The Taliban Are Trying To Kill Prince Harry

September 10th, 2012 // 34 Comments
Tally Ho!
Prince Harry Naked
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So remember when I joked about The Queen wanting some sort of “accident” to happen to Prince Harry after his naked party pics embarrassed the Royal Family? Uhhhh…

“We are using all our strength to get rid of him, either by killing or kidnapping,” Taliban spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid told Reuters by telephone from an undisclosed location.
“We have informed our commanders in Helmand to do whatever they can to eliminate him,” Mujahid added, declining to go into detail on what he dubbed the “Harry operations”.

“Car crashes are so 1997, dearie. Spot of tea?” – Queen Elizabeth, OG

Photos: Getty


  1. Colin

    I see their point. If Harry keeps it up, there won’t be 72 virgins left for them.

  2. Smapdi

    This is what happens when you don’t invite mullahs to your kick-ass Vegas parties.

  3. mismy

    Calling out that bitch Queen eh Fish? Be careful there… Also, seems a little strange that the Taliban would just give up their plans like that if this is legit, maybe the full story will come out, haha.

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      I bet the brit military had never thought of such a thing until mr. tally-ban told them about it. totally surprised that he would be considered a high value target.

      • mismy

        Yeah you’re right. And I’m no soldier, just seems a little dumb to openly state that you plan to kill a prince to the world.

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        meh, not as dumb as blowing yourself up in the market and killing some civilians to prove an imaginary point to your imaginary god.

      • mismy

        Got me again. Question for you: who’s killed more civilians, Taliban or American troops(pick a war)?

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        ‘merica is always first.

        USA! USA! USA!

      • Nick

        Question for you: You see no difference between accepting civilian causalities as the cost of war (and doing everything within reason to prevent them), and having a stated policy of intentionally targeting civilians to ensure maximum carnage?

      • mismy

        No, I didn’t say that sir. I said pick a war, but since i wasn’t around to witness other 10-year wars, then specifically I should only speak about the hundreds of thousands of civilian casualties in Iraq. I cannot find the justification in that, no matter what horrific truths lay in the cost of war. Also, there is an article in Rueters that claims Mullah Mohammad Omar urged insurgent fighters to avoid civilian deaths, so “intentionally targeting”, I’m just not sure.

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        i’m not sure i’d give a fuck what muhammed durka der says since those assholes continually blow themselves up in crowded places filled with their own people.

      • mismy

        yes they do… scary world we live in huh:(

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        Ha! Not really. My only fear is that the yuppie grocery store is out of organic eggs and i’ll have to buy the normal ones.

      • mismy

        hehe… the fear of regular eggs doesn’t keep me up at night as much as the regular milk, barf!!

      • phil mccracken

        Yeah, a war of aggression under false pretenses (“WMD” in Iraq, and “getting Bin Laden” in Afghanistan), without a congressional declaration as required by our Constitution. And, if we indeed got Bin Laden, then where are the photos? We dumped him in the ocean – how convenient. Interesting that most of the Navy Seals involved in the “raid” died TOGETHER on the SAME Chinook (a.k.a. flying bus) helicopter… Uh, ok, so if Obama did indeed have Osama killed, then why are we *still* in Afghanistan, then? [No wonder over 70% of active duty personnel support Ron Paul.] Why are we bombing in Pakistan, Yemen, Egypt…the list goes on.
        All of it unconstitutional from the get-go, and our dear leaders are beating the war drums again, trying to justify invading yet another impoverished third-world nation (Iran) with no air force, no navy to speak of, and NO NUKES. And, we’ll invade without a congressional declaration once again, no doubt.
        All in the name of fighting “terrorism.” The umbrella justification for anything our gov’t and military industrial complex wants to bomb, and why our liberties are being stripped (Patriot Act, TSA, NDAA)…
        It’s a sad state of affairs.

      • mismy

        ^this X 1,000

      • All I know is Harry’s Apache is made by Boeing so if he gets shot down they will order another one from Boeing and my stock will go up as they sell more. See it’s not about pretending that there is no military-industrial complex, its about putting it to work for you. I am also thinking about buying stock in whoever makes 25mm Bushmaster cannon ammo and 2.75 inch rockets so I’ll make money if Harry kills the Taliban as well.

  4. Schmidtler

    Well now all I have to do is convince my mother in law to visit Afghanistan disguised as Prince Harry.

  5. Were I Harry, my greatest fear would be something happening to William. Because plenty of people still take the bloodlines very, very seriously, and Diana and Major Whatshisname do not fit in to that picture.

  6. achilles wrath

    Bring all our troops home and just nuke the whole country. Nuke anyone and everyone. No more casualties and it’ll save money!

    • Frank Burns

      Afghanistan is all sun-burnt rocks and dust already, if you nuke it people will just think its unseasonably warm that day.

  7. kimmykimkim

    Fuckin’ Taliban. It’s like you haven’t even heard of the Kardashian’s! Oh shit, the Kardashian’s are obviously funding the Taliban now. Fucking great.

  8. El Jefe

    LMAO, you know Harry is nowhere near that shit. Dude is probably in the Caribbean somewhere.

  9. The Taliban can eat a mountain of dicks.

  10. Dick Hell

    Ordinarily I’d say fuck the Taliban but he IS a ginger…

  11. Eddie Baby

    I would bring in a thousand gingers to Afghanistan posing as Prince Harry. That would smoke out the Taliban.

  12. Why does the Queen keep endangering his life by contuinually sending him back there? Even stupid Bush Jr. found a way to get his daddy to keep him away from the front lines.

    • Lemmiwinks

      The Queen doesn’t command the armed forces, or anything else. BTW, the fact that an pack of corgis wearing diamond collars suddenly appeared, causing Henri Paul to drive Princess Di’s Mercedes into a pillar has absolutely nothing to do with the queen.

  13. “Come mistah taliban tally me C4
    Ginjah come and me wanna go boom”

  14. Prince Harry Threatened By Taliban Camp Bastion Helmand Province Afghanistan
    Commented on this photo:

    stupid cocksucker

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