That Russian Spy Chick is in Maxim

October 22nd, 2010 // 174 Comments

I don’t know much about the Anna Chapman spy story, and apparently neither does Wikipedia, but based solely on this spread in Maxim Russia could it really have been that bad? I mean, the Cold War ended 20 years ago. Unless the Russians are secretly developing a more delicious vodka, I don’t think we have anything to worry about. Which is why I volunteer myself to make Anna my mail-order bride because everyone knows all their women are available for that sort of thing. Not to mention these situations almost always end in hysterical recordings. Trust me, it’ll be fun.

ME: You’re gonna get karate-sexed by a pack of Orientals walkin’ round with those fakers.
ANNA: You are terrible, terrible man.
ME: Oh, I’ll give you terrible. *squeaking sound*
ANNA: Why you are pressing genitals against patio door?
ME: (Just keep narrating like I told you, baby.) I GIVE AND I GIVE AND I GIVE…
ANNA: I am, how you say, uncomfortable with this. *turns off recorder*
ME: Quick, handjob me before the Jews burn the house down and make it look like I did it!

Photos: Pacific Coast News/Maxim Russia

superficial

  1. That Guy

    I find it crazy that some Russians say that she’s not even that good looking and there’s more attractive looking females in Russia.

    So this broad is not even considered all that and she’s looking hella fine.

    • I don’t. i ‘ve seen plenty of Russian women. I would say she is more like plain Jane in the Russian community. Unless you get those bubushkas.

    • anonymous

      actually there are a lot of hot russian chicks. unfortunately, they have to speak too. russian accents suck

      • No they don’t.. Just give them something to put in their mouth and they will not say a word…

      • Correction:

        Russian women ARE hot, but the unfortunate part is how badly they dress & all the money of yours they will spend. Their accents are hot.

    • Jackson

      I went to a Russian restaurant in Philadelphia and the girls were gorgeous and dressed sexy. This girl is a just ok looking Russian.

      • That Guy

        That’s cool. I like the idea knowing that this Spy is considered average and that there’s 10x more attractive Russian women out there somewhere in Russia or in this case, inside a restaurant in Philadelphia. :)

    • Gallo

      Russian women are like pears. They’re ABSOLUTELY delicious for about a day and then they get so marked up, mushy and nasty that you can’t do anything with them.

    • hmm

      Unfortunately Russians are about 500% hotter than most women from other regions and races. British women and African women (no offense) are some of the ugliest. But every group of people has good lookers and bad ones. Russian women just happen to have an overkill of hot genes.

    • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

      Ben Roethlisberger 2 Fish ZERO.

    • Facebook me

      Can we say VERY airbrushed?!

    • Russian women are freaking STUNNING!!! Yes, some look like Ukranian Hookers but there are many MANY simply delicious russian women all across the world.

      I’m a Canadian and many of our hottest women are Russian, Ukranian, Croatian, Romanian, or Bulgarian in ethnic origin.

  2. ABD

    UGLY!!!

    • a REAL hot Russian

      WTF!! Are you serious? These were the photos put in maxim? They look awful. Their photoshopper MUST BE FIRED!! STAT!!

      • Gallo

        She’s so shopped on that cover that it looks more like an illustration than a photo. That cover looks like a Boris Vallejo sci-fi paperback from 1989.

  3. Taz

    Go online and look at some of the girls camming from home in Russia. WOW!

  4. Ivan The Terrible

    She’s hot! Reminds me of this girl I used to bang at the Russian brothels in the city.

  5. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Malina
    Commented on this photo:

    wtf, russians dont know how to put make up on!
    this looks so fucking 70′s. but not in a god way

  6. GravyLeg

    Yes Fish… Yes. *nods

  7. ptitz

    she also got amedal the other day. from russian president.

  8. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    GravyLeg
    Commented on this photo:

    At least there was a little payoff in picture 8…

  9. Ash Bones

    So if you get caught being a spy you get to be in a magazine ?

    • anonymous

      why not? in America, if you do porn, you are considered a celebrity, get to do a reality show with your mom and sisters and get to hang out with all the kids you want.

