MTV, above you’ll see a picture of your Teen Mom star Jenelle Evans with her ex-fiance Gary Head who she claims beat her but has now gone back to because she now claims her current husband Courtland Rogers also beat her and knocked up his ex shortly before knocking her up. And if you’re wondering why I’m bringing all this up to you, it’s because this is a person whose life you decided to glamorize the fuck out of by setting it to the latest pop music and acting like this horrible, horrible shit is romantic like Dawson’s Creek. So for the sake of our country, may I recommend you implement the following disclaimer before and after each commercial break if not in place of the entire show. I believe you’ll find it both practical and educational for the idiots who gobble this shit up:
WARNING: DO NOT DO ANYTHING THESE CHICKS ARE DOING AT HOME STARTING FIRST AND FOREMOST WITH NOT GETTING ABORTIONS. NOTHING YOU ARE WATCHING HERE IS EVEN REMOTELY ACCEPTABLE OR JUST “ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT HAPPEN.” WE ARE EMPTY SHELLS OF HUMAN BEINGS FOR EVEN AIRING IT. IF YOU SEE A FRIEND EVEN THINKING ABOUT DOING THIS SHIT, PUNCH HER IN THE TIT UNTIL SHE STOPS. THEN PUNCH HER IN THE TIT AGAIN TO REMIND HER YOU’RE NOT ABOVE PUNCHING HER IN THE TIT. REPEAT AS NECESSARY.
NOW PLEASE ENJOY THE FREE CONDOMS AND MORNING AFTER PILLS WE WENT THROUGH GREAT EXPENSE TO MAKE EACH OF YOUR TVS FIRE OUT OF THE SPEAKERS IN 15 SECOND INTERVALS. INGEST THE LATTER LIBERALLY.
- MTV NETWORKS
Photos: INFdaily, Raef-Ramirez/AKM-GSI