Taylor Swift Wrote a Song About John Mayer

October 19th, 2010 // 155 Comments

For those of you lying awake at night wondering if John Mayer really did have sex with Taylor Swift, it turns out the answer is not only “yes,” but also, “and he bounced immediately afterward.” How do I know? She’s telling us through the gift of song. Here are the lyrics to Taylor’s new single “Dear John” which might as well’ve been titled, “Hope You Liked My Vagina, John Mayer. Yes, That John Mayer. The Douchebag Singer.” Via Popeater:

It was wrong
Don’t you think nineteen’s too young
To be played
By your dark, twisted games
When I loved you so.

Granted, there comes a time in every young girl’s life when she has to have sex with the wrong man – Consensual sex, Ben Roethlisberger. Consensual. Calm down. – to learn a valuable lesson about love, I honestly couldn’t tell you what that lesson is because I’m the one with the penis. Which is why it’s important for all you ladies to keep sleeping with questionable guys until someone writes it down. And on that note, I’ll be at Starbucks practicing something called a “neg,” which apparently works because you’re all stupidheads. (Am I doing it right?)

Dear John
I see it all now that you’re gone
Don’t you think I was too young
To be messed with
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home
I should’ve known.

It was wrong
Don’t you think nineteen’s too young
To be played
By your dark, twisted games
When I loved you so.

My mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine
You’ll add my name to your long list of traitors
Who don’t understand
And I’ll look back in regret
I ignored what they said ‘Run as fast as you can.

Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. suprgrl

    John Mayer? why do women even find him attractive? he has the biggest head I have ever seen.

    • Rather

      His music kinda sucks too.

      • Lolalola

        He’s one of the most talented music artists out there nowadays, you must not have any taste in music. Also, it’s sad that all these tabloids only focus on the negative things he does. He does a lot of good as well.

    • HLM

      Agreed. He’s not attractive, he’s obviously the biggest douche net to Kanye, and yet he gets laid left & right. I just don’t get it.

      • Facbook me

        Seriously..both of you are right.

        Taylor, even thougb you were just 19, don’t hate the player, hate the game…you can’t tell me you didn’t have an inkling as to what he is about?! Christ! His face is splatter across the tabloids next to yours…

        Sorry he “wasn’t the prince & you were the princess..” wake-up already..

        Besides she is capable of getting better than him!

      • trousers

        seriously, if shes dumb enough to fuck him, she deserves it

      • James

        maybe hes a good lay lol

    • Lindsay

      he looks like a really ugly Edward Scissorhands. He’s disgusting! Poor Taylor :(

    • Carrie

      right!

  2. Me

    This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read.

    • Polk

      Who wouldn’t tag her? And then dump her? She has to be boring and all hillbilly.

      • mary

        She definetely isnt boring or hillbilly! She is awesome. How long were they ‘dating’?

      • honeybunn

        I don’t think he dated her but I know they had a quick fling for maybe thirty – no longer than 60 days.this was a hit and run. I don’t think they have spoken since.

      • Taylorlover

        Guess what? just cuz she sings country does NOT mean she’s boring. I could judge you by what you say, but I don’t do that kind of stuff. Taylor is a talented singer and my role model. It was her mistake to fall in love with John, but it was much more John’s fault to use her like some piece of dirt. Did you see what he did to Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson?

  3. Taz

    Watch your back everyone he bangs whoever he wants

  4. Rough skills and power tools

    hahaha I would imagine hit and run, on starlets is much more rewarding than the regular schmoettes…Congrats. Cant hate!

  5. skippy

    taylor hold on a sec i’m really happy for you and i’ll let you finish but beyonce had one of the best videos EVA!!!!!

  6. LJ

    Damn, but I’d that that tall, skinny blond in a second (I’d probably be lucky to last that long).

  7. TQ

    She didn’t think 19 was too young *then*? Oops. You got played. Suck it up and move along, honey. Consider it a lesson.

    • Guest

      Um, obviously. She is so not private about anything. All she writes about is BOYS and how she LOVED them, and how she’s completely insanely obsessed with fairy tales.

      If you want to have a song written about you, date and then break up with Taylor Swift.

      I wish she would disappear.

      • sam

        The reason she does that is because EVERY girl in america can relate to what she writes about. It’s quite genius actually.

  8. Nancy

    John Mayer is such a douche. I don’t see why chicks are attracted to him either. He’s not good looking and his music sucks. I really want to punch him in the nutsack.

  9. Id like to give taylor swift a warm gooshy creampie then hear a song about it on the radio. Thatd be romantic as fuck!

