Bertney’s Turkey Durkey Day!

November 26th, 2014 // 6 Comments

Bertney’s Turkey Durkey Day!
A Guide To Healthy Eating

Bertney loved Thanksgiving.
“It’s a whole day where I give food presents to my mouth!” she excitedly told a can of whipped cream the caterers had given her so she’d leave the kitchen.
“More importantly, Bertney Jean, it’s a day to give a thanks,” Papa said while lifting Bertney out of the hamper she was hiding in. Bertney loved hiding.
“What does ‘thanks’ mean?” Bertney asked as she jumped for the can of whipped cream Papa held just out of reach. Why was he so tall? More »

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.31

November 26th, 2014 // 11 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet our weekly round-up of the horrible shit you people say in the comments which we sat on over the weekend in hopes that you’d fill this bitch up with awesome Bill Cosby captions. And you did not disappoint. Especially Frederick Buddha who was goddamn Shakespeare. Literally. So dig in, and follow me on Tumblr, Facebook and/or Twitter where I’ll probably be firing off some sort of random horseshit over the holiday after I drop a Bertney’s Thanksgiving on you. Don’t touch that dial.

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Good Morning, Kat Torres, And Other News

November 26th, 2014 // 4 Comments

- Eva Mendes will acknowledge some sort of lifeform fell out of her vagina now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Tila Tequila is posting breastfeeding pics already. Where’s the CDC? They need to see this. [Fishwrapper]

- Michael Lohan married Jon Gosselin‘s sloppy seconds. Oh, good. [Dlisted]

- I Dream of Beanie, but mostly the giant breasts beneath it. [theCHIVE]

- Charlie Hunnam shirtless and posing with a dog. You’re welcome, ladies. [The Frisky]

- Jennifer Aniston mocks Kim Kardashian on Ellen. [WWTDD]

- Joni Mitchell: “Fuck no, Taylor Swift can’t play me in a movie.” [Death and Taxes]

- Goddamn, Keke Lindgard. [Popoholic]

- And how you doin’, Daniela Lopez Osorio? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Chelsea Handler is just putting her naked tits on things now. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Ela Rose Topless in a Bikini is The Crap I Missed – Tuesday 11.25.14

November 25th, 2014 // 28 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

It’s been a long day filling in for Fish that contained two rape posts, one of which playfully suggested maybe everyone in Ferguson is knee-jerk crazy and took a swipe at football worship, so I’m going to find a bunker to hide in. But before I go, I wanted to correct the site’s wayward course which has taken us away from fake breasts selling tub water for several hours, so here’s Ela Rose‘s falling out of her soaking wet blouse. Don’t say I never did anything for you, even if that thing was getting you fired.

Click Here To Start The Gallery

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Photo: Fame/Flynet

Everyone’s Throwing Bill Cosby Under The Bus Now

November 25th, 2014 // 62 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

While rioting has broken out once again in Ferguson, MO after protesters thoughtfully reviewed and found fault with the nearly 5,000 page grand jury report that was released only hours ago and led to the decision not to indict Darren Wilson (Yep, I’m just leaving that there.) [Ed. Note: Dude... - SW], Bill Cosby has seen his own world fall deeper into chaos over the seemingly endless allegations that he drugged and raped over 20 women. More »

Katherine Heigl Used John Mayer’s Penis To Get Engaged

November 25th, 2014 // 22 Comments
Don't Tweet Heigl
Katherine Heigl Duane Reade
Even If She's On A Public Sidewalk In Front Of The Store You Own Read More »

I stand by that headline entirely.

Posted by Photo Boy

John Mayer‘s penis has done all sorts of reckless shit. It went crazy after being in Jessica Simpson and made him say the n-word. It refused to marry Taylor Swift after they did it under the bleachers. It even dumped Katy Perry. The Katy Perry with the huge boobs. But there’s one thing it never did, and that’s put its master within striking distance of Katherine Heigl when she threatened to absorb it into her bitchface if her boyfriend didn’t propose. Via Us Magazine:

“These musicians, they are competitive and jealous of each other,” Heigl teased. “[So] over the phone, because he was on tour, I was like, ‘Josh, I’ve got to be honest. I just want to know where we stand because if not, I might try to pursue something with John.’”

JOHN MAYER’S PENIS: *radio crackle* Mayday, mayday, penis to brain, penis to brain, shut us down now, do you read me?
JOHN MAYER’S BRAIN: *static* Say again. *static*
JMP: We’re surrounded by snaggle teeth. Cannot disengage. Target lock malfunction! DO SOMETHING!!
JMB: Negative. The mission is still a go. Over.
JMP: Fucking bureaucrats! pulls pins on entire grenade belt

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Hopefully Lady Gaga Just Accidentally Pulled A Hannibal Buress

November 25th, 2014 // 10 Comments
Fuck Yo Drought!
Screencaps From Lady Gaga's GUY Video
Lady Gaga: Thoughtless Asshole For The Ages Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Remember Lady Gaga? Merkin Lady…ran around naked in the woods that time? Not ringing any bells? Well, she used to be a pop singer, but now she just does naked onstage costume changes, blows polka dot penises, and dry humps her backup dancers. Anyway, this one time, she made a super rapey video with R. Kelly which she never released for bullshit reasons about “delays.” Delays that surely had nothing to do with the resurfacing of rape allegations against R. Kelly that just like a certain purveyor of popsicle-shaped pudding sticks seemed to periodically come and go without much recourse. Then yesterday, Lady Gaga tweeted the above picture in support of her fellow artist with the following caption, via Fishwrapper: More »

Bette Midler Told Ariana Grande Not To Whore Herself

November 25th, 2014 // 54 Comments
From Disney To Vulva Wedgie
Miley Cyrus Vagina
Where's The Hate For The Crotch That Launched Them All, Bette? Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Ariana Grande looks like a child, but in reality she’s a grown woman who loves to dress like a prostitute and perform sultry dances to the terrible, terrible music she makes. To lecherous old men, this type of thing is irresistible. To idiotic young girls, it’s a career aspiration. To the dying music industry, it’s a golden goose that lays a million other golden geese a day. So I’m not really sure why Bette Midler, a veteran of the music and entertainment industries, can’t grasp why everyone involved in the creation of an Ariana Grande won’t stop using her butt like an ATM. Via Jezebel: More »

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