Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed which is above a gallery of topless Kelly Brook pics that I’m in no way attempting to shamelessly redirect you to. Please, do not go back to these topless Kelly Brook pics, or you won’t see Adrian Grenier and some awful off-camera parents, Taylor Lautner practicing the “Wife Came Home Early Hollywood Hills Mansion Exit” he learned from Tom Cruise, and Jay-Z laughing at how Obama won’t even get this asshole’s ring back, but totally made him the king of Cuba.
H to the IZZO! (I Have no clue what that means, but I’ll assume it’s this.)
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Kim Kardashian‘s baby was born three days ago, yet the child’s name still hasn’t graced our ears because look at all this suspense. Except if you ask a Kardashian, it’s because it was a miracle delivery from the baby arriving early (It didn’t.), and Kim didn’t have a name picked out yet. People reports:
“She was admitted with medical complications and her doctor made the decision that her baby needed to be delivered. Kim had a natural birth,” the source says. “If Kim would have had very serious complications, her doctor would have decided to do an emergency c-section instead.”
As for the baby girl’s name, Kardashian, 32, has mentioned in the past that it will likely begin with a ‘K,’ but so far, she and West, 36, remain undecided, although a second source tells PEOPLE that they are close to a final decision.
Oh, good. For a minute there I thought Kris Jenner was standing in front of a crystal ball trying to divine the most opportune news cycle to announce her granddaughter’s name, but this makes more sense. What new parents don’t love passing around their nameless first-born to friends and family? “Somebody hold this thing,” should always the be the first words a child hears. (We’re talking about making sure it does porn, right?)
While most of the world fawned over Angelina Jolie‘s bravery for cutting off her breasts then getting nice new ones just in case she might get cancer, Melissa Etheridge has a different opinion. Although, she is a lesbian and therefore predisposed to protecting awesome titties, and so together on this hill we shall stand and fight to our last breath. *raises sword* COME. TO. OUR. WINDOW! The Washington Blade reports:
I have to say I feel a little differently. I have that gene mutation too and it’s not something I would believe in for myself. I wouldn’t call it the brave choice. I actually think it’s the most fearful choice you can make when confronting anything with cancer. My belief is that cancer comes from inside you and so much of it has to do with the environment of your body. It’s the stress that will turn that gene on or not. Plenty of people have the gene mutation and everything but it never comes to cancer so I would say to anybody faced with that, that choice is way down the line on the spectrum of what you can do and to really consider the advancements we’ve made in things like nutrition and stress levels. I’ve been cancer free for nine years now and looking back, I completely understand why I got cancer. There was so much acidity in everything. I really encourage people to go a lot longer and further before coming to that conclusion.
And because he has a questionable movie with his own money riding on it to promote, Brad Pitt actually responded during a junket interview where he should’ve been getting softball questions about what he’d do in a real zombie invasion. Here’s his reaction: More »
Seen here in Atlantic City over the weekend (h/t TMZ), Amanda Bynes‘ rap album is apparently happening in real life which has to be a first time for something she’s Tweeted. I always thought it’d be the vagina slapping, but that’s probably my natural bias for unorthodox crime fighting. E! News reports:
Amanda Bynes is meeting up tonight with Wyclef Jean to discuss a possible album collaboration, Chinga Chang Records CEO Dan Herman—who will also be in attendance—exclusively tells E! News.
“I think it would be perfect,” says Herman. “Linking the two of them will be something major.”
Wyclef has been very “receptive” to the idea of meeting with Bynes to brainstorm ideas, Hermon says, noting that he’s confident such a pairing would be “great.”
“This album is going to shock the world,” he adds. “She has such a great voice. Singers wish they could hit the notes that Amanda does.”
I like how we’re supposed to pretend this has nothing to do with Amanda Bynes being a bajillion hit sideshow, and everything to do with her suddenly being a phenomenal singer now. In her secret language, maybe, but in people words, not so much. That said, I look forward to her first single, “Ugly Muggle Wuggle Drake Kano Tay Boony (Us Weekly Has Chinese Editors Remix).”
Amanda Bynes: Talented Artist After The Jump
It seems like only seven days ago, Kanye West announced a new American Psycho promo short starring Scott Disick as Patrick Bateman, and yet here it is already. Which will stop being surprising once you watch it because Yeezus Christ. You’d think that after years of memorizing scripts of the Kardashian’s fake life, Scott Disick would know how to act, but he doesn’t. At all. Christian Bale should have legal grounds to beat him in the face with a cancer kid, that’s how bad it is. Or even just out of principle. It’s important those kids feel useful.
Yesterday, a bunch of you asked why we didn’t have the Kelly Brook topless pics up, and the simple answer is we couldn’t buy them until today. Which we did, so the words you’re looking for right now are “Thank you,” and, “We threw our first-born in a dumpster because his name wasn’t yours. Also, prom.”