More Bikini Pics of Scarlett Johansson’s Cellulite

February 12th, 2012 // 12 Comments

Before we buffet you in the face with 8,000 pics from the Grammys, pre-Grammys, pre-Grammy’s brunch, the BAFTAs, Whitney Houston’s death, the pre-Whitney Houston’s death brunch and the five million other things that happened this weekend, here’s a new set of pics from Scarlett Johansson‘s day at the beach in case you missed how much cellulite she has now. And for the record, I’m neither criticizing nor condoning the presence of said cellulite. My penis and I shall remain neutral on the matter mostly because I’m pretty sure at some point I’m going to have to decide whether to keep having sex with Scarlett Johansson or take my chances finally finding someone whose shirts don’t make them look pregnant all the time. Call it a hunch.

Photos: Fame/Flynet

Whitney Houston’s Dead (1963 – 2012)

February 11th, 2012 // 219 Comments

Whitney Houston looked like this Thursday night, so you’ll probably be surprised to learn she mysteriously died this afternoon at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. TMZ reports:

Whitney Houston died this afternoon … a rep for the singer told the Associated Press.
According to our sources, Houston died at the Beverly Hilton hotel. A police crime lab vehicle was seen outside the hotel just moments ago.
So far, the details surround Houstin’s death are unclear. The singer famously battled drug addiction for years.

I love how TMZ calls the cause of her death “unclear,” but then their very next sentence is basically, “Oh and by the way, she smoked crack everyday for breakfast.” Which is still way classier than what I’m about to say and that’s how the fuck is Lindsay Lohan outliving these people?!

Rest in Peace, Whitney.

UPDATE: Wait a minute, she died the night before the Grammys? Holy shit, Chris Brown struck again. It’s like his full moon!

Photos: Pacific Coast News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.9

February 11th, 2012 // 10 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where Photo Boy and I highlight the comments from throughout the week that make us laugh and/or fear for the future humanity. On that note, the threads are about to get a nice overhaul shortly and soon you little shitheads will get to embed videos, gifs, etc. along with voting your favorite comments up and down. You’ll feel like you’ve never truly lived.

I posted ScarJo bikini pics way past my drinking/bedtime last night. Look at them,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Splash News

Scarlett Johansson’s In A Bikini

February 10th, 2012 // 56 Comments
More ScarJo's Bikini
Scarlett Johansson Bikini Cellulite
Now With More Butt Shots. You're Welcome? Read More »

I don’t normally post at 11 o’clock on a Friday night, but when it’s People Who’ve Had Sex With Sean Penn Yet Somehow Still Look Great In A Bikini Day, all bets are off. So here’s Scarlett Johansson and her new boyfriend Nate Naylor (actual name) in Hawaii this afternoon which means Ryan Reynolds has to make Blake Lively parade around in a bikini now or everyone will know Scarlett used to beat him before bed each night. That’s how divorces work.

Adding… Come Monday morning, ScarJo’s cellulite will be splattered all over the Internet, but you lucky bastards get a chance to form your opinion two days in advance so I suggest you use that time wisely to think about how it really makes you feel. (I’m going with, “Bubblegum Butt gonna fight that Captain America till my pee-pee get hard.” It’s simple yet clear.)

Photos: Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Friday 2.10.12

February 10th, 2012 // 19 Comments

We now live in a time when shooting a ping-pong ball from your vagina means you’re the second trashiest act of the night. Thanks, Jesse James.

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed where David Spade shouts out to Casey Anthony, Fergie‘s on the fairway recommending a wood, and in every photo of Toni Braxton there’s always an effeminate black man sporting homemade seashell jewelery with a cell phone saying “Bitch, you would not believe the size of her microphone.”

This Jon Heder mindfuck should kickstart your weekend binge drinking,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Lindsay Lohan Tried To Talk A Rich Dude Into Buying Her A $20,000 Watch

February 10th, 2012 // 39 Comments

Despite showing up to looking like the World’s Puffiest Little Coke Addict, Lindsay Lohan apparently thought she was still the big-breasted, underage freckle girl America couldn’t wait to stick its penis into and tried to schmooze some rich guy at the amfAR Gala into buying her a $20,000 diamond watch. (Read: She forgot her good thievin’ purse.) Page Six reports:

Spies said that when Lohan recognized a wealthy Canadian financier at a nearby table, she shot over to schmooze him — but then sent an assistant over when bidding on the charity auction began.
“There were items being auctioned for $20,000,” said a spy. “After chatting with the businessman, Lindsay sent over an assistant, who said, ‘Lindsay would very much like it if you’d bid on this item as a gift.’ ”
However, the gentleman declined. “He just cracked up,” our source said — and the piece, believed to be a Hublot diamond watch with a white alligator strap, went to another bidder.

In this guy’s defense, there’s no way he would’ve got the 4,000 BJs necessary to break even on this deal before fashion week ended. Lindsay Lohan’s good, but she’s not that good. Now had the watch been only $10,000, she probably could’ve knocked out her end in a night. It really comes down to math, so she shouldn’t take it personally not counting that part where her face ruined the whole deal. Just fucked it right up.

Photos: Splash News

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