Why Jennifer Love Hewitt Isn’t Married

January 25th, 2011 // 90 Comments

Jennifer Love Hewitt will appear on today’s The Ellen DeGeneres Show where she’ll think it’s absolutely adorable to let men know she already has three specific engagement rings picked out and will lose her shit if you buy something else:

Ellen: Is this correct, you have a ring picked out for when you get married?
Jennifer: Well, I actually have three because I feel like I’m doing the guy a favor. I feel women are very confusing. We never know what we want and we’re not very good at nailing that down for them. And I feel like I don’t want to be upset if he picks a bad ring, so I feel like having three picked out and saying, “Look! Look at this plethora of things you can chose from!”
Ellen: So you tell them this ahead of time?
Jennifer: Well, yes.
Ellen: You say, “I have three rings picked out, should you decide…”
Jennifer: Well, if it gets to that conversation. If marriage comes up, I’m like, “You know what’s so weird. There is this store and there are three rings in it.”
Ellen: What store is it?
Jennifer: Tiffany’s. And if you chose one of these three, I’m going to be really excited. And if you go off on your own, we can have an awful, awkward moment. So why would you want to do that?

People always thought it was nuts that Jamie Kennedy broke up with Jennifer Love Hewitt because at the end of the day he’s Jamie Kennedy. But when you read something like this, it really puts things into perspective. Not unlike the Jessica Simpson conundrum earlier, at what point do awesome breasts stop being enough and the reality that you’re going to have to marry this person or get stabbed in your sleep starts kicking in? Because for me, it’d be on the way to the emergency room unless she’s right there in a tank top bouncing next to the gurney. In which case, yes, everything she said. I tripped carving a turkey. In bed.

Photos: Getty


  1. PantyWaist

    “I have three rings picked out”…because that’s not awkward. Why doesn’t she just buy all three herself, and save herself and everyone else the hassle?

    • Facebook Me

      My thoughts EXACTLY. It’s not like she doesn’t have “Party of Five” money to pay for them.

  2. Because she’s smart..

    • GravyLeg

      More like, because she is female. So sad that something like marriage that should be a romantic thing actually comes down to an expression of complete superficiality and avarice.

      • Liara


      • Sela

        Kiss my ass, sexist pig.

        JLH sounds superficial and greedy, but that’s not ’cause she’s female. I’d say because she has a vag but not all women have those.

        Seriously, what a fucking douche you are.

  3. Clint Oris

    She’s not married because no guy wants to bond for life with the cellulite she’s rocking.

  4. GravyLeg

    Good God that is high maintenance… She knows she isn’t 18 and tight anymore right?

  5. Glenn Beck

    yeh if it was about 5-10 years ago i would have put up with quite a bit to get into that kitty and her pillows

    these days… might be time to drop some of that bullshit, chicky

  6. Richard McBeef

    A few years ago I was dating this girl and while using her laptop I found a powerpoint presentation on the desktop named “Future Plans”. We were in graduate school at the time, so I thought it was part of some presentation regarding the future of her research.

    It was actually a full blown presentation of her wedding with a map of seating arrangements, flower choices, musical arrangments, bridesmaid dresses, etc.

    the only saving grace was that it was just listed as groom and my name. Either way, crazy biznatch and bullet dodged.

  7. Deacon Jones

    Ben Stiller popped into my head when I tried to think of someone who would marry this controlling cunt.

  8. Mia

    Whoa! She’s more sexist than Ron Burgundy!

    • qwerty

      “Women can’t make up their minds so I picked 3 wedding rings”.Fucking hilarious.
      Also,gotta love how she’s projecting her own feelings on everyone who has a vagina.Probably ’cause she doesn’t want to feel lonely like every wom….Oh,wait

      • qwerty

        Just realised those were engagement not wedding rings.Whatever,when I see her in that dress it just looks to me like she’s all dressed and ready to go to the church

      • ReiR

        Thank you qwerty- I thought the same thing with the projecting her feelings on others- “women don’t know what they want” crap. It’s more degrading that other females say this crap about women. Comments that she makes makes me think the only other people she’s met are characters from a romantic comedy.

