This Was Almost John Mayer

November 30th, 2010 // 69 Comments

Further proving Katy Perry seeks out man-whores to convert them to Christ, once upon a time during the 2009 VMAs, John Mayer almost came between those Katy and Russell Brand. Which still makes this a semen joke. E! News reports:

“They’d never met in person, and she went to meet him there after she was at a Jay-Z concert at Madison Square Garden,” a source close to Mayer tells E! News.
Mayer had joined Jay-Z at MSG for a performance and afterward asked fellow showgoer Perry to meet up later that night.
“John thought she was so hot and fun and was into her,” the insider recounts.
“They were so flirty and all over each other that night at the bar, they really liked each other. Their personalities just clicked and they were flirting and dancing and it was on.”
And how. They stayed at the bar until late, leaving only moments apart from the downtown bar—conveniently just around the corner from Mayer’s love nest.
The next day, which happened to be the VMAs, the two traded more texts. But before their relationship could blossom any further, enter Brand.

And we all know how that story ended: With Justin Bieber three-ways. But, seriously, how pissed must John Mayer have been after that? Because I’m pretty sure I would’ve shot up a McDonald’s. You don’t just promise a man giant breasts like that then go screw an Englishman. That’s called treason.

Photo: Getty

superficial

  1. pappysmeary

    rainbow mic – lesbian radar, she really did kiss a girl and like it

  2. Katy Perry
    Kelley
    Commented on this photo:

    Just as I suspected … tear-drop implants. Fakers !!!

    • As Rough as it gets

      You owe every man on this site an apology…How dare you!

      • Kelley

        Very, very tired of these broads denying implants … even Posh Spice tried to say hers were real … duh. And of course our Kim … and Demi … and … and …

  3. Katy Perry
    zilly
    Commented on this photo:

    Augmented.

  4. zilly

    Her boobs are fake, right?

  5. Lady Blah Blah

    Are those zits on her tits?

  6. @whatz_erface (Erica)

    ha ha treason! this post is hilarious- but Im really happy she didnt end up with John Mayer- that guys kind of a d-bag- and her boobs are real- just sayin- I love katy perry : )

  7. Deagle

    One day, we’re gonna find out she has down syndrome, and we’re all going to feel terrible.

  8. BigDaddy

    Who cares about russell are john. She needs to line up in front of me just like that.

  9. reptilianeworldorder

    Damn it. Am I the only person alive that haaaates this girl? That part of “California Girls” where she says, “Oh a oh a oh. Oh a oh a oh a oh” actually makes me want her dead. No talent! Yes, those are zits on her tits. Or possibly the herp from John Mayor’s texts alone.

  10. Katy Perry
    Commented on this photo:

    I just came.

  11. GingleJanglez

    so I was staring into Katy Perry’s grand canyon and I didn’t notice Top Chef advert with the dumb pop up with the food smashing into the website. but when I did look up it appeared to me for a second like a piece of poo had landed on her face. I was like: ‘whoa.. this is the best website ever’

  12. fester

    That mouth looks so inviting and then I remember that Russell Brand’s dick has been in there. Sorry Katy, if you’d played your cards right you could have had me but you’re dead to me now. Still, you’ve got a nice rack for a dead gal…

  13. bear

    I wonder how much douche bag Mayer is paying his publicist to throw his name out into the media as many times possible.

  14. Funbags.

    Self-explanatory.

  15. anonymous

    How is two celebrities almost banging newsworthy?

  16. Katy Perry
    Ray
    Commented on this photo:

    Forget her boobs, check out her knees!!! Who ever airbrushed this pic is not very good.

    • Brooke

      Ha! You’re right. I guess they didn’t care because they knew most people wouldn’t notice anything below the waist.

  17. Jeff

    She HAS to know what that looks like when she’s posing RIGHT IN FRONT of a cameraman with her tits hanging like boulders out of her rubber dress and her mouth wide open. Ahhh, class. I bet those are zits, too, she probably sweats a ton in those rubber dresses. They’re probably ruined after a few performances.

    • Colin

      If those are boulders then you must have a one inch cock.

    • spoonicorn

      Bet she peels the paint off the walls when she takes all that shit off…the stupid rubber dress, the girdle, the water bra, the wig, the outer and inner crusts of makeup…yikes that’s just gotta be a putrid affair, and a hideous sight to behold!

