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“You are a bit bigger than I prefer, but Stephen Hawking takes what Stephen Hawking can gets.”

There are several stories we could’ve started out with this morning, but none of them involve Stephen Hawking frequenting sex clubs which let’s not pretend isn’t goddamn amazing. RadarOnline reports:

Renown physicist Stephen Hawking is somewhat of a regular at a Devore, California sex club, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.
According to a source who has been a member of Freedom Acres swingers club for nearly half a decade, Hawking, 70, shows up to the club with a bevy of nurses and assistants and has naked woman grind on him.
“I have seen Steven Hawking at the club more than a handful of times,” the source revealed. “He arrives with an entourage of nurses and assistants. Last time I saw him he was in the back ‘play area’ laying on a bed fully clothed with two naked women gyrating all over him.”

So Stephen Hawking just wheels his way into a sex club and pays naked women to grind all over his genius crippled body? Wow. I talk a lot of shit about America, but this is without a doubt one of those times where I know we do something absolutely, 100% right. On that note, Photo Boy and I spent a horrible amount of time this morning making “Stephen Hawking Goes To The Titty Bar” audio clips which is exactly as awful as it sounds. So without further ado, here’s what people actually pay us to do:

Stephen Hawking Goes To The Titty Bar After The Jump