Kidman wore the dress Anne Hathaway abandoned to look like Nipple Nipplestein. [Dlisted]

- This pretty much sums up the Xbox One. [theCHIVE]

- The Great Bob Saget Topanga War has begun. [tooFab]

- You can be a gay Boy Scout until you’re 18. After that, “Eat shit, pedophile!” [BuzzFeed]

- Jesus Christ, these Adriama Lima lingerie pics… [Popoholic]

- Amanda Bynes tried to use Google as a valid photo ID. Yup. [IDLYITW]

- Audrina Patridge seems to be having problems with her dress. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Jennifer Aniston is a stripper now. [Celebslam]

- Miley Cyrus still isn’t wearing bras. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- January Jones is still talking about how she’s not going to talk about her kid’s dad. [Amy Grindhouse]

- Baby Goose got booed at Cannes. Comfort him, girl. [FilmDrunk]

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Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, WENN

They Finally Arrested Amanda Bynes

May 24th, 2013 // 25 Comments
That's Not My Apartment!
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
Amanda Bynes Has Another Believable Story Read More »

Amanda Bynes has only been walking around in public blatantly smoking weed since April 8th, so let’s give it up to the NYPD for taking just under two months to make the easiest arrest of their lives. Easy as in having probable cause, that is, because bitch went crazy on them. TMZ reports:

We’re told Amanda went ballistic when officers arrived — kicking and screaming during the arrest, and yelling … “Don’t you know who I am?”
Our law enforcement sources say she’s been booked for criminal possession of the pot, as well as reckless endangerment and felony tampering with evidence.
The endangerment and tampering occurred when Bynes allegedly threw a bong out of her apartment window.

According to NBC New York, Amanda Bynes was taken to Roosevelt Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation, so just assume that’s not going well. Then again, I probably shouldn’t rule out the arresting officers being ugly faces whose boyfriends she fucked so they Photoshopped a bong flying out her window to get back at her. She has to be right at least one of these times. Statistically speaking.

Arrest Video After The Jump

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 5.23.13

May 23rd, 2013 // 312 Comments

Welcome to a glorious Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I got the wonderful news that I might not be headed to the Hell I don’t believe exists. Although that caveat about being a good person might be tricky considering I have no intention of stopping this daily post. Shit. Oh well, at least I’ll roast in the good company of people like Cocaine Cowboy Bradley Cooper, the Assbeast of the Whore Klan, Shaq for making Kazaam and/or this guy blow him, and Brittany Murphy up there if we could manage to keep her dead this time. Seriously, how the fuck is that not Zombie Brittany Murphy up there?

Or maybe just because I did this. I’m aware I deserve to burn just for making you look at that,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Here’s Benedict Cumberbatch Showering In ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’ To Nullify Alice Eve’s Boobs

May 23rd, 2013 // 15 Comments
Benedict Cumberbatch Shower Scene Star Trek Into Darkness
WATCH: Benedict Cumberbatch's Deleted Shower Scene
That's The Mystery Box?
Alice Eve Bra Underwear Star Trek Into Darkness
A Review of
'Star Trek Into Darkness' Read More »

Sorry to hit you with two Conan clips today, but remember when I said in the Alice Eve post about Alice Eve‘s breasts that J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof couldn’t trip over themselves fast enough to apologize for showing them in Star Trek Into Darkness? You don’t and did nothing but look at her breasts? Good answer. Well, apparently J.J. went on Conan last night and brought a deleted scene featuring Benedict Cumberbatch‘s Totally Not The Character You Think He Is (I got $5 inside a puzzle box for writing that.) taking a shower. A scene that got completely cut from the movie, so I’m not sure what point J.J. Abrams was trying to make here except that he’s a sexual deviant who clearly wants to see everybody he works with naked, and goddammit, now I respect him. ABRAAAAAAAMMMMMSSSS!!

It’s Anne Hathaway’s Camel Toe

May 23rd, 2013 // 20 Comments

Anne Hathaway may have won an Oscar, but nothing will ever beat the pure sexual thrill of everyone seeing her vagina. Granted, this is a thought that has never once crossed Anne’s mind, I like to pretend that’s why she slapped on yoga pants and puffed her labia out to ward off predators right in front of the paparazzi. As to where the spikes are, again, I have no idea how vaginas work. They’re like those power outlets in Europe.

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News

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