Tara Reid Married a Different Idiot

August 15th, 2011 // 36 Comments

Early this morning, reports poured in that Tara Reid had married Danish businessman Michael Lilleund. Or at least that’s what most media outlets assumed considering he was the last man to be seen with her, and her capacity for finding a new mate has to be rapidly crumbling like the Bondo keeping her ass cheeks attached. However, to protect his country’s delicious pastry reputation, Michael has since set the record straight in Danish newspapers (Thanks, Sarah.) and made it clear he hasn’t seen Tara since February which means he still fucked her. In Japan, a man would be honor-bound to cut his own stomach open for something like that, but I digress.

So who did Tara marry in Greece? Some random douche named Zack Kehayov. I say douche without even knowing who this guy is because he married Tara Reid, so I can pretty much call him whatever I want at that point. He’s more junkie starfucker than man now, twisted and evil…

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. cdub

    First!

  2. Fletch

    At one time, this chick was pretty damn hot.

  3. Pippy Longcockings

    This bitch looks rode hard.

  4. Sledman

    Wow, just wow. She pretty much peaked after the first American Pie movie and has done nothing notable since (with exception of botched plastic surgery). She looks like total shit now, which is sad because she was hot as hell back then.
    Serious question:
    Where is she getting the money to do anything at all these days? It seems like she is constantly traveling the world, that’s not cheap to do, and shes certainly not hot enough to have sugar daddies pay her way.

    • Polk

      Peaked: Playing “Bunny” in the Big Lebowski.

    • She and her reps. get the royalities from pap photos they take of her. that could be $5,000-20000 per shoot. and that is low as Gwen Stafani can make $55k per shoot. then you have her as a hostess which will cost $10k. even though she hasn’t done much or anything. so her estimate yearly salary is about $400-500k.

  5. Budhaven

    Do you realize you just called Tara Reid a star?

  6. So…you’re saying that Tara Reid is banging so many dudes that when she says “I got married”, we have to start guessing at who it is?

    why am I even pretending like that’s unexpected?

  7. Tara Reid Married
    Unimate
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s hard to believe that this is a picture of a real, living human being.

  8. zomgbie

    wow tara looks so standing up in these pics.

  9. Deacon Jones

    I’ve seen hotter floaters in the toilet bowl than her.

    She looks like she’s dying. I wonder if her vajay sounds like a garbage disposal during sex.

  10. Zilly

    Anorexia and drinking makes you look like a skinny piece of beef jerky. That’s what I’ve learned from these pictures.

  11. Tara Reid Married
    NYC I Banker
    Commented on this photo:

    SKELATOR ALERT!

  12. ORIGINAL TWEET, PRIOR TO EDITING:

    “Just got married in Greece. I love being a wife. No idea who the fuck I married, but I love being a wife!”

  13. JC

    “Hey guys, look at me! Now I’m as curvy as LeAnn Rimes!”

  14. little turtle head

    I’d marry her in a heartbeat!!! any of you guys that wouldn’t are just gay so whatever!!

    • true but most won’t admit it.

    • Sledman

      I’d throw her one just for the nostalgia but marry her? really? Because she has such great wife potential? I’ve seen much hotter chicks while standing online at Subway. If your really that into her here’s a tip: You can easily pick up a girl of her caliber at any dive bar after 11:30pm, and much like Tara she wont remember who you are the next day.

  15. Tara Reid Married
    Commented on this photo:

    seen here in her new role in the LeeAnn rhimes story.

  16. Tara Reid Married
    Marc
    Commented on this photo:

    I cannot believe anyone including a website would allow this type of trash writing to be published. The story of her getting married and correcting the name of the husband is fine, but the rest of the comments are offensive and pointless. It’s a sad state in the world today what hate and vulgarity people spew.

  17. I have to wonder if the dog can detect the rotting flesh.

    • PoorMaryKelly

      I hope the rest of that dog’s in her bag and not just a decapitated dog head she’s hung on the side of her purse.

    • TomFrank

      I was thinking of making a “Pupperoni” joke (because of her nipples), but it turns out Pupperonis are long and thin, not slices. Oh, well…

  18. phoebe finch

    Why all the hate on Tara Reid? What have I missed?

    • Dick Douche, Private Eye

      This is THE SUPERFICIAL and we all signed a pledge to hate on Tara Reid. Why? “Because you’re ugly”!

    • TomFrank

      What have you missed? Apparently the years 2003 through 2011. Sorry about your coma, but hey, you’re out of it now!

  19. Even being tied to a chair at a 24/7/52 all-you-can-eat buffet, having the food shoveled down her yap, would help this girl.
    Kudos to those who have her on their next-celeb-to-die list.

  20. Tara Reid Married
    Budhaven
    Commented on this photo:

    Olives for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

  21. Tara Reid Married
    Courtkney
    Commented on this photo:

    Are those the same flip flops from her wedding picture?

  22. Herb

    These comments are so sad and so superficial, you should try to put yourself in her place. She had a boob job that went terribly wrong, very sad to have been beautiful and then to be disfigured. BTW most beautiful girls make horrible wives, like the song says if you want to be happy don’t marry a beautiful wife. I did and kept trying to make it work for 20yrs on and off. Guess I am a slow leaner. My cousin divorced his after 2 years, married a real dog and now is a happy man with a doting wife who does whatever he wants, he rules his castle and is very happy

  23. Tara Reid Married
    Commented on this photo:

    There is such thing as TOO THIN!!!! It’s as ugly as fat!

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