Tori Spelling ‘Quarantined Like An Ebola Patient’

She’s probably pregnant again, so why buy new pics? JOURNALISM!

Tori Spelling lives thousands of miles away from anyone with the Ebola virus, and I’m pretty confident she’s not walking around letting random strangers shit and bleed in her hands. On top of that, she has a gaping hole in her chest that wards off evil which is the only possible explanation I could come up with for its presence. So why the hell she was quarantined for Ebola is anybody’s guess. TMZ reports:

Tori Spelling had several of the symptoms, and got treated like an Ebola patient this weekend when she was hospitalized with a bunch of illnesses … TMZ has learned.
Sources tell us Tori was running a fever, coughing uncontrollably, and having trouble breathing … when she was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. We’re told Tori was quarantined from other patients, and medical staff took precautions while treating her.

In related news, Tori has another season of her reality show coming up, and apparently, “Hey, I let my fake-cheating husband knock me up again,” wasn’t testing as high as, “What if she bled to death from the nose and mouth?” Which is honestly a decent hook. Do they need funding?

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