The Crap We Missed: Halloween Edition

October 31st, 2014 // 309 Comments

Welcome to The Crap We Missed: Halloween Edition which by all rights should begin and end with that Mel Gibson pic up there. If you can think of a scarier villain than a probably off the wagon, raging Mel Gibson within arms reach of you, congratulations, you’re the new Stephen King. Don’t forget to toss in exceptional children, stuff about Indians, Maine, and 1960′s pop music lyrics. Boom, bestseller.

Did I just somehow turn this into a rant about Stephen King books, then not rewrite it because its a Friday afternoon that also happens to be a holiday, so fuck it? Uh huh,

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Lena Dunham’s Topless, Too, Goddammit

October 31st, 2014 // 30 Comments
Lena Dunham Topless
Previously In Topless
Chelsea Handler Topless Nipples Putin
Chelsea Handler's Breasts Are At War With Instagram Read More »

Christian conservatives like to flail their arms around and say America is becoming Nazi Germany because people sometimes disagree them and don’t go, “Why, yes, we should become a theocracy based on a 2,000 year old book that says you can stone women and gays to death. How do we make that happen?” However, if they pointed at things like, say, Lena Dunham posing topless on Instagram to impose her views on Planned Parenthood, which I actually support, I’d be more inclined to take them seriously because that sounds exactly like some shit Hitler would pull:

“Herr Fuhrer, I do not zink exterminating zee Jews is a good idea.”
“Then perhaps I can persuade you. WITH MY TITTIES!” *rips off shirt*
“No! Herr Fuhrer, please! We’ll vill vipe them out. We’ll vipe out zee whole race! Oh, God, zey’re so mishapen.”

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Amanda Bynes Is Accusing Her Dad of Being A ‘Sexual Predator’ Again

October 31st, 2014 // 38 Comments

And here we go again. I’d like to personally dedicate this shitstorm that took less than 24 hours to form to the judge who released Amanda Bynes even after her doctors said she was “severely ill.” Well played, your honor. This couldn’t be going better. Via Twitter: More »

Lindsay Lohan’s Being Sued For $60 Million

October 31st, 2014 // 9 Comments
Lindsay's Gone Digital
Lindsay Lohan Weisses Fest
She's Stealing Apps Now Read More »

So remember when Lindsay Lohan and her brother stole that dude’s app? He actually thinks he’s getting $60 million out of them. C’mon, she’s not sucking that many dicks. — Is she? Page Six reports:

Actress Lindsay Lohan’s younger brother, once the scandal-scarred clan’s white sheep, is facing a $60 million lawsuit by a former business partner.
In court papers filed Thursday, Manhattan resident Fima Potik claims Michael Lohan Jr. — a summa cum laude grad of Ithaca College — and his famous sister stole his trade secrets and big-name advisors like Arianna Huffington from his online shopping company Spotted Friend to start a competing business.

And, no, you’re eyes aren’t deceiving you, Lindsay Lohan was going to be the focus of an app called “Spotted Friend.” The Lindsay Lohan. Jugsy Freckles. Because sometimes, but not often, the universe stops taking a shit all over your face and says, “I, Hilary Duff, do solemnly accept your marriage proposal. AHHHHHHHH…” Or that was just an hallucination I had. Let’s not argue over semantics.

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Jessica Biel’s Probably Pregnant

October 31st, 2014 // 19 Comments

The biggest rumor going around right now is that Jessica Biel is probably pregnant which was only fueled more by the editor of InStyle publicly congratulating her on her “impending motherhood,” and Justin Timberlake showing up to the amfAR Gala without her. On top of that, you’ve got these photos that cost way more than I can afford, so fortunately I have these two-year-old bikini photos of her butt which are sort of like clues. Maybe the ocean is the father? Did anyone think of that? No, it’s always about you.

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Photo: Fame/Flynet

Amanda Bynes Is On The Loose Again

October 31st, 2014 // 12 Comments
You Said 'A While'
Amanda Bynes LAX
It's Only Been Two Weeks Read More »

Things were looking good for Amanda Bynes this week. Doctors were looking to place her on an extended 30-day hold, her parents got another conservatorship and this time with a much better understanding of what happens if they let this one expire. Except without warning she was released last night and immediately started wandering the Sunset Strip before talking to herself in a diner. TMZ reports:

Sources familiar with Amanda’s treatment tell TMZ … she went before a hearing officer at the psychiatric facility Thursday, asking to be released. Amanda has been on her meds and sounds lucid, even though doctor’s say she is seriously mentally ill.
The hearing officer felt Amanda was stable enough that she could NOT be held involuntarily, so he ended the 30-day hold that had been granted last week and Amanda walked out the front door.
Amanda, who paid by credit card that did not have her name on it, did not seem “with it,” according to the waitress. She would carry on a conversation and then when the waitress walked away, Amanda would mumble to herself.

And while all of that sounds depressing as shit, keep in mind, nobody’s dating their daughter’s molester and bringing him around her other kids for a fucking pedophile’s feast, so this is literally the feel-good story of the week. I bought balloons.

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Good Morning, Vivica Mitra, And Other News

October 31st, 2014 // 6 Comments

- Twas not Gwyneth who bowed to Justin Timberlake, but the other way around… [Lainey Gossip]

- You’re getting another Pee-wee Herman movie. [Dlisted]

- Things That Bounce Thursday: Experience it again for the very first time. [theCHIVE]

- Alessandra Ambrosio is naked. [tooFAB]

- #GamerGate is going to bring down Viacom now. Good luck with that. [The Frisky]

- That’s Chloe Sevigny topless. [WWTDD]

- You can get college credit for reading The Superficial now. [Death and Taxes]

- Fucking. Love. This. Tumblr. [Girls in Cute Underwear]

- Xenia Deli‘s in a bikini now. [Popoholic]

- Lindsay Lohan isn’t dating Tom Cruise. Relax. [Fishwrapper]

- What’s up, Holly Hagan? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Good God, Sabrina Ioffreda… [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

Chelsea Handler’s Naked Breasts Have Declared War On Instagram

October 30th, 2014 // 48 Comments
Previously In Topless
Candice Swanepoel Topless
What's Up, Candice Swanepoel? Read More »

The last time Chelsea Handler showed everyone a naked breast, it was to promote her SiriusXM interview with Dave Grohl. This time she’s doing it to fuck with Instagram. And possibly all of us. It is the Devil’s Eve. Anyway, here’s the caption for the first (Correction: SECOND) topless pic:

Taking this down is sexist. I have every right to prove I have a better body than Putin.

And here’s her response after it was immediately pulled:

If a man posts a photo of his nipples, it’s ok, but not a woman? Are we in 1825?

Which didn’t deter her because, dammit, people are going to look at Chelsea Handler’s naked boobs if they have to look at Vladimir Putin‘s. The universe demands equaltitrium! More »

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