Weston Cage Really Likes Facebook, And, Oh Yeah, His Wife’s Pregnant

The Superficial / July 6, 2011

When she rested her boobs on the balcony, that’s when he knew he had to marry her for only three months then get punched in the face 13 times by his babysitter. It was destiny…

Like all goth, death-, speed-, black-, druid-, sassafras-, whatever the fuck-metal kids, Weston Cage loves throwing a pity party on social media. Can’t get enough of it. So, here he is bawling on Facebook about how his dad’s henchman really didn’t kick his ass and asking people to vote if she should divorce his wife Nikki Williams who he claims he didn’t beat Sunday night because she’s pregnant which everyone knows magically stops crazy people’s fists:

- divorce or no divorce? i got the papers. maybe i should write one letter of my name down for every time im abused or insulted until all ten letter that my name is comprised of is inscribed.
– dear world
i was misdiagnosed with bipolar and approved cogent
when kevin assaulted me i was too drunk to fight back, thats why im not sore about the video. so dont judge of a battle where my vigor was abated by deathly amounts of booze. never hit my wife. why would i start abusing after she was positive after taking a pregnant-c test
– have fun killing my child BREYAN PRESCOTT
– MY HEART IS BROKEN. MY SPRINGBOKKIE. WHY CANT WE STOP FIGHTING. U PROMISED ME IT WOULD STOP, I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LET YOU DRINK. WE WERE DOING SO WELL AND HAD SO MUCH ESTABLISHED. NOW WHAT? DON’T LOSE ME. I WILL NEVER COME BACK TO YOU
– made my choice
getting divorced
– i love those who love. now
let me heal you now before the gods take at twenty seven because of natural causes
– i will die at twenty seven, i just feel like i will naturally
– MANDY MORGAN QUOTE ” if u cant be good, be good at it” run away ron maybe she will cut u with a wine bottle

I should probably point out that Weston also changed his relationship status from “Married” to “It’s Complicated,” which I’m pretty sure is something an epic warrior of might and “vigor” would die before doing. That said, he should get together with Pete Wentz who’s also going through a messy divorce. Not only would they make a cute couple, but I can really see them finding a true connection, and more importantly overdosing on Xanax trying to see who can write the most emo haiku about tears.

Adding… Remind me to ask Photo Boy what Khloe Kardashian is doing in this gallery.

(Thanks to Brenna for the tip.)

Photo: Splash News, WENN