Kate Upton Wins ‘Sexiest Woman’ At PEOPLE Awards

December 19th, 2014 // 13 Comments

Kate Upton won the PEOPLE Magazine Award for Sexiest Woman last night and couldn’t look more boring doing it, but you’ll notice that didn’t stop me from posting about it, or PEOPLE from finding literally anybody else, because we both bow at the altar of SEO. It is the one true God. *slices open palm, drips blood onto keyboard* Hyperlinked nude leaked photos with bold HTML tag SHALAMAKAKA!

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Photos: Getty, Splash News

George Clooney: ‘Hollywood Pussied Out’

December 19th, 2014 // 14 Comments
George Clooney

A week before almost every major theater chain in America backed out of showing The Interview because hackers said the words “9/11″ causing Sony Pictures to pull the movie theatrically and VOD so it could file an insurance claim, and protect itself from liability on the extremely off-chance that something actually did happen, George Clooney and his agent passed around a petition to every powerful player in Hollywood asking them to show their support to Sony and not back down to North Korea. Except not a single fucking person would sign it. Deadline reports: More »

Good Morning, Vicky Pattison, And Other News

December 19th, 2014 // 7 Comments

- Burt Macklin: Velociraptor Cop: Justice just got a new name. [Lainey Gossip]

- Legolas wants to do Lord of The Rings porn. The world needs three hours of dongs going in! [Fishwrapper]

- Jennifer Aniston grouchy? Inconceivable. [Dlisted]

- If You Like Tattoos, Get Over Here [theCHIVE]

- Here’s why Republicans oppose ending the Cuba embargo. [The Frisky]

- Now we can’t even show Team America in theaters. WTF? [The Daily Banter]

- Lauren Silverman‘s in a bikini. [WWTDD]

- If Tampon Commercials Were Made By Men [Death and Taxes]

- What’s up, Alyssa Arce swimsuit photos? [Popoholic]

- Brina Chantal‘s bikini booty. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Bill Clinton will make your wife leave you. [COED]

- Victoria’s Secret forgot to airbrush Candice Swanepoel‘s nipple. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Xposure/AKM-GSI

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 12.18.14

December 18th, 2014 // 230 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, starting with what it would look like if heroin could wear a bikini, because this is a classy institute of journalism, not two men in their thirties who’ve been preoccupied all day with Hilary Duff‘s butt resurfacing. *puts pins on giant map of Los Angeles, connects with string* WE’RE GONNA NEED AN APB ON AARON CART– You know what? Just go ahead and send SWAT under the bridge where we always find him. And bring the meth.

Another Final Five, you ask? Holidays. The holidays fuck us good and hard,

- Photo Boy

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News

Jesus Forgave Stephen Collins, Everybody, It’s All Better Now!

December 18th, 2014 // 19 Comments
Stephen Collins
Okay, I Molested Those Kids
Stephen Collins
But Only Those Three Times I Got Caught On Tape. Honest! Read More »

As Stephen Collins continues his public tour to just explain to people that he only molested three kids, so it’s really not that bad, one of his victims has come forward and justifiably shat all over his claims that it was just a “spontaneous touching” and apologizing to them personally would just reopen old wounds and be more damaging to them. Stephen Collins is very concerned about them. The former children he molested. TMZ reports:

The woman who was just 10 when Stephen Collins molested her and placed her hand on his penis says she’s not buying his belated apology.
The woman — now in her 50s — is telling family members, “Stephen is minimizing the incident. It was not just a spontaneous touching … that aggression resulted in him ejaculating.”
She also scoffs at Collins decision not to apologize to her and another one of his victims, saying, “His assertion that he wanted to avoid reopening an old wound seems nonsensical to me.”
She doesn’t believe there are only 3 victims — the ones he confessed to on audio.

Except clearly this woman isn’t a God-fearing Christian like Stephen who’s already been forgiven by Jesus, so it’s practically a sin to keep bringing all of this up again. And in public of all places. This should be something he handles in private. He’s the real victim here. PEOPLE reports: More »

Bill Cosby Paid ‘Fat Albert’ Writers To Write His Doctoral Thesis

December 18th, 2014 // 27 Comments
Bill Cosby
What's With This Family?
Evin Cosby
Rape Accusers Should Go To Jail? JESUS Read More »

After obtaining his doctoral degree from UMass, Bill Cosby made it a point to be an extra special asshole about it and demanded everyone refer to him as “Dr. Cosby” even though the validity of that degree was being called into question as early as 1985. Which didn’t stop him from berating an African-American football player to the point of tears for not getting a 4.0 when he graduated from Notre Dame. But since then, the Washington Post did some digging into Cosby’s bullshit degree and found out he basically received credit for being on Sesame Street and The Electric Company and only had to write a dissertation about Fat Albert And The Cosby Kids, his own TV show. Except he couldn’t even do that because last night The Simpsons co-creator Sam Simon tweeted that Cosby paid two Fat Albert writers to write his thesis. Via Death and Taxes: More »

Alessandra Ambrosio Topless And Stripping Down To Her Panties, Anyone?

December 18th, 2014 // 6 Comments

I’ve got posts about a child molester and an alleged rapist coming up, so for something less depressing here’s Alessandra Ambrosio stripping for LOVE Magazine’s Advent 2014 which means Lindsay Lohan‘s shitty video was sandwiched between a world-class supermodel and Emily Ratajkowski making it even more shitty because Kirk Cameron was right, the Christ-child is real and getting presents is the most important part of the season. To Walmart! *dumps over Salvation Army bucket* BABY JESUS SAYS MONEY’S FOR PLAYSTATIONS!

Alessandra Ambrosio Stripping For LOVE Advent 2014 After The Jump

Madonna Compares Album Leak To ‘Rape’ And ‘Terrorism’ Because Madonna

December 18th, 2014 // 19 Comments
Those Are Madonna's Nipples
Madonna Topless Nipples
You Want To Talk About Terror? I'll Show You Terror Read More »

For the past month and a half, there’s been a prominent discussion highlighting the trouble women go through to have their rape accusations taken seriously, and just two days ago the Taliban attacked a school in Pakistan leaving over 140 children dead, so naturally the air was right for Madonna to equate something inconvenient happening to her with both of those at the same time because old people stop giving a shit around 70 and say whatever they want. It’s what makes them adorable. Via E! News:

She expressed some real frustration, though, with a controversial follow-up Instagram post (which has since been deleted). In it, she wrote, “This is artistic rape!! These are early leaked demo’s half of which wont even make it on my album the other half have changed and evolved.”
“This is a form of terrorism,” she went on. “Wtf!!!! Why do people want to destroy artistic process??? Why steal? Why not give me the opportunity to finish and give you my very best?”

In related news, Camille Cosby just issued the following statement: “See? This is exactly what I’m talking about. Anybody can just say they were raped, so now it’s time to face the facts here: My husband should be allowed to drown these women in a lake because clearly having a vagina makes you hysterical. He was your father on TV!”

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