Tom Cruise Rocks Out For The Cocks Out

July 18th, 2011 // 70 Comments

Because OT VIIIs go method or go to the Zaptar Gamma and encase themselves in the failure chamber of Kermaxillon 7, here’s a shirtless Tom Cruise rehearsing for his role as Stacee Jaxx in Rock of Ages on his hotel balcony and then, based on the most logical explanation, pointing at the dude with the biggest erection and discreetly demanding he be Xenu rayed into a state of submission. On that note, check out Katie Holmes’ face as she steps out on the balcony to observe the aftermath. Either Miami still smells like Snooki, or Tom packed the grape EmotionGone 454 again. Katie Holmes hates grape!

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Splash News

superficial

  1. Dr Ha-Ha

    If only he was singing Van Halen’s ‘Jump’.

  2. browny

    Thick body, scrawny arms, big nose, short man. ’nuff said. time’s up, tom, pop on a frock and be who you really are.

  3. Katie Holmes Suri Cruise Miami Balcony Tom Cruise Shirtless
    ChonchArcola
    Commented on this photo:

    i see Suri doing the child’s version of “facepalm”.

  4. tlmck

    Only thing missing was dangling Suri over the edge.

  5. Distiller

    C’mon! The man is 50 years old!

  6. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    Sin
    Commented on this photo:

    All dudes in that picture. Imagine that.

  7. Venom

    Whoever provides the hairpieces for these scientologists does a great job.
    His and Travoltas are some of the best I have ever seen.

  8. the captain

    let’s appologize for this little weasel.
    ……..DWARFS DO THINGS!!

  9. Melissa

    Tom knows how to rock on! These pics are really embarrassing lol.

  10. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    Your Gynecologist
    Commented on this photo:

    From left to right: The indian, the police officer, the cowboy, the G.I. and the construction worker.

  11. U.

    Looking pretty sick, tired and hungry here.

  12. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    Your Gynecologist
    Commented on this photo:

    Trying to reach the microchip?

  13. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    Jeroen
    Commented on this photo:

    What a gaylord.

  14. Katie Holmes Suri Cruise Miami Balcony Tom Cruise Shirtless
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    HA HA HA

  15. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    Something in me died when I saw this picture

  16. JJ

    Moron ! Another star that has let stardom go to his head, welcome to the Charlie Sheen club Tom Sleaze !

  17. Cock Dr

    Used to be so cute (remember a little movie called “Risky Business”?)…for a short little guy he’s now one of the biggest jokes in Hollywood.

    • Sure glad they didn’t capture him in his underpants here

    • BE

      “USED to be so cute” –> And then we got to know him….hence his need to shop in the “young and dumb” department for relationships…

      And he DID shop. Apparently, Katie was third on the list. The others found it and him too freaky. I imagine they toned it down by the time they (Tom and the senior scientologists) got to Katie.

  18. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    I understand the hat in the pool,
    but why isn’t it covered with tinfoil?

  19. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I wish I hadn’t looked.

  20. Katie Holmes Suri Cruise Miami Balcony Tom Cruise Shirtless
    KWDragon
    Commented on this photo:

    His performance as a heterosexual rock star doesn’t appear to be the only thing that stinks on that balcony. Phew! Old man farts!

  21. RoboZombie

    Oh My! C’mon dude, just come out, no one cares if you’re gay!
    On that note, Pic #2: As gay as it gets.

  22. TomFrank

    “Stacee Jaxx”? Geez, could they be more obvious as to whose name they’re ripping off? “Okay, that’s five votes for Stacee Jaxx, three votes for Hammy Sagar, and one for Axel Lily.”

  23. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    Throjo
    Commented on this photo:

    He really knows how to work the mic…and by mic I mean cock.

  24. Frank Burns

    Remember folks, he’s not gay! And he no doubt finds your comments here to be “glib”.

  25. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Tame it ’til it’s dead inside and a shell of its former self! And all the while respect other cocks! Embed these cocks! We…are…men!”

