The Crap We Missed – Thursday 5.23.13

May 23rd, 2013 // 192 Comments
Briden Starr Zombie Brittany Murphy The Great Gatsby Premiere Sydney
Zach Galifianakis Bradley Cooper Greasy Hair Justin Bartha The Hangover Part III Premiere London
Heather Graham Cleavage Crazy Eyes The Hangover Part III Premiere London
Shaquille O'Neal Bamboo Nightlcub
Mel B Bikini Squatting Over Stephen Belafonte Yacht Cannes
Daniel Radcliffe Dark Circles Under Eyes Posing For Fan
Kelly Brook Cleavage Instagram
Richard Dreyfuss Liver Spots Old Looking All Is Lost Premiere Cannes
Kate Middleton Pregnant Belly Garden Party Buckingham Palace
View the Gallery / 27 Photos »

Welcome to a glorious Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I got the wonderful news that I might not be headed to the Hell I don’t believe exists. Although that caveat about being a good person might be tricky considering I have no intention of stopping this daily post. Shit. Oh well, at least I’ll roast in the good company of people like Cocaine Cowboy Bradley Cooper, the Assbeast of the Whore Klan, Shaq for making Kazaam and/or this guy blow him, and Brittany Murphy up there if we could manage to keep her dead this time. Seriously, how the fuck is that not Zombie Brittany Murphy up there?

Or maybe just because I did this. I’m aware I deserve to burn just for making you look at that,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Bonus Gallery: Victoria Silvstedt's Been Working Cannes Like A Prostitute
Victoria Silvsted Bikini Balcony Eden Roc Cannes
Victoria Silvsted Bikini Cannes
Victoria Silvsted Bikini Balcony Eden Roc Cannes
Victoria Silvsted Bikini Cannes
Victoria Silvsted Bikini Balcony Eden Roc Cannes
Victoria Silvsted Bikini Cannes
12 Photos »

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

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Here’s Benedict Cumberbatch Showering In ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’ To Nullify Alice Eve’s Boobs

May 23rd, 2013 // 10 Comments
Benedict Cumberbatch Shower Scene Star Trek Into Darkness
WATCH: Benedict Cumberbatch's Deleted Shower Scene
That's The Mystery Box?
Alice Eve Bra Underwear Star Trek Into Darkness
A Review of
'Star Trek Into Darkness' Read More »

Sorry to hit you with two Conan clips today, but remember when I said in the Alice Eve post about Alice Eve‘s breasts that J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof couldn’t trip over themselves fast enough to apologize for showing them in Star Trek Into Darkness? You don’t and did nothing but look at her breasts? Good answer. Well, apparently J.J. went on Conan last night and brought a deleted scene featuring Benedict Cumberbatch‘s Totally Not The Character You Think He Is (I got $5 inside a puzzle box for writing that.) taking a shower. A scene that got completely cut from the movie, so I’m not sure what point J.J. Abrams was trying to make here except that he’s a sexual deviant who clearly wants to see everybody he works with naked, and goddammit, now I respect him. ABRAAAAAAAMMMMMSSSS!!

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It’s Anne Hathaway’s Camel Toe

May 23rd, 2013 // 15 Comments
Anne Hathaway Camel Toe
Anne Hathaway Cameltoe Yoga Pants
Anne Hathaway Cameltoe Yoga Pants
Anne Hathaway Cameltoe Yoga Pants
Anne Hathaway Cameltoe Yoga Pants
Anne Hathaway Cameltoe Yoga Pants
Anne Hathaway Cameltoe Yoga Pants
Anne Hathaway Cameltoe Yoga Pants
Anne Hathaway Cameltoe Yoga Pants
View the Gallery / 11 Photos »

Anne Hathaway may have won an Oscar, but nothing will ever beat the pure sexual thrill of everyone seeing her vagina. Granted, this is a thought that has never once crossed Anne’s mind, I like to pretend that’s why she slapped on yoga pants and puffed her labia out to ward off predators right in front of the paparazzi. As to where the spikes are, again, I have no idea how vaginas work. They’re like those power outlets in Europe.