  18. As Rough as it gets

    Jay-z concert, meat up later that night, flirty and all over each other, crotch rubbing disguise as dancing, his love nest was near the bar? Yeah a cocks-man like JM cant predict how a domino will behave in order not to fall…There should be a smile on JM’s face when you mention KP.

  19. Boogeyman King Dong

    Very suggestive put but again John Mayer is totally wrong. How do you annoy people as much as possible!?

  20. jojo

    Katie showing everyone how she got her first gig…”now kids, not every penis needs to be jerked BUT they do need to be sucked”.

  21. Ilikebigbutts - no lie

    That’s the face of a girl who is trying to fart in a latex dress…ahhh catholic school

  22. Katy Perry
    charles
    Commented on this photo:

    I want to know how can I make her in love with me?

  23. charles

    i am in love with her boobies. they seem so full and firm like fresh loafs of artisanal breads. so fresh and delicious.

    I am crying a little

  24. Pangulin

    Man, I got to quit reading these at 6 a.m. when I’ve been up all night and most of the previous day! That headline fried my head works! I thought Fish was going to tell the world that Katy Perry was some kind of weird genetic mutation of DNA that should have been John Mayer! YIKES< just the thought of that is way too weird to wrap my mind around!

  25. God, I would wreck the fuck outta that.

    .

  26. As Rough as it gets

    I couldve sworn I wrote something about KP and JM drinking tea together after a Jay- Z concert. Oh well, maybe I was still not fully awake this morning…

  27. slapkatyperry

    QUICK, someone stuff a cock in her mouth before she starts singing again.
    BTW, nice tits Whore

    • spoonicorn

      I wouldn’t trust her even for your basic BJ. This bitch is so dumb and annoying she’d prolly bite it and start laughing like the dumb whore she is. Then you’d be forced to skull-fuck her.

  28. Taz

    Well that’s her best cock sucking face

  29. Racer X

    I see what you did there.

  30. devilsrain

    If I was Mayer Id be pretty pissed a drugged out freakshow was picked over me. Although do you really want to be with someone who finds Brand attractive?

    • Jillia

      Maybe, but I would guess Mayer really didn’t care. Just seems more his persona. Not to mention he probably had like 10 other hotties lined up to bang him anyway. Katy’s just a drop in the bucket to him.

  31. Colin

    Do I have see those tiny ass norks again? And is it true a bitch runs this site? A chick. Dumb cunt go to hell for your shitty site. Truly go to hell you slag.

  32. BENWAW

    Damn I bet she looks good with a dick in her mouth, wish it was mine

  33. Katy Perry
    KillerKyle
    Commented on this photo:

    Hi, seamstress… We seem to have a wardrobe malfunction. There is not enough side breast on Kate’s outfit. I’m docking half of your pay for that little spandex insert thing you probably call “morals and dignity.” We sell sex and lots of it!

  34. Katy Perry
    joeyjoejoe
    Commented on this photo:

    she has knees?

  35. Ray Sist

    Nice cock sucking mouth.

  36. RR FIELDS

    SO… MAYER FUCKED HER THE NIGHT BEFORE SHE LOCKED HERSELF DOWN… NICE MOVE JOHN.

  37. Katy Perry
    xokdmr
    Commented on this photo:

    Why in the sweet fuck would anyone be looking at her knees when they could be checking out her ….face?!

  38. Katy Perry
    markonius maximus
    Commented on this photo:

    Has she changed her name to “Titties Perry” yet?

    Without that rack she’s pretty much a distant memory.

    AND – She has a PTA mom ass/hips.

    What the fuck ever.

    My imagination is hotter.

  39. Lola

    Her outfit is ugly

  40. Katy Perry
    Lola
    Commented on this photo:

    stunning here

  41. Katy Perry
    scottie
    Commented on this photo:

    Wouldn’t even know that was the same chick in the pic with no makeup. What a dif a few lbs of plaster makes!!

  42. eqqq

    oooooooooooooo

  43. noyb

    she looks like one of the seven dwarfs

  44. Katy Perry
    welldoneson
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe her makeup tech gets paid by the pound.

    Of bondo.

  45. Katy Perry
    anonymous.
    Commented on this photo:

    This was almost John who…sorry I was busy staring at the picture of cleav,uh coolness.

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