Gwyneth Paltrow Took A Run At Martha Stewart, She Missed

November 21st, 2014 // 2 Comments
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Gwyneth Paltrow
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Back in October, Martha Stewart dropped a nuclear pie bomb on Gwyneth Paltrow with a recipe titled “Conscious Coupling” complete with a description that took the piss right out of Gwyneth’s divorce. It was a laser-guided strike expected of someone who owns a goddamn drone. But now, a month and a half later, Gwyneth Paltrow has finally fired back by putting a recipe for Jailbird Cake in her latest GOOP newsletter full of deserts for the holiday. Which I guess is kind of a sick burn, except she buried it below a bunch of bullshit sections where Gawker eventually found it. Unlike Martha Stewart who made her shit an entire fucking page in her magazine complete with a witty introduction so you knew exactly who it was about. “Don’t be steppin’ no game if y’all ain’t ready to scorch some earf.” Those were her exact words which I’ve now repeated. You can release my family now.

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Photos Getty:

Good Morning, Miranda Kerr, And Other News

November 21st, 2014 // 2 Comments

- Chris Pratt will be Cowboy Ninja Viking. Whatever that means. [Lainey Gossip]

- Refinery 29‘s shit-ass puff-piece on Scientology has some problems. [The Frisky]

- Nick Jonas really needs you to know he’s not a virgin anymore. [Fishwrapper]

- Jamie Oliver: Spanking: bad, secretly rubbing hot peppers on my children’s food: good. [Dlisted]

- Spring Break In The 90s Was A Simpler Time [theCHIVE]

- Rose McGowan is naked. [WWTDD]

- Poland would like Winnie The Pooh to put some fucking pants on. [Death and Taxes]

- Bella Thorne‘s butt is back. [Popoholic]

- What is up, Tiffany Fallon? [Hollywood Tuna]

- That’s Marion Cottilard‘s naked butt. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: INFphoto, MPNC / Vantagenews / Xposure / AKM-GSI, Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 11.20.14

November 20th, 2014 // 341 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, your daily dose of random celebrities you thought were dead mixed with women’s butts in yoga pants and excited gay dudes. I honestly have no clue how these things combine so harmoniously that you guys happily devour them daily, but I choose not to question what I consider to be magic. So by all means, enjoy this random collection of photos that equates to a pulled pork sandwich with hot fudge sauce, and shit, I said yesterday I wasn’t going to make fun of Kelly Clarkson.

*walks to podium* I’d like to dedicate this award for ‘Longest Way Around For A Fat Joke’ to my parents. Your choice to raise me Catholic effectively beat the self-esteem out of me like it was an alter boy who couldn’t keep his mouth shu–*music swells*

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Marilyn Manson Denies Making A Rape Video With Lana Del Rey

November 20th, 2014 // 8 Comments
Lana Del Rey Marilyn Manson
I'm Ready To Be A Dad
Marilyn Manson
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While I was busy writing about rape, another sort of rape was apparently happening on the Internet because this world needs to burn. Only this one was fictional and may be a complete hoax. Via Pitchfork:

Footage from an project featuring Marilyn Manson and Lana Del Rey has surfaced online, Teco Apple points out. Eli Roth (Hostel) was possibly involved in the making of it. It depicts a series of dark scenes. There’s a bloodied woman dunking her head in water, a birthday party stocked with misfits, a debauched dinner party, and a scene in which Del Rey is sexually assaulted.

While the footage was assumed to be from a video Eli Roth shot and told Larry King was “so sick, it’s been locked in a vault for over a year,” Marilyn Manson’s people have already denied having anything to do with it and claim it’s fan-made:

“Manson did not direct this, shoot it, nor was it for a Marilyn Manson video or outtake footage made by him or to be used by him with his music,” said Manson’s representative, Kathryn Frazier of Biz3. “It must be a fan video splicing up old Manson video footage with someone else’s Lana Del Rey footage.”

“You can clearly tell because no one has an eyeball in their vagina or dental equipment coming out of their butt. Mr. Manson has a very strict aesthetic and repeatedly describing it to people hasn’t driven me to ask women if I can watch them miscarry. You’ll never prove it.”

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Photo: Getty

All The Shit Happening With Bill Cosby

November 20th, 2014 // 114 Comments
Bill Cosby
WATCH: Bill Cosby Asks AP To Edit Out Rape Allegations
Why Didn't You Bite The Dick?
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Instead of writing 27 different posts about Bill Cosby like I did yesterday, here’s everything that’s happened since his lawyer called Janice Dickinson a liar in one handy post even though at this point at least three more accusers will probably come forward along with footage of Bill Cosby walking out of a pharmacy with a red Santa bag full of pills before I even finish this sentence. Let’s get cracking.

UPDATE: So no joke, two women, one of them Lou Ferrigno‘s wife, literally came forward while I was writing this post. THIS REALITY BENDS TO MY WHIM!

The AP Video

On November 6, not long after Hannibal Buress calling Bill Cosby a rapist went viral, the Associated Press interviewed Bill Cosby and his wife about an art exhibit in Washington D.C. During that interview, the reporter surprisingly did his job and asked Bill Cosby about the rape allegations. This was his response. Via Gawker:

“No, no, we don’t answer that.” The reporter pushes him, and he says, “There is no comment about that and I’ll tell you why. I think you were told, I don’t want to compromise your integrity, but I don’t talk about it.”

With the camera rolling, and the interview questions over, Cosby then tells the reporter to “scuttle” the footage which you can also watch above: More »

Kim Kardashian Tries To Adopt Orphan In Thailand, Orphan’s Like ‘Nah’

November 20th, 2014 // 13 Comments
'I Was Clenching!'
Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight PVC Dress Fleur Fatale Fragrance Launch
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“I’m here now, child, your Fairy Buttmothe- why are you running?!”

On a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, supreme ass-clencher Kim Kardashian pretended to possess a soul capable of empathy and compassion by expressing interest in adopting a young girl from an orphanage in Thailand because every episode can’t be about shopping and a mouse in Kourtney‘s new mansion. Just most of them. Anyway, the 13-year-old girl was apparently savvy enough to realize she’d just be fed to the Wookiee which is what I’m going with. The Daily Mail reports:

Pink, an outstanding scholar whose mother sent her to the home because she was too poor to care for her and fund her education, immediately bonded with Kim and gave her a bracelet in a visit in April filmed for her hit show Keeping Up with The Kardashians.
But after being told the reality TV star wanted to adopt her, Pink said: ‘Everyone wants to have a different or a better life, I suppose. But when I thought about it I realised it wouldn’t be good for me, because I would have to leave so much behind. I wasn’t ready for that.’

Except if you watched the episode, you were led to believe it was the sage-like wisdom of Kris Jenner who stopped the deal by telling Kim you can’t just buy children from Thailand. You have to go to Malawi. That’s how Madonna does it: More »

Lady Gaga Has An Armpit Tattoo, Also Side Boob

November 20th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Remember Lady Gaga? Used to be Paul from The Wonder Years? Eh, it doesn’t matter. Here she is showing off her new armpit tattoo in England which I’m posting because you can see her side boob, and side boob isn’t Bill Cosby raping people. “Allegedly.” A topic I’ll eventually have to write about later today before staring into the phalanx of rape apologists this site attracts, so let’s table my depression for a minute and look for stray nipples. Whadda ya say, champ? (I’m doing it right now, aren’t I? Goddammit.)

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

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