She Never Felt So Alive...
Anne Hathaway Vagina Flash
Anne Hathaway Vagina Flash
Anne Hathaway Vagina Flash
Anne Hathaway Vagina Flash
Anne Hathaway Vagina Flash
Anne Hathaway Vagina Flash
13 Photos »

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News

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Alice Eve’s Breasts Are In This Post

May 23rd, 2013 // 12 Comments
WATCH: Alice Eve's Breasts On It Doesn't Matter
Sorry For The Awesome!
Alice Eve Bra Underwear Star Trek Into Darkness
Damon Lindelof Thought He Should Apologize For This Read More »

While The Pope just nullified Pascal’s wager and theoretically tore a hole in the supernatural universe, unleashing all the terrifying consequences that come with that, he doesn’t have spectacular breasts so I don’t even know why I brought it up. But Alice Eve does, so here she is on Conan where she ironically talks about being a life-long exhibitionist while Damon Lindelof and J.J. Abrams can’t trip over themselves fast enough to apologize for showing her boobs in space. Which practically makes her an angel save for the part where I have sex with her and her equally-hot sister angels when I get to Heaven. (Have I mentioned I love the new pope? I love the new pope.)

This Is Why I Have A Photo Boy
Alice Eve Cleavage Conan Screencaps
Alice Eve Cleavage Conan Screencaps
Alice Eve Cleavage Conan Screencaps
Alice Eve Cleavage Conan Screencaps
Alice Eve Cleavage Conan Screencaps
Alice Eve Cleavage Conan Screencaps
37 Photos »
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The Pope Just Said Atheists Go To Heaven

May 23rd, 2013 // 61 Comments
Pope Francis
Previously in Religion
Wolf Blitzer Athiest Oklahoma Tornado
A Wolf Finds An Atheist In A Foxhole Read More »

“Now hear me out, Cardinal Vengeance, I was only-”
“You will pay for this insolence, Francis. Rosary KICK!”

While Catholics have stood by as the church systematically shielded and abetted serial child molesters for decades, Pope Francis is probably going to finally face intense criticism and revolt for saying atheists make it into Heaven because all God really cares about is kindness and being good to each other. Because raping kids is one thing, but what the fuck is that? Just be nice? These people paid good money to say they’re better than everyone else, you sonofabitch! Via Gawker:

Referencing a passage from the Gospel of Mark in his homily, the Pope recounted the story of a priest who told an inquiring Catholic that Jesus redeemed everyone, even atheists, and all he asks in return is that people “do good and do not do evil.”
“The Lord has redeemed all of us, all of us, with the Blood of Christ: all of us, not just Catholics. Everyone!” the Pope quoted the priest as saying.
“Father, the atheists?,” the skeptical Catholic responded. “Even the atheists. Everyone!” the priest replied, and added: “We must meet one another doing good. ‘But I don’t believe, Father, I am an atheist!’ But do good: we will meet one another there.”

When reached for comment Christianity said, “For the record, that shit is INSANE. And we’d like all Catholics to know, we’re still firmly in the business of condemning queers, atheists, scientists, cough-cough-black-presidents to an eternity of burning in hellfire, so maybe join us one Sunday. We won’t even make you eat Jesus! Ha, just kidding. We do that, too. Bring the kids.”

Photo: Getty

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Amanda Bynes Has A Perfectly Rational Explanation For Those Pics of Her Apartment

May 23rd, 2013 // 29 Comments
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
View the Gallery / 20 Photos »
There Are Two of Her?!
Blac Chyna Enormous Ass Spandex Pants Subway
Oh, It's Only The Stripper She Wants To Look Exactly Like Read More »

Yesterday, In Touch‘s latest issue hit newsstands and inside were photos of Amanda Bynes‘ apartment that, honestly, don’t look that bad and were way better than what I expected. For starters, I didn’t even see Drake‘s dead body anywhere. Amanda Bynes, on the other hand, felt they looked nothing like the posh, drug-free high fashion fuck-lair of hotness she clearly lives in and, here’s where it gets completely unprecedented, plans to sue In Touch for photoshopping her head on a fake body. Via Twitter:

That’s not my bed! Those aren’t my toes! My toes are pedicured! I just did an exclusive interview with intouch last week, now they bought fake altered photos by that ugly black man in the photo or someone who knows him! They used an old shot of me on the cover with a bad angle of my old nose before I had surgery to reshape my profile and to remove the webbing from my eyes. I have to sue because that’s not my apartment, those aren’t my clothes! They morphed photos of my face onto someone’s body to ruin my life! I have to make a big deal of this and sue because that’s not me! I care about my appearance so I have to defend myself! I look like a different person now that I had surgery! Why did they put an old shot of me on the cover? I don’t look like that anymore! I only want photos of my gorgeous new nose on the cover of tabloids and real magazines! The photos in this issue are fake and mocked up! I don’t care enough to keep talking about it. Just assume that I fucked the boyfriend of the editor of intouch because they fucking hate me!

Amanda goes on to name the “ugly faced” In Touch editor whose boyfriend obviously couldn’t resist fucking all this hotness because if you tweet something enough times, it becomes reality. Right, Jose Canseco?

Photos: In Touch / Splash News

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