  26. Anybody that hires this hobbit for a movie is desperate. LepreTom should go make another Mission Impossible.

  27. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    General Disarray
    Commented on this photo:

    Ehhh…wait….erhhg…do you see the bubbles yet?

  28. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    Commented on this photo:

    Seen here belting out a heartfelt rendition of “If Only This Microphone Were a Cock.”

  29. Vivian

    I was whining the other day about Fish not posting for the ladies…this is progress, thanks Fish : )

    • duke of dook

      whatevs…I know the ramblings of a gay scientologist when I see them…looking at you “Vivian”

  30. Mark

    This guy’s NUTS! He’s a loaded spring. When he blows it won’t be pretty. Will he go the Christian Bale or Charlie Sheen way? Let’s have a poll. :-)

  31. Pippy Longcockings

    My cock is so fucking hard right now…

  32. kimmykimkim

    I hope this movie is supposed to be a comedy ’cause these pics are fucking hilarious.

  33. Ponkur

    “Rehearsing for a role” would be my excuse too.

  34. Gumption

    still hot.

  35. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    Gumption
    Commented on this photo:

    you all are serious haters, this man is HOT! Far better than those ugly, skinny girly boys hollywood is pumping out. Give me a Tom all day, anyday…

  36. Arzach

    This guy has been a joke since the 90′s… oops sorry I said guy what I meant was …

  37. BE

    It’s official: Tom Cruise is a glory days cliche…

    Seeing him resurrect “Risky Business” TWENTY NINE YEARS LATER is beyond lame. Try desperate. If that seems harsh – answer this – has anyone HEARD the man sing? Ever? And, somewhere a producer with a brain tumor who believes this to be casting genius. (See, we’ll automatically get all the “Risky Business” demographic) Yech.

    Fortunately for Rock of Ages – an ensemble cast has a lot more talent – we hope. But will we see it while laughing at pointing at this guy.

    I’ve tried nailing it down to Scientology (dumb and dumber), dyslexia, bat shit crazy, etc., but honestly it makes me tired just looking at him.

  38. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    Loulou
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s getting a bad case of old man’s torso…

  39. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    Melissa
    Commented on this photo:

    Gross!!

  40. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    JD
    Commented on this photo:

    Happy belated birthday Tom.

  41. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    MrsWrong
    Commented on this photo:

    Heeeeeres Tommy

  42. Tom Cruise Shirtless Pool Hat Miami
    MrsWrong
    Commented on this photo:

    “Kaaaate, when is it my turn to use the floaties?”

  43. Katie Holmes Suri Cruise Miami Balcony Tom Cruise Shirtless
    angerinside
    Commented on this photo:

    Ahh …. the dreaded hate filled micro tit strikes again.

  44. James

    You guys are real retards. Cruise dominates every movie he is in and is more successful then all of you and your family members combined.

    • BE

      Where have you been? His last three films flopped. And we won’t even go into the Church of Scientology having to finance that revisionist piece of crap titled Valkyrie just to get him back INTO the movies.

      Success, by the way, is in the eye of the beholder. If “more successful” means making a complete fool out of yourself worldwide, then ya got us there…

      His craziness has overshadowed his talent. So, don’t go holding your breath for him finally getting an Oscar.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      It’s “more successful THAN you”. What is with these people that get then and than mixed up all the time? The same people that say “should of”, and “could care less”, I’ll wager. Loser. (That’s loser, see, not looser.)

  45. Fandy

    someone beam Stacee Jaxx up…he is making an ass out of us all (said the head alien)

  46. Fandy

    Beam him up Scotty!!

  47. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    Commented on this photo:

    All these pictures have a certain hand-mouth configuration that makes me uncomfortable when he does it.

  48. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    Commented on this photo:

    Now this is how aliens give blow jobs .

  49. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    popdeath
    Commented on this photo:

    This guy makes a three dollar bill look straight.

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