More Snooki stories

Snooki & Jionni LaValle Conceived Their Daughter While He Was Driving

And this is why forced abortions should be legal. More »

Snooki: My Husband Wouldn’t Need A ‘Lame Ass Website’ To Cheat

Snooki’s husband would never cheat on Snooki, according a reliable source named Snooki. More »

Snooki’s Husband Linked To Ashley Madison Account

Snooki’s husband has been allegedly linked to an Ashley Madison account because love is dead. Or has chlamydia. Either one. More »

All You Need To Know About Jenny McCarthy’s Sirius Show In One Pic

Posted by Photo Boy

If a picture is worth a thousand words, in this case they’re all “PPPRRRRRPPPFFFTHH,” then extended cackling followed by a suicidal producer shuffling into the booth with a can of Febreeze. Snooki appearing on any show called Dirty, Sexy, Funny With Jenny McCarthy is a joke that writes itself since… More »

Zac Efron Might Be Your New Marvel Person

Last year, Latino Review reported that Zac Efron and Ryan Gosling were up for the roles of Han Solo and/or Luke Skywalker’s son(s) which did not happen at all. But this time, they’re super serious that Zac Efron has met with Marvel about playing.. something. Unleash The Speculator!

We can exclusively report that… More »

The 2014 MTV Movie Awards

Here’s the rest of The 2014 MTV Movie Awards which you’ll quickly notice is mostly Rita Ora’s cleavage, and for some odd reason, an almost equal amount of Zac Efron shirtless which was a typo. I have no idea how those got there, or why I tried to wash my clothes on them. I should… More »

Snooki’s Pregnant Again

There’s been a lot of talk about Ragnarok lately, so let’s just go ahead and file this under that. There’s no way it’s not related. Page Six reports:

Snooki is secretly expecting her second child with fiancé Jionni LaValle, sources exclusively tell Page Six.
The “Jersey Shore” star is a few months… More »

Oh, Good, Snooki’s In A Bikini

Here’s Snooki in Seaside Heights, New Jersey yesterday where she actually looked more like her normal self and less like whatever that shellacked thing was we posted the other day. It’s either because of the muffin top, or the fact that she’s probably surrounded by a sea of used condoms. I go back and forth. More »

Snooki Changes Form Like A Pokemon. Oh, Good.

Now that we’re free of such annoying burdens as debating whether it’s right or wrong to shoot black kids for not letting you walk up to them in the dark with a vendetta – We’re (mostly) white. What do we care, amirite? – let’s take a moment to fully appreciate whatever the hell it is… More »

The 2013 MTV Movie Awards

The 2013 MTV Movie Awards were last night and literally all you need to know is Selena Gomez looked phenomenal/was the only one from Spring Breakers who showed up while Jennifer Lawrence’s breasts didn’t even bother, Melanie Iglesias suddenly became important, Snooki and JWoww looked like goddamn wax monsters, and everyone’s supposed to believe AubreyMore »

Lindsay Lohan Hooked Up With Pauly D. Of Course.

In a new interview with Celebuzz, Snooki reveals that Lindsay Lohan hooked up with Pauly D a few years ago, so no wonder she keeps reminding people she used to bang Heath Ledger when he was high on heroin. It was literally the highest point of her love life because here’s a brief timeline of… More »

Snooki Wants Another Baby. Goddammit…

I’m sorry. Did you think I was joking?

Because we all somehow averted death and destruction as 2012 came to an end, Snooki wants to keep reproducing which is wonderful news for anyone who wants to see humanity replaced by syphilitic Ewok sex-dolls that piss all over the place. It’s how I’ve always… More »

And JWoww’s Ass Just Doomed The New Year

Here’s JWoww at The New Year’s Rockin’ Eve Monday night where she decided to greet 2013 with her ass cheeks flailing in the wind. Then again, this may have been what warded off the various apocalypses. Does “Help, I’m being mugged! Why are you just looking out your window and not calling the police?” mean… More »

Snooki Has Parenting Advice For Kate Middleton. Snooki. From ‘Jersey Shore.’

Setting aside the pointlessness and antiquity of having a royal family, at the end of the day Kate Middleton is an educated woman who carries herself with dignity and poise while aiding humanitarian efforts in her role as the Duchess of Cambridge. Whereas Snooki is famous for eating pickles on TV and peeing on aMore »

Snooki’s New Teeth Look Fantastic

Posted by Photo Boy

While MTV’s Jersey Shore is finally uttering its death rattle after this season, The Little Ewok That Could spawn super-AIDS is apparently thriving. Not only is she launching another product tailor-made for that sweet 15 year old prostitute demographic, but she’s also achieved the type of middling wealth that… More »

Rihanna Wants To Babysit Snooki’s Baby

“And here’s how you wash your ass. Something your mama will never teach you on account of Ewoks liking their fur dry…”

According to Us Magazine, Rihanna apparently offered to babysit’s Snooki’s newborn son Lorenzo which makes me feel much better now about her pretending to get back together with Chris Brown because… More »

MTV Cancelled ‘Jersey Shore’

You might say they jet-packed the shark. — I’ll go kill myself now.

Speaking of New Jersey being the pride of America, MTV has finally decided to pull the plug on Jersey Shore which is really the only acceptable response to one of these kids successfully reproducing that doesn’t involve a shotgun and… More »

Snooki Gives Birth To Baby Without Gills, ‘Did Not See That One Coming,’ Says Medical Science

If you’re wondering why a loud trumpet blast followed by the seas turning to blood woke you up yesterday morning, Snooki actually gave birth to a real, live baby boy that I haven’t heard is deformed yet, so for those of you who guessed, “Stillborn but capable of emitting vaporized gonorrhea,” I was right there… More »

Snooki Worries She’ll Be A Bad Mom, Calls Lamaze ‘Bullsh*t’

In a new interview with In Touch, Snooki reveals she’s worried about being a bad mom even though she’s technically been one the minute she decided to carry a child to term inside her Stromboli box. She shouldn’t be worrying as much as preparing for how horribly she’s going to ruin this kid, is my… More »

JWoww Wants To Get Pregnant, Too

If you thought the worst thing that could happen as a result of Snooki getting pregnant is that her child will eventually learn what his mother is, well.. okay, you’re right. Shut up. But the second worst thing that could happen is she makes the other walking piles of greasy melanoma in the Jersey Shore… More »

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