    • I don’t think she considered how pathetic this song makes her look, and what a fucking stud Mayer would feel like after hearing it. She’s saying Mayer’s penis emotionally destroyed her…that’s some good shit to hear if you’re a dude.

    • mrdickhead

      Yeah I’d give her a massive load of sperm and then break up with her when she called me later to tell me how it was still dripping out and soaking her panties.

  10. ooh, little princess had sex with someone who didn’t love her forever afterward.

    Is this what modern feminism has given us? Instead of self-sufficient, sexually empowered women, we have whiny little girls who cry all the way home because men don’t propose marriage after they spread their legs?

    fucking pathetic.

    • J-Sin

      Blame Twilight.

    • Cock Dr

      Getting involved with John Mayer = dumbass
      Please Mr Smackup do NOT stereotype all women just because of one song from this spoiled teen dumbass.
      Although it seems like a match made in heaven; she gets a garbage truck full of new heartbreak material for songs, and he can Twitter about how she’s sexual dynamite….or something else combustible.

    • For as stunningly beautiful and glamorous as she dresses she does seriously lack any sophitication. Makes me wana make her a slave to my dick just for the lulz. Wonder if shed entertain a fuck-a-superficial-commentor contest….

    • Pendulums always swing back, McFeely, so now you get princess wannabes who think they’re liberated because they’ve dressed like $5 hookers ever since they were 12, yet still believe in fairy tales circa 1957. Apparently they’re unable to grasp why these two concepts are basically incompatible.

      And yeah, I also blame Twilight.

    • me

      Okay, this gal is starting to remind me of the blues player that sits on the front porch, talking about his life, and writes a song for every situation to the same tune:
      “wrote a song about it, wanna hear it and here it go…… John Mayer stuck his dick in, then got up and went awaaaaaay…..aaaaaaaaaaaa……Thank you very much!”

      Thanks for the happy memories In Living Color.

      • McFeely, LOL – “Twilight” is that gawdawful series of books/movies spawned by some woman who crosspolinated vampires with My Little Pony. Instead of incinerating like a magnesium flare when the sun hits ‘em all the vamps have skin that sparkles in the sun *gag*, so they all live in Washington state where they can hide that tell – which is pretty dumb as they could live right out in the open in the West Village (except for the fact that the author who’s a Mormon probably considers gays to be damned already and therefore worse than the undead – and they could be considered to be resurrected and perhaps on a par with Our Lord, who knows? Anyway.)

        The undead object of the mopey and socially awkward high school heroine’s desire has total control over his iron-clad willpower so he can refrain from even tasting her blood (read fucking her) and continue to respect her and her chastity. It’s sublimating abstinence fiction dressed up as Dracula. I swear that daddy-daughter promise rings do less damage to the psyche than this concept.
        Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart star in the films and are an item in real life, so now you’ll understand why they get a mention here occasionally. And yes, I know far too much about this for my own peace of mind.

    • Jammy

      seriously though she’s only 19 and he totally took advantage of how naive she was. Think of all the stupid things you did when you were young.

  11. ok

    Typical whore. What did she expect? You can not turn a hoe into a housewife.

    • squeehunter

      Why does everyone think they had sex? There’s no evidence of that from anything. Maybe it didn’t work out because she wouldn’t put out?

      • LISTENUP

        This is it. John Mayer said he only dates women who give into his sexual demands. Taylor Swift was hurt and ditched him when she realized all he was after was doing her.

      • James

        if u were 33 wold u fuck a round with a 19 year old girl to not get laid … i think not case closed they fucked.

      • flowerpower

        You’d think she tell people that if it were true. She may have slept with him and that’s why she’s not telling everyone. it would tarnish her image more than knowing she wrote a song about John Mayer.

      • honeybunn

        Why did everyone believe that they had sex?She wrote it in her song ding bag.

  12. krunkkybooty

    Total bullshit. But of course her producers thought it would be a great idea since she conveniently performed a song with Mayer on his last album.

  13. Dr. Laura

    I tend to agree with Nancy. JM obviously lays the bullshit on pretty thick in order to get what he wants from the ladies. Mr. Sauve. Somehow I kinda doubt that women like Jennifer, Jessica and Taylor are “dumb whores”, who “deserved” it. This guy has some kind of a problem if you ask me. Master manipulator. That shit isn’t funny.

    • It is narcissistic behaviour. But come on its for pussy. You wouldnt understand, it its a.. um.. jersey thing..?

