Of Course Tom Cruise Won’t Press Charges Against These Sexy Eyes, He’s Not An Animal

On Sunday night, male model Jason Sullivan (above) got shithammered drunk and attempted to return home to Tom Cruise’s neighbor house where he’s been staying. And by attempted I mean he accidentally tried to enter the Fortress of Xenu where this pretty much happened: “Seriously, dudes, I totally live here, why are you being dick- eh, fuck it, I’ll just climb the wall – ZZZZAPPPPP!!!” TMZ reports:

Tom’s security told Jason to leave, but instead he tried scaling the privacy wall to get further into Tom’s property. Jason began walking toward Tom’s house and was warned he would be tased if he continued. When Jason kept walking, he was tased twice.
Jason was arrested, cited for misdemeanor trespassing and released.

The most amazing part? Tom Cruise is surprisingly cool about the whole thing:

Tom’s lawyer, Bert Fields, tells TMZ, “Tom’s not a vindictive guy,” adding, “The guy was drunk. He didn’t have a malicious intent.”

“Not a vindictive guy?” Are we talking about the same Tom Cruise? Because the Tom Cruise I know would sue a gnat if it so much as blinked the word “gay” at him. Then again, I’m sure it’s difficult to make charges stick against someone who not only has a keycard to your house, but knows the secret location of the Gamma Butt-iation Room. So for future reference, a simple “I want to see other people” generally does the trick instead of Tasering some poor bastard in the nards which just got you all hot. Dammit. This talk went better in my head.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Splash News