  10. duke chute

    A few problems here, as usual. Putin and Chavez have been trying to manipulate the oil market for years to devalue the US dollar. There are over 80 suitcase-sized nukes that have gone ‘missing’ according to ex-KGB agents. They supplied weapons to Saddam (remember all the Russian MIG jets parked around the Tigris and Euphrates?), AND Russian Scientists who *were* helping Iran build nukes just a few weeks ago fled Iran for fear of being blamed for the cyber worm unleashed on their facilities, though the finger was pointed at Israel.
    So yeah, the “cold war” is over, but saying “I don’t think we have anything to worry about” is just a bit naive.

    • Bow Down Assholes

      A. There is no such thing as a suitcase nuke. It’s urban legend.

      B. The Russkies make shitty weaponry, especially their tanks. If you can put a hole in an armoured vehicle with an M60 round, there is something wrong with the manufacturing process. It’s one of the reasons they got their asses kicked in Afghanistan.

      C. Good. I hope their Physicists are in Iran. Ever hear of Chernobyl? They’ll end up giving the whole middle east thyroid cancer. Sounds like a win to me.

      D. There is a hot chick with huge tits be featured in this post and you’re talking about politics? Homo.

      • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

        Bow Down Assholes | October 22, 2010 at 6:05 pm A. There is no such thing as a suitcase nuke. It’s urban legend.

        You stupid douche. Didn’t know we had nuclear physicists posting here. Michael Lohan laughs at you.

        I happen to have a nuke in my pants…..right now as I type this.

      • spasiba

        agree with D

    • duke chute, perhaps you need to read less conspiratorial sources in the future.

      Suitcase nukes were never invented. And the US gave weapons to Saddam as well, to counter Iranian influence in the 1980s.

      And yes, stop being such a homo, and instead stare at the hot body attached to the ugly face in the pictures above.

    • ptitz

      i was gona make a snappy political comment but then i thought about what happens when you start a political discussion on the internet and drifted away into thoughts of what its like to bang a russian spy instead.

    • Duke Chute = On Target

      Don’t expect the person who runs this website to know ANYTHING about what you’re saying. Even though it’s completely correct, these are the sorts of people who believe unemployment is getting better & the stimulus money has helped us out immensely. Let them sleep, child. What you say is too much reality for them to handle.

      • Gallo

        “They supplied weapons to Saddam.”

        So did the US, as has been already pointed out. The US also gave weapons to the Contras, which were used to shoot nuns, teachers and doctors in rural Nicaragua. And the US gave weapons to the Taliban to use against the Soviets. Some of the IEDs being used to maim US troops were built by US defense contractors 20 years ago.

        And if you don’t think that the US uses commodities to influence foreign currencies, you’re in deep denial. Actually, you don’t care because that ostensibly benefits you, and in your eyes you’re the only person that matters. True Republican.

      • Bow Down Assholes

        You’ve obviously never served in the military or you would know better. Based on your lack of weapons knowledge, If you did, it definitely wasn’t combat. by the way, the stimulus was baby bush’s brainchild, even though I blame the current administration for a lot of things, the stimulus isn’t one of them. The fact of the matter is, the stimulus money is helping out, employing people for infrastructure. Sure, the big banks benefited the most, but I think that was more of a baby Bush plan, not Obama’s. Obama’s problem is that he is weak and “wants to reach across the aisle. Personally, Hillary would have kicked ass. God knows she had an axe to grind after her treatment as first lady. That would have been a sight to see, but alas, the dumb ass dems threw here under the bus. A lot of our unemployment woes are due to outsourcing, which is ALL of the politicians fault, including Bill (although it pains me to say that). So, nobody is asleep here, buddy. We just live on planet earth. Enjoy outer space you whack job.

    • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

      Bow down -
      You stupid ass: The stimulus funds are being used to build infrastructure?!?! Seriously: Well then you must believe in teh tooth fairy jackass.

      There were virtually zilch in the way of shovel ready infrastructure projects when the stimulus $$$ was dispersed nor are there any notable ones at present.

      Jesus Christ – let me know when the high speed rail line is installed up your ass.

      I know Obama must be giving you a reach-around but really man: Get a clue.

  11. Lady Blah Blah

    Alright, finally, but better late than never! Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Taylor “The Pretty Feckless” Momsen (I hate to say because I like TM or a least want to like her), Beast Daughter of Hogan, Moonface Cyrus, Amy Wineliguorheroinhouse, and Christina “The Planet” Hendricks, step aside for a woman with a fine bod. Photoshopped no doubt, but the video clip at Maxim dot ru suggests that she didn’t need that much Photoshopping.

