‘To Save Us All From Satan’s Power When We Were Gone Astray…’

February 16th, 2011 // 91 Comments
Justin Bieber Jesus Rolling Stone Canadian Christ Child

I wear black diamonds instead of regular ones because I’m not flashy,
just flossssy.”

- Justin Bieber in his now-controversial interview for Rolling Stone.

superficial

  1. Troll Replies

    love this fucking guy! Go to hell Americans you fat lazy murdering assholes!!

  2. Flosssy? Huh? Is that what Canadians call “flashy,” sort of like they call wool hats “tukes?”

    • Silvio Burlisconni

      touques, moron

    • Drew

      I have no idea why Fish has the need to constantly bring that he’s Canadian. My guess is he really has nothing else to go off. I’ve personally never heard of the word flossy.

      And it’s actually toque or tuque lol

    • butterbun

      toque, toque, toque….the greatest Canadian word! I love it, it unifies us as a country. I don’t care if you drink screech, or have poutine on the table every night, you may sit down to eat a juicy alberta steak or sup on kokanee salmon, but all across this great land, no matter if you are an octogenarian or a tow headed toddler, if you feel a chill and wish to keep your precious heat from escaping your pate, you put on a toque! There simply is no other word for it…”Wool Hat” is just sad :(

    • suck it

      Flossy is a real word. Google it.
      Oh and I think Fish keeps on bringing up the fact that Bieber is Canadian because, oh, I don’t know… maybe Bieber talked about the glories of being Canadian? How America is evil and how Canada is the best country in the world?

  3. g!

    WTF!!!!!!!!!!

  4. John Q.

    Looks a lot like Levi Johnston

  5. Silvio Burlisconni

    Silvio would Bunga Bieber. Leave Justin ALONE!

  6. Heyzeus Hosay

    Sweet jesus

  7. I realize he’s only 16, but he seems like the most immature 16 year old I’ve ever seen. the real world is gonna eat him alive.

    • Drew

      He essentially left home/school at age what, 14? To go to California to hang out and speak into a microphone while Usher autotunes him and rakes in the profits off idiot 10-14 year old girls.

      You actually expected him to be intelligent and/or mature?

  8. jojo

    This won’t be the last time we see a pair of hairy testicles resting on Justin’s chin.

  9. thank god im atheist, this would probably really piss me off

  10. freaky

    Oh, yeah! Perfect.

  11. LMFAO!! He looks like a fuzzy Jesus lol.

  12. Jammy

    Why is Rolling Stone even interviewing him in the first place?

    • Because it’s really, really funny.

    • Cock Dr

      Because they need to sell magazines.
      Tweens have money, or at least access to it. So we get Bieber looking so very douchbaggyish on the cover, spouting his airhead social observations inside.

    • Richard McBeef

      why wouldn’t rolling stone be interviewing him? apparently you haven’t opened up that magazine since john and yoko were on the cover. it’s basically mtv in print form.

    • nick

      B/c it’s a music based magazine and he’s one of the most popular acts in music? Like him or not, he makes money.

    • Marco

      I guess they interview people who have nothing to do with music too. Like that Army General a months ago.

      • Rolling Stone has never made apologies about two things: 1) Reporting on anything in musical pop culture 2) Being a lefty magazine. But at least you know where they stand.

        I don’t like all of their articles, but they are always well written and researched. Still miss Hunter and Kurt Loder being in there though. Their shit always made my day. Kurt Loder is probably only second to Roger Ebert as a movie critic. Nails it every time.

      • Beavis

        hu huh hu huh uu hhh huuhh

      • Butthead

        you said loder

  13. Nice pic… Guess I am headed to Mel Gibson’s house to borrow some nails and a hammer.

  14. karen

    Now he really does look like a lesbian.

  15. Grace

    Fuck this kid.

  16. Ryan from NYC

    Cash – It’s Toques not Tukes – googling that shit beforehand will make you look smarter.

  17. For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!

  18. Wotwot

    And from atop the summit he proclaimed, “Flossssy, eh?”

  19. Tommy

    Jieber??

    • s'up bitches

      How about Juses Beast. That way, you got a little of the holy, and a pinch of the beast of hell this little shit head had to sign with in blood to meld his fame. Win Win! P.S. Watch those testicles JB. Lucifer doesn’t want to lose his cash golden calf just yet…

  20. God loves rough more than you

    Im a little bit hesitant about this Bieber/Jesus thing, because I know any one with superpowers always end up in a small town, USA liked Kansas and such…Not Freaking Canada.

