Teen Mom Farrah Should’ve Aborted Her Single

August 7th, 2012 // 58 Comments
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Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham had to keep her teen baby because it was her gravy train, but there’s no reason she couldn’t have vacuumed out her single, “Finally Getting up From Rock Bottom,” before inflicting it on innocent people. Here she is describing her creative process to In Touch which surprisingly doesn’t include the words, “And then I just started yelling a bunch of shit into AutoTune until my hour was up.”

Farrah — who speaks candidly with Jordi about her desolation in the wake of the death of her estranged boyfriend, Derek Underwood, and the birth of their daughter, Sophia, now 3, in this week’s issue — says the song is about going inside and really digging deep in order to find the strength to climb out of the hole she’d found herself in.
Explains Farrah, “After almost wanting to kill myself, I found meaning and happiness within.”

And by meaning and happiness within, she means she bought huge fake breasts the second her MTV check cleared. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, I wish more young girls were this frank and honest and not happy unless they have giant tits as soon as they turn 18. Unless, of course, that results in singles like the one below. In which case, I hope they instantly die of cervical cancer while their moms stands over their lifeless bodies going, “I built an apartment for you and you bitched about the paint job? I’ll fucking kill you! Oh, right.”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. I guess Bane is trying his hand at music production.

  2. My ears are bleeding. Than you.

  3. PopeyesChicken

    I just had to shove tampons in my ears because they were bleeding so profusely.

  4. direchef

    That song goes through your head sideways.

  5. Jake

    I’ve picked up nearly identical girls during last call at the local bar. Easy law, decent body, trainwreck of a life.

    • EricLr

      Dumb as a fencepost? Actually, in this girl’s case, I think that would be an insult to our nation’s fenceposts.

  6. Reece

    How is it possible to throw auto tune out of tune? The sounds I just heard confused my brain so much that I’m feeling a seizure cominnnggggooooodhwuqtsdpguxcbwusnzfc

  7. LT

    That…can’t be right.

  8. EricLr

    I wish more teenagers would watch that show, and realize that being a teen mom means driving a brand new Mini Cooper or Mercedes and living in your own new house–all without having a job or any visible means or support (aside from the MTV money that you never talk about). More 16-year-olds in our nation’s trailer parks need to realize that a life of luxury is only a broken condom away!

  9. McClownerton

    listening to that was almost as bad as hearing her entitled whine on the TV show. almost.

  10. I realize I may be understating things a little, but that is quite possibly the worst, vomit-inducing, godforsaken, ear-raping piece of shit “music” that I have ever heard in my 36 years on this planet.

  11. DeucePickle

    That just gave my ears cervical cancer

  12. El Jefe

    Why, why would you do this to us?

  13. kimmykimkim

    I refuse to listen! You can’t make me!

  14. Happy_Evil_Dude

    Holy crap. And that’s a celebrity?

  15. rantatonne

    she could have named her tits Meaning and Happiness.

  16. You know how I know that single is evil? I pressed pause after 20 seconds and it wouldn’t stop. IT WOULDN’T STOP!

    *plays a Diamanda Galas song to calm my ears*

  17. Cock Dr

    I won’t fall for it. It’s auto-tuned caterwauling…isn’t it?
    Shame on the bloger….we give him clicks galore and enable him to live in basement splendor yet THIS is how we’re repaid.

  18. stan

    Wow, I thought you were exaggerating. I thought at least that single would be at least a piece of fake bubble gum crap that pretends to be a song, but that is an insult to fake bubble gum songs. You weren’t kidding.

    That is probably the worst noise I’ve ever heard. I would rather drive around for a week without brake pads. I would rather hear Sean Penn or Ted Nugent discuss politics.

  19. MSG

    Yeah, I’m not listening to that, not even for a second.

    And is it just me, or is there something about “ALMOST wanting to kill myself ” that chaps anyone else’s ass? Same goes for “estranged boyfriend.” I can’t quite put my finger on why those phrases hurt my head more than listening to her “song” surely would, but they do…anyone?

