Woody Allen Can Write Open Letters, Too

February 10th, 2014 // 59 Comments
Woody Allen Grabbing Soon Yi By The Wrist Hugo Boss Store Opening
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Last week, Dylan Farrow wrote an open letter in the New York Times detailing for the first time her allegations of sexual abuse at the hands of Woody Allen which extended far beyond the attic incident his team had almost successfully reduced down to so it could be easily dismissed. A tactic that Woody Allen himself tried again in his open letter in the Times that was published Friday officially making The Grey Lady the paper of choice for adoptive incest squabbles. So here’s a link to that because I’m not excerpting his horseshit:

Woody Allen Speaks Out – NYTimes.com

And because Woody Allen and his team still think they’re living in a pre-Internet, early 90s world where information isn’t readily available to disrupt their narrative, this thing is epically blowing up in his face as outlet after outlet has found major discrepancies besides the fact his main defense is Mia Farrow‘s a slut. Discrepancies like his claim that he passed a lie detector test except not the one requested by the Connecticut State Police but one administered by his own team. Or the fact that it’d be “sheer illogic” to start a career as a child molestor when he was in the “blissful early stages of a happy new relationship” with the woman he’d go on to marry. “Why molest one of Mia’s adopted daughters when I was already dating the other one?” is what Woody Allen literally just said here because, really, the whole letter is insane hubris that basically breaks down to, “Of course I didn’t do these things because I’m Woody Allen and I’m telling you I didn’t,” as if that’s all the proof in the world. He might as well have just wrote, “Okay, I know this looks bad, but have you guys seen this Daily Beast article? Holy shit,” and at least been on par with the Internet detectives waving it around like they found the fucking Lindbergh baby. They probably would’ve made him their king.

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  1. JC

    The “sheer illogic” part is truly the best. Because people who molest children clearly do so because it’s the only logical course of action. I think Spock said that on Star Trek once.

  2. Sweet pinkeye, Bob Costas.

    • You think he and Bob are hooking up in the Fortress of Solitude in Sochi?

      • I think Bob Costas is a stand up guy and I hope NBC’s medical team can get that mulidrug resistant strain of Russian pinkeye causing bacteria under control.

        I’m not that excited about Woody Allen. I’ve never seen one of his movies. And he’s creepy enough with what are the absolute 100% undisputable facts.

  3. “Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Subconciously Afraid Was the Case Due To Contextual Hints, Overt Comments and Child Marrying”

    Playing throughout 2014, on Mortal Sinemax.

  4. Cock Dr

    Say what you want Woody…I’ll never be able to watch “Manhattan” again.

    • Who cares

      Woody wasn’t charged all those years ago, he will not be charged now, so why does anybody even give shit about any of this anyway.

  5. This video pretty much says how I feel about this fucker.

  6. Really there’s so much BS out there but if you have the time to read this article,

    Reading these “facts” does not help Woody’s case. Unlike his PR letter,(HUGE RED FLAGS)

    -was in therapy for inappropriate behavior with Dylan
    -He did take a polygraph but his PR team’s one not the Connecticut state police
    -witnesses testify positive to Dylan being abused
    -Woody changes his story about the “Attic abuse”
    I have been a big fan of his earlier work but recently his films are all the same MO, old dude falls for younger women. Younger women(

    • Sorry, CONTINUE .Younger women usually very attractive/young 20′s becomes infatuated with Old dude despite his angst and feelings of his friends about him dating her. Eventually she sleeps with creep and he tells friends. Gets very boring and tiring, YES the award for old films but not life time achievement.

      • OK Man With No Name, so if I’m reading you straight, you’re saying that Jesse Eisenberg, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Ewan McGregor, Colin Farrell, Will Ferrel, Owen Wilson, Peter Sarsgaard, Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin are dirty old dudes taking advantage of the barely legal Cate Blanchett, Penelope Cruz, Ellen Page, Radha Mitchell, Scarlett Johansson and Marion Cotillard? Riiiiiiight…..

