“Before you send the first one over, does this angle make me look like I love vagina? Because I do, I love it. Even the tentacles.”
If you had nothing better to do this weekend, you probably caught the Vanity Fair piece touting their upcoming expose into the Church of Scientology‘s failed attempts to “audition” new girlfriends for Tom Cruise after Nicole Kidman and Penelope Cruz turned out to be independent women with free will and fuck that. Well, one of those women have come forward to talk about the “audition” process which wasn’t so much an audition as white-collar slavery with horrible consequences if you don’t obey your master:
Nazanin Boniadi, an Iranian-born, London-raised actress and Scientologist, was selected and dated Cruise from November 2004 until January 2005. Initially she was told only that she had been selected for a very important mission. In a month-long preparation in October 2004, she was audited every day, a process in which she told a high-ranking Scientology official her innermost secrets and every detail of her sex life. Boniadi allegedly was told to lose her braces, her red highlights, and her boyfriend. According to a knowledgeable source, she was shown confidential auditing files of her boyfriend to expedite a breakup. (Scientology denies any misuse of confidential material.) The source says Boniadi signed a confidentiality agreement and was told that if she “messed up” in any way she would be declared a Suppressive Person (a pariah and enemy of Scientology).
Things eventually do go south after Nazanin politely asks Scientology head David Miscaviage to repeat himself because she missed something he said. (No, really, and seriously do yourself a favor and scope out the Vanity Fair piece.) This results in her being immediately cut off from Tom Cruise, which to Scientologists is like being told you can’t hang out with Jesus anymore, and shipped off to their ominous-sounding “Celebrity Centre” presumably because they ran out of engine rooms to lock her in:
When a friend at a Scientology center in Florida, where Boniadi was subsequently sent, asked why she was crying all the time, Boniadi broke down and told her about her relationship with Cruise, which she had been forbidden to do. According to the knowledgeable source, the friend reported her. Boniadi’s punishment was to scrub toilets with a toothbrush, clean bathroom tiles with acid, and dig ditches in the middle of the night. After that she was sent out to sell Scentology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s Dianetics on street corners. Boniadi and her mother are no longer involved in Scientology.
Naturally, the Church of Scientology immediately denied the whole story, so yesterday former-scientologist Paul Haggis wrote an open letter to Showbiz411 confirming Nazanin’s account:
I’ve met quite a number of people who have been treated shamefully but are afraid to speak out. This story will draw attention because of our fascination with celebrity. Most of the others are just ordinary people whose stories, if told, would not appear in a magazine. They live in fear of retribution, legal, financial or personal, even some famous ones. They fear an incredibly wealthy organization that boasts that it seeks truth, empowers people, brings families together, encourages independent thought and free speech, and champions human rights. I would like to say that i don’t know how its members, many of them good and intelligent people, can remain so purposely blind when they are faced with evidence like this every day, but then I am no one to talk. I was happily blind for many years, so I know the shame that Naz feels.
Now, how all of this led to Katie Holmes, a non-Scientologist at the time, eventually being married to Tom Cruise has yet to be revealed, but I think we all know how that went down marriage contract mind powers. From there, a five-year-long process of Katie’s father Martin working diligently in a lab with Chris Klein until they finally discovered a way to block Tom’s powerful mind beams.
MARTIN: And so from there, our device will absorb Tom’s projections, convert them into pornographic images of naked women and then fire them back into his psychic center creating, at minimum, a 10-second window which will give us time to instruct Katie to run, so you’re going to have to be ready to move, understood?
CHRIS: But what if he starts flying, Mr. H?
MARTIN: You let me handle that. *cocks shotgun*
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, WENN
TCLTC, LRHLTC,
mindless fucking dolts, pay as you go salvation
FUCK $CIENTOLOGY
Yep, “the world’s biggest movie star” (*barf*) worships a man whose credos were “You want to make money ? Starting a religion; that’s where the money is,” and “the only way to control people is to lie to them.” How many brain cells do you think are involved here? Pathetic, smarmy, lift-wearing midget who can’t even pick up a girl on his own, or shall I say, without sending limos full of chocolates and flowers to win her over, and then handing her a copy of Dianetics, lol.
Don’t sell those assclowns short. The CO$ can be very dangerious, and have pulled some pretty audacious stunts. Google “operation snow white”, or see what they’ve tried to do to someone they’ve branded as a ‘supressive person’ if you want an idea how dangerious they can be.
