Weston Cage Really Likes Facebook, And, Oh Yeah, His Wife’s Pregnant

July 6th, 2011 // 54 Comments

When she rested her boobs on the balcony, that’s when he knew he had to marry her for only three months then get punched in the face 13 times by his babysitter. It was destiny…

Like all goth, death-, speed-, black-, druid-, sassafras-, whatever the fuck-metal kids, Weston Cage loves throwing a pity party on social media. Can’t get enough of it. So, here he is bawling on Facebook about how his dad’s henchman really didn’t kick his ass and asking people to vote if she should divorce his wife Nikki Williams who he claims he didn’t beat Sunday night because she’s pregnant which everyone knows magically stops crazy people’s fists:

- divorce or no divorce? i got the papers. maybe i should write one letter of my name down for every time im abused or insulted until all ten letter that my name is comprised of is inscribed.
- dear world
i was misdiagnosed with bipolar and approved cogent
when kevin assaulted me i was too drunk to fight back, thats why im not sore about the video. so dont judge of a battle where my vigor was abated by deathly amounts of booze. never hit my wife. why would i start abusing after she was positive after taking a pregnant-c test
- have fun killing my child BREYAN PRESCOTT
- MY HEART IS BROKEN. MY SPRINGBOKKIE. WHY CANT WE STOP FIGHTING. U PROMISED ME IT WOULD STOP, I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LET YOU DRINK. WE WERE DOING SO WELL AND HAD SO MUCH ESTABLISHED. NOW WHAT? DON’T LOSE ME. I WILL NEVER COME BACK TO YOU
- made my choice
getting divorced
- i love those who love. now
let me heal you now before the gods take at twenty seven because of natural causes
- i will die at twenty seven, i just feel like i will naturally
- MANDY MORGAN QUOTE ” if u cant be good, be good at it” run away ron maybe she will cut u with a wine bottle

I should probably point out that Weston also changed his relationship status from “Married” to “It’s Complicated,” which I’m pretty sure is something an epic warrior of might and “vigor” would die before doing. That said, he should get together with Pete Wentz who’s also going through a messy divorce. Not only would they make a cute couple, but I can really see them finding a true connection, and more importantly overdosing on Xanax trying to see who can write the most emo haiku about tears.

Adding… Remind me to ask Photo Boy what Khloe Kardashian is doing in this gallery.

(Thanks to Brenna for the tip.)

Photo: Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. JC

    I hope his wife saw the post and started her own divorce proceedings, using the actual post to show why he’s an asshat and she should get all of his (father’s) money.

    • Dan

      doubtful… they only have been married three months or so.

      Also, do you really think she is much better than him, really?

      I highly doubt it.

      • Colin

        I dunno, from the way he was typing it sounds like she’s drinking heavily while pregnant. Of course he’s also an asshat, so who knows in this situation.

    • Venom

      How the fuck is she going to get his father’s money?
      Did the law change in this country where ex wives can get their spouse’s parent’s money now?

    • TomFrank

      What money? I thought he was in debt.

  2. only time you break up with a pregnant woman is if it ain’t yours. SPECIALLY one with such a bangin rack!

  3. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    Sean
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s cute but too much makeup

  4. Deacon Jones

    FISH, you need to post some stock photos of his wife, man.

    Her tits are a work of art, no wonder he’s fucking insane. I would be too if those funbags were bouncing off my head every night. Repetitive concussions are a bitch.

  5. fooey

    pregnant-c

    • Facebook Me

      Obviously not a product of the fine education his father could’ve and probably should’ve bought him.

      What a couple of assholes.

  6. Zilly

    Oh he’s gonna die at 27? What does he think he’s a rockstar like all the other famous people that died at 27. You ain’t no Jim Morrison.

  7. rican

    I like the way her boobs hang from the railing.

  8. Venom

    And people think Lindsay is bad…

  9. Colin

    If he shaved and cut his hair, I’d totally watch the Pete Wentz/Weston Cage sex tape. I mean, I like long hair on a guy, but… yuck.

  10. sc4play

    He can’t keep his sh** together and he’s procreating? Damn it all!