      • You are not “reading him straight.” Your metaphor not only makes no sense, it is a straw man argument. If you’re interested in factual material, read the 33-page ruling by Judge Wilk, who adjudicated the Allen/Farrow custody dispute. Judge Wilk not only had access to reams of material which are not public record, he also spoke with the parties involved privately in chambers. While the American legal system is not perfect, his ruling makes chilling yet enlightening reading for any parent, concerned citizen, or (seemingly bizarrely over-invested) Woody Allen apologist.

    • Dr. Morris Fishbein

      This is kind of an example of attribution error I think. Woody’s movies have always been about sex, relationships, etc. He’s old now. Hell, he was old THEN. He was middle-aged when he was at his filmmaking peak, in the early to mid 70s. But let’s go Back to the Future: do people wanna see movies about old fucks fucking? Nope. Hence the salacious, tittilating, scandalous shit, older men with younger girls, older women with younger guys. Woody’s not the only one guilty of it, either. Ex: Shopgirl, Lost in Translation, House of Cards, etc. Just because he’s a horny old fuck and going for younger women in film and in life doesn’t make him a child molester.

      • cmonreally

        No, his movies about him going for younger women is not proof that he is a child molester (although I do think he is).

        However, it does make his work predictable, boring, and rings of a narcissistic quality (and I do believe he is a humongous narcissist). He uses the same formula in almost every movie he makes – I couldn’t a lot of his movies apart from one another. Woody Allen doesn’t deserve an award for the insufferable crap he put out there, let alone because he’s a deviant sex offender.

      • cmonreally

        Fuck: ” I couldn’t DISTINGUISH a lot of his movies apart from one another”

      • Who cares


  7. Urbanspaceman

    My crystal ball shows me that when the dust settles from all this Soon Yi will hook up with Vili Fualaau and the world will be in balance again.

  8. Kimmykimkim

    He’s obviously a child molester. I mean, just look at him! Does he think nobody knows what he looks like? Because he looks like a goddamn child molester.

    • Judd Sussbaum

      I agree! He’s so furtive. And nervous, all the time nervous. Looking around, paranoid, obsessing about stuff. And he’s got guilt, along with that look of being guilty of something, all the time with the guilt. Furtive, nervous, paranoid guilt. It’s gotta mean something. There is no group of people in New York that are like that. Ever.

      He’s got something to hide, that one :o

    • Darling

      “just look at him”

      I am not taking sides on this issue but I hope you use a little more intellect when making reason of the world. Using looks as an indicator of someone’s innocence or guilt is asinine.

      • Kimmykimkim

        Oh, really, do ya? Do ya hope so, Darling? First of all, what does it matter to you? Second, what’s asinine is that somebody would think anybody is being 100% serious on a satirical website. With that said, fuck yeah, this fucker looks like a child molester. He looks like he owns a rape van stocked with puppies and candy.

    • Who cares

      Couldn’t have said it better Kummykumkum,

  9. Rob

    I can’t help but wonder if Woody hooked up with Soon Yi because he wanted a woman who was obedient and who would never want to outshine him. Just imagine all of the actresses that were waiting in line to hook up with him, and he picks Soon Yi. Ick.

    • Just look at the photo above. Seriously, look at it objectively and tell me that doesn’t look like

      A) A man holding a possession, or
      B) A kidnapping

      It looks like your token Western-guy-with-meek-Asian-girl/child bride/mail-order bride scenario. Ugh.

  10. Suck it

    How can he call Mia’s character into question (with regards to her possibly sleeping with Sinatra) when he DATED HIS EX WIFE’S ADOPTED DAUGHTER.

