Jena Malone Is Probably Batfleck’s Robin

October 20th, 2014 // 8 Comments
Jena Malone Red Hair
Previously In Nerd Shit
Tom Hardy Might Be Apocalypse Read More »

So here’s what we know about Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice: It’s heavily influenced by The Dark Knight Returns. In The Dark Knight Returns, Robin is a redhead girl named Carrie Kelley. Jena Malone has red hair which is already way more information than the Internet needs to wildly speculate, but here’s an overly-talkative extra telling a news reporter that Robin’s a girl now just in case. Via Variety:

WILX-10 News station reporter Kirk Montgomery spoke with one of the extras at Michigan State University, where a scene involving Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) and Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) was being filmed this week.
“I’ve also learned that the character of Robin is now female,” he said alluding to the film’s top secret script.
Warner Bros. declined to comment.

Now before jackasses eventually starts screaming “PC BULLSHIT!” and driving people from their homes, keep in mind, like I said at the beginning of the goddamn post, in The Dark Knight Returns, probably the most iconic and game-changing Batman story ever written, Robin is a girl. That shit is canon. Not to mention, it was written by probably the most un-PC person in comics you can possibly find. I’m talking about a guy whose depiction of women went from cannon fodder to they’re all whores to having Superman straight-up rape one because 9/11. Basically you’d love him.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Splash News

Jennifer Lopez Still Makes Videos With Fat Joe

October 20th, 2014 // 6 Comments
Jennifer Lopez Stressin Fat Joe
WATCH: Fat Joe - 'Stressin ft. Jennifer Lopez'

For the rest of her natural life, Jennifer Lopez will never make a video that’s better than “Booty.” These are facts. However, that still won’t stop me from posting the new video for Fat Joe’s “Stressin” because there’s nothing more with the times than tone-deaf rap videos where rich people brag about how awesome and stress-free their lives are. Also, Jennifer Lopez over-emphasizes “thousand dollar tips” as “thousand dollar teeeyips,” and that shit will get stuck straight in your head. – The Superficial: I’mma Put My Pain In You.

Kim Kardashian’s Endorsement Demands Are As Ridiculous As Her Ass

October 20th, 2014 // 51 Comments
This Poor Fucking Kid
Kim Kardashian Kanye West Dolls North
She Doesn't Stand A Chance Read More »

Most, if not all, of Kim Kardashian‘s services can be purchased through Kris Jenner. And if you think that’s an exaggeration, here’s Kim accepting an Austrian businessman’s money to be his date to the 2014 Opera Ball in Vienna while engaged to Kanye West. In fact, I ran the numbers on how many times Warren Buffet could afford to have sex with her, and I’m pretty sure I just predicted his death. Anyway, Radar Online has apparently obtained a “secret email” between Kim’s rep and an unspecified firm looking to hire her to promote their brand which basically opens with her requiring at least a $750,000 to $1 million fee before she’ll even think about charging them for a whole bunch of other shit:

Wrote the rep, “I think you should definitely come back with the best offer that you can make her from a money standpoint, so that we can save the time going back and forth.”
But the fee is only the half of it.
For travel related to personal appearances for the brand, the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star requires “5 first class tickets, plus 1 coach [Ed. Note: Because 6 first class tickets would just be obscene. - SW], first class hotel accommodations (1 suite for talent and standard rooms for others in party), portal to portal first class exclusive ground transportation, airport greeter service, security, glam fee (day rate for her hair and makeup squad), and a per diem.”
Her rep also noted, “We would need approval over photographer, all photos used in print materials, glam squad (hair, makeup, stylist, manicurist), hotel/airline/car service and PR usage.”

And while all of that sounds like you’re typical con game, here’s the best part that perfectly sums up this entirely family:

But if Kardashian’s diva demands put her out of the company’s price range, the rep was willing to offer second best: Kendall Jenner would shill the line for $500,000 to $1 million, the rep said.

Do I even need to write a joke here? Kris Jenner’s children are cattle. They’re literally cattle. This just validated every single “Moo” in the comments. And the ones I know you people are saying out loud. Don’t deny it.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Fame/Flynet, RAAK/AKM-GSI

Tom Hardy Might Be Apocalypse, Or Whatever The Hell ‘Suicide Squad’ Is

October 20th, 2014 // 5 Comments
What's A Doctor Strange?
Please Stop Making Me Write These Read More »

[Ed. Note: One of my new favorite things is to make Photo Boy write about any of the 8,000 comic book movies set to come out in the next three years because like most of the general movie-going public, he has no fucking clue who half of these characters are, so it's fun to see the reaction of someone who doesn't have every single of them in action figure form somewhere in his basement. Also, Monday's his busiest day putting together The Crap We Missed, so he's going to be extra pissy about this. Enjoy. - SW]

Posted by Photo Boy

It’s time for me to ignorantly snark on comic book movie casting, a subject I truly only get amped about after seeing the finished product and going, “Wow, what a terrible choice.” (Looking right at you, Dane DeHaan‘s Harry Osborn) So, here’s a quote Fish pulled that’s relevant to this topic yet reads like Sanskrit to me. Via The Wrap:

Tom Hardy was once rumored to be in contention for “Doctor Strange,” though he has recently been courted for WB’s “Suicide Squad” and the title role in “X-Men: Apocalypse,” so don’t expect to see him join the MCU anytime soon.

