“I don’t remember ordering flapjacks.” – Stephen Hawking, just now.
Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed which is basically everything considering our entire day fell into a Stephen Hawking sex addict hole that I’m proud to say it never crawled out of. On that note, enjoy today’s alternating Final Five that’s for both the ladies and the gents, yet somehow all for me because it’s not like I haven’t spoiled myself by pretending to be a pimp physicist with a robot voice on every goddamn post.
To professionalism!
- The Superficial
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
It’s as if her husband pulled them apart looking for a pot of gold… or a loose crumb…. who knows..
“Why yes, my white she-devil, we CAN go get some chicken…”
this.
“OH heeeeeyyyyyyy Tom….”
“Sorry my kids can’t act or sing worth a damn! Get jiggy with it and all that though, y’all!”
Stretch marks, ick.
you better hope you don’t get em
I know this joke has been done to death, but seriously, how many black microphones does she see?
I think we found a contender to de-thrown Kim Kardashian at the annual “Hide the black Microphone Competion”
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE OUT OF GIN!?
This is what’s wrong with America, right here. Her surgeon looked at this when he was done and said, “Meh. Good enough.”
You’re totally right.
No refunds.
You’ve got to be kidding…there’s much more wrong with our country than lousy boob jobs.
Although, come to think of it, Tupperware Tits really is a serious problem.
I’m pretty sure he meant the lack of workmanship in general.
Yes Simon we get it. You do an awesome impression of a former co-worker.. Now let it go…
That’s his orgasm face.
“Allo, guv’na!”
What do you mean, open container law?
I know it would result in a visit to a pharmacy and be more like throwing a hotdog down a hallway but I still would…
Why DID Matt Damon ever dump this fine specimen.. We shall never know..
Well, she is 35 years older than him. Wait, what?
Damn you George Clooney!
Her right breast is attending the 5th Annual Hollywood Domino Gala & Tournament in Los Angeles, the left breast is attending the 5th Annual Hollywood Domino Gala & Tournament in Hollywood, Florida.
Has someone has been digging in her chest looking for her heart of gold
Jebus, what the fuck happened to her face.
She reminds me of a chimpanzee!
THANK YOU! I’ve always thought she looked like a monkey. And, not for nothing, those fake choppers and gawdy makeup AIN’T HELPIN.
Outfit from the new Jessica Simpson fashion line, “Muumuus for Moo-moos”. Thanx for being an easy target, pre- during- and inevitably post- pregnancy fatty!
bahahahahahaha!
I’m assuming that arm is pointing out some kind of massive Sasquatch cock.
Meh.
^this….
there are thousands of women just like her…shes nothing special
I think you should get your seeing-eye dog’s opinion.
add blue paint and she could be avatar?
She is so fat she can’t completely open her eyes. The sensible dinner of a Red Bull put her over her daily quota of 300 calories.
“Look at that awful mother over there! She’s barely exploiting her children!”
Pardon me, but what do you have in ties that say both highly sophisticated and not afraid to smack a bitch up?
He is too good to put on his own pre-tied bow tie.
lol@girl behind longoria
Which one? They’re all pretty comical.
Apparently, the surname Simmons gives girls a predisposition to an oral fixation.
They look very loose
Apparently, the surname Simmons gives girls a predisposition to an oral fixation.
Russell and Gene, yes; Richard, no.
I’d have to disagree. Richard bagged a wife and it certainly wasn’t because of his masculine ways. So he got at least one female to gobble his knob.
Oh, puleeeze! You’re delusional.
Looks like she is practicing for her audition. Damn it! There is going to be another damn reality show…
‘Under Me’ . . . the undies must have Leo’s face printed on the inside.
If I were Clooney, I’d be going around town calling my fingers “the Keibler elves”.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! totally LOL’d that one!
“Can you believe the paparazzi these days, Cuba?”
ha
“I have to hold down its foot like this or else it’ll kick’ them 48 barbecue wings right outta mah stomach!”
Lando and Ally Sheedy hit the town.
exactly what i was thinking
WINNER
She’s getting better with age, isn’t she? Or maybe it’s the distance from Paris. Either way, huzzah!
Enjoy your participation trophy, Elisabetta Canalis. George traded up.
Elisabetta Who?
That’s some….umm….auuughhh side booooob….
“Hey look, man, if I ain’t here, I’m round the way on Howard Street, Lydell’s. Either that, or I’ll be with Muffy at the club.” – Omar Little, The Wire, Season 1
Hey, she’s all cleaned up and sane-looking now. Congrats on that Mischa, however now you are kind of boring. Go punch Lindsay Lohan in the face for us or something.
“Seriously. Next asshole to throw the Tila Tequilla blow up doll onstage is outta here.”
Oh I get it, because he likes to gnaw on wood…
Nicely done!
And he likes “Joustin” polls.
Standing ovation and slow clap.
We brought life to a blow-up doll, but we can’t cure cancer…damn you modern society!!!
It’s amazing how big A-Cups look when you weigh only 30 pounds.
“OK, which one of you is the slut?”
“Hahahahaha!”
Honoring the Irish in film…might as well honor them for their food while you’re at it.
Speaking as an American living in Ireland, I’m here to tell you that the food is absolutely fantastic. Similarly, Colin Farrell is delicious.
Honoring the Irish event? I think it’s called: “he went to a pub and had a couple of pints.”
Fer fucksake, just how many ways can you cook a potato?
Anyway, like I was sayin’, potato is the fruit of the earth. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. They’s uh, potato-kabobs, potato creole, potato gumbo, potato pancakes. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. They’s sweet potato, potato gratin, duchess potato, twice-baked potato, potato soup, potato stew, potato salad, scalloped potato, mashed potato sandwich. That… that’s about it.
Jigsaw, is that you?
Has her face always looked so smashed in? Wonky eye?
It looks like her nose was hit by the Tiny Lawyer’s shrink ray.