Tiger Woods & Lindsey Vonn Broke Up

The last time Tiger Woods broke up with a woman, she was a hot-as-hell Swedish model who beat the living shit out of him with a 9-iron because he was banging every hooker on earth while she was at home raising his kids. It was a magical time to be alive. Fast forward to today, he’s breaking up with professional skier Lindsey Vonn through cordial, amicable statements on social media which means I’m not about to be inundated with pics of questionable porn stars. I want my country back! CNN reports:

“After nearly three years together, Tiger and I have mutually decided to end our relationship,” the Alpine skier said in a Facebook post.
“I will always cherish the memories that we’ve created together. Unfortunately, we both lead incredibly hectic lives that force us to spend a majority of our time apart. I will always admire and respect Tiger. He and his beautiful family will always hold a special place in my heart.”
Woods confirmed the news in a statement similar to Vonn’s on his website.
“I have great admiration, respect and love for Lindsey and I’ll always cherish our time together. She has been amazing with Sam and Charlie and my entire family,” he said.
“Unfortunately, we lead very hectic lives and are both competing in demanding sports. It’s difficult to spend time together.”

As for how the hell I’m going to make this post interesting, I added Elin Nordegren bikini photos, and even though I would’ve been completely justified stopping right there, here’s Tiger Woods drunk off his ass because he’s been having sex with the same vagina for over a month and only just now realized it. They say his eyes are still stuck like that.

tiger woods drunk

Photos: Facebook, Splash News