  12. Rough skills & power tools

    I need to out source to the Ukraine…

  13. BUbba

    Yes please.

  14. anonymous

    a bit too much photoshop but her body is tight as hell

    • Vito

      OK, EVERYONE, ALL TOGETHER NOW…

      Photoshop…Photoshopped…Photoshopping…Photoshop…Photoshopped…Photoshopping…Over-Photoshopped…Under Photoshopped…She looks way too good…she’s Photoshopped…Damn, that skank is ugly. She needs Photoshop…No, that’s not a beautiful sunset…must be Photoshopped…I love you to blow me, Baby, Hey wait! You’re Photoshopped, aren’t you!

      I was gong to take a vacation in Hawaii until I found out it isn’t real. It’s all Photoshopped. Like my new Lexus? Well, actually it’s an old ’96 T-Bird, but I had it Photoshopped.

      My old lady let me fuck her in the ass last night. Well, really it was her purse but she had it Photoshopped…

      Since when did you shitheads become graphics experts? Christ, Photoshop has been around for almost 25 fucking years and most of you wouldn’t know it if you saw it. How about just enjoy the beautiful pictures and incredible women and forget you ever heard of Photoshop. Then, maybe, you won’t sound so goddamned foolish.

      • Mr. Nice Guy

        Vito,
        Yours is the Perfect Post.

      • Gallo

        I see your point, Vito. But there’s a threshold. I want to leer at photos, not creepy paintings. Photoshop is fine until it moves the subject into the Uncanny Valley.

      • Kman

        These “pictures” look like oil paintings. That’s because of extreme Photoshop. This chick is fugly in actual photos. You, good sir, need glasses!

  15. Ivan

    I have one eye spy camera in my pants would like to spit on Anna!

  16. I think we’ve learned from mel all we need to know about sneaky fuckin russians

  17. Valentina

    Ewwwww…..she’s Jennifer Aniston ugly. And that’s pretty effin’ ugly.

  18. absinthe

    I can’t think of anyone who has an overall better body than that

    • Valentina

      Yeah, photoshop can give anybody that figure. Let’s hope she actually has a decent bod, because that face is NOT good.

    • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

      Another fucking idiot here who has no knowledge of history.
      Seriously? It’s a known fact that Nikita Khrushchev looked smoking hot in a teddy.

  19. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Mmmmm….the naughty ginger commie seems to have grasped some elements of capitalism quite well.

  20. anonym

    body is photoshopped. but it’s bangin.

    her face…….. not even close.
    that’s a below-average face when you’re talking about beauty.

    • Bow Down Assholes

      Who the fuck gives a shit about a bitches face when it’s buried in a pillow. Use your imagination!

      • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

        This from a guy who spends so much time with his pecker up another guy’s ass all he ever sees is the guy’s tramp stamp.

        Well I guess we solved the mystery as to whether Bow down was a top or a bottom.

        (Can’t wait to see Bow down’s usual retort: Here let me save you the trouble lame ass: I love ya yes I do Bow Down. You’re so witty and so manly….you make me feel like Brett Favre…)

  21. anonym

    in fact, there’s a bit of a manface going on there

  22. Jon

    She is a trillion times better looking than Fatina Hendricks. Much nicer figure too.

  23. It’s interesting to see that Maxim Russia is just as fucking lame as Maxim is here.

    What is the point of showing women ALMOST naked? what the fuck are we, homos admiring the lovely costumes and set design? No, we’re men and we want to see titties! Fuck you maxim! Fuck you in the mouth.

    But I hear that russian pussy is some good shit. Fucking drove Mel Gibson batshit crazy it did.

    • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

      Well speak for yourself McFeely – I believe our host for one has NO interest in naked women. He puts stars on ANYTHING that even hints of a groin. Plus I certainly don’t recall seeing any strategically placed stars on Elton John the other day ….or on Gavin Rossdale gaying it up in his white bell bottoms.

      Case closed. Hetero males lose every time here at the “New & Improved The Superficial’

      The Superficial – Because You Have a Penis and Like to Use it on Women

      • Eric or Erica

        Waaahhh. Cry me a fucking river “The only chode-licker in this joint.”

      • Bow Down Assholes

        Dude, you’re trying to label someone as being gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that), when you make some of the most homo posts I have ever read. The fish puts stars on the titty as a warning. If you wanna see nip, just click. some of us have jobs. That must be a problem you don’t have.

    • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

      Eric or Erica…?