As far as whether Tom Hardy will be in one of these movies I’m definitely going to watch even if it’s cast entirely with Muppets, who gives a shit? These movies are almost two years away from theaters and Ebola’s going to kill us all by then if Obama’s plan goes accordingly, so let’s look at my favorite quote from this piece instead:

Ryan Gosling’s name was recently thrown into the fray as well, and while he has avoided blockbuster fare in the past, he’s now a father with a family to think of –

Yep, Ryan Gosling might have to start taking parts like this, or it could be back to the mall food court on the weekends. So, if you think it’s irresponsible for Fish to shirk these posts off on me instead of giving you an informed, comic-savvy opinion, maybe try pills. Or talking to someone. Real people’s faces make expressions when they speak, creating the context and nuance of human interacti– and you’re already posting reaction gifs in the comments. Wonderful, I think we’re done here.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Pacific Coast News

Stephen Collins Won’t Be Charged With Child Molestation. Yup.

October 20th, 2014 // 21 Comments
Stephen Collins
I'm Sorry, He Said What?
Stephen Collins
About His Own Child? JESUS CHRIST, LADY Read More »

Despite audio tapes where he allegedly confesses to molesting several children, Stephen Collins will not be facing any charges from the recently re-opened investigations by the NYPD and LAPD because the statute of limitations has expired. So not only is that awful, but I’m pretty sure this is how Freddy Krueger got started, and now we have to deal with that shit. Nobody go to sleep! TMZ reports:

TMZ posted audio of Collins confessing to wife Faye Grant that he molested and/or exposed himself to 3 girls … ages 11 – 13. And, as we reported … the NYPD and the L.A. County Sheriff’s Dept. have open investigations. The LAPD is also looking into the case they closed 2 years ago.
But law enforcement sources in all 3 police departments tell TMZ … the cases will go nowhere. All 3 cases are decades old, and our sources say prosecution would be barred by the statute of limitations.
The NYPD case is the one with the best argument that the statute hasn’t run … as we reported the victim came forward in 2012 and spoke with NY detectives. But that case involves an incident in the 70s and we’re told law enforcement has all but given up on a viable case.

However, there is allegedly another victim out there who was molested as recently as 2007, but hasn’t come forward yet: More »

Good Morning, Vivica Mitra, And Other News

October 20th, 2014 // 6 Comments

- Chris Martin apparently gets the Beckhams in the divorce. [Lainey Gossip]

- Pregnant Blake Lively is craving the most Blake Lively foods. [Dlisted]

- Mariah Carey is going to put us at war with China. [Fishwrapper]

- She’s Got Legs For Days [theCHIVE]

- This Is Why You’re Afraid of Ebola (Despite The Fact That You’re Not Going To Get Infected) [The Frisky]

- If I don’t post anything today, it’s because I’m still hypnotized by this. [Girls in Cute Underwear]

- Obama‘s credit card was declined in New York, so there’s Fox News’ entire week. [Death and Taxes]

- Goddamn, Nathasha Barnard in lingerie. [Popoholic]

- Never put recent photos of Kirsten Dunst next to old ones. [tooFab]

- Dutch bikers drove into Northern Iraq and just start shooting at ISIS for shits and giggles. [WWTDD]

- Kelly Brook‘s cleavage show. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Miss Ukraine Universe topless in Russia GQ. Apparently that’s allowed. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Fame/Flynet

The Crap We Missed – Friday 10.17.14

October 17th, 2014 // 388 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed or adrianne+curry+nude and a bunch of other shit that won’t get near that with regards to SEO. Seriously, Google that, then compare it to brett+ratner+shrimp+grease+boner, or shia+labeouf+isis+top+recruiting+tool, or cara+delevigne+ebola. If this site came up in the top five returns for any of that, huge thanks and we value and respect the culture of your beloved Estonia (Honestly, we’re huge there, no clue why.), but the ol’ stars and stripes demand naked famous people.

*salutes flag, crops Coco‘s ass pic FOR AMERICA!

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Kelly Brook Took David McIntosh Back

October 17th, 2014 // 19 Comments

At the end of September, Kelly Brook dumped David McIntosh for cheating on her. Two weeks later, he was already with a new girlfriend, and it wasn’t even the woman he cheated on Kelly with. Which is apparently the key to winning her back because here are the two of them trying to sneak into The Standard yesterday morning, so I hope everyone’s writing this down:

Cheat > Bang entirely separate woman > Make-up sex with giant breasts

Your lives are forever changed now. Go forth!

Photos: Xposure/AKM-GSI

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next »