“Lindsay! Lindsay! I’ll give you five dollars if you drool on this picture of you drooling.”
Tina Fey wrote and cast Mean Girls, the film that essentially launched Lindsay Lohan into a super stardom where she just as quickly rocketed right back down into a pile of coke and dick because her parents are human shitbags who to this day continue to pimp every last dollar out of her freckles. So if anyone has the right to pull the always reliable, if not the only point of even having them, excuse of “My kids are sick,” it’s Tina Fey. NY Daily News reports:
Although one source familiar with the situation says the “30 Rock” creator declined Lohan’s personal invitation to witness her performance, Fey’s spokeswoman says, “Tina was committed to doing the monologue with Lindsay but both of her children got sick.”
“She was unable to participate as planned,” the rep adds.
An insider says Fey was well into a draft of an opener that would have featured her and Lohan but had to unexpectedly pull out of the broadcast.
Even more in Tina Fey’s defense, I don’t think anyone honestly expected Lindsay to show up, including herself, let alone somehow make it through the whole episode without stealing half the set. Then again, the SNL after-parties probably have an open bar and Dina’s pimp hand only gets harder when deprived of gin. “Like fucking cement. Now get out there and read those cue cards or I’ll knock the fire right out of your crotch. HYAHH!”