Of Course Tom Cruise Won’t Press Charges Against These Sexy Eyes, He’s Not An Animal

October 30th, 2012 // 18 Comments
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On Sunday night, male model Jason Sullivan (above) got shithammered drunk and attempted to return home to Tom Cruise‘s neighbor house where he’s been staying. And by attempted I mean he accidentally tried to enter the Fortress of Xenu where this pretty much happened: “Seriously, dudes, I totally live here, why are you being dick- eh, fuck it, I’ll just climb the wall – ZZZZAPPPPP!!!” TMZ reports:

Tom’s security told Jason to leave, but instead he tried scaling the privacy wall to get further into Tom’s property. Jason began walking toward Tom’s house and was warned he would be tased if he continued. When Jason kept walking, he was tased twice.
Jason was arrested, cited for misdemeanor trespassing and released.

The most amazing part? Tom Cruise is surprisingly cool about the whole thing:

Tom’s lawyer, Bert Fields, tells TMZ, “Tom’s not a vindictive guy,” adding, “The guy was drunk. He didn’t have a malicious intent.”

“Not a vindictive guy?” Are we talking about the same Tom Cruise? Because the Tom Cruise I know would sue a gnat if it so much as blinked the word “gay” at him. Then again, I’m sure it’s difficult to make charges stick against someone who not only has a keycard to your house, but knows the secret location of the Gamma Butt-iation Room. So for future reference, a simple “I want to see other people” generally does the trick instead of Tasering some poor bastard in the nards which just got you all hot. Dammit. This talk went better in my head.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Splash News

superficial

  1. achilles wrath

    I dunno that sounds a little over the top, he’s lucky they didn’t just shoot to kill. IF they knew who he was why not just send him to the house next door.

  2. Molly

    And they wonder why they guy sues. B/c of idiotic, stupid, DA comments and unfounded rumors. SO BASICALLY THE MEDIA SEND THIS TURD TO TRAP THE GUY. TOM WASN’T EVEN HOME RIGHT? STUPIDS.

  3. USDA Prime McBeef

    By “tased” they mean blasted with one of those memory and butthole pain eraser things built with Co$ alien technology.

  4. Molly

    WTF TMZ. Is there more to this story or you guy’s just stirring trouble and tacky gossip. Tom’s had enough. Let the guy be. PEOPLE LIVE AND LET LIVE. ENOUGH ALREADY!

  5. Imagine if Rebeca deMornay went to the wrong house in “Risky Business.”

    Wonder if Tangerine Dream was playing.

  6. rican

    Suuure, wait till the guy rejects Tom’s request for TC, then we’ll see who’s vindictive!

  7. catapostrophe

    I’m surprised Tom doesn’t alert his security team about the boy toys he and his agent put up at the agent’s house. If not for the people who videotaped the arrest–and the inordinate number of police and firemen on the scene–none of us would be hearing this story about how this one “got confused” because he was “drunk”.

  8. tom

    Obligatory TCLTC

  9. El Jefe

    Get the distinct impression this guy was not a trespasser and that he has been inside Tom’s home more than once.

  10. When he hides his teeth, Jake Busey can become a model.

  11. FleshPeddler

    And so a new meme is born…
    “Hey Jason, did you make it home alright last night?”
    “Yeah but Tom tazed me like a motherfucker while I was drunk. I wouldn’t even have known but when I woke up there were bruises on my ass and santorum in my bed.”

  12. As a matter of fact, Mr. Sullivan, a lot of people who are tazed unconscious experience Throbbing Butt-hole Syndrome.

  13. kimmykimkim

    Usually, you don’t press charges on a dude if you want that dude to come back over sometime and suck your dick.

  14. Sliver

    Drunks always find their way home.

  15. Tom Cruise Shirtless Microphone Singing Rehearsing Rock of Ages Miami Hotel Balcony
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    Somewhere, Kim Kardashian doesn’t know what to do with her hands or mouth.

  16. Burt

    Booty call gone wrong?

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