  11. Firstly, yes it’s creepy how accomplished men like Woody would attach themselves to the closest (consensual aged) female available for their infidelity. (seemingly without regard to the looks of the women, and circumstance – Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinski, Arnold Schwarzenegger/his maid, and resulting illegitimate love child). While these maybe lapses in ethical or moral decision making, they are not against the law, AND FURTHERMORE, are separate in question to situations that ARE against the law, like child (under 18yr old) molestation. Now, Woody’s open letter seems completely logical to me, and in my humble opinion, rings true to me. However, in the collective minds of people, they will always think unkindly towards him, not because they truly believe he is a child molester of Dylan, but, because they dislike his moral and ethical choice regarding Soon-Yi. Perhaps he does deserve some of this “collective street justice”, then again, perhaps he should live his life to what makes him happy, and from all appearance…happiness shared with Soon-Yi, and their adopted children. Believe me, I understand Mia’s pain all too well, but, hate is a poison you take trying to kill someone else. Mia and Dylan – they just gotta move beyond any concerns about Woody – he’s been out of their lives for years now.

    • Millis

      Not to sound rude, but have you read any of the facts? You said his letter rings true to you, but almost every point he made has been easily refuted. Soon Yi aside, the guy was ALREADY in therapy for his inappropriate behavior with Dylan and he was granted NO visitation with Dylan, despite his power and money. Mia may be crazy, and angry, and those are feelings she’s allowed to have after what he did with Soon Yi, but that in no way negates the FACTS, and the facts point to him molesting Dylan.

      • Thats odd…those “facts” should have landed him in prison…and yet, he’s somehow walking around the U.S. as a free man. Anyway, screw due process…where are those pitchforks?!

      • Millis

        Prosecutor has publicly stated then and now that he had enough to go forward with the case but Mia didn’t want Dylan to have to testify. Charges were not dismissed or thrown out and he was not exonerated.

      • That excuse is complete horseshit. If you have the proof, you prosecute. Saying “you know, I could have prosecuted but ehn I didn’t nyaaah nyaaah nyaaah” is just someone who likes having the media talk about him without having jackshit.

      • It’s not horseshit, here is a guy who investgates child abuse for a liviing going into detail about how it is very common for child abuse cases not to go to trial.


      • Fuglio

        I work for a court, and we deal with pedophiles and rapists all the time. Most who do get convicted get a plea deal, so whatever is on the record is usually much less than what they did. Just look at the case in Montana. The teacher got 30 days for violating his probation (and he only served that time) for raping a 14 year old student. There was a case in Michigan a few years ago, similar to the one in Texas, where an 11 year old girl was gang raped and several people recorded it on cell phones. NEVER prosecuted because the prosecuting attorney said it would be too hard to prosecute. Just because a guy is not convicted does not mean he didn’t do it.

    • Peoples actions don’t exist in a vacuum. Whether things are legal or not, taken together, they create a pattern. Your behavior in day to day life is your resume to the world.

  12. Miss_Moppet

    I’m just sad and appalled by this whole thing.

    It’s clear to me that whatever occurred, his daughter has deep emotional scars and he doesn’t seem to give an isht about those one way or the other.

    It’s also clear that he didn’t want kids initially because he wanted all of Mia’s time and attention on him. When he didn’t get it, he transferred his “affection” to his adopted daughter and wanted her to be his everything. When it looked like he wasn’t going to get his way there, he turned all the force of his affection on Soon Yi and went out of his way to seperate her not just from her family but her job (camp counselor) because nothing was more important to Woody than Woody. He never wanted a woman, he wanted a mirror that reflected back an image of himself.

    How can you claim to be a parent and know absolutely nothing about your children? None of them. The man couldn’t name a single one of his children’s friends. Not one teacher. What their grades were. He had no interest in them except for the ways they reflected his skewed ego back at him.

    • it seems that you put more thoughtful consideration into understanding this story than Allen did in trying to understand his “own children” throughout their entire lives. Seriously, what does that tell you about this sociopathic parasite, he is so twisted that he makes morally-normal people feel the need to formulate theories on How Could This Be? He is a perv who gets adulation from pathetic hollywood egomaniacs.

