Thora Birch has a creepy dad

March 27th, 2007 // 77 Comments

Thora Birch (the girl with the big boobs from American Beauty and Ghost World) apparently has the creepiest dad ever. During the shooting of The Winter of Frozen Dreams, her dad, Jack Birch, insisted he be present on the closed set so he could watch them shoot his daughter’s sex scene with Dean Winters. A source says:

“It was so wrong,” said one insider. “The director is saying, ‘Harder! Faster!’ and the father is giving Winters the thumbs up.” Jack Birch was on the set every day giving orders – even telling director Eric Mandelbaum where to place his camera so that Thora would look her best. Mandelbaum was about to shoot the first sex scene Monday when, “all of a sudden, the front door is being kicked in. Her father was threatening to kill the assistant directors. Then he threatens to pull her from the movie with three days of shooting left.” Making matters worse, a problem with the focus on the camera necessitated 14 takes. “It was the most bizarre, perverse scene,” said our witness. “One girl on the crew broke down crying.”

Sounds like my kind of guy. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see Thora Birch naked? Her boobs are huge. Plus she’s got grea — wait a second did you say her dad? *face slowly turns to horror and runs screaming into the distance*



  1. wedgeone

    Not FRIST!!!

  2. lovescontroversy1

    i wish i had someone to have sex with.

  3. wedgeone

    OK – whoever has been begging for a Thora Birch post lately – I hope you’re satisfied for a while.
    Now, if only her face wasn’t so scrunched together. It makes her head look completely swollen.

    Two thumbs up for the rack though. As well as my member standing at attention over that rack!

  4. biatcho

    Isn’t this chick still in her late teens? I am pretty sure boobs shouldn’t fall to the knees until you are at least Jessica Simpson’s age. I imagine those boobies to sound like a flapping window shade once that bra comes off.
    And I think i also smell backfat.

  5. can't help myself

    Does anyone else wish she would get some nice bras? I mean, PLEASE…please. When you’re blessed with that kind of equipment and then you let it hang down to your bellybutton like a 90 year old grannie, *SOB* it’s not right.
    She could be lovely with the right system of pulleys and wires.

  6. He’s a hands on dad.

  7. lasercannon

    Her father and mother are ex-porn stars. I’m not sure if that makes it less creepy or more creepy.

  8. KatieKates

    This chick is 25 years old. What the hell is her dad still doing hanging around her sets? Obviously she likes having Daddy around while she does her thrusting. Grodey.

  9. This is a Rock 'n Roll Takeover

    Her boobs may be big, but they’re so big that they sag, and that’s not sexy.

  10. lovescontroversy1

    actually she is 25, so indeed if you are following the jessica simpson theory the timing is right…

    all this girl really needs is a tanning bed, full coverage bra (make that new wardrobe entirely), a diet (an eating disorder rather) blonde hair and a heroine problem and then, only then will i be interested.

  11. schack

    i’m with kk. why doesn’t she just get someone to remove him? #6 haha

    “if i ever see you walking hand in hand in hand with a three-armed man, i’ll understand. but only if i SEE you. otherwise he’s a gone-er”

  12. deborah

    Joe Simpson to Jessica:

    Joe: See Sugarbutt — all the other Daddy’s are doing it.
    Jessica: Well….I guess…okay.
    Joe: That’s a good little girl – now come over here and have a sit on Dad’s lap.
    Jessica: Aw Dad, it’s all lumpy again!
    Joe: I know Sugarbutt…I know.

  13. sevenandaswitchblade

    Hands clenched from inner tension, her face belies the fact that she feels uneasy about returning home from the red carpet affair her father had insisted she attend. He

  14. Hohlraum

    You people are morons. There is nothing better than large natural breasts. My biggest fear is that she’s going to go Ricci on us and get a reduction. This girl has such a great body.

  15. Binky

    SID ? Where’s sid?
    (Humm…I hope his real name isn’t Jack Birch)
    (I agree with you about the banks sid)

  16. biatcho

    #14, We’re not so much morons as it is some of us have higher standards for excellence than others.

  17. deborah

    #14 — Too late – I think she had a reduction several years ago.

  18. deborah

    I’m a idiot — never mind.

  19. jrzmommy♠

    Lucky her, she gets to dry hump with Dean Winters. Anyhoo….isn’t she an adult yet? I think she’s a little sick for letting him watch. They’re both sick. The whole family is sick. Fuck ‘em all

  20. schack

    standards of excellence, my ass.

  21. schack

    besides, she’s just kind of chubby. if she lost 10 lbs, they would still be in the same proportion to her body, but they wouldn’t sag as much.

  22. allyoops!

    so here’s my thing about “bring your daddy to work day” it only works if your job doesn’t involve you moaning, touching or being fondled in any way by absolutely anything or anyone…

  23. dirt chicken

    I’m with Dad … who wouldn’t want to see those tig ‘ol bitties ?

  24. tripmaster

    Wanna know what makes it even more creepy?

    Jack Birch, Thora’s father, was an adult film actor in the mid-late seventies. In fact, he met his wife, Carol, on the set of “Deep Throat”.

    See for yourself:

  25. whitegold

    And I thought Jessica Simpson had the creepiest dad.

    But this movie sounds awesome, Thora Birch, Dean Winters, what a blockbu…wait, who are these people?

