Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, brought to you by Heroin™ – “Yes, we’ve seen John Connor.” Inside you’ll find Miranda Kerr, who managed to completely shut down LAX security for a solid 30-45 seconds yesterday, Richard Belzer attempting his impersonation of anyone still watching Law & Order, and Josh Duhamel who is overjoyed now that this tiny killer has finally been trained to attack at the sound of a jock strap hitting the floor.
On account of Fergie secretly being a man using his/her penis to have sex with him is what I’m getting at,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
all leanin on shit
The mic is supposed to black, idiot.
The microphone is black. It just spent last night at Jennifer Love Hewitt’s place.
So what do we call that, Microjazzling?
JLH’s mom died yesterday. Nice.
A lot of people died yesterday… what’s your point?
My point is that even sarcastic a-holes like us should give somebody a break when their mom drops dead. Call me crazy.
Then we’ll agree to disagree. For my part, I don’t expect that JLH hangs out reading these boards, and furthermore, we’re nowhere near the topic of her mother – God rest her soul – which I agree would be in bad taste.
Oh, I get it. The mic is like a phallus. Very clever.
Thinks whole life is Terminator 2 filming
my first thought was basically the same….he thinks he IS John Connor.
Come with me if you want to get high.
For a fleeting moment I thought she had been paralyzed.
… and then got back to hoping ;-)
Smelly Cat developed a receding hairline.
Looks like the Nile
Sure you Kudrow.. but Wouldrow?
Mr. Rogers would be proud!
In the back seat: Benecio Del Torro and The Ghost of Christmas Past.
“Terminator 5: Fuck it, kill him. He’s almost dead anyway.”
At a deposition for his lawsuit against Bill Maher.
Someone feels really stupid for letting Ice T talk him into purchasing the “Day in the Life of Coco’s Ass Tour”.
No fate but what we make.
I think you meant to say “No fat but what we make”.
Is it possible this bitch is even lazier and more worthless than before?
My bad… that’s like giving more than 100% Simply not possible.
According to Masters & Johnson, her wonder years are right now.
According to Astro Glide, my wonder moment with her was two minutes ago.
I know what everyone is thinking… who knew Landon Donovan’s legs wouldn’t look good on a woman?
Get back to me when she scores 49 international goals.
TomFrank likes soccer. ROFL.
Then he’s in good company with several billion other people :)
“Ugh! This f*cking guy keeps telling me he’s Ben Affleck!”
Damn, she’s a classic. Still got it!
She has track marks from all the Botox injections.
I’d put my 4 inch uncircumcised cock deep in her!!!!
Yeah, four inches. Deep. Good luck with that turtle.
4??? What are you… black?
New Transit regulations require you to drop your pants, put your hands up here, then say Habib very slowly as I grind my pelvis on you.
Aged ham with honey and mustard… Mmmmm
She’s rounding third, fellas!
This looks like the photo shoots Ricky Martin was having prior to the least surprising news of the last 10 years.
Apparently Ace Ventura will be making a guest appearance next season.
“Seriously, you could totally play Boss Hogg in a Hindu reboot of The Dukes of Hazzard.”
Driving a scooter with her eyes closed while pregnant? Huh, Snooki’s actually toning it down this season.
You don’t see many people under five foot called Stretch
Think Seacrest and Murphy sit around bragging about all the hot ass they’re not f*cking?
“Hey, Macarena!”
How does she have such big boobs on such a small frame. Are they implants?
The genetic dealer gave her the hand you were hoping for Hannah. That’s why people are taking pictures of her.
They don’t look fake to me. I have a similar build, so, to me, everything on her makes sense and looks natural.
They hang like real boobs. It’s totally possible to have a small frame and big boobs.
kimmy, aren’t you living proof of that?
I have googled and inspected and those things are real. Yaay!
Silicone boobs?? In Hollywood? HAHAHA! Most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
Look at Courtney Stodden. As she so eloquently put “My boobs are rill, and my boobs are rill.”
A standard bicycle frame can withstand even the largest boobs.
It’s the giant asses that break them.
I have a sudden desire to put something in her basket.
Just pretend I made a “gay hard-on” joke about Stephanie Seymour’s son.
I bet she got that ride from the Cooter Store.
Yeah, she bought it cause they told her they didn’t have a Smegway.
perfect
Final Five, my ass! Sexy as hell and retardedly brilliant? *And* newly single?
My vote for Oxymoron of the Century: “retardedly brilliant”. Huzzah, sir.
you don’t want to get yourself mixed up with above average intelligence chicks. it is not worth it. Find a girl that is dumber than you and you’ll thank me later.
I like how all the smart girls were dumb enough to thumb this down.
And enjoy the five minutes spent with dumb girl talking about nail polish.
Having dated a number of girls dumber than me, I would not offer that advice to anyone. Sitting across the table and thinking “This girl is a fucking moron.” is a pretty terrible feeling.
“No, no, up over your head, then lean backwards until they touch the floor. Yeah, like that. HEY! SOMEBODY TWEET THIS FOR ME! ::does The Shocker::”
Before I scrolled down, I couldn’t tell she was on a scooter, and yet I didn’t see anything wrong in that height differential.
Ditto. But then I saw the scooter and wanted to jump through the screen and throttle the Ewok bitch.
That dog has seen things… Things that cannot be unseen…
Small dog is visibly traumatized. One can only speculate on what Josh & Fergie are doing with such a tiny trembling creature.
why is a bloated sea manatee in the crap we missed?
Mr. Poop, you should know very well that fish oscillates between hot models and chunky fame-whores… It’s his thing…
Normally this is where I am filled with the pride of American ingenuity and want to yell “UM’MERICA FUCK YEAH” but honestly I am feeling ashamed we let this happen…
I have to wonder what the denizens of Seaside Heights, NJ think when they walk down the street and see this gaggle of goofballs wandering around the neighborhood.
That’s not her shadow… That’s Photoboy doing his master’s bidding ready with a good amount of chloroform…
I’ll just sit here and wait for him to meet Lindsay.
The future Mr. Lindsay Lohan.
Niccccce.
It’s like what Jennifer Nicole Lee’s face might look like… if Jennifer Nicole Lee were a girl.
Just when I thought she couldn’t sink any lower…
“Oh god, not Belzer’s ping pong ball trick again…”
meh
Photo Boy: You have permission to bring us much more of her.
Ay caramba! Much, much more!
Wow. She needs to eat a couple cheeseburgers, or she may be in danger of marrying a d-bag and overdosing on whip-its
he looks old
They’ve run out of ways to make rape surprising, so they’re going to film an entire episode where everybody walks around like this.