Wait. Back It Up. Charlie Sheen Goes To The Dentist?

October 2nd, 2014 // 8 Comments
'Wanna See My Tattoos?'
Charlie Sheen Drunk Taco Bell
A Free Charlie Sheen With Every Chalupa Read More »

When we last left Charlie Sheen he was drunkenly approaching random strangers in a Taco Bell drive-thru and showing them his tattoos, and now comes word that he allegedly pulled a knife on his dentist after taking nitrous oxide while high on cocaine. And, yes, I know the real news here is that Charlie Sheen actually goes to a dentist. I said it right in the fucking headline. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell us … Charlie was at an L.A. dental office last Thursday for an abscess. He sat in the chair as the dental technician placed a mask over his face to administer nitrous oxide, when she says Charlie went insane … flailing his arms and striking her.
The technician told cops she walked out of the room as Charlie’s security guard entered. Charlie’s personal dentist was there along with the oral surgeon. There was a lot of commotion and the technician says when Charlie’s dentist finally came out he told her Charlie pulled a knife and went after him. The dentist wasn’t hurt.
The technician also told cops the bodyguard told the dentist Charlie was high on rock cocaine.

As for why the bodyguard would even need to tell the dentist Charlie is coked out of his mind, it’s written right here in his chart in permanent marker, I’m going to assume this happened:

“Shit, how did I end up at the dentist? I need to take these fuckers out before they come at me with a drill. Quick, think of a cover story.”
“You’re high on coke?”
“I like it. *pulls knife* STAY OUT OF MY MOUTH, YOU PUTRID PILE OF COLGATE SLUDGE! I’M A TRUTH BOMB! BLAH! RAWR! CRAZY WORDS! RANDOM ANIMAL BLOOD!”

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Photos: Getty, Splash News, WENN

Mila Kunis Is The Mother of Ashton Kutcher’s Baby

October 2nd, 2014 // 4 Comments

Over the weekend, George Clooney got married, and now People reports Mila Kunis gave birth to a baby girl whose father is Ashton Kutcher, so good game, everybody. We had a good run. If you’ll quietly remain seated, a demon should be around shortly to bathe this world in ash and hellfire.

UPDATE: Never mind. It’s only taking selfies with Selena Gomez. False alarm!

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Photos: Getty / Fame/Flynet

Lisa Opie Is Bendy And Other News

October 2nd, 2014 // 7 Comments

- Ethan Hawke might be Dr. Strange now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Ariana Grande is “honored” to be called a giant pain in the ass. [Dlisted]

- Why Would You Ever Get Out of Bed? [theCHIVE]

- Snooki will describe child birth now. [Fishwrapper]

- AnonIB has a huge fucking date rape problem. [The Frisky]

- I miss Joanna Krupa‘s backyard. [WWTDD]

- Prince just trolled the shit out of Facebook. [Death and Taxes]

- Nina Agdal‘s in a bikini again. [Popoholic]

- The time Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet crashed a frat party. [tooFab]

- Not Megan Fox is looking good. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Kelly Brook still has huge, giant breasts. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 10.1.14

October 1st, 2014 // 316 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, the post that truly has something for everyone, starting with The Younger Jenner Child (frames that a little differently, huh?) for the Hansen crowd, Joanna Krupa for the Joe six-pack pervs, Nick Cannon being abducted by Mariah Carey‘s henchman (or ISIS, either way is a plus for humanity) for the gore porn fanatics, and finally, some man candy for the ladies and Fish gents who prefer that sort of thing.

Oh shit, sorry, that was supposed to be soaking wet Channing Tatum in the present, not twenty years from now. My bad,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Justin Bieber Ditched Selena Gomez For The Kardashians

October 1st, 2014 // 18 Comments
You Let Him Near Models?
Justin Bieber Strips Underwear Fashion Rocks
Have You Learned Nothing?! Read More »

So here’s how Selena Gomez‘s trip to Paris Fashion Week went:

1. Before, or as soon as, she got there, Justin Bieber checked into a hotel with Kendall Jenner.
2. When she showed up to the same show as him later, he spent the entire time with the Kardashians.
And 3. When she gave up and went to a show by herself, she ran into Miranda Kerr, and here’s a reminder why that had to be awkward as shit.

