It was in that moment that huge breasts spared the lives of countless people. Dorner retreated, excited to tell some buddies in Big Bear how he’s pretty sure he saw some nipple. Could’ve been a shadow, but he’s pretty sure…
Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed that just made a terrible joke at the expense of a national tragedy because having emotions is for people who wear pants to work. Although, I know you guys can’t wait to surrender a sizeable chunk of your own souls making fun of the rest of these people, so here goes: Josh Duhamel, who can see his wife’s penis from there, Hilary Duff, who grew a third asscheek (I’ll allow it.), Ted Vagina, and David Hasselhoff, who’s super excited because when his flight left for Sydney, McDonald’s was serving breakfast, then when he landed — STILL BREAKFAST!!
Time zone jokes, got ‘em (Full Disclaimer: I did absolutely no research to fact-check if this is even remotely accurate.),
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Back to being a spinner! BRAVO!
Watchu talkin about Willis??
Tits, we’re talking about tits here..
And then I beat him while repeatedly calling him a n*gg*r. Nothing racist about that, so stop asking at every press conference.
Ahh nothing sexier than a gunt to go with a ginormous ass….
On her home planet of Naboo, they call her Boss Ass, leader of the Guntgan army.
I’d like to be the cartographer that mapped out that topography.
Here are your names: Mr. Pink, Mr. Blue, Mr. White, Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown, and Mr. Beckham.
…looks like the gay porn version of Reservoir Dogs. Reservoir Tips.
This gives a whole new meaning to the “Little Green Bag” song.
(His scrotum. I’m talking about his scrotum.)
They can double date with Neil Patrick Harris and his husband!
I shall call you…Mini Me!
Jessica Simpson just ate an entire Arby’s looking at this…
You mean an entire menu or the restaurant. With Jessica you have to be specific.
Just out of frame is the 3 foot stack of telephone books Cee Lo is standing on.
Worst Beyonce cosplay ever.
“Oprah, Oprah…OTHER than eating, what have you been doing since your retirement?”
Awful, awful mispost.
“Tell me your secret o undeserving gatherer of top-notch ass…”
Who’s the loser in the Ohio State Buckeyes jacket?
A Michigan alumni that finally found the right path in life.
She must have detected the faint smell of a snickers bar and had to be put back on the path by her handler…
So, the wild has closets you can come out of?
Shall I call you Logan, Weapon X, or skip straight to the dickpunch you so obviously deserve?
Visits Germany, dresses up as British WWII fighter pilot. The guy has balls.
NEIN NEIN NEIN!
(Quentin Tarantino finds out about the shoes requirement at his hotel)
I’d love to smell that leotard when she’s done……….
How in the hell did that guy in the back copy and paste himself poorly into a photo at the time it was taken?
That’s the Hoff without makeup… Sometimes his true reflection comes out….
Swear I was going to say about the same thing. So weird.
I much prefer his cousin Mike Hunt…….
or Don Kaybalz
Or his best friend Dick Hertz.
Or Mike Litoris
“Dammit. I’m staying up here until I can’t see Fergie’s erection through this thing.”
Here we have Exhibit A:
A shot of the accused 5 minutes before the sexual battery occurred.
One of the few times you pray the carpet does not match the drapes…
Those are two of the most elaborate ‘Dick in a Box’ costumes I’ve ever seen!
If those leather pants believe in reincarnation, they must think they’re a cow fetus as they slowly expand each day.
I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for a sugar daddy, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long sex life. Skills that make me freaky deaky for people like you. If you let your clothes go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not hump you, I will ass pound you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will still hump and ass pound the hell out of you.
Good luck.
That was just a tidbit ‘rapey’. Still thumbed it up.
911 redo. Thank you & refreshments to your right.
Well at least we know there are still a couple that don’t say “Ah, fuck it!” after childbirth
Franken Janssen
This woman’s eyes are as lopsided as Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs!
I’m more concerned with that armpit assgina.
Dead Vagina
I can see my 15 minutes dwindling from here.
She looks like if she so much as sneezes a 5 pound load of shit is going to explode out of her ass.
Travel by Zeppelin is very fasionable…..
Skinny jeans for fat guys?
Now I’ve seen everything.
Shia LaBeouf circa 2053.
Like a fine wine, my dear
you can get herpes from wine now? damnit.
I want to know how my Chia Pet got to Hollywood.
A funeral for careers.
His time in the MLS was the funeral for his career.
Pumpkinhead.
I like this one here.
With Beyonce as the big sis, ya know this one must have brutal self esteem, i.e. she will do everything in the sack.
You can just see the sister envy in her eyes.
Where boners go to die.
“Did I go on vacation? Oh no, I’ve just been floating dead in the Atlantic.”
His brother Richard has been beaten up many times.
Looks like a jungle safari.
Call Agent Tasker, Simon’s telling spy stories again.
Just to ruin it for all of you……Derek Jeter is banging this.
I didn’t know that. But, based on the size of her arms, I knew A-Rod wasn’t.
ruined with the jerpes.
*sigh*
Dammit JPC, thanks a lot.