Posts tagged "Mark Wahlberg"

Mark Walhberg Wants To Be A Cop. In Real Life.

Over the past few days, Mark Walhberg has been trying to get a pardon for his 1988 assault conviction when he beat a Vietnamese man in the head with a wooden stick leaving him blind in one eye. But Marky Mark goes to church every day now and opened a restaurant with his bruddas, so…

The Superficial / December 9, 2014

Marky Mark Skipped Donnie Wahlberg & Jenny McCarthy’s Wedding

Probably coz Jenny McCarthy’s gawddamn tits make you wanna mastahbate, and when you mastahabate you ain’t gawt enough strength to stawp 9/11, frickin’ Mahky Mahk didn’t even go to his brotha Donnie’s weddin’ in frickin’ Chicago. But he did send him this wickid pissah video on Instagram which the cheap bastahd prawbly counted as a…

The Superficial / September 2, 2014

‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ Has A Trailer

Here’s the full-length trailer for Transformers: Age of Extinction which surprisingly is not about Mark Wahlberg stopping 9/11 while riding a robot dinosaur (a euphemism for the awesomeness of non-masturbatory vaginal sex if there ever was one), so whoever wrote it can fuck themselves in the face until they get throat cancer and die. That&#8217…

The Superficial / March 5, 2014

LITTLE PEOPLE FIGHT!

Tom Cruise found himself in some shit over the weekend after making some poor, albeit slightly out of context, statements equating acting to serving in Afghanistan. Naturally, this left him open to criticism except from say another actor who claimed he could’ve stopped 9/11 with his fists where an Israeli Special Forces officer could not.

The Superficial / November 13, 2013

Marky Mark Wants To Be Iron Man

“Hey, Jahvis. Wanna know why my ahms shoot freakin’ laser beams?
Because I don’t masturbate.” *skreeeeee-BOOOSH*
In a recent interview, Mark Wahlberg revealed that he’d love to be the next Iron Man which is, of course, ridiculous on its face because Tony Stahk ain’t no freakin’ Southie. Even more ridiculous is why Marky Mark believe…

The Superficial / August 16, 2013

Marky Mark Called Justin Bieber ‘A Little Bastard’

Mark Wahlberg and America have an understanding that if he was on one of dose planes on 9/11 it woulda been a whole ‘nother story, so he’s not about to live in fear of some 14-year-old cawk-suckin’ girls gettin’ all hawt and bawthered over Justin Bieber who he just called a little pot-smokin’ bastahd. Via…

The Superficial / August 7, 2013

Mark Wahlberg Got Drunk On British Television, Challenged Michael Fassbender To A Dick-Off

If history has taught us anything, it’s that Mark Wahlberg is prone to seriously over-estimating how well he’ll perform in certain situations. So with that in mind, here he is drunk off his ass on The Graham Norton Show where after getting shot down by Sarah Silverman (How’s your wife, Mark?), he starts getting shitty…

The Superficial / February 11, 2013

Mark Wahlberg Senses Trouble And Other News

“Hey, honey, call the Pentagon, would ya? I got one of dem hahd-ons again, could mean terrahism.”
- Redheads Are All The Rage These Days [theCHIVE]
- Tom Hiddleston is your Glamour Man of the Year. [Lainey Gossip]
- 15 Insane Theories About Movies And Television That Will Blow Your Mind [BuzzFeed]
- The Olsen

The Superficial / May 31, 2012

Mark Wahlberg Really Doesn’t Get How Glass Works

“Hey, can I call you back? There’s terrorism happening. — How can I tell? *looks down* I have my ways…”
Posted by Photo Boy
Mark Wahlberg is once again on his balcony, only this time he’s in his underwear, but he doesn’t have his monocular, so I’m not really sure how he’s going to spot…

Photo Boy / May 7, 2012

Hey, Mark Wahlberg’s Kids

Say hi to your mother for me.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

The Superficial / April 9, 2012

Mark Wahlberg Is Shirtless, Sees You

“Oh my gahd, is that terrorism? There’s about to be a whole lot of blood around here…” *takes off pants*
For reasons known only to him and a strong, muscular black man, Mark Wahlberg decided to spend the weekend in Miami walking around his hotel balcony in his underwear and/or shirtless. He also spent a…

The Superficial / April 2, 2012

Justin Bieber Wants To Remake ‘Fear’ So He Can Be The Next Marky Mark

Seen here grippin’ his dang-a-lang cuz Justin Bieber is the streets, the eponymous (I might be using that wrong.) maple wunderkind supposedly wants to remake Fear because it launched Mark Wahlberg from just another Southie dancing in his underwear to that dude who finger-banged Reese Witherspoon on a rollercoaster thus possessing all the tools necessary…

The Superficial / January 23, 2012

More Proof Mark Wahlberg Is A Goddamn Idiot

While Mark Wahlberg continues to back his head out of his ass after saying he could’ve stopped the 9/11 terrorists because the other passengers were clearly pussies with his latest excuse: “I am not an actor. I am a real guy from the streets and I’ve been in a lot of situations, so I wa…

The Superficial / January 20, 2012

Mark Wahlberg: ‘Sorry, Pussies’

In case you blacked yourself out of the Internet yesterday like a goddamn Commie – I kid. BLACK POWER. – Mark Wahlberg stepped in online shit when excerpts from his interview with Men’s Journal were revealed in which he basically says he would’ve stopped 9/11 right in front of his children’s eyes had they boarded…

The Superficial / January 19, 2012

Mark Wahlberg Would’ve Stopped 9/11, Everybody

“I would’ve said hi to their mothers for them. I’ll tell you that much.”
In an interview with Men’s Journal, Mark Wahlberg basically calls all the passengers who died on 9/11 pussies because had he been on that flight like he was supposed to, those terr’rists queeahs woulda gawt a taste a Bahston right i…

The Superficial / January 18, 2012

Mark Wahlberg is a married man

Mark Wahlberg and his longtime girlfriend Rhea Durham tied the knot yesterday, according to People:
The couple, who have three children – Ella Rae, 5, Michael, 3, and 10-month-old Brendan Joseph – were married Saturday in an intimate and romantic ceremony attended by their children and about 12 close friends and family at Good Shepherd…

The Superficial / August 2, 2009

Sarah Palin fraternizes with liberal comedians (Jesus is gonna be pissed!)

Sarah Palin made her highly-publicized Saturday Night Live appearance and, honestly, didn’t do a whole lot. I expected some pizazz, you know? She’s the fucking Ron Burgundy of politics. C’mon! If it’s in front of her, she’ll say it in that folksy voice of hers that makes you wonder how long Alaska’s been a…

The Superficial / October 19, 2008

Mark Wahlberg does not enjoy parody

Mark Wahlberg has his panties in a bunch over a Saturday Night Live sketch from last week called “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals.” It features Andy Samberg playing Mark as he introduces himself to barnyard animals. Unfortunately, Marky Mark hated it so much that not only does he never want to host SNL, but he…

The Superficial / October 13, 2008