  21. Bucky Barnes

    Rolling Stone interviewer: “So, what’s your favorite part of the New Testament?”
    Bieber: “That part where Jesus hit the cop in the whang with a water balloon and was all like, ‘Dude, I baptize thee,’ and the guy was like, ‘But it looks like I pissed my pants,’ and Jesus told him, ‘I know, THAT’S the funny part!’”

  22. Carl

    I am going to fuck that little queen in the ass when he turns 18.

  23. Hellisforsissies

    One question: Tell me again why Fish is posting pictures of the Bearded Lady from Ringling Bros.,please?

  24. I sign up for the internet to masturbate and this is what I get.

  25. MrsEllis

    WHOOOOOOO CAAAAAAARES?

  26. Alex

    not improbable is Justin Beiber as the messiah. completely WITHOUT the realm of feasibility is his growing a full beard, however.

  27. some canadian

    some idiot in the states let him get popular, as a representative of all of canada i make like pontius pilate and wash my hands of this little shit.
    he’s your problem not mine.

    • girl unimpressed

      +10

      not to mention that overall Canadians don’t really care about jesus and the ones that do generally keep it to themselves. we have actual separation of church and state here.

      kid’s a fucking moron and will clearly be confused as hell when he realizes our health care system covers those imaginary abortions he doesn’t believe in. here’s hoping he flames out soon and takes Usher with him.

      • Johnny Cage

        Bullshit, Americans are still wondering why the actual fuck this little cunt is popular. I have yet to meet a single person who says they buy Justin Bieber’s Cds.

        Next time we throw a bottle at him, it’ll be a Molotov.

        And go easy on the blasphemy Fish.

  28. OMG IM 27

    jb is my hero!!! LOVE HIM!!

  29. Glenn Beck

    in less than 10 years this kid will explode like a neutron bomb full of liquor, drugs and pussy

  30. the captain

    “The Werewolf In London” is back!!

  31. Ned

    Jesus was an American.
    Unlikely he’d come back as a Canadian/

  32. Ned

    i don’t make fun of this kid. He will get as much pussy as any man can handle. I’m sure he’s already been elbow-deep in some high-class vajayjay

  33. H6E6X6

    Sooooo….can we count on the Jews to crucify this one too?

  34. Frank Rizzo

    Love it or leave it motherfucker!
    (…and by that, I mean Selena Gomez’s ass)

  35. The Ugly Truth

    Justin Bieber has become an over-night sensation and a house-hold name. Thousands of young girls scream and reach for him as he gazes lovingly into their prepubescent eyes whilist singing, “baby, baby, baby ooooo”.

    While this current obsession with the young pop-star may seem innocent and only slightly creepy, a recent discovery was made that could destroy his entire musical career; Justin Bieber, formerly known as Erica Beiber, is a lesbian.

    Born in Parkwood Hospital in London Ontario on March 1, 1994, Erica Beiber was a healthy 7 pound newborn. She grew up in Stratford Ontario with her mother and kept little contact with her biological father, who remarried and had two other children. Growing up with a struggling single-parent, Erica used her music as an escape. Throughout her childhood, she had taught herself how to play the piano, drums, guitar, and trumpet.

    When she was only eleven years old, Erica came out as a lesbian to her mother, and over the course of a year, she became the first openly gay student at Stratford Elementary School. With the exception of a few concerned teachers and the local Salvation Army, Erica’s new identity was welcomely received with little conflict..

    By the age of 12, Erica had excelled in her musical abilities and won second place at her local talent show. Not only was she becoming a local sensation, but she also had a large and loyal following on YouTube, where she posted many videos of her performing cover songs of her favorite artists. While searching for videos of a different singer, Scooter Braun (a former marketing executive of So So Def) clicked on one of Bieber’s 2007 videos by accident, and loved what he saw — which was mistakenly a young boy. After learning that Erica was female, Scooter made her an offer difficult to refuse: Erica Bieber was going to become Justin Beiber, and Justin Beiber was going to be the next sensation.

    Erica’s mother had originally disagreed to the notion, but changed her mind once Erica made it clear what she wanted. The female attention, fame, money, and of course the fact that millions of people would be listening to her music made the decision easy. The transformation involved a legal name-change and a new wardrobe, and tah-dah: a star was born.

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