I’m well aware; I’ve read extensively on the smarmy midget and C0$ … provides a good break from the morning job search. They really are evil, and unfortunately the cult is run by a mentally-ill, egomaniacal little troll – Miss Cleavage, with Tom second in command.
I only hope that after this gets out every person, everywhere he goes, asks David Miscaviage to repeat himself.
So how can we be sure that TC actually introduced his own penis into KH’s vagina now?
“Yes, my favorite movie I made was Top Gun . . . the idea of being in a cock pit with another man really spoke to me.”
Not to mention the idea of forcibly ejecting him when you’re done with him.
And half-naked volleyball with three other men set to “Playing With The Boys”, half-naked locker room kerfuffle with other men, chasing after a female flight instructor who is actually into the ladies…
Sadly, you can bet Nazanin Boniadi is about to get hit with a PR and lawsuit shitstorm of epic proportions. Scientology will call her a mentally-ill liar, a child molester, and probably a dog rapist if they can get away with it. Then they’ll sue her for breach of copyright, libel, and anything else they can think of. She’ll be followed by private detectives–who will rummage through her trash and bad-mouth her to her neighbors. Her relatives will start getting mysterious phone calls and emails telling them she’s a slut.
You know, just another day in Scientology.
She’s kind of hot but those people are crazy fucks and some ‘friend’ she had, unless that’s part of the plan to stop people thinking he’s gay.
This may well be the standard of organized human weirdness by which all others can be judged. I’ll argue against organized Religion all day, but this is not Religion — it is no more Religion than it is Science. This is something else, some bizarre amalgam with the elements of both and and the (even supposed) benefits of neither, and it needs to be acknowledged as such before it can be accurately attacked, exposed and hopefully wiped off the Earth. This is an half-talented writer’s acid trip given substance, now used chiefly to extort money from brainless celebrities.
The Germans are right. It is that bad.
yuup.
Nicely said, then you had to include the “half-talented” bit.
My theory is that Hubbard chose “Scientology” because “mental Fascist state” was just too obvious.
If the guy couldn’t string words together reasonably well, it wouldn’t have worked at all. There is a reason Christianity is stronger in some places and less than in others, and it is the beauty of the poetry in the King James Bible’s English. The French Bible has been described as a technical manual in comparison. Dianetics is at least readable — absurd beyond words and even more clearly drug-induced than the Book of Revelation, but the subjects and verbs match up.
You think ? A “friend” gave me copy of Dianetics once … I read the first couple of pages with great difficulty, thought “wtf,” and relegated it straight into the recycle bin :)
“Dianetics” sounds absolutely hilarious! I’m putting it on my reading list under “comedy” right below “the Bible”.
Don’t try to read the whole bible, its way too preachy. Just skip around to the good parts:
http://www.cracked.com/article_16546_the-6-raunchiest-most-depraved-sex-acts-from-bible_p2.html
All religions are a bunch of boring crap!
does anyone know where there’s a good bar around here?
Your name makes me happy.
@William. :D
Let me get this straight, your requirement for good writing is that the subjects and the verbs match up?
It are a start.
And feel free to explain how you took “good writing” from “string words together reasonably well.”
With every step Scientology tries to make their pet monkey look more manly they make him look lamer and gayer.
i don’t care. his religion is his business. but tommy should marry a scientologirl already.
“During your relationship with Mr. Cruise you will not be having sex with him. Instead you will be fornicating with Mr. Cruise’s stunt double.”
That is Daniel Snyder (owner of the Washington Redskins) and his wife. It is known that they are friends.
shut
“It is known, Khaleesi.”
Are you working for Mr. Snyder’s PR?
He (TC) has been seen in Snyders box at Redskins games. It’s no big secret these guys are friends.
heheh Box.
no one fucking cares asshat
That is Daniel Snyder (owner of the Washington Redskins) and his wife. It is known that they are friends.
the
I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.
Haahahahaa
You started tkanilg about ass rape first really but thats besides the point. And anon does go after other criminals previously we detected and handed a pedo to the preists as well as the little shit that posted vids on here of him abusing his cat. We lieks cats But i assure we have done our research and find scientology to be criminals worthy of our attention.
That is Daniel Snyder (owner of the Washington Redskins) and his wife. It is known that they are friends.
fuck
That is Daniel Snyder (owner of the Washington Redskins) and his wife. It is known that they are friends.
up
how many GD times are you going to post the same crap?
Does anyone have a picture of Daniel Snyder and his wife?
Beef and McStex, you made me laugh myself into a stitch.
Ow. :D
We do seem to accidentally work well together.
I have zero respect for Tom Cruise.