  13. Ok everybody stop bitching. Sacred celebrity cows teachings are: in Hollywood if you’re limousine liberal, make good movies, you’re allowed to molest children, drug them, and rape them. If you played good football and get into the movies you’re allowed to murder your ex-wife and her boyfriend—lighten up people they get awards for this shit.

    • almost… almost a whole page full of responses to this sick bastard Woody – and no political bullshit. UNTIL you reared your cunty conservative viewpoint about ‘limousine liberals’. because ya know – pedophilia is always punished by political standards. there’s not a palm big enough for the face that has to go in it after that doozie. congrats you ULTRA-DOUCHE.

    • crb

      True. The libs love thems some crims and some weirdos.

      Wood is doing such a great job of keeping the “Director as Pedo”-theme in the press. One day Corey Feldman will get past caring and actually name the guy, too.

      I never thought anyone could be more pathetic in their dating life than Prince Charles until Allen came along.

    • Is it because no one cares that some some backward-ass hillbilly fathers a mongoloid banjo playing “deliverance” baby with his 16yr old sister, that was sloppy seconds after her father? But, enough about Ted Nugent…”‘MURICA, fuck yeah!”

  14. Changing the subject

    Does Soon-Y have implants? That’s a pretty big rack for such a skinny chick.

  15. opinion muse

    Looking at Woody’s current wife – it’s obvious he groomed her
    while she was a minor, a teenage girl and someone vulnerable he was a
    father figure to….that’s enough to convince this former investigator
    of child abuse that the allegations of sexual abuse of by his other
    daughter warrant a serious look. How can Mia ever get past her outrage.
    Her daughter is still being victimized by Woody in a marriage that
    serves him by legally legitimizing the sexual relationship. The family and
    alliances to one parent or another with abuse allegations are typical.
    All the children have suffered emotional abuse. It’s a train wreck and Woody who was a
    father to these kids appears to be a clever predator who has seduced not only children, but
    some of the public.

  16. Leila

    I think the most annoying thing about the letter was his attempt to make the disgust over his affair with Soon Yi all about the age difference [wa-wa, the judge didn't like the age difference, Mia was with Frank, blah blah blah] and of course he purposely missing the larger, far more disgusting point that he fucked the daughter of his long-term girlfriend who is incidentally the mother of his children with his own children’s SISTER. Yeah, the old man with barely legal girl is beyond creepy and gross, but who gives a shit about that. At this point, the gross wrinkled old man with his young tart is the least disturbing thing about him. But he really thinks we’re all idiots if he thinks an entire nation would miss the obvious because he throws out a pseudo “logical” argument. Asshole.

  17. Saul

    Not sure who his publicist is, but he might want to get someone who is a little more astute at handeling crisis-management.

    Allen’s people might want to try and call Elliot Mintz. He did a pretty god job for herpes Hilton before she kicked him to the curb a few years back, so I’m sure he’s available.

  18. TheAdmiral

    I haven’t gotten my letter to show up for internet jury duty yet. How many of you guys got them? I need to know when the date is so I can have time to consult with the eye witness forums.

  19. Oh, who gives a shit anymore?

  20. Shia LaBeouf

    I still don’t get why Mia Farrow signed a release for the Goldes Globes tribute montage, only to write disapproving tweets about it afterwards.

  21. WTF?

    Due process? No evidence? No prosecution at the time? Screw that. Let’s lynch him just. He must be guilty. Just look at him.

    Meanwhile Mia Farrow gets a pass for her enthusiastic defense of that poor victim Roman Polanski, who was tricked into pleading guilty for the violent rape of a young girl and had to flee the country. Poor poor Polanski. Bad bad Woody.

    Fish is funny when he wants to be, but right now he looks like a dream juror for the prosecution in the McMartin case, easily suggestible and gullible, much like those children were.

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