If this is a brochure for your school, now would be a good time to dropout and focus on how you’re going to wage emotional revenge on your parents over the next 20 years for sending you there because clearly they hate you.
Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed, coming at you early because there’s literally nothing going on and, well, it’s Friday. So here’s the long and short of it: The Munchkin Guild instructs Jay Z to tell Gwyneth Paltrow her children’s garments have been rendered – and maybe drive her to the Piggly Wiggly, Orlando Bloom still can’t believe all this only cost him his first born son on his fifth birthday (They stop being cute after that anyway.) and the saddest moment in David Hasselhoff‘s entire life. I’m talking one of his daughters could die and he’d be like, “Remember when I couldn’t get a burger? Now that’s emotional turmoil that shakes you to very core.”
Attention all nerds who know who Vampirella is, you’ll need some spare Underoos handy,
- The Superficial
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no way that’s comfortable.
Yea, that was the first thing I thought of too when I saw this. I mean, how does she manage to wear that to work? No way she’d go grocery shopping in that, can you imagine? You wouldn’t want to go ANYWHERE near those little spritzers in the produce section.
I got a spritzer I’d like her to get near. It’s not so little, but it produces.
“Inoperable brain cancer. Tsk, tsk. Wherever did you catch that? Oh, your son has it. And how old is he? Three? Well, it’s not like you’ve had him around long enough to grow attached and all. I remember when I lost my pony, Sergeant Withers, during a freak bout of starvation. Had me broken up for weeks, it did. But you know what always cheered me right up? A jolly old pub song, like this: OOOooooo….”
!
Thish is the greatestht coffee I’ve had all >hic< week!
“He let me fuck his blowhole! This is the greatest day of my life! Get my son in this picture, will you? I want to remember this forever!”
Looks like the set of a porn movie; the green screen is so they can CGI someone actually doing the deed.
Hogs Gone Wild
Doesn’t anyone appreciate presentation these days? It just isn’t complete until you put an apple in it’s mouth.
Performing. Is that what they’re calling meth benders these days…
Her ass is bigger than a planet. What a surprise.
I’m assuming that taking her top off is a reflex action at this point to any cell phone camera being pointed at her.
It’s like we’re being given a blurry sneak-peak 10 years into the future.
Twunt.
Omg! Avatar is real!
Little does he know the woman behind him wants to cut a bitch.
“Left turn at Wilshire, and then three blocks down on the right. You can’t miss it. Big sign outside that says ’2011 National Douche Convention’. Funny, there seems to be more and more chicks like you rocking the NDC every year.”
Someone told her “all men are dogs” and she took it literally.
Dressing up like that and carrying a gun into the comic book shop would probably make for the easiest robbery in history.
She wouldn’t even need the gun.
“Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these!”
I’m ashamed of how much I laughed at this.
the herpes sores are climbing up its feet now?
She’s been blowing Robert Pattinson again, hasn’t she?
We have all seen her with no makeup and in a bikini. The more crap she put on the better.
I’d have to agree with you.
“Hungry, little fella? Well, we brought you a little something…”
“…my name shall be passed down to generations while debating up in barber shops,
Young slung, hung here, Shorty, the ringmaster from here,
With a little ambition just what we can become here…”
Nice one, Orlando. It’d be a shame to have modelled for Dior in Paris and not have any pictures.
i don’t know who the fuck she is, but … MORE pics please.
So you’re the one person in the world who didn’t see Inception? Nice to meet you. Hey, everyone, I found him!
There is another. I haven’t seen it either.
She has a sweet face.
Add me to that list. I have no idea who this chick is nor did I see Inception.
Put me on the list. Who is this chick?
Hmph. Way to rain on my parade, guys. By the way, she won an Oscar three years ago, if that means anything.
So she makes good hot dogs. What’s so big about that?
She is beautiful! And Inception is great if you’re into What The Fuck type of shit like I am. Or if you’re baked. It’s also good if you’re baked. Maybe even better.
I dont know who the fuck she is either but she has a cute face.
That picture is an oxymoron, well at least it has one moron.
And thus began the creation of a new hit single “Little Pimpin’”
Adam Sandler looks better with shorter hair apparently.
Remember when she was hot, just a couple of years ago. Wow, time flys….
You beat me to it. I was just about to type, “Remember when she was hot? Yeah, me neither.”
Years? That was 6 months ago. It’s been a fast fall. I would still hit that BTW.
Give her credit; she could have just weaved her hair back in and been instantly attractive again, but she … eh, who am I kidding; I don’t get it, either.
“And de gun, it make me relevant, yes? They see gun, they think, ‘wow, this lady have power.’ It is art, yes? What’s this? Sure, I can do more side boob.”
she needs more boob, period. that costume should be filled more, the top is too baggy.
He’s still “in love”. That’s nice; it’s great while it lasts.
Hopefully, he just slides into “tolerable tedium” and no further.
This is the heartwarming story of a dog that loves peanut butter.
WINNER!
He’d do ANYTHING for a Scooby Snatch.
This is his new media strategy, right? Just cover his mouth when in earshot of the press?
Jay-Z is announcing a new business collaboration with the underwear gnomes.
trying for a witty comment here but HOLY SHIT THAT ASSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
“Whitney Cummings has TWO shows on networks?!”
Yes, and they are both fucking horrible. If Whitney Cummings can get two shows on the air, then I could probably sweep the Grammy’s next year. Of course, I’ll have to suck the same dick Whitney did but, its all for the love of the business.
non, non, non monsieur, I am not familiar with zees, how you say, on ze down low.
The Hoff: “Burgers in Glasgow? That FLOORS me!”
How I know this is staged: no crayons.
“That’s right love, Pippa who? Stick it out down there!”
“I swear, my tits used to be out to here!”
If there’s anyone out there who thinks this guy is hot please comment now so we can mercilessly make fun of you.
I DO!
Have you had your eyes checked recently?
“Oh, Ms. Blair, I think you’re great. Could you do that scene for me from Cruel Intentions? You know…the practice-kissing scene.”
“Well well! I thought the rumor was true about horses, but now…”
Is this like a puzzle from Highlights magazine? “One of these eats tuna, two do not…”
Hairstyle: “The Big Bangs Theory” by Moe Howard.
Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk
Winner.
It’s a shame someone that pretty has to rely on a canine for cuddles.
Ok, I got my Venti Derp-acino, let’s roll.
“When my kid is born, he’ll already be taller than you.”
This is why they want to get rid of Social Security, people were never meant to live this long.
Is there such a place as Comb-over, England? There should be.