The Crap We Missed – Thursday 8.23.12

August 23rd, 2012 // 577 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, capping another news day so slow you’d think it was Nicole Eggert‘s metabolism. Anyway, up for your typecast hate-bang today are Tyra Banks proving that crazy chicks still are the best in the sack, Joe Jonas‘ friend just being a straight-up tease, and Bruce Willis asking the heavens why his 56 year old sperm still fertilizes eggs.

As for today’s Final Five…I don’t even. Let’s not talk about it,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Matthew McConaughey Relaxing On Bench
    YoMamma
    Commented on this photo:

    Alright, alright, alright…

  2. Alice Eve Butt Tight Dress Lawless Premiere
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    This girl makes my dick hurt.

    No jokes or sarcasm. She is painfully hot. That’s all. Carry on.

  3. Jennifer Hudson Wig Smash Set
    napoupi
    Commented on this photo:

    That arm… Is she a lizzard underneath like the guys in “V”?

  4. Kelly Cutrone Tyra Banks Rob Evans In Bed Together
    Commented on this photo:

    Soooo if he wants Tyra, he has to do the witch and the bear? I think I’ll pass…

  5. Marlene Mourreau Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m assuming she was a model many years and many pounds ago.
    They’re big…whatever they’re made of.

  6. Jeremy Renner The Bourne Legacy Photocall
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m a little teapot short and stout…

  7. Jeremy Renner The Bourne Legacy Photocall
    Commented on this photo:

    This is the face of a man trying to expunge that last bit of semen from his ass…

  8. Serena Williams Butt Tight Dress
    USDA Prime McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the same zipper used to hold the wings on 757s.

  9. Shia LaBeouf Long Hair Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    An evil magician and a crazy pedophile, what could go wrong?

  10. Alice Eve Butt Tight Dress Lawless Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s as cute as a basket of kittens.

  11. Vanessa Paradis Bikini
    USDA Prime McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought she’d be using a straw.

  12. Joe Jonas Sunglasses Tank Top
    Commented on this photo:

    “So, if I understand you correctly, you can suck the gay out of me with that straw? How much is this treatment again?”

  13. Jennifer Hudson Wig Smash Set
    Battler
    Commented on this photo:

    What is that “hair” made out of?

  14. Kelly Cutrone Tyra Banks Rob Evans In Bed Together
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently he has the world’s largest penis.

  15. Bruce Willis Wife Emma Hemming Baby Stroller
    Commented on this photo:

    Occasionally, he reflects on his mis-fires… like Scout, Talulah, Rumer, Ashton…

  16. Serena Williams Butt Tight Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    “Serena, can you go move the car? The meter’s about to expire. Yes, that’s it: just lift it by the door handle”

  17. Serena Williams Butt Tight Dress
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s why they invented the term “butt ugly”.

  18. Khloe Kardashian Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yes ma’am. I can confirm that a woman came in here several years ago and paid my predecessor a large sum of money to alter certain birth certificates matching your description…”

  19. Dania Ramirez, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jamie Chung Premium Rush Premiere
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like they just agreed to a threesome.

  20. Billie Faiers Sam Faiers Upskirt Panty Flash Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    A little on the thick side but I wouldn’t mind tossing them about for a while…

  21. Serena Williams Butt Tight Dress
    Crissy
    Commented on this photo:

    That man has a huge asssssss!

  22. Matthew McConaughey Relaxing On Bench
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    Would do. (goddamnit!)

  23. Richard Belzer Skinny Tank Top White Pants Loafers
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Germany reopened the concentration camps?

  24. Kathy Griffin Cleavage Wrinkles
    Commented on this photo:

    Well if Anderson Cooper wasn’t gay before I can see how this helped things along…

  25. Valerie Bertinelli Walk Of Fame Star
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Another Jenny Craig success story.

  26. Billie Faiers Sam Faiers Upskirt Panty Flash Cleavage
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    I see London, I see fat.

  27. Vanessa Paradis Bikini
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    This explains everything.

  28. Marlene Mourreau Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Have the French no shame? I mean sure, they make fun of our ignorance all the time but copying Coco? That’s low…

  29. Valerie Bertinelli Walk Of Fame Star
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice “mother of the bride” dress.

