Weston Cage’s Wife Kicked His Ass Now

July 5th, 2011 // 45 Comments

On Sunday night, Weston Cage claimed that the 13 punches to the face he took from his babysitter only happened because he was one drink short of death and took a cheap shot to the balls, according to TMZ:

He says that if he had a few more drinks, his “loyal and beautiful wife and my outstanding father wouldn’t have been visiting me in the psych ward, they would have been visiting me for the last time in an open casket funeral.”
Cage said that his dad’s assistant, Kevin Villegas, threw the first punch in their street brawl, saying, “Before that fight, I wish you guys had the intro to it, because he actually punched me in the nuts, like a little girl.”
Cage said he wants to settle things once and for all in a real fight.

And by real fight, Weston clearly meant letting his wife get a turn to kick his ass not even an hour lately because that’s exactly what happened:

Witnesses say in addition to cutting him on the arm with a bottle, she punched him wildly and threatened to jump off the balcony. But cops believed Weston was also violent and booked him on felony domestic violence as well.

After the incident, Weston told reporters, “Don’t get married,” which is really just the tip of the iceberg here considering the better advice would’ve been, “Don’t let Nicolas Cage‘s sperm fertilize your mom’s egg resulting in you falling out of her vagina.” Once that happens, you’re pretty much fucked. Back me up, Kal-El.

Photo: Fame, Splash News

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  1. God is Black

    Cage said “he wants to settle things once and for all in a real fight!” Lets go Little Girlie Man ! BaHaHaHa ! DOUCHE

  2. the captain

    believe it or not but her foot was stuck in his anus.

  3. Shia La Poof

    Mental pussy says “Why”

  4. Deacon Jones

    “Hey, do these jammies match my Adidas slippers? Or should I have gone with my blue boat shoes?”

  5. Weston Cage Nikki Williams Domestic Violence
    Blonde
    Commented on this photo:

    What?! You mean this white trash lookin’ mother fucker isn’t a perfect gentleman?

  6. Nice gladiator pajama pants.

    The look that says, I’m dangerous but Im comfortable too.

  7. idk he’s a big dude plus he’s crazy, if you get into a fight with him you HAVE to punch him in the goolies first..

    • Deacon Jones

      He’s not that big, I could take him if I was pissed off enough.

      • photos don’t show his height or reach, any idea if he’s 6′? i’m a 2nd deg bb in mma, and i’d rather sit that one out. goths look like pussies but they listen to the some fucked up satanic lyrics lol, hate to find out the hard way he’s for real

      • yes internet hardman Deacon jones …im sure you could… :)

      • Deacon Jones

        He’s over 6′.

        It’s not the goth guys you fear, it’s the shifty, quiet guys that are always the craziest in my experience.

      • Drew

        @dude

        You don’t get blackbelts in MMA because it’s not standardized training, dumbfuck. You get blackbelts in specific martial arts (like B-Jiujitsu, Karate etc), which then you can “mix” together to for a custom style that they call “MMA”. Also, anyone with actual training in martial arts learn that the appearance/size of your opponent is meaningless and something you should never be intimidated by. So to claim that you’d “sit this one out because he’s goth and goths are hella scary bro”, further proves you’re full of shit.

        I get that being anonymous allows you to make shit up without consequence, but it only works when you have half a clue about what you’re talking about, fucking moron.

      • @drew you’re either a fucking word pedant or know little you know about schools. not every school is single style. where i go happens to incorporate several styles from kungfu to karate to tkd to bjj, plus judo, wrestling/grappling, weapons, and so on. so kiss my ass

      • ..although i’ll grant you my cert probly does say tkd. but it’s as tkd as jeet kun do

      • Burt

        “goths look like pussies but they listen to the some fucked up satanic lyrics”

        Thanks for the laugh.

      • thank you Bert….. SOMEone here apparently gets it :-)

    • anon

      @dude

      your a fucking retard.

      that is all.

  8. Cock Dr

    Bikinis & celebrity’s mentally ill children……the SW bread & butter on slow news days.

  9. He should have said something like “Yea, they had to put me in the armory for a few days, turns out *flex* these guns are registered dangerous weapons” and then kick his wife in the vagina.

  10. Donald Trump

    What a g-damn tool. I wish he and his bimbo wife would jump of a balcony.

  11. Weston Cage Nikki Williams Domestic Violence
    kcarroll26
    Commented on this photo:

    This guy is a waste of space. Why is he taking up my oxygen? Let’s hope the blow to the balls rendered him sterile. Lord knows we don’t need another one of these pieces of shit roaming around!

  12. Weston Cage Nikki Williams Domestic Violence
    kcarroll26
    Commented on this photo:

    Does anyone else smell sweaty feet and b.o. mixed with a hint of bacon?

  13. Weston Cage Nikki Williams Domestic Violence
    Commented on this photo:

    This looks like something out of Bumfights.

  14. His wifes pretty hot, no pictures of her? I dunno why he even brought this incident up, he just needs to shut up and move on. If they do have a rematch, he’ll get his ass kicked again.

  15. rican

    I have trouble believing this guy’s a bad ass martial arts fighter.

    • cc

      You and 99.99% of the rest of the population.

      Kind of like my gym, where every other dween is wearing Tapout clothing. Sure, dude, you are practically GSP.

      • gsp studied kyokshinkai which i did in england as a teenager, that’s basically glorified street fighting. highly recommended if you can find a school near you.
        (rip mas oyama)

      • Burt

        “gsp studied kyokshinkai which i did in england as a teenager, that’s basically glorified street fighting.”

        Nah, George St Pierre kicks ass because he’s French Canadian. We make Spartans look like pussies because we train buck-ass naked in the snow.

      • lol, ce c’est la raison q’je demande toujours le poutine supplementaire!

  16. Savannah

    I think he’s lush

  17. Dan

    I think he is just completely spoiled.

    My dad would have kicked my ass himself if I had been acting the way he did – at 17.

    At his age my dad would have just told me if I fucked up my life then it was on me – and not sent someone around to fetch me.

  18. Wow, if this kid’s a badass, then how badass was Andy Kaufman? Kaufman actually won when he wrestled women.

  19. cc

    His face in pic 2 practically screams ‘Hey, my life is on an upward trajectory!’

  20. He lost the fight with his trainer because he fought like a girl and punched him in the nuts. He lost the fight with his wife, presumably because she also fought like a girl and hit him with weakly powered and poorly aimed slaps.

    Just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion must win at least one game of chess…to be a true badass fighter, Weston must win at least one fight. I’m not holding my breath.

    • cc

      I just got an idea for a reality show. A group of SF contributors go to a training camp for six weeks with a real MMA fighter, and at the end they get to fight Weston Cage.

      • I got a better idea for a reality show. A group of SF contributors go to beauty school for six weeks and learn how to apply goth make-up correctly. Then at the end, they get to go to a Cure concert with Weston Cage.

      • Burt

        They could call the show “Tapping Out with Weston Cage”.

  21. Uncle Phil

    if this guy wants to have fights with rules and a ref, he shouldn’t be picking fights in the street. if i kick you in the nuts, but i can walk away afterward, then i win the fight. there is no scorecard for brawling.

  22. Lola

    I don’t even know this asswipe and I want to kick his ass.

  23. Suhon

    Nick Cage 2.0!! Can you see the parallels!? Like father like son!!

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