  11. So they are divorcing? Does this mean she will up for some jugfuck action later on this week? I don’t to pressure it to soon and come off like a jerk.

  12. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    Commented on this photo:

    Why isn’t someone throwing beads at this bitch?

  13. “maybe i should write one letter of my name down for every time im abused or insulted until all ten letter that my name is comprised of is inscribed.”

    Yeah, I can picture that now.

    “No, Weston, the ‘e’ is backwards. There you go…ok, make the cross bar…yay! good boy! Oops, did you break your crayon? Here’s a new one.”

  14. Dani

    I need to know what the hell a “pregnant-c test” is!

    • Drew

      Maybe it’s a cross between a pregnancy and hepatitis-c test?

      It’s probably a good thing for these 2 assholes.

  15. “so dont judge of a battle where my vigor was abated by deathly amounts of booze.”

    Can I judge based on this writing? I mean, I feel like I already know that he’s a complete moron . . .

  16. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got pretty eyes, but I can’t help but think that stubble is going to chafe my balls.

  17. Who could have guessed that a 21 year old douche who buys his wardrobe at Hot Topic would be overly dramatic on Facebook.

  18. Polk

    The only thing interesting about this whole story is his wife’s rack. She’s got a smokin’ body.

  19. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    Jess
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy shit, he’s married to J-Woww?!

  20. You would think with all the movie money his dad made Weston would at least be able to spell correctly. “Pregnant-c test”? This kid is about as sharp as a bag of wet mice.

  21. bitingontinfoil

    LMAO – MJ dangled his “blanket” over a balcony, she dangles her “melons”…stay classy, baby!

  22. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugliest.Kardashian.EVAR

  23. Damien Echols of the West Memphis Three get sent to death row for a murder he didn’t commit for having this look, while this douche gets to walk around free. There is no justice.

  24. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    MrsWrong
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re doing Mardi Gras wrong, dumbass

  25. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    MrsWrong
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m pretty sure she is voluntarily choking on that shrimp cocktail, no heimlich needed…

  26. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    MrsWrong
    Commented on this photo:

    They’ll fit in real good at the trailer park after daddy settles with the government

  27. ET Phone Home

    heheh “Pregnant-C” test… I want one of those?

  28. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    Bob
    Commented on this photo:

    Xena got a sex change?

  29. revaaron

    I photographed his band once in Boston and his dad showed up.
    nice kid from what I saw.
    http://www.returntothepit.com/concert.php?band=eyes_of_noctum&date=2009-07-15

    there are the pictures if anyone cares.

  30. Sara

    I just have to say that I’m passionately in love with the Superficial writer. This article made me gigglefit like nobody’s business. Thank you!

  31. Wusston Cage

    The worlds biggest wannabe badazz, douche-bag riding on the coattails of his actor father, who got his drunk wannabe badazz beat down by some little dude. He claims little dude gave him a nut shot. Didnt know there were rules in a street fight. Guess all his wannabe training didnt payoff. He should go lay down next to his water dish with his skanky golddigging wife and stick to Mortal Kombat where he might have a chance of kicking some azz. LOSER.

  32. Sounds like he’d best be leaving Las Vegas.

    /knee slap

    Also, +5 Rail Boobs ftw.

  33. the captain

    let’s be sorry this kid is alive, folks!!

  34. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    Samantha
    Commented on this photo:

    its good to see a man who speaks britney.. pregnant-c tests for everyone!!

  35. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    twincobra
    Commented on this photo:

    they say that your son squealed like a pig when he was crucified and that your wife moaned like a whore as they ravaged her again and again AND AGAIN

  36. Carolyn

    Loser son of a loser father. And that cigarette–nasty.

  37. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    His genre is called “Poser-Metal”. Please don’t associate Speed, Black or Death Metal with this Clown.

  38. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    Nothing says class like a bare foot bride in a stripper wedding gown.

  39. Weston Cage Nikki Willams Facebook
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet his parents are sooooo proud.

  40. irina chikvashvili

    “pregnant-c test” AHAHHAHHAHA

  41. Toni

    Somebody needs to take away his word-a-day calendar.

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