The Crap We Missed – Friday 7.15.11

July 15th, 2011 // 569 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed where yadda yadda yadda Jennifer Love Hewitt emerged from her cocoon as the cat lady. Listen, something happens at the end that’s kind of like a Rorschach test. Some of you are going to see something really awesome, some of you are you going to jab yourself in the eye with a clear stripper heel and some of you are going to see my dad punching Santa Claus in the dick because today’s supposed to be about Baby Jesus. You want me to burn this tree down? I’ll burn this fucking tree down. Now, son, make me a coat out of fat-

Wait, how long have I been typing? Everything went black there for a minute. Eh, I’m sure it’s all hilarious, so I’ll just go ahead and hit “Publish” without proofreading. As usual.

Sinceriously,

- Chester A. Arthur

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    ugasean
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s holding her bag carefully like that because it’s full of chocolate mousse.

  2. Christie Brinkley Upskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s just putting his extra chromosome back. What’s the big deal?

  3. Pete Wentz
    Ras Malfoof
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Bronx Mowgli is well on his way to a series of douche-y hairdos, just like dear ol’ dad.

  4. Ke$ha
    rough/game of trolles
    Commented on this photo:

    Cyclops? what happen to him?

  5. AnnaLynne McCord Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Deena Cortese jumped into a pool…3000 miles away.

  6. Rihanna Nipple
    Ras Malfoof
    Commented on this photo:

    Still sportin’ the nip-ring, it appears. Thumbs up!

  7. Alan Cumming
    ChickenHawk
    Commented on this photo:

    Gay Hitler, sans mustache.

  8. Jersey Shore The Situation Mike Sorrentino Abs
    Oh No
    Commented on this photo:

    His abs look like a miniature version of himself striking that same pose! It’s like a douche vortex!

  9. Jersey Shore The Situation Mike Sorrentino Abs
    rough/game of trolles
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude? can you stop flashing your water retention abs for a minute?

  10. Pete Wentz
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dad, can you please leave Curious George and your lunchbox at home? You’re embarrassing me.”

  11. heather

    Holy shit! What happened to Alicia Keys?

  12. Alicia Keys Cellulite
    what you're all thinking
    Commented on this photo:

    Woah

  13. Shauna Sand Bikini
    what you're all thinking
    Commented on this photo:

    Lo fucking L

  14. Jersey Shore The Situation Mike Sorrentino Abs
    Karen
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh jeez…will this guy EVER get over himself?! OLD NEWS. GET A REAL JOB. What an insult to people who actually study theatre…actually what an insult to people who study …PERIOD. What a shame that elements like this get media attention when there are so many young people with real skills who have sacrificed time and money studying and find themselves out of work in this economy.

  15. Jersey Shore The Situation Mike Sorrentino Abs
    Anon
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m convinced now that Casey Anthony is innocent. It’s obvious the Situation kidnapped Caylee, cut off her ass, and super glued it below his nipples. Where’ my proof, you ask? Where was Situation the night Caylee went missing? I REST MY CASE.

  16. Rachel Bilson
    Commented on this photo:

    The To Do List:
    Rachel Bilson

  17. Jersey Shore The Situation Mike Sorrentino Abs
    Your Gynecologist
    Commented on this photo:

    2-pack abs.

  18. Patrick Schwarzenegger
    Commented on this photo:

    Do the humpty hump!

  19. Rihanna Nipple
    Anon
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face has one too few fists in it.

  20. Jenna Fischer Pregnant
    doodles
    Commented on this photo:

    BAHAHAHAHA!

  21. Ryan Gosling
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “I yam what I yam. Now let me go eats me spinach. A-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah!”

  22. Alicia Keys Cellulite
    ugasean
    Commented on this photo:

    Shouldn’t be out on the tennis court practicing?

  23. Shauna Sand Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s a big angry crab when you need one?

  24. Alicia Keys Cellulite
    ugasean
    Commented on this photo:

    Shouldn’t she be out on the court practicing, that is.

  25. Christie Brinkley Upskirt
    Hey now
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, Billy Joel seems really desperate lately.

  26. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    mae
    Commented on this photo:

    I have a designer bagggg though seee? Fashionable! Relevant!

  27. Amanday Seyfried
    Anon
    Commented on this photo:

    *Don’t mind the photographers, Amanda. Keep walking. Eye on the prize. Dead horse, dead horse, DEAD HORSE.*

  28. AnnaLynne McCord Bikini
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    When she has her arms at her sides like that, it gives the illusion that she has breasts.

  29. AnnaLynne McCord Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    A girl in a bikini getting splattered. It’s Xmas in July on the SW.

  30. Jenna Fischer Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    Aw, it’s Mary Jane!

  31. Alicia Keys Cellulite
    Anon
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck happened here? Last I remember her was when her first hit came out…. so….. I’ve been out of the loop for a while. Nevermind.

  32. Alicia Keys Cellulite
    Dookie
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy Quiznos Torpedos!!!

  33. Pete Wentz
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Probably not the father.

  34. Jersey Shore The Situation Mike Sorrentino Abs
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah, it’s a whole turkey. Trust me, you don’t wanna know how I got it in there.”

  35. Ryan Gosling
    Commented on this photo:

    Uhummmmm!! No shocker here, all fist baby…

  36. Alicia Keys Cellulite
    Devast
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know but I’ve been told…

  37. Alicia Keys Cellulite
    harpooner
    Commented on this photo:

    Ask her to clap with her arms held high, it will be like a day at the manatee tank at seaworld.

  38. AnnaLynne McCord Bikini
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    “I said not in the face!!!!!!”

  39. Shauna Sand Bikini
    harpooner
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugh, can almost see her haggard beef curtain *shudder*

  40. Adrian Brody
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, I know she’s not the hottest girl in the world, but she is TOTALLY DOWN, DUDE!!!”

  41. Jenna Fischer Pregnant
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus Christ!!! It looks like she’s pregnant with Octomom and all 14 Octobabies.

  42. Jayde Nicole
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    Daddy like. Daddy like very much.

  43. Taylor Momsen
    TheoriginalLJ
    Commented on this photo:

    She can start showing up naked in another 11 days.

  44. Patrick Schwarzenegger
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, they do say men look for women who remind them of their fathers.

  45. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Dr. Hufurrrrr
    Commented on this photo:

    Since three weren’t enough to lure a potential mate, the female Hewittosimous now carries around a bagful of acceptable engagement rings from which to choose.

  46. Eva Mendes
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey look. I’m not the one from Zookeeper, ok? I learned my lesson with lame Kevin James movies in 2005 with Hitch, ok ahole?”

  47. Christie Brinkley Upskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Just another annoying backstage fan wanting his autograph book pussy smacked.

  48. Ryan Gosling
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking for some dudes ass to put that in.

  49. Shauna Sand Bikini
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, no. There are four more of these, aren’t there? AREN’T THERE?

  50. Patrick Schwarzenegger
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, he is quite cute.
    That last name though is such a turn-off. Bleah.

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