    • flowerpower

      No, the women choose to date him and sleep with him. Their the dumb ones. And FYI. Jessica was sleeping with him while she was still married and hearing him brag about banging her a few years later confirmed it. The tabloids were right on that one.

  14. Nathalie

    How ironic. Doesn’t Kanye write about everything in his life too?

  15. glace neuf

    i’d hit it, post-mayer

  16. Taylor Lautner's Nutsack

    I wonder what she would sing about after our time together?

    Today was a fairytale I wore a dress
    You licked my bunghole and made it a mess

  17. RoboZombie

    Mayer is a douche…I don’t get the appeal.
    Her appeal however is quite evident.

  18. Taylor Swift
    burton
    Commented on this photo:

    john mayer is gross, and old.

  19. The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

    Hope she fucks better than she sings.

  20. Taylor Swift
    AteIsEnough
    Commented on this photo:

    If she’s gonna’ give it up, why wouldn’t you hit it?

  21. Senior Pepe

    He’s a tool who thinks he’s some sort of Cassanova and she’ a pathetic little waif who can’t sing without Auto-Tune…. NEXT!!!

  22. geraldo

    Give me her and Taylor Momsen and some realiable condoms. Ah hell I will risk it, screw the condoms.

  23. Taylor Swift
    nahhhhh
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m surprised he’d go there just because she seems like she’d be a terrible lay.

    • Katie

      Apparently she is a terrible lay if he hit it once then ran. Doesn’t surprise me. She’s 19 for shits sake. No one knows what they’re doing when they’re 19 unless they’ve been a slut for about 10 years.

  24. Cat

    She is so overrated.

  25. paco

    her vagina sure smell like olld tuna

  26. hayley

    the whole “bang famous dudes and write songs about them
    when we break up” act got old about one album ago. she’s very immature.

  27. jrdffr

    damn i dont like taylor swift anymore. its happening all over again!

  28. Jake

    She is writing like this at nineteen? She seems to have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old.

  29. SpencerB

    They didn’t have sex. I think she wanted it, he acted like he was gonna give it to her, and it didn’t happen. Now she’s all pissed, but she’s not telling the world anything it didn’t already know.

    • Jake

      Huh? They are not 15 and 16. They fucked.

    • Dduebro

      What? Of course John Mayer is the one who wanted to fuck her. That’s all he talks about and all he uses women for basically. He said that he only dates women who give into his sexual demands, and Taylor thought they had a real love connection going on but realized he was just trying to get after her V so she bailed out.

    • James

      I cant belive im reading this why the hell does anyone care. Shes 21 she proly hasnt been a virgin for like 5 years now but anyways man mayer did her its all over the net and her song dear john seems to sum it up they bumped uglies a few times and he pulled a hit and run now shes all pissed. Shes getting plowed by the brokeback mountain cowboy now

  30. CAPT Kirk (USSF)

    Has John Mayer tattooed his penis yet? May I recommend “USS ENTERPRISE”? He’s my hero.

  31. Natalie

    It’s actually about John Keefe from Boys Like Girls, they quietly dated last year (I’m good friends with another member of the band)

  32. mullet

    I thought the main poster on this site said he wasn’t going to use ‘After The Jump” any more:

    http://www.thesuperficial.com/apologies-awesome-09-2010

    • That was in reference to jumping after the first paragraph on every post which I started doing after the site redesign in June.

      Videos and/or long-ass text will still be jumped so the homepage isn’t twenty feet long.

  33. Rocky's Bullwinkle

    Mayer has gotten more ass than a public toilet restroom.

  34. Chris

    Man oh man, this is hilarious. She tries so hard to have that perfect girl image, yet she screws every guy she must see. I bet all of those songs she’s claimed to have written are about a guy she’s screwed.

    Lot of albums
    Lot of songs
    Lot of guys.

    Just my two cents.

    • Sugar

      I’m not sure why you think that. I’m interpreting this whole thing that she lost her virginity to John Mayer (who is certainly a legend in his own mind) after he told her a bunch of lies like that he would marry her and shit just so he could high five his bros afterward and now he can brag about it to the whole world. He soiled the innocent country princess.

      • honeybunn

        Are you kidding taylor swift had 4or5 boyfriends before john mayer. That doesnot sound like she was a virgin.What school of life did you graduate from.

    • LISTENUP

      Not all of her songs are about guys, only the popular ones. Some of them are about the same guys too. And they aren’t all revenge songs, and the ones in Speak Now about Taylor Lautner are not bashing him, in fact she’s apologizing to him and it seems like she wants him back, but understands if he won’t take her back because she was careless with his heart.

