Posts tagged "Reviews"

So Three Days Is An ‘Age’ Now? A Review of Avengers: Age of Ultron

The Superficial Review of ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron’…

By: The Superficial / May 1, 2015

Michael Bay Is The Antichrist: A Review of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’

Last week, I missed a significant chunk of Guardians of The Galaxy thanks to pure death violently escaping my body. And yet what I did get to see in a fevered, anxious fugue was still light years beyond Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in every possible way. If Guardians was a throwback to classic 80s adventure…

By: The Superficial / August 8, 2014

Deveining Brett Ratner: A Review of ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’

In the past eight hours since I left the theater, I’ve put way too much thought into X-Men: Days of Future Past which is something you never, ever want to do with an X-Men movie because, holy shit, do these things fall apart under the slightest bit of scrutiny. As for what I’ve been thinking…

By: The Superficial / May 23, 2014

Goddamn, I Need A Nerd-Cigarette: A Review of ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’

For the past few weeks, the advance word on Captain America: The Winter Soldier is that it’s as good as The Avengers if not the best Marvel movie to date. It even made curmudgeony ol’ fusspot Jeff Wells‘ heart grow three sizes as it should have because the hype is real. Winter Soldier is the…

By: The Superficial / April 4, 2014

By Odin’s Beard, These Things Need To Stop: A Review of ‘Thor: The Dark World’

“In the beginning, there was darkness. And in that darkness were elves (Yup, get on board.) with space ships and laser guns and grenades that fucking turned you into a black hole, and they were like, ‘Shit is better when it’s dark.’ But my dad was all like, ‘Dude, I don’t put on this sweet…

By: The Superficial / November 8, 2013

It’s Robots Punching Monsters 80 Times In The Face: A Review of ‘Pacific Rim’

I’m going to somewhat echo Vince Mancini’s review of Pacific Rim on FilmDrunk by saying that I, too, really, really hoped this movie would be something special. And it is, in places, but at the end of the day, and despite being an original screenplay that wasn’t a comic book or Young Adult bestseller, it’…

By: The Superficial / July 12, 2013

Someone Should Probably Tell New Superman People Live In Buildings: A Review of ‘Man of Steel’

“Aw, Superman, come back. We promise we won’t stare at your penis anymore. These aliens are really strong.”

If you’re debating whether to catch Man of Steel and are on a time-crunch, let me save you a pile of nerd words and say, yes, go see it. Because even though it’s not quite…

By: The Superficial / June 14, 2013

Alice Eve’s Space-Boobs: A Review of ‘Star Trek Into Alice Eve’s Space-Boobs’

Short Version: This is exactly all you see of this. Enjoy the $8 I just saved you. Fin.

It seems like only 11 days ago I wrote a review of Iron Man 3 because I did, so shut up and let my hatred of going out in public talk for a minute. Here’…

By: The Superficial / May 16, 2013

Just Shut Up And Listen To Robert Downey Jr. Say Awesome Shit: A Review of ‘Iron Man 3′

“Only douches still use Bluetooth? Well, then I guess that makes me a douche. A douche all over YOUR FACE. (Laser to the dick. Laser to the dick, go!)”

Welcome to the first review of the summer movie season which thankfully hasn’t been marred by a horrible tragedy we learned absolutely nothing from…

By: The Superficial / May 5, 2013

The Olsen Twins Just Had To Kill Heath Ledger:
A Review Of ‘The Dark Knight Rises’

If you’ve been living under a rock (I almost said “in a cave” but stopped myself) for the past 18 hours, 24-year-old James Holmes dyed his hair red, called himself The Joker and shot up a Colorado midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises after filling it full of homemade tear gas for reasons police…

By: The Superficial / July 20, 2012

You Had Me At Tobey Maguire’s Not In It:
A Review Of ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’

In 2002, I was at the height of my Spider-Man obsession thanks in no small part to Brian Michael Bendis’ Ultimate Spider-Man. So I couldn’t have been more hyped to finally see a Spider-Man movie. In fact, the day it came out, I was still at college and made a two and a half hour…

By: The Superficial / July 4, 2012

In Space, No One Can Hear You Get An Abortion:
A Review of ‘Prometheus’

“And then, I dunno, fucking squid babies represent Space Jesus or something. Just film whatever you want.” – Ridley Scott, first day of production, Prometheus.

So three weeks after it came out, Photo Boy and I finally got around to seeing Prometheus – The Superficial: Poignant, timely, penis jokes. – which resulted i…

By: The Superficial / July 1, 2012

If It Was Punchable, The Hulk Punched It:
A Review of ‘The Avengers’

“Seriously, guys, tell me that flying boat ride wasn’t awesome. It even had a pirate with an eye patch! A black pirate, but that’s okay ’cause this is the future.”

So last summer, I decided to spice things up because, frankly, you used to be way freakier before we moved in together. Thi…

By: The Superficial / May 7, 2012

Cockblocked By War: A Review of ‘Captain America: The First Avenger’

“Oh, so now you’re accusing me of stealing your topless scenes. Where do you get off?

Gabe from Videogum wrote a pitch-perfect opening for his review of X-Men: First Class that now, even more than it did for that movie, says exactly how I felt about Captain America after the credits rolled which…

By: The Superficial / July 23, 2011

Do You Like Movies About Turd Clouds?
A Review of ‘Green Lantern’

“Shh, shh, they only show your side-boob once.”

Welcome to the exact moment I regret promising to review the big four comic films of the summer because, power ring me in the anus, Green Lantern was bad. Granted, it’s not as completely horrific as most critics are having a field day making it…

By: The Superficial / June 19, 2011

They Should’ve Called It ‘Boob Diamond.’
A Review of ‘X-Men: First Class’

[Short Version: This happens a lot. The End.]

Welcome to The Superficial review of X-Men: First Class which I might have said would be “dorkishly, tit-free” ala the Thor review, but that was before I knew January Jones‘ cleavage is the diamondy heart that holds this movie together in spite of her acting…

By: The Superficial / June 4, 2011

I Wrote a Review of ‘Thor’

As promised, here’s my review of the Kenneth Branagh-directed Thor which is a little off the beaten path of celebrity schadenfreude and more or less an excuse for me to get my nerd on. On that note, I’m going to try and hit the other big three comic flicks of the summer: X-Men: First Class,…

By: The Superficial / May 9, 2011