If only there were some sort of common factor she could eliminate from her life to prevent these things from happening. Something she could easily discard like a bag full of vinegar and water. Think, dammit, think…

Photos: Getty, Splash News

Diddy: ‘Jennifer Lopez’s Ass Is A Work of Art, Kim Kardashian’s Isn’t’

October 1st, 2014 // 20 Comments
JLo Got Rear-Ended
Jennifer Lopez Leah Remini
Not Like That. Settle Down. Read More »

Diddy, or Puff Daddy, or whatever the fuck he’s called now (I vote for “Piffy.”) stopped by Access Hollywood yesterday where he referred to Jennifer Lopez’s ass as a “work of art” before completely writing off Kim Kardashian‘s as nothing special:

“[Her booty] is great. It’s a work of art. It’s something that will go down in history. Also her talent, her drive, her determination,” he added. “She will never give up. She’s a great friend of mine… that thing is just incredible.”
When asked if Kim Kardashian’s butt lives up to J.Lo’s, Diddy responded with an emphatic “no way!”
“No disrespect Kanye and Kim, but that thing right there is something special,” he said, still watching “Booty.”

In fairness, Diddy said all this while watching the “Booty” video, so he probably would’ve said the same thing about food and water if not breathing altogether. “No disrespect to oxygen, but that thing right there’s all I need in my lungs. — Mothafucka, I ain’t joking! Get me a snorkel!”

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Tracy Morgan Just Told Walmart To Go F*ck Itself

October 1st, 2014 // 17 Comments
Tracy Morgan
Tracy Sues Walmart
Tracy Morgan
Track Driver Was Overworked Before Falling Asleep Read More »

Seen here in one of the most random photographs you’ll ever see in your life, Tracy Morgan has issued a rare public statement since the car accident in June that left him needing months of physical therapy and killed his friend and mentor Jimmy Mack. It all happened because the driver of a Walmart truck allegedly fell asleep at the wheel from working too many hours prompting Tracy to sue the shit out of them. Except yesterday Walmart essentially blamed Tracy and his friends for not wearing seatbelts while its truck smashed into their car. Page Six reports:

“After I heard what Walmart said in court I felt I had to speak out,” Morgan said in a statement. “I can’t believe Walmart is blaming me for an accident that they caused.”
“My friends and I were doing nothing wrong,” Morgan continued. “I want to thank my fans for sticking with me during this difficult time. I love you all. I’m fighting hard every day to get back.”

As for why Tracy has been quiet for so long, he reportedly suffered a debilitating brain injury during the accident and may never perform again because everything is awful. But mostly Walmart who said this back in June: “We can’t change what happened, but we will do what’s right for the family of the victim and the survivors in the days and weeks ahead.” And by do what’s right they mean no longer confirming the driver of the truck is even an employee. Because sometimes random people just get in their tractor-trailers and smash them into limos on the Jersey turnpike. It could happen to anybody.

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Photo: Getty

Here’s How Awful Everything With Amanda Bynes Is Going

October 1st, 2014 // 30 Comments
It's Happening Again
Amanda Bynes Telly Video
The Old Amanda Bynes Is Back Read More »

Like most people, I just assumed Amanda Bynes was off somewhere being heavily-medicated while her parents took fancy vacations with her money. But then over the weekend, she was picked up for DUI and everyone found out her conservatorship is over and she’s out there doing whatever the fuck she wants. As for how and why her conservatorship is over, it turns out her parents willingly chose not to extend it because they’ve convinced themselves her problem isn’t mental illness, but pot and being a spoiled brat. TMZ reports:

Multiple sources connected with the family tell TMZ … Amanda’s parents do NOT think she has a mental illness. As one source put it, “They think she’s a bratty kid who thumbs her nose at them and smokes a lot of pot.”
We’re told everyone around her parents are urging them to get the conservatorship, but so far no luck. That said, it’s impossible to put Amanda on a 5150 psychiatric hold until she creates a substantial risk to herself or others.

On top of that, multiple sources at FDIM in Irvine told TMZ that Amanda was kicked out in August – before her conservatorship ended – for coming to school high, paying classmates to do her homework, cheating on tests, and generally being insane:

Amanda often ditched classes … but even when she showed up, she was clearly high, and not good at hiding it … she almost always wore sunglasses and laughed out loud at inappropriate times.
We’re told the pendulum would often swing and she would then get in “horrendous arguments.”

In her parents’ defense, they are old and probably don’t want to waste their twilight years taking care of the daughter they sold to Nickelodeon. Plus, it’s not like she’s Britney Spears whose conservatorship not only pays for itself, but turns a profit once you shove her on stage like a bear on a unicycle. Family should always be about return on investment.

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Photos: Splash News

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