Dec 9 2009 Lindsay Lohan's Slutty Photos: The Movie
Apparently this is the photo shoot that keeps on giving because now there's a video to accompany Lindsay Lohan's "artistic rendition" of Kate Moss and Johnny Depp's romance in Muse magazine. Unfortunately this thing would've been more erotic if you couldn't smell the ashtray and skeez between glimpses of Lindsay's liver spots. Only 23 but with the hands of an 80-year-old gin fiend. I'm tantalized.
Continue Reading " Lindsay Lohan's Slutty Photos: The Movie "
Dec 9 2009 Kristin Davis in a bikini and other news
- Mariah Carey's new video is chock full o' "mono-kini." [Lainey Gossip]
- Paris Hilton criticizes police response to Nicky's burglary presumably because they were helping poor people. [PopEater]
- Lady GaGa apparently got bored with looking quasi-attractive. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Jennifer Garner can be Photoshopped to have less man-face. I owe science a dollar. [Just Jared]
- Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are probably broken up. [PopSugar]
- Olivia Munn gets invited to premieres now. [Celebslam]
- Rihanna got a new tattoo that should probably make Chris Brown stop dreaming about getting back together. Then hitting her with a mallet. [The Blemish]
- Ricky Martin is also getting invited places. That one I don't get. [Socialite Life]
- Taylor Lautner is set to host SNL. [ICYDK]
Follow The Superficial on Facebook || Twitter
Continue Reading " Kristin Davis in a bikini and other news "
Dec 9 2009 BREAKING: Tiger Woods f-cked himself out of Congressional Gold Medal
With Tiger Woods' penile conquests making headlines every nanosecond, California congressman Joe Baca has scrapped plans to pass legislation awarding the golfer the Congressional Gold Medal, according to the LA Times:
But today Baca, an avid golfer, told the Hill newspaper that he was withdrawing the bill. With Woods sort of radioactive at the moment and congressional approval ratings in the tank already, somehow it just didn't seem like a good idea.
"In light of the recent developments surrounding Tiger Woods and his family, I will not pursue legislation awarding him the Congressional Gold Medal this session," he said.
So, wait, we were going to award Tiger Woods the Gold Medal for knocking a ball in a cup, but not for miraculously parlaying the most boring sport in the world into an endless bath of porn star vagina?
Politics are gay.
Continue Reading " BREAKING: Tiger Woods f-cked himself out of Congressional Gold Medal "
Dec 9 2009 Tiger Woods made love children and sex tapes. Of course.
Based on his new hobby of banging 800 cocktail waitresses and porn stars without a condom, it was inevitable Tiger Woods would be caught on tape not only doing one but fertilizing her eggs with his magic golf sperm. The National Enquirer reports:
"That would be the final straw for his wife - AND Tiger knows it," said an insider. "But there is definitely more than one woman out there who could come forward to say she had his babies."
To make matters even worse, the 33-year-old sports star is reportedly worried that a lurid sex tape could appear and wreck his desperate attempts to cling onto the wreckage of his marriage to beauty and ex-model Elin Nordegren who has just bought a $2 million mansion in her native Sweden as a fail-safe escape house in case the marriage disintegrates.
Tiger's plan so far has been to buy these women's silence, but since he's a poon-thirsty idiot, he probably never even planned for this scenario:
ELIN: Honey, come look at this cute kid golfing on Leno. He just sank a 20 yard pu-- Wait a minute....
TIGER: *locks panic room door*
Scope Out (16) Pics of Tiger's Mistresses After the Jump
Continue Reading " Tiger Woods made love children and sex tapes. Of course. "
Dec 9 2009 Jessica Simpson & Billy Corgan: Photographic evidence?
TMZ is claiming the above photos show Jessica Simpson leaving her hotel this weekend with alleged boyfriend Billy Corgan behind her. I honestly can't tell if it's him so I'm leaving it up to you guys to decide, but you'd figure someone would've pointed this out earlier in the week. Then again, I'm assuming anyone even knows who Billy Corgan is anymore and/or give a shit, so it legitimately could've taken this long to notice him. To prove my point, Billy Corgan was your barista this morning at Starbucks. True story.
