Posts tagged "Natalie Portman"

By Odin’s Beard, These Things Need To Stop: A Review of ‘Thor: The Dark World’

"In the beginning, there was darkness. And in that darkness were elves (Yup, get on board.) with space ships and laser guns and grenades that fucking turned you into a black hole, and they were like, 'Shit is better when it's dark.' But my dad was all like, 'Dude, I don't put on this sweet…
By: The Superficial / November 8, 2013

KAT. DENNINGS. GIANT. BREASTS.

Miley Cyrus didn't show her ass for once, and Kanye West managed to somehow top the worst financial decision of his life, but "where are the giant boobs all up in my monitor-face?" you're probably asking. So here's Kat Dennings at the UK premiere of Thor: The Dark…
By: The Superficial / October 23, 2013

This ‘Thor: The Dark World’ Trailer Is Much Better

Back in April, Marvel released a trailer for Thor: The Dark World that was.. eh. But this time around for YouTube Geek Week they've brought the shitness, and by shitness I mean I mean way more Tom Hiddleston because Internets love Viking Katy Perry. (Click that on your own peril.) O…
By: The Superficial / August 7, 2013

Val Kilmer Has A Great Pitch For ‘Heat 2′:
‘So Remember Natalie Portman? I Bang Her’

It's been a weird week, so here's a weird, yet awesome, story about Val Kilmer telling Larry King his pitch for Heat 2 which conveniently involves his character banging Natalie Portman. But not in a sexual way! It's only to piss off Al Pacino. Via The Wrap: "Here's my…
By: The Superficial / June 27, 2013

‘Thor: The Dark World’ Has A Trailer Now

Here's the official trailer for Thor: The Dark World and it's, uh, it's not very good. It definitely gives off a "We shot this in Croatian warehouses for as cheap as possible" vibe, but from what I've read, a large chunk of the movie takes place across the Nine Realms which I'll assume i…
By: The Superficial / April 23, 2013

Here’s Val Kilmer Shooting That Terrence Malick Movie Where Natalie Portman Looks Crazy Hot

Partially because this pic didn't get nearly enough awesome captions in yesterday's Crap We Missed and partially because each of these shots are why we have an Internet, here's Val Kilmer on the set of Untitled Terrence Malick Project that I'm now pretty sure is about Natalie Portman's Sookie Stackhouse…
By: The Superficial / November 6, 2012

Here’s Why You Saw Natalie Portman Looking Crazy Hot At The Texas/Baylor Game

If you caught the Texas/Baylor game Saturday, you probably found yourself wondering, "Why am I looking at super-stacked Natalie Portman with blonde hair blocking Mama June's vagina?" Turns out she was in town filming that new Terrence Malick movie where she's Sookie Stackhouse. And just to keep this post educational, not…
By: The Superficial / October 23, 2012

Hey, Natalie Portman. Zup?

See that look? Totally wants me. Here's a breastier blonde Natalie Portman on the set of the new Terrence Malick movie yesterday which, judging entirely by her outfit and my limited knowledge of his films, is about the time Sookie Stackhouse stared at a dinosaur in a corn field for 18 hours that never…
By: The Superficial / October 10, 2012

Natalie Portman Married That French Dude

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you, Monsieur and Madame Snooty Von Thousand Feet." So Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied are married for real now even though we now know in this post-Kristen Stewart's a tramp world that Darren Aronofsky is the real father of Natalie's baby.
By: The Superficial / August 6, 2012

Natalie Portman & Johnny Depp Signed The Word ‘Tampon’ In Paul McCartney’s New Video. Whoops.

Last week, the new video for Paul McCartney's "My Valentine" was released, and everyone tripped over themselves to say how awesome Johnny Depp and Natalie Portman were for signing the lyrics. It was a veritable hipster orgasm all over a tweed jacket of smug satisfaction. Turns out nobody bothered to consult a…
By: The Superficial / April 19, 2012

Laurie From ‘That 70s Show’ Says She Was Framed

After being arrested for spousal abuse over the weekend, That 70s Show actress Lisa Robin Kelly is now claiming she was set up by her male roommate who beat the shit out of himself just to get her arrested, so have I mentioned these people are drug addicts? These people are drug addicts.
By: The Superficial / April 4, 2012

Natalie Portman (Might Have) Secretly Married Benjamin Millepied

Posted by Photo Boy Natalie Portman is notoriously secretive of her private life which is exactly why when she decided to marry The Lord of The Sissy Dance, she told no one. That is, of course, until she knew she'd be on television with a billion eyes shatting their sockets at what appeared…
By: Photo Boy / February 28, 2012

The 84th Annual Academy Awards

"Yes, I know it's aimed at my penis. That's why I made her wear it there." Here's the rest of the Oscars red carpet photos plus Brooklyn Decker who wasn't technically at the Oscars but her breasts are huge, so close enough. Think of this post as honoring the splendor of the Academy…
By: The Superficial / February 27, 2012

GOLDEN GLOBES: Reese Witherspoon, Sofia Vergara, Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman, Nicole Richie

For those of you with lives rich with purpose and meaning, the 69th Annual Golden Globes were last night and trust me when I say they were just as boring as that time you accidentally watched part of one. So to kick off our coverage with the express purpose of bringing it to a…
By: The Superficial / January 16, 2012

Those PETA Stamps Sure Look Prestigious

There was a big to-do earlier in the month over Natalie Portman being featured on a new PETA postage stamp, so here's Pamela Anderson who also has her own PETA stamp taking the prestige entirely out of that accomplishment. And if you're asking yourself, did she walk around pretending to lick a…
By: The Superficial / November 30, 2011

Lindsay Lohan: ‘How Dare They Not Cast Me in Black Swan!’

Remember when Lindsay Lohan spent an entire weekend flashing the paparazzi her hooch from the top of a building? That was a photo shoot for Plum Magazine which Lindsay was supposed to give an exclusive interview to in exchange for them flying her and her family out to Miami and paying…
By: The Superficial / July 14, 2011

We Are Now Worthy To Know The Name of Natalie Portman’s Son

"And then I had this horrible dream where your effete ass knocked me up. It was so real!" Natalie Portman's son was born almost a month ago, yet his name hasn't been announced until now. Possibly because of Jewish custom which doesn't sound sexy, so let's assume Benjamin Millepied threw his crepe…
By: The Superficial / July 6, 2011

Natalie Portman Birthed This Guy’s Son

"Bonjour, bitches!" To the anguish of nerds the world over, Natalie Portman has given birth to Benjamin Millepied's son, according to People. And exactly as you'd expect from a Jewish vegan actress and French ballet divo, they've chosen not to reveal the name of their progeny, so just assume…
By: The Superficial / June 14, 2011

Your Puny Questions are Beneath Benjamin Millepied: Prince of Dance!

I'm just now catching wind of this because, despite popular belief, I don't aggressively follow the ballet circuit - More like quasi-obsessively - but apparently Benjamin Millepied, the father of Natalie Portman's unborn baby, received a "Medal of Honor" from NYU's La Maison Francaise and acted almost exactly how…
By: The Superficial / May 11, 2011

I Wrote a Review of ‘Thor’

As promised, here's my review of the Kenneth Branagh-directed Thor which is a little off the beaten path of celebrity schadenfreude and more or less an excuse for me to get my nerd on. On that note, I'm going to try and hit the other big three comic flicks of the summer:…
By: The Superficial / May 9, 2011
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