  30. Marlene Mourreau Bikini
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Knowing the French, she probably models cigarettes.

  31. Rita Ora Cleavage Legs Short Shorts
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    Definitely a natural blonde.

  32. Rita Ora Cleavage Legs Short Shorts
    Crissy
    Commented on this photo:

    Rita, is this a shirt Ora dress?

  33. Alice Eve Butt Tight Dress Lawless Premiere
    No Standards
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s all good, right there.

  34. Karina Smirnoff Butt Tight Dress Lawless Premiere
    Crissy
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugliest try-hard eva!

  35. Shia LaBeouf Long Hair Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Repugnant now has a face. Hey Shia, have you branded your cologne yet?

  36. Shia LaBeouf Long Hair Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Rock, paper, scissors. The loser has sex with me for real…

  37. Vanessa Paradis Bikini
    sure.
    Commented on this photo:

    nice bod. love those thighs.

  38. Kathy Griffin Cleavage Wrinkles
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    Really thought this was going to be someone in drag.

  39. Richard Belzer Skinny Tank Top White Pants Loafers
    Commented on this photo:

    Aaron Carter needs our help.

  40. Marlene Mourreau Bikini
    Crissy
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought we were gonna get another Rita Rusty, final five. Thank goodness we got, ah fuck it! this is just as bad!!! FUCK YOU PHOTOBOY! (I say that with love)

  41. Khloe Kardashian Butt Yoga Pants
    cuddles
    Commented on this photo:

    Until this question gets answered, I question the validity of physics: how the hell does a 7 foot tall wookie have a smaller ass than Kim?

    • JC

      I don’t think it’s a question of physics, but rather perception: A giant ass fits Khloe’s wookie frame better, so it appears as though it’s smaller. You couldn’t say so for sure without detailed measurements. But then you’d get piss all over your surveying equipment.

    • Devilish Diva

      Easy, Kim’s ass is fake.

    • Well, the clothing suggests that Khloe works out (she may be lying, she IS, after all, part Kardashian!) And Kim just painfully lies and “works out” the deal to photoshop her fatness.

  42. Valerie Bertinelli Walk Of Fame Star
    Commented on this photo:

    They’re just going to rub some turpentine on the Carrot Top star, to get off the Sharpie Marker.

  43. Jeremy Renner The Bourne Legacy Photocall
    Crissy
    Commented on this photo:

    Pose. does. not. look. forced. at. all.

  44. Nicole Eggert Fat Butt Cellulite Jogging Baby Stroller
    Joe
    Commented on this photo:

    At least she’s trying.

    • to sprint to KFC

      • C’mon, guys! That shit was funny… When did it get so fuckin’ “hugs not drugs” in these threads?!?

      • It goes like this:

        Christina Aguilera painted up like an Oompa-Loompa streetwalker and sausaged into Ultimate Tensile Strength Spanx, haughtily ordering us with her eyes to worship her because she is CHRISTINA GODDAMN AGUILERA AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY = mockable.

        Nicole Eggert caught in the act of trying to get back in shape after a little too much enjoying being able to eat anything she wanted at last during pregnancy = admirable.*

        * Unless you have something especially clever to say, like Bootology below. The KFC thing was not especially clever. That’s where the Thumbs of Judgement come in.

      • Mike Walker

        > enjoying being able to eat anything she wanted at last during pregnancy

        Since when does pregnancy last 5 years?

      • This is how black menz like their white wimminz.

  45. Nicole Eggert Fat Butt Cellulite Jogging Baby Stroller
    Crissy
    Commented on this photo:

    I would make fun of her but she’s on the right track…

  46. Richard Belzer Skinny Tank Top White Pants Loafers
    Frank The Duck
    Commented on this photo:

    “Live from our stage at Dachau…”

  47. Khloe Kardashian Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Michael Jackson has put on some weight.

  48. Alice Eve Butt Tight Dress Lawless Premiere
    Crissy
    Commented on this photo:

    For not showing any skin, that is one amazing sideboob!

  49. Chris Noth
    Commented on this photo:

    Who?

  50. Alice Eve Butt Tight Dress Lawless Premiere
    DiegoAD
    Commented on this photo:

    Even her webbed toes are hot.

Leave A Comment