Michael Fassbender


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‘X-Men: Apocalypse’ Swears This Is The Last Trailer, Honest

The final trailer for X-Men: Apocalypse is here, and it has Wolverine in it. What a shocker. More »

Michael Fassbender Talked About Horse Dick. I’m Gonna Need A Minute.

November 10th, 2015 is the day Michael Fassbender talked about horse dick. I actually put this on my calendar. More »

And Now James McAvoy & Michael Fassbender Doing Impressions of Patrick Stewart & Ian McKellen

“Am I portraying your giant penis right, Samwise Gamgee?”

At this stage in the Internet’s evolution, it’s now fueled by exactly three things: Porn, cat photos, and whatever Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen are doing at any given moment. In fact, given enough time I can see them overtaking cat photos if not… More »

Deveining Brett Ratner: A Review of ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’

In the past eight hours since I left the theater, I’ve put way too much thought into X-Men: Days of Future Past which is something you never, ever want to do with an X-Men movie because, holy shit, do these things fall apart under the slightest bit of scrutiny. As for what I’ve been thinking… More »

‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’ Has A New Trailer And It Is Much Better

Here’s the official second trailer for X-Men: Days of Future Past which mops the floor with whatever the hell was going on in the first one simply by not making the movie look like it’s about two Shakespearean actors wearing leather inside a laser tag. Which don’t get me wrong, that’s entirely what it’s about,… More »

‘X-Men: Days Of Future Past’ Has A Trailer

Here’s the official trailer for X-Men: Days of Future Past, the sequel to the surprisingly good, X-Men: First Class. Except this time around, you get all the X-Men you recognize but in generic future outfits on horrible looking sets with way too much eye makeup yet somehow not nearly enough Wolvie whitewalls which should’ve been… More »

Val Kilmer Has A Great Pitch For ‘Heat 2′:
‘So Remember Natalie Portman? I Bang Her’

It’s been a weird week, so here’s a weird, yet awesome, story about Val Kilmer telling Larry King his pitch for Heat 2 which conveniently involves his character banging Natalie Portman. But not in a sexual way! It’s only to piss off Al Pacino. Via The Wrap:

“Here’s my pitch,” Kilmer said. “You… More »

Jennifer Lawrence Is Probably Banging Michael Fassbender Right Now

Jennifer Lawrence has been cleaning up in the awards department, so why not in the gigantic penis going into her vagina department? It’s 2013, girlfriends are doing for themselves! Or Michael Fassbender if you want to get technical which, of course, you would. Nothing’s EVER good enough. Via RadarOnline:

The 35-year-old actor, who… More »

Mark Wahlberg Got Drunk On British Television, Challenged Michael Fassbender To A Dick-Off

If history has taught us anything, it’s that Mark Wahlberg is prone to seriously over-estimating how well he’ll perform in certain situations. So with that in mind, here he is drunk off his ass on The Graham Norton Show where after getting shot down by Sarah Silverman (How’s your wife, Mark?), he starts getting shitty… More »

Here’s Why You Saw Natalie Portman Looking Crazy Hot At The Texas/Baylor Game

If you caught the Texas/Baylor game Saturday, you probably found yourself wondering, “Why am I looking at super-stacked Natalie Portman with blonde hair blocking Mama June’s vagina?” Turns out she was in town filming that new Terrence Malick movie where she’s Sookie Stackhouse. And just to keep this post educational, not only did her breasts… More »

Hey, Natalie Portman. Zup?

See that look? Totally wants me.

Here’s a breastier blonde Natalie Portman on the set of the new Terrence Malick movie yesterday which, judging entirely by her outfit and my limited knowledge of his films, is about the time Sookie Stackhouse stared at a dinosaur in a corn field for 18 hours that… More »

Michael Fassbender Is Assassin’s Creed.. Person

Despite being an undersexed recluse who geeks out over seeing Spider-Man finally played by a rail-thin waif boy, I’ve surprisingly never played any of the Assassin’s Creed games. So based on Ubisoft casting Michael Fassbender for the upcoming movie, I’ll just go ahead and assume it’s about an Irish dude who harpoons people to death… More »

In Space, No One Can Hear You Get An Abortion:
A Review of ‘Prometheus’

“And then, I dunno, fucking squid babies represent Space Jesus or something. Just film whatever you want.” – Ridley Scott, first day of production, Prometheus.

So three weeks after it came out, Photo Boy and I finally got around to seeing Prometheus – The Superficial: Poignant, timely, penis jokes. – which resulted in… More »

Reminder: Michael Fassbender Has A Giant Penis, Will Spank You With A Ping-Pong Paddle

“Now, before we begin, how attached are you to your cervix?”

Michael Fassbender is the cover interview for the June 2012 issue of GQ, so if you’re in the mood for reading about the trials and tribulations of everyone making jokes about how huge your penis is while the writer awkwardly tries not… More »

Charlize Theron’s Seen Michael Fassbender’s Penis

During last night’s Human Rights campaign gala, Michael Fassbender presented Charlize Theron with the Ally for Equality Award which is apparently the proper venue for her to talk about how huge his cock is and her insatiable hunger for it. Suck it, intolerance! Via E! News:

Referencing Fassbender’s full-frontal work in Shame, Theron… More »

Michael Fassbender Should Wear Tighter Jeans And Other News

Posted by Photo Boy

- Stacey Dash’s Twitter account should be enough for Congress to kill SOPA. [theCHIVE]

– On the other hand, JLo’s might screw me out of a job where I don’t have to wear pants. [TooFab]

- Jon Voight doesn’t understand how adoption works. [Huffington Post]… More »

They Should’ve Called It ‘Boob Diamond.’
A Review of ‘X-Men: First Class’

[Short Version: This happens a lot. The End.]

Welcome to The Superficial review of X-Men: First Class which I might have said would be “dorkishly, tit-free” ala the Thor review, but that was before I knew January Jones’ cleavage is the diamondy heart that holds this movie together in spite of her acting… More »