Continue Reading " Jessica Simpson & Billy Corgan: Photographic evidence? "
Dec 9 2009 Gisele Bundchen has a boy
Because Tom Brady apparently loves committing crimes against nature, the baby boy he put in Gisele Bundchen's uterus has come out, according to the New York Post. No details were available on the baby's name, but more importantly, I've already begun praying it grows up and wants to play the concert bassoon for a living. (Suck it, Brady.)
Dec 9 2009 Do leprechaun nipples bring good luck?
Here's Tila Tequila flashing a nipple at last night's release party for Snoop Dogg's "Malice N Wonderland" where she also announced she's engaged to Johnson and Johnson heiress Casey Johnson, according to Us Magazine:
"This is exclusive and going to be all over the news tomorrow, but because I love you guys so much, we are giving you the exclusive first -- Tila army fans -- tonight, my girlfriend has asked me to marry her!"
She then flashed a ring, which she said is a "17-carat diamond ring from my baby. It's so fat you can't even see it! So yeah, my baby got me this 17-carat ring. My baby takes care of me. Beat that J.Lo! Beat that Khloe and Lamar!
"Casey Johnson and Miss Tila Tequila are officially engaged. Woo!" she added.
She insisted the ring is "not fake, because my baby is a f****** baller. She's a billionaire! She's the heiress of Johnson and Johnson. Anyway, we are going to make love tonight for our honeymoon."
If Tila Tequila's telling the truth, good news, everybody, Johnson and Johnson found the cure for herpes. Also, I'm pretty sure they tipped Tiger Woods off in advance.
Pic links to NSFW version.
Dec 8 2009 The Megan Fox 'Hacked' Nude Photos
The Internet rumor mill took a surprising break from Tiger Woods' Snizz Bonanza to report that Megan Fox's laptop was hacked and private nude photos were leaked online. Unfortunately, it turns out the pics were the work of Internet porn site Fake Celebrity (NSFW). But since I battle terrorism with a star-spangled erection of tender doom, I didn't let that stop me from posting a few so you guys can see how blatantly fake they are at first glance. Or second. -- Or how about twelfth and we all agree never to make eye contact? Let's do that.
Thanks to Philip Labonte for being man enough to consult a professional.
Pics link to NSFW versions.
Dec 8 2009 Lindsay Lohan's nipples aren't art either
Some more shots from Lindsay Lohan's Muse photoshoot have made it online and this time they're full of nipple instead of non-existent ass-things that make you curse God for giving you the gift of sight. Also they provide a glimpse into how Lindsay manages to almost find employment only to end up lighting a hotel mattress on fire because she'll most likely chain smoke her way through the birth of her giant ash baby. "He's so beautiful. *exhales* Wait, where'd he go?"
Pics link to NSFW versions.
EDIT: And now there's a video.
Continue Reading " Lindsay Lohan's nipples aren't art either "
Dec 8 2009 Kate Bosworth in Italian Vogue and other news
- Robert Downey Jr. just waved his cock in the face of everyone that counted him out for snorting coke while dressed like Wonder Woman. [Lainey Gossip]
- David Letterman to Tiger Woods: "Stop calling me for advice." [PopEater]
- Tila Tequila in the most shocking pics I've ever seen of her. (Read: Her tits are almost covered up.) [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Kate Gosselin tries to remain relevant. Which reminds me: THANK YOU, TIGER WOODS. [Just Jared]
- Jessica Simpson has officially gone off the deep end. [PopSugar]
- Khloe Kardashian apparently got in a fight with a tranny. So she punched herself? I'm confused. [Celebslam]
- Hailey Glassman calls Jon Gosselin a "monster." [Betty Confidential]
- Audrina Patridge succumbs to the reality that wonk-tit maintenance doesn't grow on trees. [Splash News]
- Tiger Woods won't be a Gatorade flavor anymore which is sad considering my love of ice-cold Vegas skank water. [Wonderwall]
Follow The Superficial on Facebook || Twitter
Continue Reading " Kate Bosworth in Italian Vogue and other news "
