Tom Cruise Controls The Suri Now

“So I know you’re probably thinking I went and got you that puppy, but, wow, how do I put this? Your mom’s got a lotta shit on me.”

Even though Katie Holmes got basically everything she wanted in the divorce settlement, there was no way she’d get Tom Cruise to agree to completely abandon Suri because then it’d be even more obvious she has dirt on him than it already it is. So here he is picking her up for their first visit since the divorce where, depending on what you read, she’s under the constant surveillance of Katie’s nannies who will ensure Tom Cruise doesn’t teach Suri how to hurl more garbage trucks with her mind. Although, how they’ll do that without the Bands of Xanthar is anybody’s guess. Travolta refuses to disclose its location.

“It’s in my butt.”

See? Just refuses.

Photo: Getty