The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.10

February 25th, 2012 // 3 Comments

After a presidential hiatus, welcome to the tenth installment of The Most Important People on The Internet in this second volume of our Lord which features some of the most pitch-perfectly random references I’ve seen in a while. Seriously, you’ll never look at Alexander Skarsgard the same way again, unless you’ve always had some sort of weird Christmas-themed elf-fucking fetish. (Not to be confused with my love of Dinklage.) In which case, bring tissues.

Feliz Navidad,

- The Superficial

P.S. There will be more Stephen Hawking. Oh, yes, there will be more…

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Friday 2.24.12

February 24th, 2012 // 21 Comments

“I don’t remember ordering flapjacks.” – Stephen Hawking, just now.

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed which is basically everything considering our entire day fell into a Stephen Hawking sex addict hole that I’m proud to say it never crawled out of. On that note, enjoy today’s alternating Final Five that’s for both the ladies and the gents, yet somehow all for me because it’s not like I haven’t spoiled myself by pretending to be a pimp physicist with a robot voice on every goddamn post.

To professionalism!

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Jason Statham Spit On The Paparazzi

February 24th, 2012 // 24 Comments

Apparently if you try to take Jason Statham‘s picture while he’s out with Not Megan Fox, he’ll calmly spit in your face before spending the rest of his day walking around without once changing his facial expression to teach you a proper less- you know what? I’m not even going to pretend I have anything for this post except another Stephen Hawking recording. I’m lying to myself more than you: More »

Kim Kardashian Paid A ‘Mystery Man’ To Walk With Her So People Will Ask ‘Who’s Kim’s Mystery Man?’

February 24th, 2012 // 31 Comments

Posted in response to every headline today that reads or will read “OMG! Who’s Kim Kardashian New Mystery Man?” or “Five Things You Didn’t Know About Kim Kardashian’s New Man!” which will conveniently leave off “has an abnormally sized bladder.”

And what’s this? Renowned Stephen Hawking has something to add? My, what an unprecedented turn of events: More »

Gerard Butler’s In Rehab

February 24th, 2012 // 17 Comments
Banged Or Didn't Bang?
Brandi Glanville
Gerard Butler Can't Even Remember Read More »

If you’ve been paying attention to Gerard Butler lately, he’s looked like death’s jizz rag and has or hasn’t been running around banging essentially nameless reality stars for weeks at a time. He has no clue. So the fact that he’s secretly been in rehab proves Brandi Glanville makes people regret every decision they’ve ever made starting with being with Brandi Glanville. TMZ reports:

We’re told Butler realized he was relying too much on prescription drugs and decided to head off a full-blown addiction by entering Betty Ford 3 weeks ago.
Sources tell TMZ … Butler also developed issues with cocaine, but the root problem appears to be the injuries and pain management.

Of course, the only way to interpret this news is MORE BITCHES FOR STEPHEN HAWKING! More »

Stephen Hawking Goes To Sex Clubs. Well, Yeah.

February 24th, 2012 // 65 Comments
Who's The Pimp Now?
Katt Williams
Suck It,
Katt Williams Read More »

“You are a bit bigger than I prefer, but Stephen Hawking takes what Stephen Hawking can gets.”

There are several stories we could’ve started out with this morning, but none of them involve Stephen Hawking frequenting sex clubs which let’s not pretend isn’t goddamn amazing. RadarOnline reports:

Renown physicist Stephen Hawking is somewhat of a regular at a Devore, California sex club, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.
According to a source who has been a member of Freedom Acres swingers club for nearly half a decade, Hawking, 70, shows up to the club with a bevy of nurses and assistants and has naked woman grind on him.
“I have seen Steven Hawking at the club more than a handful of times,” the source revealed. “He arrives with an entourage of nurses and assistants. Last time I saw him he was in the back ‘play area’ laying on a bed fully clothed with two naked women gyrating all over him.”

So Stephen Hawking just wheels his way into a sex club and pays naked women to grind all over his genius crippled body? Wow. I talk a lot of shit about America, but this is without a doubt one of those times where I know we do something absolutely, 100% right. On that note, Photo Boy and I spent a horrible amount of time this morning making “Stephen Hawking Goes To The Titty Bar” audio clips which is exactly as awful as it sounds. So without further ado, here’s what people actually pay us to do:

Stephen Hawking Goes To The Titty Bar After The Jump

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