    And why is she considered hot?

    Anyways, based on #24′s comments, if her dad was a former porn star then his behaviour isn’t so creepy after all. I mean, sex is no big deal to him, and I guess he’s technically an expert on shooting sex scenes so no wonder he wanted to be there to make sure it looked good. He might be a bit crazy, but not so much creepy.

  26. no1justminda

    She’s totally wearing the wrong bra size. She needs to talk to Oprah.

  27. murmurzz

    That looks like an old picture of Thora when she gained weight for Ghost World. She looks more like this actually:,%20Thora

  28. That’s even worse than your dad walking in on u and ur boyfriend in ur bedroom having sex…only he’d walk in and say “wait! that’s not how you do it!” and he’d start displaying the “right way” on ur favorite teddy bear.

  29. DrPhowstus

    For a chick with such gorgeous fucking mams who cleans up remarkably well, this bitch dresses like shit.

  30. N@ughty

    @24 seriously? “Deep Throat”? please say it isn’t so…wait, he just tried to control his daughter’s sex life…i beleive it. but really? he did?

  31. MethodX

    Her dad is sinking low. Way low. Like as low as his daughter’s boobs low. Know what I mean?

  32. Negatrice

    Chubby or slim, saggy or perky, black or blonde… Her nipples remain the size of a DVD.
    Friggin’ grotesque if you ask me.

  33. MrSemprini

    I’m just guessing here but maybe Jack Birch and Joe Simpson were roommates in college and sat up all night talking about having little girls and all the ‘fun’ they could have with them when they grew up. Probably had some side bets on whose daughter would have the biggest sweater panthers. I could be wrong, tho

  34. iamsosmrt

    #10, check her IMDb profile it’s a lready happened.

    She’s lost a bunch of weight and they’re not that big anymore. It’s very rare to be super lean and toned and have big boobs that are REAL. And by super lean and toned I mean Jessica Alba lean and toned. And by big boobs I don’t mean the miracle silicone stuffed bra’s at victoria secret.

    Zanyway her Daddy and Jessica Simpsons Daddy should start a celebrity hooters.

    Those Dad’s are sick but the girls should learn how to stand up to them. It’s called being a grown up. I can’t comprehend ADULTS whose parents run their lives when, it’s sad and pathetic. Have some self respect. It’s a right of passage to tell you parents to fuck off.

    Although that might not be a good choice of words for these pervy Dad’s.

  35. supafreak

    From her recent pics, she obviously had facial reduction as well.

    Chick with the mic behind her dropped her skirt…whoops!

  36. HEY! if Anna Nicole’s son can father her last child, why can’t Birches daddy get his wood on? Besides, Hollywood is all about perversion. This stunt should get her a big place in the industry!

  37. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    That’s the best you could do Fish?? A pic from 2000? Jesus, what a rip-off. Glad I ain’t payin for this shit! Sid’s gonna be pissed too. He finally gets Thora and it’s a 7 year old photo.

  38. schack

    #34- she’s not toned or lean on imdb. she’s clearly just anorexic. and it looks like the massive weight loss has also caused some of her hair to fall out. she looks terrible. better to be a little chubby and radiant than skinny, dilapidated and tired.

  39. iamsosmrt

    #38 Exactly. That’s why I specified that by toned I meant Jessica Alba. Perhaps I wrote a bit unclearly. People worship boobs and I was pointing out that they rarely come big on super hot bods. So if people love giant boobs, in most cases, they must accept chubbiness or silicone.

    Birch clearly lost weight eating disorder style like you and #10 mentioned not through healthy exercise and less pie hole shoving, hence skinny fat (and duely noted hair loss) or as I call it a flesh bag stuffed with bones and porridge.

  40. schack

    ewwwwww. i mean, you can turn a phrase, but ewwwwww.

  41. PrettyBaby

    Jack Birch said his daughter has been fighting a mysterious illness ever since puberty and that’s why he has to check her core body temperature every day.

  42. FRIST!!!

    Ok, I need help here…I thought this was the chick who was at the beach w/o her top on and everyone was making fun of her little titties. I’m obviously confusing the two…so who was the small boobed one again?

  43. ch474

    She can dry hump me anytime. Big boobs that go straight out are just wrong. Gravity is good.

  44. Libraesque

    #4 – “And I think i also smell backfat.”

    Never sit at the computer with your back to the radiator.

  45. murmurzz

    42: lezbot Mena Suvari

  46. 44: Gross, but true.

  47. FRIST!!!

    Oh, Mena, that’s right. Then what movies was she in? Thora was only in American Beauty and Ghost World. Was Mena in American Pie?

  48. BIG Natural boobs are the best. I’m sure she can find a nice bra somewhere.

  49. HollyJ

    When she unleashes that rack, it’ll flop down and sit on the top of her fat pasty white feet, nipple-down.

    And beneath the tits is a film of pasty dead skin cells and sweat that NEVER GOES AWAY cuz it’s always nasty sweaty under big saggy tits. GROSSSSSSSSS

    I know this from doing mammos. Big tits are sweaty, sticky, and covered in disgusting stretchmarks. Don’t even get me started on the areolas that’re 6″ in diameter with the huge droopy doorknob nipple. GROSSSSSSSS

  50. whitegold

    #49 – you just put some horribly disgusting images in my head. Not at all pleasant!!!

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