The Crap We Missed – Monday 8.12.13

August 12th, 2013 // 578 Comments

“Ms. Paltrow, here, I made you these brownies from scratch using all-purpose flour!”

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, capping off a day that brought you Maple Christ‘s naked ass, followed by his manly love-making, so on behalf of Fish and myself let me apologize and step right out of the way of Anthony Weiner wearing red pants because enough attention hasn’t already been paid to that area of his body, Kevin Jonas enjoying a whiff of the axe body spray he makes his “wife” wear, and James Franco wearing a cardigan while seated in a leather chair answering questions about his book, ‘A California Childhood,’ so let’s all just grab a loved one and wait for the collective worldwide eyeroll to shift the Earth off its axis.

Thanks dicknose, now we’ll never know how Breaking Bad ends,

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Rihanna Sand Covered Butt Bikini Instagram
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    Who knew that semen and sand mix so well.

  2. Hilary Duff Butt Tight Jeans
    Dirty Travolta
    Commented on this photo:

    I wanna french kiss her anus ..

  3. Kate Moss Bikini Belly Weight Gain Bunny Phone
    FriskyBiscuit
    Commented on this photo:

    That is the fittest 80-year old I’ve ever seen.

  4. Rick Astley Ascot Racecourse
    Pickle Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    He just Rick-rolled everyone in Surrey England.

  5. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    Commented on this photo:

    NO, Justin! Get those french fries AWAY FROM ME!!!

  6. Shia LaBeouf Fatigues Dirty Budweiser Shirt Carrying Ice Over Shoulder
    Batu Khan
    Commented on this photo:

    A Bud Light t-shirt won’t make you manlier and not even all that ice can make you cooler. But keep trying. We’ll keep laughing.

  7. Shaquille ONeal Towering Over Kevin Hart 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    The perfect couple.

  8. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    Commented on this photo:

    “Gwyneth, this is Chrissy, she’s that 10 year old girl from Catholic Charities I told you abo-”

    “MEAT-EATER! MEAT-EATER! I can SMELL her, you FOOLS! Get her away from me!!!”

  9. Guy With Banana Taped To Phone Anthnoy Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can’t hear you, I have a banana in my ear.”

  10. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks as plain and dry as a Nilla wafer.

  11. Shaquille ONeal Towering Over Kevin Hart 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    dennis
    Commented on this photo:

    Kevin Hart should be wary if Shaq suddenly pulls out a “microphone” for him to speaking into.

  12. Michelle Rodriguez Chateau Marmont
    Commented on this photo:

    “But they’re cousins,
    Identical cousins and you’ll find…”

  13. Anthony Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    This guy would slurp cum off an adult theater floor if he thought it would get him votes

  14. Penny Marshall Kimono 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    Balls of Fury II: Feng-fucking-tastic

  15. Keanu Reeves Eyes Closed Knit Hat
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sarah Connor, you’re about to be terminated, after I take this nap.”

  16. Helen Hunt Ride Set Being Helped To Her Feet By Group Of Men
    Commented on this photo:

    We’ve got to get this thing back in the water or it will die! Is that a golf ball in it’s blowhole?

  17. Shia LaBeouf Fatigues Dirty Budweiser Shirt Carrying Ice Over Shoulder
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like he hasn’t bathe since the last time he wore this outfit.

  18. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    Mary J. Bilge

  19. Abigail Breslin Cleavage Dyed Blonde Hair Teen Choice Awards
    PtC
    Commented on this photo:

    I only have one thing to say here.

    Cankles.

  20. Penny Marshall Kimono 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Photographer: “Surely that’s not a woman!”
    Penny: “Yes, I am. And don’t call me Shirley.”

  21. Ariel Winter Too Young For Ashton Shirt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Those are some big sunglasses

  22. James Franco Book Signing
    Commented on this photo:

    “And then I remember one time, they put brown M&M’s in my candy dish…Acting is so much harder than you commoners might imagine.”

  23. Shia LaBeouf Fatigues Dirty Budweiser Shirt Carrying Ice Over Shoulder
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope he goes insane.

  24. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    Commented on this photo:

    The most beautiful woman in the world?

  25. John Mayer Orgasm Face Onstage Playing Guitar
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the face he made when he lost his anal virginity.

  26. Madonna Paintball Field Son Rocco Birthday
    Batu Khan
    Commented on this photo:

    Hypocrite! Either stop shoving yourself in our faces or take off that shirt. No, wait! Just put on another one.

  27. Madonna Paintball Field Son Rocco Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh my gosh! How many times did she get hit in the face with paintballs?!?

  28. Dax Shepard Kristen Bell Justin Theroux Birthday Party
    Commented on this photo:

    worst foot job ever.

  29. Eddie Murphy Humping Paige Butcher In Coffee Shop
    bqhatevwr
    Commented on this photo:

    Cool capri pants.

  30. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Her ass looks like the biology pictures they used to show us in college of what gangrene infections looked like prior to amputation.

  31. Madonna Paintball Field Son Rocco Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Shit! That’s bad.

  32. Sofia Vergara Butt Tight Dress Chef Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Banging!

  33. James Franco Book Signing
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    I liked the caption better when I thought it said “James Franco SINGING his book …”

  34. Madonna Paintball Field Son Rocco Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    why did someone put a mummy in 21st century clothing. oh wait nevermind.

  35. Guy With Banana Taped To Phone Anthnoy Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    After seeing how popular Apple phones are, Banana debuts their new model.

  36. Shaquille ONeal Towering Over Kevin Hart 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    “While you’re down there…”

  37. John Mayer Orgasm Face Onstage Playing Guitar
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey Johh show us what you did to get into the entertainment scene.

  38. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Sure it’s not one of those Williams brothers?

  39. Alicia Keys Gunt
    Commented on this photo:

    “…ooohhhHHH! I’mmm….SO FAT, I’mmm….SO FAT, I’mmm….SO FAT, baby I’m soooo fat”

  40. Kate Moss Bikini Belly Weight Gain Bunny Phone
    Commented on this photo:

    Drugs and overexposure to Sun = the blooming loveliness of middle age

    How many millions does she get paid for modelling?

  41. Rick Astley Ascot Racecourse
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    Not shown: several bewildered race horses wondering what that dreadful noise is.

  42. Savannah Guthrie Willie Geist The Today Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Both just caught a whiff of Al’s sharted briefs. That man has no shame.

  43. Shaquille ONeal Towering Over Kevin Hart 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Gin&Tonic
    Commented on this photo:

    one foot shorter and Kevin would suddenly be really interesting and useful right about now

  44. Rihanna Sand Covered Butt Bikini Instagram
    papastryfe
    Commented on this photo:

    best anti buttsex defense mechanism ever

  45. Shia LaBeouf Fatigues Dirty Budweiser Shirt Carrying Ice Over Shoulder
    Qmak
    Commented on this photo:

    “Fine then. I’m going to fill up my bathtub with ice, climb in and put myself in suspended animation until you guys start being nicer to me.”

  46. Anthony Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    Thank god he got my text and unscrewed the windshield squeegee from the bottom of his Dominican flag before the parade started.

  47. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    rospo
    Commented on this photo:

    ”Stop confusing me with Cameron Diaz !!”

  48. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s the size 41?

  49. Eddie Murphy Humping Paige Butcher In Coffee Shop
    papastryfe
    Commented on this photo:

    Eddie, I told you I’m not Rhianna, and this isn’t Barbados.

  50. Rose McGowan Midriff Nipples Miniskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like someone’s hiding their engagement ring for the cameras now.

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