      • Anon

        At least it makes a change from women projecting their limited knowledge and understanding of men as telling us what and how we think with hilarious inaccuaracies

      • Mia

        OMG, I suddenly feel like I NEED to eat lots of chocolate and buy a pair of shoes….

      • Mia

        My anwer was @qwerty by the way. don’t really get the “reply” system here…must be my braingina…

  9. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:


  10. Red

    This is what every guy is thinking when hearing a girlfriend talk/think like that:

    Thats just messed up

    imagine being married to someone like that FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!
    Does NOT matter how hot she is…you will always come to the conclusion:

  11. GravyLeg

    In another 5-10 years that story will read….

    “So I have picked out like 3 Grand Slams he can buy me… Look at this plethora of breakfast items he can choose from. And it HAS to be Denny’s… If he goes off to IHOP on his own… Awkward… ”

    For a woman who is rapidly hurtling toward the “beggar/chooser” demarcation line, she might want to tone her shit down a bit.

  12. Justin

    Stupid. Bitch. Whore. Cunt-Face.

  13. nooooooooo

    I figured it was her vagina dentata that kept everyone away, who knew it was just her level of crazy.

  14. Joe Blow

    Honey you give love a bad name

  15. Most women are a little crazy about the marriage rituals & artifacts. I blame indoctrination from female family members, competition with friends & the brainwashing from the money sucking bridal industry.
    Find one who hasn’t been infected with this nonsense if this bothers you.

    She’s quite pretty. Too bad she seems needy & nutz.

  16. Desperation on the cusp of madness on the cusp of desperation on the cusp of madness etc…etc…

  17. LJ

    So, if you can’t afford any of the rings she’s already picked out at Tiffany’s, you ain’t never gonna get laid.

    • Mortimer Duke

      Oh Youre gonna get laid. All the other dudes smashed and ran.

      • nooooooooo

        Fake name, rented car, disposable credit card and a bottle of chloroform to escape minutes after the deed. It’s how everyone else has managed to escape to date.

  18. Kerri

    what a loser.

  19. slappy magoo

    I’ve known Dodge Darts with over 500,000 miles on them that require less maintenance…

  20. jumpin_j

    Wow, never thought I’d give Kanye props. Now I ain’t saying she’s a golddigger, but she ain’t hanging wit no broke… broke…

  21. yawn

    i think she’s right..
    for me.. a man.. why the fuck do i want to go picking out a ring?
    fuck that.

  22. Mike Nike

    I want to pump her face with my big fat cock and make her gag then dump a load over her face, if i have to buy that specific ring.

    • Female

      Don’t fret Mike ~ with a mouth like yours that spews such filth you’d never have a chance with her…or anyone else I think

  23. Little do women know that all a guy wants for the most part is for them not to talk so much and for us to get laid. Do that before AND after the wedding and you have a 70% chance the guy will stick around.

  24. Deacon Jones

    Hahahaha, frisbeeken, you hit it on the head.

    I work my ass off all day long, come home and just want to relax and constantly get the “You never want to talk to me” guilt trip.


  25. AppleJam

    Something about this gal makes me want to sodomize her, ring or no ring.

  26. Oh way to go Jennifer. Can we say bridezilla?

    • That we CAN’T say it is the point. She’ll never find anyone deluded enough to get past the “I have my engagement ring all pre-selected, all you have to do is choose but do it right or I won’t ever be happy” phase. No one wants to sign up for a lifetime of that. Not when there’sstill minefields out there just begging to be explored, that is.

      • The Listener

        Never say never. For every crazy woman, there’s a man out there that’s willing to over look it and marry her anyway.

        Look at Lorena Bobbit. 15 years after cutting off her husband’s penis in a moment of temporary insanity, she was engaged to a new guy I last heard in 2008 named Dave Bellinger.

        You see if a female can do something THAT crazy and STILL get engaged, there’s a good chance Jennifer can get married, too.

  27. poopsmith

    how pathetic

  28. mrsmass

    man, what a cunt!

