Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed where yadda yadda yadda Jennifer Love Hewitt emerged from her cocoon as the cat lady. Listen, something happens at the end that’s kind of like a Rorschach test. Some of you are going to see something really awesome, some of you are you going to jab yourself in the eye with a clear stripper heel and some of you are going to see my dad punching Santa Claus in the dick because today’s supposed to be about Baby Jesus. You want me to burn this tree down? I’ll burn this fucking tree down. Now, son, make me a coat out of fat-
Wait, how long have I been typing? Everything went black there for a minute. Eh, I’m sure it’s all hilarious, so I’ll just go ahead and hit “Publish” without proofreading. As usual.
Sinceriously,
- Chester A. Arthur
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
She’s holding her bag carefully like that because it’s full of chocolate mousse.
He’s just putting his extra chromosome back. What’s the big deal?
Looks like Bronx Mowgli is well on his way to a series of douche-y hairdos, just like dear ol’ dad.
Kind of harsh to rag on a 2-year-old, no?
Dickface.
See how everyone else was able to use the kid to rip dad? Assclown.
Go clean your vaginas out before posting here.
Thanks.
The son has a face like a 20 year old.
Nooo, I love that kid’s hair!
Cyclops? what happen to him?
Deena Cortese jumped into a pool…3000 miles away.
heh
Still sportin’ the nip-ring, it appears. Thumbs up!
Gay Hitler, sans mustache.
His abs look like a miniature version of himself striking that same pose! It’s like a douche vortex!
Holy shit, I thought that too. It’s like one of those never-ending illusions of a picture of the TV on the TV on the TV…
Lady Cassandra O-face
Dude? can you stop flashing your water retention abs for a minute?
“Dad, can you please leave Curious George and your lunchbox at home? You’re embarrassing me.”
Holy shit! What happened to Alicia Keys?
Woah
Lo fucking L
Oh jeez…will this guy EVER get over himself?! OLD NEWS. GET A REAL JOB. What an insult to people who actually study theatre…actually what an insult to people who study …PERIOD. What a shame that elements like this get media attention when there are so many young people with real skills who have sacrificed time and money studying and find themselves out of work in this economy.
I’m convinced now that Casey Anthony is innocent. It’s obvious the Situation kidnapped Caylee, cut off her ass, and super glued it below his nipples. Where’ my proof, you ask? Where was Situation the night Caylee went missing? I REST MY CASE.
The To Do List:
Rachel Bilson
2-pack abs.
Indeed! wtf?? *that* is his claim to fame??
Do the humpty hump!
Her face has one too few fists in it.
BAHAHAHAHA!
“I yam what I yam. Now let me go eats me spinach. A-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah!”
Shouldn’t be out on the tennis court practicing?
Where’s a big angry crab when you need one?
Oh, I think there are a bunch of angry crabs present. Thankfully, her swimsuit is covering them.
+1, Dr Hufurrrrr
Shouldn’t she be out on the court practicing, that is.
Wow, Billy Joel seems really desperate lately.
I have a designer bagggg though seee? Fashionable! Relevant!
*Don’t mind the photographers, Amanda. Keep walking. Eye on the prize. Dead horse, dead horse, DEAD HORSE.*
When she has her arms at her sides like that, it gives the illusion that she has breasts.
Your post almost gives the illusion that you have cojones.
A girl in a bikini getting splattered. It’s Xmas in July on the SW.
Aw, it’s Mary Jane!
What the fuck happened here? Last I remember her was when her first hit came out…. so….. I’ve been out of the loop for a while. Nevermind.
Holy Quiznos Torpedos!!!
Probably not the father.
“Yeah, it’s a whole turkey. Trust me, you don’t wanna know how I got it in there.”
Uhummmmm!! No shocker here, all fist baby…
I don’t know but I’ve been told…
ha ha…
+1
Ask her to clap with her arms held high, it will be like a day at the manatee tank at seaworld.
“I said not in the face!!!!!!”
That was an ejaculation joke, btw.
Wow, thanks for clarifying that. I don’t think any of us could have understood your masterful wit if not for that explanation
nice 1 JPC
Ugh, can almost see her haggard beef curtain *shudder*
“Hey, I know she’s not the hottest girl in the world, but she is TOTALLY DOWN, DUDE!!!”
Jesus Christ!!! It looks like she’s pregnant with Octomom and all 14 Octobabies.
Daddy like. Daddy like very much.
She can start showing up naked in another 11 days.
I’m appearing before her naked right now.
Well, they do say men look for women who remind them of their fathers.
Since three weren’t enough to lure a potential mate, the female Hewittosimous now carries around a bagful of acceptable engagement rings from which to choose.
hilarious!
“Hey look. I’m not the one from Zookeeper, ok? I learned my lesson with lame Kevin James movies in 2005 with Hitch, ok ahole?”
Just another annoying backstage fan wanting his autograph book pussy smacked.
Looking for some dudes ass to put that in.
Oh, no. There are four more of these, aren’t there? AREN’T THERE?
You read my mind…it’s getting predictable, and I don’t like where this one is going.
ME: “Miami, huh?”*scribbles furiously on notepad*
LOL!
Damn, he is quite cute.
That last name though is such a turn-off. Bleah.
He’s hot.
Why is Snooki trying to eat him, though?