      Seriously?

      How do I argue with a tranny…? You win.

    • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

      Bow down – you fucking moron. I and everyone else knows why those stars are there. File your explanation under: No shit Sherlock.

      Good grief. How do find YOUR way to work? (Or does the social worker drive you?)

    • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

      You first.

  24. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    burton
    Commented on this photo:

    what the hell is up with her fake breast??? ugly breast if you ask me.

  25. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    fdffd
    Commented on this photo:

    Now THAT is a Maxim spread.. Not the crappy ones like the US version.

  26. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    bj
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks really scary and unnatural…almost inhuman!

  27. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    urbanwezel
    Commented on this photo:

    they all look like crappy photoshops of her head pasted on

  28. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Crys
    Commented on this photo:

    great body – shame about that big orangey thing on the top of it which would be her HEAD LOL

  29. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Go back in the closet if you think she’s not amazingly hot.

    What a body.

  30. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    Not only is she not hot by Russian standards, she is rather unattractive. And, Fish, fuck you for perpetuating idiotic stereotypes.

    Sincerely,

    This Chick from Russia

  31. jenn

    this is week old news, you slacker.

  32. Karlsson

    I still can’t believe that people can find a woman attractive just going by highly photoshopped or airbrushed pictures. Give me a break. I’d like to believe this woman has flawless, velvet-like skin and a perfect body but no, not a chance.

  33. I wish I were clever enough to come up with a witty Yakov Smirnoff “In Russia, you!” joke right about now.

  34. Ash Bones

    I wonder if she did Yuri Orlov ?

  35. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Any Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    yes please. i’d feast on that ass. wow.

  36. Kelly

    Google her nude photos – she’s quite unattractive……

  37. Lissa

    she kind of looks like amanda bynes

  38. Gross Backgroud

    Gross Background, a tangled mess of slimy androgynous people. I doubt it smells very good either.

  39. Amazing

    decent body + peg bundy’s head and hair = wtf?

  40. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    jim x
    Commented on this photo:

    I think the body’s great. I’m wondering if the head was photoshopped on a hotter model. Either that or she’s been working out non-stop the second she was busted selling secrets.

  41. slapkatyperry

    You know, There was a time when we would have executed this bitch for Espionage. I don’t give a fuck how hot people think this bitch is she’s still a fucking russain spy

    • Mr. Nice Guy

      Who cares. We won the cold war, time to move on.

    • Gallo

      I don’t know when foreign nationals were last executed for espionage. Native-born spies are a different story. But executing foreign spies just gets all of our foreign spies killed when they’re discovered.

      • slapkatyperry

        The maximum punishment is death, the minimum is prison We didn’t even do the MINIMUM punishment, we sent a fucking spy back to Russia with potentially sensitive information, scott-free; now the bitch is a national hero, what the fuck are we doing, is their anyone at the wheel, our government is driving this country of a fucking cliff.

  42. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like her head was cut/pasted on…..

  43. ugalawdog98

    What a bunch of homos, saying she is ugly. I’d lick the hell out of her pussy. Any hetero man would.

  44. Claudius

    Haha I sent Fish this girls photo for the banner girl contest. Right after she got busted the news released photos of her and one was the perfect shot for banner girl. Speaking of when is the next contest?

  45. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Tgnome
    Commented on this photo:

    Horrible photoshop job! It actually looks like they pasted her head on another models body then did the touch ups. They need to steal America’s artistic abilities next cause… damn!

  46. you dumb assholes

    I don’t think she is pretty at all. I work with a Russian woman, who is absolutely stunning. She blows this chick out of the water,

  47. Josh

    These look photoshopped.

  48. Anonymous

    wtf

    American magazine puts a fckin Russian spy on cover.

    this country is now so fcked up. thank god i am older and raised in a “normal America , fckin all mighty dollar prevails now, sickening.

    where are all the true Americans??

    FCK THIS C*NT , AND F*CK HER SH*TTY *SS COUNTRY TOO.

    WHERE IS OUR DIGNITY AND INTEGRITY?

    FU SMELLY TUNA SPY B*TCH, ILL KICK YOUR FCKING SPYING *SS, ILL WHOOP YOU UP AND DOWN THE STREET, SMELLY TUNA SPY WH*RE!!!

    :)

  49. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    J.R.
    Commented on this photo:

    I would tear that up in a heartbeat! Makes my loins cramp, damn!

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