VMAS: Beyonce is Pregnant

Beyonce decided to sabotage the entire VMAs by announcing she’s pregnant on the red carpet. I’m going to assume Gwyneth Paltrow put her up to this because you have heard? They’re friends. Or at least are until Gwyneth demands the child be named Goopagelia Coldplay Carter IV. “Bey, I don’t want to play this card, but I will build a handpainted owl bone time machine and send you back to a colonial plantation. But only cause you my girl. Now gimme some daps.”

Photos: Getty