    • The first part likely bothers you because of the almost. Like we were ALMOST spared ever having to hear of this person and the screeching-tires-running-over-a -screeching-Screech she calls her single. The second probably bothers you because there’s no such thing as an “estranged” boyfriend. If you’re not seeing each other anymore and you’re not fucking each other anymore, you’re not estranged, you fucking broke up! Jesus. I don’t understand how people minding their own business get shot up in malls, theatres, etc. Yet the ppl working on this show are as safe as can be. I can’t imagine being a crew member on an MTV show and not wanting to blow my or one of these twats’ brains out.

  20. unknown

    This is a joke, right?

  21. Bianca

    Screw Sesame Street, Guantanamo’s found their new torture song.

  22. Crissy

    Ok, I’m not good with warnings!… So, I listened and THAT SHIT EXPLODED FROM THE BEGINNING! AWFUL noise-making! Holy shit!!!!!!

  23. swarley

    i’d rather watch women’s discus.

  24. grobpilot

    So, the wrap on her wrist? Must be Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from doling out too many handjobs. It’s certainly not from any meaningful work (unless you’re the guy benefitting from the handjob).

  25. mol

    what the fuck

  26. sexyman48

    “Luke. it’s more auto-tune than woman now…”

  27. anonym

    i knew this was autotune shit before i even pressed the play button.

  28. Milwaukee Joe

    That song makes me want to almost kill her too.

  29. Netta

    I’m not going to say her single is bad, but on a scale of Limp Bizkit to Nickelback, I’m going to place it wherever the sum of Rebecca Black and ICP times eleventy billion is.

  30. Sliver

    For some reason, this reminds me of that time a cat crawled into the engine of my mom’s F-350 one winter in North Dakota, which ended in it’s premature death not long after she started the engine.

  31. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    Jamie
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t want to get into whether she is a good mother or not. She was rocky at the beginning, for sure, but she has improved.

    No, my question is this: has she no idea what size she wears?

  32. Alana

    How can this be real?

  33. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    Shelby
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve never watched the show ’16 & pregnant’ or ‘Teen Mom’, and I don’t plan on watching either of the shows, so I don’t really know much about this girl, but I think she has a pretty face, and a nice body. I’m not really a big fan of her new implants though.

  34. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    Commented on this photo:

    why the fuck are u judging?? geez people, now we all can see that you have no fucking life!!! if yu wanna make bad comments then do it some where else.. and leave Blair alone… shes a mother so what.. shes young so what,, i would love to see what yu would say when yu have children and then they fall pregnant at a young age… hmmmm i know what i would say too yu,, LOL YOU STUPID BASTARD, YOU WANNA SAY BAD SHIT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.. WELL PAYBACKS A BITCH..

  35. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    Jack
    Commented on this photo:

    I would love to fuck her. I would wreck that pussy with my big cock. She would be calling and texting me everyday wanting me to fuck her after I got done with that. Shes got the perfect body. I would fucking pound her pussy so hard in so many way. I would even like that starfish

  36. trolllol

    stick to writing books…. OH WAIT, you cant do that either, at leats you have nice boobs

  37. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    Vern
    Commented on this photo:

    Thought she got her nose done, too? Are these the results? All in all, refund gap is pretty bad, lower half pretty solid, overall 4.19845 on the physical, -1000000000 on the personality/human being rating. Just a fowl, ignorant, annoying as hell get out, of a person. If I were rich, I’d pay MTV NOT to put her on the air. Oh, that poor, cute little baby. Doesn’t have a chance with that mom and granny. Ughhh..

  38. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    Commented on this photo:

    O really she is very hot in all bikini pic. and her body looking so very perfect. in this bikini.
    http://n4g.com/user/home/juanajamison

  39. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    noodles
    Commented on this photo:

    I would pound her ’til her ears bled

  40. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    rabbit
    Commented on this photo:

    she was cute, now not so much.

  41. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    brando
    Commented on this photo:

    keep workn tha hot bikini body Farrah fuck all the haterz they are all simply jealous of how amazing your body looks after having a child and are probably sick of hearing their men talk about how sexy you are……omg the things i would do to Farrah…mmmm filthy!!!

  42. Teen Mom Farrah Bikini Implants Boob Job
    thats all
    Commented on this photo:

    Hahaha, whats with all the worries about her nose? Last time I was stoking the fire, I wasn’t looking at the mantle piece.

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