  29. Cardinal Fang

    The question is: Why hasn’t she posed nude before those boobies start sliding down the front of her where no Photoshop artist will be able to help.

  30. eophus

    Someone may have already posted this, but this is a youtube video of the late Rich Cronin (Jenn’s former lover and former LFO member) dishing the dirt on a hell of a lot, but what’s crazy interesting is what he says about him and Jenn’s crazy relationship. This bitch is nuts! R.I.P Rich!


  31. eophus



  32. TomFrank

    “Tiffany’s.” She’s still trying to pretend she’s Audrey Hepburn, isn’t she?

  33. Beer Baron

    I wish a muthafucka WOULD pick another ring!

  34. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    The top of her dress looks like the napkin I used at a restaurant the other night.

  35. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    The top of her dress looks like the napkin I used at a restaurant the other night.

  36. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    Because she wears coffee filters?

  37. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Who is she fooling? The next guy she dates could pull a plastic one out of a CRACKER JACK box and shed fall to her knees saying “Yes Yes Yes!” and then call all her girlfriends and tell them they’re her bridesmaids”

    I saw her on a talk show like Letterman or something right when she was PARTY OF FIVE hoit and she was more bat shit than guano THEN. But at least she was young and firm!

  38. F*ck Y'all!

    I’ve been into this chick for years… and I still am.

    Come on Jenny baby… come to daddy… you know who loves you! ;)

  39. devilsrain

    This nut case is gonna be single for a long time. Oh sure, there will be guys willing to fuck her, but thats where it ends.

  40. somethingoriginal

    Is there a natural breast : crazy ratio that we haven’t investigated properly here? I will now believe Christina Hendricks is mostly plastic until she publicly requests fans send her jewels so she can vajazzle her way to feeling loved.

  41. Tanzarian

    Only three rings?

    Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.

  42. oooooo-kay….i defend JLH on here a lot, but the ring bit IS a little nutty…maybe she IS a bit too high maintenance for any man….what a pity….WHAT a pity…

  43. Brooke

    This is a woman who wants to get married for the sake of getting married. I can’t stand women like that. Maybe someday she’ll realize her prince is scared shitless by her enthusiasm and she’ll buy the rings herself, rent an illegal immigrant along the border, and just go nuts..

  44. Anya

    This women hasn’t gotten married yet because she has a face like a ferret and a nasty, fat, full of cottage cheese looking ass.

  45. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    I'm on my Period.
    Commented on this photo:

    Good God…

  46. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    I buy her all 3 rings for some time in the sack with that!

  47. This is why she will never get married. Bridezillas turn into wifezillas. I suspect this is why Taylor Swift is going to men like crazy, if you listen to her songs they all just drip of the fairy tale mentality.

    Joe Jonas, John Mayer and Jake all did not want to commit to this madness, Not only that I realized all her BF’s names start with J. My God she has a serial killer mentality as well.

    Taylor Swift is going to be heading down this path in a few years.

    This is also why Charlie Sheen is not in a hotel room “Livin’ the Dream” with rows and rows of Porn Girls. She got burned by marriage twice and is now saying FUCK IT.

  48. Dank

    Jesus, i always defended JLH but this is some fucked up shit. Forget about marriage being about the person you’re going to marry. As long as the fucking gold nugget on her finger is what she wants, she’s happy. Honestly some women really fucking suck.

  49. John

    I agree with her…If a relationship gets to the point of discussing marriage, why not have rings she likes already picked out? Saves a lot of headaches deciding.

  50. Rogue Trooper

    Sweet baby cheeses, what a bunch of sheep lol. My boyfriend has asked me kindly to choose a ring haha, he would be over the moon if I gave him 3 options and saved him the trouble. Men honestly, do you get all wet when you think about having to shop for your ladies ring?!? I guess so for you metrosexual types out there …

    The interview has been portrayed in a negative way. Think outside the box DOH. And for all you people raving on about money wtf? Lol, she has the money so why the hell not!? Which Hollywood star (or any woman for the matter) would opt for a gumball machine ring o__O ignorance is bliss …

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