Thanks to John Travolta spending the past 40 years puckering his anus at every single male masseuse on the planet making it ridiculously obvious that Scientology really is just a front for closeted gay men to pretend they’re happily married to women, Katie Holmes has finally grabbed Suri and made a run for it before they both get forced into slave labor on a cruise ship which is the only way to read this. People reports:
“This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family,” says Holmes’s attorney Jonathan Wolfe. “Katie’s primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter’s best interest.”
So, remember when Tom Cruise went through all that trouble to have those Scientology slaves build a reeducation trailer for Katie Holmes so he could systematically brainwash her into believing alien ghosts make him super awesome at doing his own stunts? This is kind of a dick way to repay him. Just saying.
Photo: Fame/Flynet, Splash News
Translation: Tom decided not to renew her contract.
Or that it was a five-year contract from the start. Now Katie regains her freedom.
I see I’m not the only one with this theory.
@Caps Lock: It was quite obvious to everyone that this was a contract marriage.
Run Katie, run!
Does that mean that Mr. Cruise can come out of the closet now?
No it means the Scientologists will be looking to sign another chick up.
why is michael lohan chasing after them??
Perhaps Tom hired him to use his special move, the “cunt punt”, on poor Katie.
See. They told us that legalizing gay marriage would destroy marriage, and now there goes Tom Cruise, getting divorced . . .
TCLTC
What does the Twin Cities Lego Train Center have to do with th-oh, wait…
In a statement to the press, Mr. Cruise’s attorney, said that “This is a personal and private matter for Mr. Cruise, but in a nutshell, Tom didn’t like that Katie had a vagina.”
whoa, check out those feet. Those feet are entirely too big for a child.
She apparently signed a five-year contract.
From her IMDB bio:
“Engaged to Tom Cruise as of 17th June 2005.”
“On November 18, 2006, married Tom Cruise”
So… more like a 7-year contract., pending the success of the year-and-a-half engagement.
Creepy.
Seven years…isn’t that the standard length of a contract when you sell your soul to the Devil?
Standard contract is 6 years, 6 months and 6 days, but check me on that.
Seven years is how long it takes to realize that you’ve made a horrible life decision. And it’s usually the woman that realizes it first.
It’s exactly the length of the *Broken Mirror Mockers*.
The contract is usually for seven years, but you should never expect the devil to keep his promises. Trust me on this.
$cientology will legally stitch that bitch’s mouth shut about the homo stuff just like they did Kidman.
TCLTC
i’ve been waiting in anticipation for years to see this post on this site. finally! Katie is as damaged goods as it gets.
Apparently, you’ve never heard of Carmen Electra or Pamela Anderson.
Carmen Electra’s good are still grade-A beef in my book.
Shoulda put another baby in her, Tom.
He didn’t put one in her in the first place, he had some hired sperm do it for him.
Good for her, maybe she’ll get off the sedatives and drop the whole dead-eyed robot thing! Once upon a time, Joey Potter was a hot piece.
I guess the Scientology spell must have worn off. Either that or she caught Tom Cruise with John Travolta.
now let’s see if there is hope for Laura Prepton.
I seriously doubt Laura will ever get caught with either Cruise or Travolta.
What hope is there for Laura Prepon (spelled correctly here) if one guy spells her name wrong and then the next poster knows whom he is speaking of?
YAY! Way to go, Katie!!! About time!
Well what do you know. A-list Heidi and Spencer get a divorce.
Not a huge fan of Katie and I thought she’d made the biggest mistake of her life getting involved with Cruse, but I’m happy for her now.
Just hope those dangerous cultists leave her and her daughter well alone, and that includes the deranged dwarf.
wishful thinking. once you have a kid with a dranged dwarf you are stuck with them for life. you might have other guys fuck your brains out but you are stck stuck with the insane dwarf. and any guy you hook up with will never be a father t your kid. and for that poor bastard he would have to stand on his knees to even get a father image out of that little girl.
I find the fact Tom Cruise decides to leave Katies Holmes the same day that Magic Mike came out in theaters more than a little suspicious.
LMAO…I love it!
He hung so loud to cry
DAN FUCKING QUAYLE!!!
Hahaahahaha!
Yes, I was also looking forward to his opinion on this! :D
Like a modern day prophet , someone like Chance the Gardner maybe ?
No matter how hard she tried Katie couldn’t beat Tom’s e-meter.
“So your daddy said, ‘Here’s $500 million–all you have to do is pretend to be married to me for five years.’ I’d have been stupid not to sign.”
“Then I realised the actual costs involved. It wasn’t worth it.”
“No field auditors here, either. I think we’re in the clear!”
Tom Cruise is good looking, rich, famous and he is willing to have kids what more could a woman want. :-)
Heterosexuality
Mental stability.
Someone who won’t jump all over the fucking couch.
Those FREE KATIE t-shirts paid off.
Did the publicists really think that dropping this story on a summertime Friday afternoon was going to mitigate the shitstorm of gossip?
Tom Cruise: it’s time to COME ON OUT.
“We’re all done with that creepy little man, honey!”
I bet is was Suri’s idea to leave in the first place .
Hahaha so true.
That little girl runs the show
Wonder how much the deprogramming, or exorcism, will cost her?
Now Tom and Travolta can buy that nice little beach house up in Malibu and spend their later years sipping Mojitos and watching the sunset over the Pacific.
Haha! Good!
With travolta around tommyboy didn’t need the beard no more.
Ugh she’s having a temper tantrum. Isn’t she a little old for this? They’ve created a monster.
Lemme guess… you don’t have any kids, do you?
Whether I do or don’t what difference does that make? Go look through any and all pictures of Suri that have been posted on line and tell me that what I’ve said doesn’t have a shred of truth to it.
Seeing as her dad’s a mental patient on the loose, and her mom’s a zombie, she’s doing tolerably well.
And now seeing this picture I feel sorry for her. Dammit.
I guess she got tired of her love life being dressing up like a little boy, kneeling down, and taking it up the poop shoot.
I could see where that could get old…
Now watch him try to steal Ryan Seacrest’s beard by going after Julianne Hough. :)
It was nice of those two waiting the extra day to divorce so we, as a nation, could find out we have Healthcare.
This man spews out three things: Divorces, hatefull movies and divorces!!
hollywood megastars never win.
there’s always a girl after their money.
Katie hit the jackpot here. Rate of return over 7 years …….. 30 million dollars per year !!!
she’s set for life
notice how sad Katie has looked over the last 7 years……. the same way Elin looked with tiger
I noticed that, too. Part of me felt sorry for her and the rest of me just wanted to slap her for being so damn stupid in the first place.
Has Tom announced new beard auditions or does he already have a girl ready to sign a new 5 year agreement?
I guess her contract expired. On to the next beard.
Safe your baby girl, Katie. Good job. Hopefully you hire some good consultant and take all his money too.
Suri has already been returned to the 20th Century Fox prop department.
“What do you mean Daddy told you I got a pancake ass?”
Paps who chase kids = assholes. Leave the kids alone. Looks to me like she is frightened and Katie is trying to talk her out of it.
Why does Katie always carry Suri she looks big enough to walk on her own by now
Ah, Now I see Tom in her.
no doubt she’s a big girl!!!!!!!!! stop carrying her, she can walk.