      • Chris

        @Sugar: I think that because it’s more than If she was that easy to let John Mayer s

      • Chris

        @Sugar: I think that because it’s more than likely true. Do you really believe that Taylor Swift would truly announce how many guys she’s been with? As loose as she seemed with Lautner, I wouldn’t doubt she’s like that around everyone else. Remember when she was with Joe Jonas? Wonder why that didn’t work -rolls eyes- If she was that easy to let John Mayer take away her “country innocence”. then maybe the princess isn’t so innocent at all.

        @LISTENUP: She can say that they’re all about the same guy, and I know that they’re not all revenge songs, but come on, how long can this Little Miss Innocent act last? And I highly doubt there was any romance to her and Lautner, at most I thought of them as a publicity couple.

      • erin

        lol, you two act like you know these people.

  35. The Truth shall set you free

    Typical young female

    Stick your wang in ‘em and they get all stupid n junk

    (even dumber than they already are) sigh ah well

  36. clearify

    cuz’ John’s big or Taylor’s loose?

  37. jim x

    taylor hold on a sec i’m really happy for you and i’ll let you finish but Jennifer Aniston had one of the best vaginas EVA!!!!!

    • Sugar

      HAHA. But I doubt that. 19 year old vag >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>40 year old vag any day.

      • jim x

        Yah. most probably. It’s just the work afterwards of even caring what they have to say.

        Hence Mayer leaving a Bugs Bunny-style hole in the door, with an added drained penis to the silhouette.

  38. Stewie

    Taylor, dahling, your tiny heart is less like to get broken when you choose from the NON-homosexssuals.

  39. Kevin

    Now I love Taylor Swift and think she is very smart. Whether or not she fucked him I have this to say. WOMEN ARE STUPID. How many girls has John fucked and left? I don’t think he could make things any more clear if he wore a shirt that said “I will fuck you and leave you!” Are there any women out there smart enough to know that John Mayer only wants to fuck you?

  40. elliottspitzer

    I’d skull fuck that skinny, whiny, bitch like I was Max hardcore. Then I’d smear her lipstick, pull her hair and make her write me fat checks.

  41. eww

    John Mayer eats poopsicles.

  42. eww

    John Mayer is a nerd disguised as a stud because of his hair and guitar. He has always seemed autistic to me. Jenny McCarthy is single right?

  43. Bea

    Taylor’s innocent act is getting old, really if I was her mother and I do have a daughter her age, I would be worried about manipulative, vengeful daughter who always seeks the “victim” role to play for attention. Now it was after horrid performance with Stevie Nicks at the Grammy awards that Taylor hooked up with Mayer, no? When people started realized that no, she really cannot sing.
    What 19 year old wants some 32 year anyway? Perhaps one that thinks she can spin her back on her pedestal and let her play with the bad boy. She reeks of narcissism.

  44. See Alice

    Taylor has talent . It is said Taylor has good business sense . It looks like she doesnt have a clue about life . Taylor find someone ” normal” to date .
    It would be nice to see you NOT turn into a celeb trainwreck .

    • Abby

      Yup, her talents include fucking every guy she meets, being obsessive ( omg he looked at me, we’re in love. Omg, why didn’t you respond to my last 3,000 texts I sent you two minutes ago, and writing the same stupid and shallow songs that make you want to stab yourself in the ears with chopsticks.

  45. Randal(l)

    Jesus Christ this is retarded. why do people assume a 19 year old is a naive little girl who has no clue what sex is. if by 18 your intellectually competent enough to vote for the leader of the god damned country you should be intellectually competent enough to know that because a dude wants to stick his cheesy cock into your cooter doesn’t mean he wants to marry you.

    Randal(l)

  46. Not so fast my friends

    Maybe she just fucked him just so she could write a song about it.

    #11 song…cha-ching!

  47. Obvious

    You know her skills couldn’t be anywhere near the girls he generally bangs. No wonder he bounced right after.

  48. Guest

    Um, obviously. She is so not private about anything. All she writes about is BOYS and how she LOVED them, and how she’s completely insanely obsessed with fairy tales.

    If you want to have a song written about you, date and then break up with Taylor Swift.

    I wish she would disappear.

  49. TJ

    I hope he put a bag over that rat face bitch’s head before he fucked her because she is one ugly creature. Come on you can’t tell me she thought John was serious about her. She is playing a fucking game because John won’t fuck her again. She must be awful in the sack. Probably can’t move those stiff bony hips.

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