The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 4.23.14

April 23rd, 2014 // 116 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where Fish slapped his editorial dong on my desk and made me lead with Science Bros up there. While I freely admit to having no clue what the hell that is, I also enjoy not shaving for weeks at a time and don’t ever worry about dying of a stress heart attack in traffic, so here we are. Plus, I still got to show you William Shatner clearly not understanding why he isn’t staring into the butt he’s accustomed to, so I can live with selling out.

*puts on bikini, washes Fish’s car* Will there be anything else, Cap? (Don’t you fucking judge me.)

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

BREAKING: Hilary Duff Is Still Hot

April 23rd, 2014 // 11 Comments

It’s been seven days since we last posted pics of how hot Hilary Duff looks now which is practically a crime, so to remedy that, I had Photo Boy toss together a gallery of pics of her from the past few days. And before anyone brings up that I was a little harsh on her after her pregnancy, that was, uh, somebody else who did that, and they also had a miscarriage so you have to shut up now. Those are the rules.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News, WENN

That Clown’s Having Sex With Julia Louis-Dreyfus

April 23rd, 2014 // 20 Comments

Because apparently her new thing is to get naked for any magazine that asks her to, here’s Julia Louis-Dreyfus having sex with a clown for the May issue of GQ where at least they had the courtesy of not making it look like she thinks John Hancock signed the Constitution all over her back. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to launch my own magazine Action Figure Basement Masturbate Man Monthly which will feature informative articles on it doesn’t matter I already said the word magazine. Get her agent on the phone.

Photo: Courtesy of GQ.com

Laura Prepon Denies Dating Tom Cruise, Claims Scientology Isn’t Homophobic

April 23rd, 2014 // 16 Comments
No, Hot Donna, TCLTC
Laura Prepon Cleavage
What Are You Doing?! Read More »

Last week, Laura Prepon was linked (again) to Tom Cruise except in two new interviews to promote the second season of Orange Is The New Black, which she almost wasn’t apart of for reasons that now sound even shadier, she denies dating him while making sure to stick to the Scientology talking points that he’s a hot handsome man and she’s a super-busy professional thanks to her intergalactic foresight. Also, they love gays. Just love them! Via The Daily Beast: More »

And Now Back To Celebrity Groins

April 23rd, 2014 // 28 Comments

My last post involved not equating with homosexuals with pedophiles which required way more critical thinking than some of you prefer or are even capable of, so fortunately for you here’s Rumer Willis flashing her panties. And guess what? They cover her vagina! ZOLY COW THE ZEXY PUD YOUR PENIS IN PLACE!

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Every Single Lawsuit From Elmo’s Accusers Has Been Thrown Out of Court

April 23rd, 2014 // 50 Comments
Kevin Clash Elmo
You Sons Of Bitches
Elmo Kevin Clash
Kevin Clash Quit Sesame Street Read More »

Kevin Clash was a young black man from the projects of Baltimore who only had one dream: To work in children’s television like his hero Captain Kangaroo. Through hard work, dedication and talent, he found himself working for Sesame Street Workshop and soon turned a puppet nobody knew what to do with into the most popular children’s character of our generation. A character that to any child from almost as soon as they can see until three-years-old is like staring into the face of God every single morning on their television screens. But then in 2012, the world learned what only a few of Kevin’s close friends and colleagues knew: He’s gay. But instead of finding out from an inspiring coming out story, they learned from one Sheldon Stephens who claimed he had an underage relationship with Kevin. While this turned out to be bullshit, Kevin made the unfortunate mistake of paying Sheldon to publicly state his accusations were false instead of just disappearing into the woodwork after his lawyer quit leaving this story up in the air. This prompted three other accusers to come forward after suddenly remembering they had underage sex with Kevin, too, despite repeatedly changing their stories to okay, there wasn’t sex, and lying about their ages. But the damage was already done, so to protect the beloved company that had helped realize his dreams, Kevin resigned from Sesame Workshop so he could settle these matters in court without tarnishing Sesame Street. And settle them he fucking did. Not only were all three lawsuits thrown out of court, but Radar reports that they’ve now been dismissed by the United States Court of Appeals: More »

Good Morning, Sara Malakul Lane, And Other News

April 23rd, 2014 // 29 Comments

- Selena Gomez broke up with Taylor Swift, too. [Lainey Gossip]

- Is R. Kelly‘s housekeeper 14? Then this probably didn’t happen. [Dlisted]

- Never Underestimate The Power of Underboob [theCHIVE]

- Pitbull predicted the Malaysian Airlanes crash because the Illuminati. [The Frisky]

- Aaron Sorkin is sorry for making The Newsroom. [The Daily Banter]

- Sofia Vergara‘s breasts are great promotional tools. [Popoholic]

- Cameron Diaz doesn’t use deodorant. Okay… [Starpulse]

- Courteney Cox wants to nothing to do with a Friends reunion. [tooFab]

- Goddamn, Sammy Braddy in lingerie… [Hollywood Tuna]

- Those are Miranda Kerr‘s nipples. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: The Head Huntr

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