Seen here partying his dick off in Spain, Orlando Bloom reportedly took a swing at Justin Bieber Wednesday morning Ibiza time causing the hardest rapper in all of Canada-land to flee a restaurant because of the prettiest elf in Middle Earth. And to the applause of every single person there if not humanity at large. TMZ reports:
Orlando Bloom got in Justin Bieber’s face early Wednesday morning in Ibiza … and Justin fled the restaurant — and one eyewitness says Orlando threw a punch.
The eyewitness tells TMZ … Orlando was in Cipriani restaurant which was packed with celebs, including Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Diddy.
Listen closely as you watch the video. It sounds like Justin, in the middle of a shoving match, screams, “What’s up bitch?”
You don’t see Orlando swing, but the eyewitness tells us that’s exactly what happened. And we’re told when Bieber left the crowd applauded.
Considering they both banged each other’s exes (Selena, Miranda) yet both have been spotted on yachts full of groupies (Justin, Orlando), I can’t imagine what the issue might be. Except I can, and it’s Orlando Bloom hates black people. Oh, so what? They can’t eat the same restaurant as you? ROSA PARKS, BITCH!
Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, which pretty much wouldn’t have happened without Instagram boobs and an unhealthy (and I’m just now noticing incestuous…maybe I should swap out that pic, oh look, beer!) injection of Brazilian ass. It’s like a Frankenstein monster of all things Internet, but without cat photos, unless you count Fat Rob Kardashian as cat photos, which now that I’ve suggested it should definitely be the new thing.
Could you imagine him trying to jump onto a table, but missing slightly and falling off? OHMYGOD or, or curling up in Khloe‘s mouth and just falling asleep?!ADORBS!!!!1
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Over the past few weeks, there’ve been no less than 800 novel-length takedowns of the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app which I didn’t read because I only need two words to tell me not to touch it, and those words are Kim Kardashian. As for the rest of America, it’s plunked $85 fucking million into it trying to become the virtual version of what Kim used to be to Paris Hilton minus that time Kim tried to breathe in Paris’ soul through a stab wound thus becoming her which everyone mysteriously forgot about after Kris Jenner obtained The Demon’s Bible. But enough facts and history, here’s Stephen Colbert ripping it apart in four minutes. (h/t Uproxx) More »
I’m shooting myself in the face for that headline. Don’t worry.
When my parents watched me head out for college 16 years ago, they watched with wonder as I even went in the first place, Mom, and somehow graduated without dropping out after a year to get married, Dad. There I was, an honest-to-God college graduate with a bachelor’s degree in journalism with a wealth of opportunities ahead of me (that paid less than Applebee’s, so I just worked there). I had surpassed them in every way. Or at least I did until today when I posted photos of Ben Affleck‘s ass crack to the Internet, so fuck it, you win. You guys win. College is bullshit. I don’t even remember what I learned there, and it still feels funny when I pee. Can I sleep in your bed?
Yeah, forget all that. Forget it even happened. I have a drinking problem.
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News
Paramount recently released a new promotional poster for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles‘ upcoming release in Australia which featured the Turtles jumping out of an exploding skyscraper because their lives are dope and they do dope shit. Which seems pretty innocuous for a summer movie poster until you notice the release date of SEPTEMBER 11. A day when actual people jumped out of an exploding skyscraper to their deaths. So after hearing from the Internet, Paramount pulled the poster off Twitter and Facebook which always puts these fires right out. As for how an oversight like this could happen, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t an oversight as much a source for Michael Bay‘s erection. “Aw yeah, 9/11, baby, fuckin’ shit blowed up so hard.” *fap fap fap*
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Above are screencaps from Hilary Duff‘s new video “Chasing The Sun.” And below is said video along with all the sound and “music” that comes with it, so let me suggest immediately skipping that and clicking right into the on-set bikini pics which are free from all that stuff I just said along with Hilary Duff’s thoughts and emotions. They’re practically the perfect woman.
Hilary Duff ‘Chasing The Sun’ After The Jump
Yesterday, we found out that Jay Z cheated on Beyonce with Rihanna which was also the reason for Solange‘s elevator attack if we’re all going to start believing lizard people talking points now. Why make them go through the trouble of secretly putting mind control in our water? That’s my motto. Anyway, now comes word that Beyonce has been secretly shopping for penthouses without a camel pen for Jay Z to sleep in. Page Six reports:
“She was very quiet, as if she was looking on the sly,” a source said.
Fueling the notion that Beyoncé is not shopping for both of them is the fact that Jay Z has always been extremely involved in their real estate deals, sources said.
Yet he was nowhere to be seen during the apartment showing, they added.
Jay also would be loath to leave their current posh Tribeca pad, a source said.
KIM: “Ohmygod, are they really getting a divorce?”
KANYE: “I dunno. Probably.”
KIM: “We’ll never get one though, right?”
KIM: “Hello? Did you hang up on me?”
KANYE: “… *snaps fingers* Kim! Sorry, bitch, forgot your name for a second. What were you saying?”
Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, WENN