Ahhhh, I just fingered Robert Pattinson

Taint check is a pass.

“mmm, I can still smell Lily…and french fries…is that astroglide?”

Even his hand knows he shouldn’t say anything.

Oh that’s right…wave left, wipe right.

Taylor sniffing his prosthetic hand, still smells like anus.

Now THERE”S a class act. Chews his nails all the way down to the quick… nice and ugly nubbins. Need treatment or just too much speed?

“My fingers smell like tuna fish. That’s a first.”

This kiss is for the love of my life, Mr. Tom Cruise.

On another note, no one told him to change the jizz stained jacket?

“Whaddya mean ‘stick your finger up you ass and smell your career’? ummmm… okay… **pokes**sniffs** Ewww! Smells like shit! Uh, I don’t get it?”

MMM…chode.

“Mmmmm, smells like Teen Spirit” said Taylor shortly after rubbing his hand into his armpit.

Do your fingers still smell like J. Lo’s butt?

Public service announcement: 99% of you are not as funny or clever as you think you are. Desperate for comment of the week much? Try again please and take at list a minute to think of a funny line. You sound like VH1 stand up comedian rejects.

Kissing goodbye to his 15 minutes

and here I was hoping someone had punched him on the nose…. they say hope never dies…

The only way he can keep bugs out of his eternally open mouth.

He’s covering up one of those frilly sneezes that sounds like a dog is farting a bubble out of its ass.