Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes Are Getting Divorced

June 29th, 2012 // 80 Comments
Katie Pulled The Trigger
Katie Holmes Working Mom Tom Cruise Suri Cruise
And Wants Sole Custody. BOOM. Read More »

Thanks to John Travolta spending the past 40 years puckering his anus at every single male masseuse on the planet making it ridiculously obvious that Scientology really is just a front for closeted gay men to pretend they’re happily married to women, Katie Holmes has finally grabbed Suri and made a run for it before they both get forced into slave labor on a cruise ship which is the only way to read this. People reports:

“This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family,” says Holmes’s attorney Jonathan Wolfe. “Katie’s primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter’s best interest.”

So, remember when Tom Cruise went through all that trouble to have those Scientology slaves build a reeducation trailer for Katie Holmes so he could systematically brainwash her into believing alien ghosts make him super awesome at doing his own stunts? This is kind of a dick way to repay him. Just saying.

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Splash News

superficial

  1. Translation: Tom decided not to renew her contract.

  2. El Jefe

    Does that mean that Mr. Cruise can come out of the closet now?

  3. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    mikael
    Commented on this photo:

    why is michael lohan chasing after them??

  4. it had to be said

    See. They told us that legalizing gay marriage would destroy marriage, and now there goes Tom Cruise, getting divorced . . .

  5. Jennyjenjen

    TCLTC

  6. In a statement to the press, Mr. Cruise’s attorney, said that “This is a personal and private matter for Mr. Cruise, but in a nutshell, Tom didn’t like that Katie had a vagina.”

  7. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    whoa, check out those feet. Those feet are entirely too big for a child.

  8. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Aimee
    Commented on this photo:

    She apparently signed a five-year contract.

    • tipsymcfrisky

      From her IMDB bio:
      “Engaged to Tom Cruise as of 17th June 2005.”
      “On November 18, 2006, married Tom Cruise”

      So… more like a 7-year contract., pending the success of the year-and-a-half engagement.
      Creepy.

  9. USDA Prime McBeef

    $cientology will legally stitch that bitch’s mouth shut about the homo stuff just like they did Kidman.

    TCLTC

  10. mrsmass

    i’ve been waiting in anticipation for years to see this post on this site. finally! Katie is as damaged goods as it gets.

  11. your mom

    Shoulda put another baby in her, Tom.

  12. winking starfy

    Good for her, maybe she’ll get off the sedatives and drop the whole dead-eyed robot thing! Once upon a time, Joey Potter was a hot piece.

  13. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Mickey01232000
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess the Scientology spell must have worn off. Either that or she caught Tom Cruise with John Travolta.

  14. Aaron

    YAY! Way to go, Katie!!! About time!

  15. Well what do you know. A-list Heidi and Spencer get a divorce.

  16. Mr.Brightwell

    Not a huge fan of Katie and I thought she’d made the biggest mistake of her life getting involved with Cruse, but I’m happy for her now.

    Just hope those dangerous cultists leave her and her daughter well alone, and that includes the deranged dwarf.

    • wishful thinking. once you have a kid with a dranged dwarf you are stuck with them for life. you might have other guys fuck your brains out but you are stck stuck with the insane dwarf. and any guy you hook up with will never be a father t your kid. and for that poor bastard he would have to stand on his knees to even get a father image out of that little girl.

  17. Jill

    I find the fact Tom Cruise decides to leave Katies Holmes the same day that Magic Mike came out in theaters more than a little suspicious.

  18. Dan Quayle

    He hung so loud to cry

  19. Sven Golly

    No matter how hard she tried Katie couldn’t beat Tom’s e-meter.

  20. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    “So your daddy said, ‘Here’s $500 million–all you have to do is pretend to be married to me for five years.’ I’d have been stupid not to sign.”

  21. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    “No field auditors here, either. I think we’re in the clear!”

  22. Cruz

    Tom Cruise is good looking, rich, famous and he is willing to have kids what more could a woman want. :-)

  23. MIA

    Those FREE KATIE t-shirts paid off.

  24. Cock Dr

    Did the publicists really think that dropping this story on a summertime Friday afternoon was going to mitigate the shitstorm of gossip?
    Tom Cruise: it’s time to COME ON OUT.

  25. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    “We’re all done with that creepy little man, honey!”

  26. grobpilot

    Wonder how much the deprogramming, or exorcism, will cost her?

  27. theoriginal LJ

    Now Tom and Travolta can buy that nice little beach house up in Malibu and spend their later years sipping Mojitos and watching the sunset over the Pacific.

  28. kimmykimkim

    Haha! Good!

  29. Archie Leach

    With travolta around tommyboy didn’t need the beard no more.

  30. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugh she’s having a temper tantrum. Isn’t she a little old for this? They’ve created a monster.

    • Lemme guess… you don’t have any kids, do you?

      • Whether I do or don’t what difference does that make? Go look through any and all pictures of Suri that have been posted on line and tell me that what I’ve said doesn’t have a shred of truth to it.

      • Rapsutin's Evil Twin

        Seeing as her dad’s a mental patient on the loose, and her mom’s a zombie, she’s doing tolerably well.

  31. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    And now seeing this picture I feel sorry for her. Dammit.

  32. Dirk The Imapiler

    I guess she got tired of her love life being dressing up like a little boy, kneeling down, and taking it up the poop shoot.

    I could see where that could get old…

  33. techman

    Now watch him try to steal Ryan Seacrest’s beard by going after Julianne Hough. :)

  34. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Billy Corman
    Commented on this photo:

    It was nice of those two waiting the extra day to divorce so we, as a nation, could find out we have Healthcare.

  35. AndrewMacCloud

    This man spews out three things: Divorces, hatefull movies and divorces!!

  36. anonym

    hollywood megastars never win.

    there’s always a girl after their money.

    Katie hit the jackpot here. Rate of return over 7 years …….. 30 million dollars per year !!!

    she’s set for life

  37. anonym

    notice how sad Katie has looked over the last 7 years……. the same way Elin looked with tiger

    • Laurie

      I noticed that, too. Part of me felt sorry for her and the rest of me just wanted to slap her for being so damn stupid in the first place.

  38. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Stewie Griffin
    Commented on this photo:

    Has Tom announced new beard auditions or does he already have a girl ready to sign a new 5 year agreement?

  39. I guess her contract expired. On to the next beard.

  40. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Ouddy
    Commented on this photo:

    Safe your baby girl, Katie. Good job. Hopefully you hire some good consultant and take all his money too.

  41. Suri has already been returned to the 20th Century Fox prop department.

  42. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    fashionadviser
    Commented on this photo:

    “What do you mean Daddy told you I got a pancake ass?”

  43. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Girl
    Commented on this photo:

    Paps who chase kids = assholes. Leave the kids alone. Looks to me like she is frightened and Katie is trying to talk her out of it.

  44. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Judith
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does Katie always carry Suri she looks big enough to walk on her own by now

  45. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Divorce Suri Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Ah, Now I see Tom in her.

  46. shanna

    no doubt she’s a big girl!!!!!!!!! stop carrying her, she can walk.

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