I have zero respect for organized religions which build massive temples while people are starving one block away.
You mean like football?
You’re retarded.
Hike!
today scientology!
tomorrow islam and christianity!!
That’s a lot of book-larning and costumes. Pace yourself.
This was my favorite part:
“(Scientology denies any misuse of confidential material.)”
I mean, c’mon guys. Scientology would never misuse their bullshit personnel files full of bullshit e-meter readings and bullshit Thetan crap.
No shit, that’s exactly why they do it, to get “dirt” on people to use against them “just in case.” In fact, according to TC’s unauthorized biography, Mimi Rogers threatened C0$ that she would expose them if they blacklisted her after her divorce from Tom Cruise. Holy Fuck !! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black …
[img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/04/Picture 73-340_255.png[/img]
As one old wise man said to me, 90% of organized religion is the plea “God save my ass!”. 110% of disorganized religion is the same thing, usually invoked while going over a clilff or something like that.
So, the other 10% is “God save HIS ass!”?
I’m not even going to ask what the hell 110% is…
Or, what the definition of “DIS-organized” religion is…
FUCK IT!
I just wanna know when Tom is gonna save Lindsey’s ass.
Doesn’t she audition a lot?
“her innermost secrets and every detail of her sex life.”
Boniadi went on to detail how she and her boyfriend often fucked “camel style” while her boyfriend shouted “Who’s your Prophet bitch?!” She also said that after he was done, he would pull out and “Jihad all over my butt”.
Brilliant !!
I hope Paul Haggis’s next movie is about Scientology. He could have all the main characters in it too… It should be a drama/comedy. He could have L. Ron Hubbard’s ghost make a special appearance as Toms/Travolta’s advisor a la Ben Kenobi.
I bet it was tough finding a Croatian restaurant that had an inconspicuous booster chair.
This? Brilliant!
It was so considerate of her to wear flats.
What time do you knock off?
I hate to say it, but this woman with the unpronounceable name got what she deserved. Why the fuck would would you sit in a room and confess the innermost secrets of your life on videotape? If your god was so powerful he would already know this shit.
That was also a big gripe of mine and one of many reasons I dropped Catholicism. Why do I have to confess to a priest? Doesn’t god already know my so called “sins.”
Scientology is a cult, plain and simple. If you’re stupid enough to fall into a cult, you deserve everything that comes your way. I’m sure this thought crossed her mind when she was being forced to dig ditches in the middle of the night and clean a toilet with a toothbrush. People are so fucking stupid.
Mission: Impossible 5 – Find Me A Clueless Obedient Wife
bum bum ba da…
And this is all different than all other religions because…..
All fairy tales people.
i’m ok with hokey mumbo jumbo that is more or less provided as a free service and as long as nobody is getting abused. When you start charging for salvation and copyright all literature, yeah, you are running a hokey self help business. When you operate a cruise ship with brainwashed indentured servants, people are being abused. And that shit is just weird.
But yeah, aliens, thetans, volcanos, whatever it’s just as bullshit as motherfuckers walking on water and piling all the animals on a boat. Still, I understand why fools might get tied up in the mythical aspect from 2000 years ago. But come on man, $cientology was wholly invented by some bullshit sci fi writer 60 years ago.
I see a difference.
My thoughts exactly, McBeef.
I thinks he is hot and would put up with all his crazy nonsense. He’s gay anyway so I would just have to pretend In public.
“Dave, she’s holding her hand out. What do I do?”
“Have you tried smiling?”
“Yes, but her hand’s still up there.”
“Hmm. I guess you’ll have to hold her hand, then.”
“GROSS! Oh, GROSS, Dave!”
“Don’t worry, it’s just for a little while.”
Unsurprisingly, Cruise showed the first spark of lively interest when Erazmo began reciting the evening’s specials.
CROATIAN DUDE: Escuse, meester Cruise, I just wanna say…
TOM: Put your balls in my mouth! NOW.
Nah, make it lean more towards Rosie Perez.
The accent, not the nutsack.
What’s crazier? The fact that Tom Cruise is the Scientology butt-boy or that he hangs out with Dan Snyder? *head explodes*
She is an actor ffs. I’m sure it’s Laura Linney.
I’m going to eunuchize all anti-scientologist bitches for fucking my religion. First, take a big step back… and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don’t know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you’re trying to pull here, but Tom Cruise is my territory. So whatever you’re thinking, you’d better think again! Otherwise I’m gonna have to head down there and I will rain down in a Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You’re gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I’m talking about a scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
def laura linney