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Chris Brown’s Baby’s Name Is ‘Royalty.’ Literally.

Chris Brown’s daughter name is Royalty. Yup. More »


Chris Brown Is A Dad, Your God Is Dead

Chris Brown is somebody’s father. This is our world now. More »


Pauly D Has A Love Child

“Shit, is that a meteor? Did I do that?!”

I used to always joke that Jersey Shore was the more responsible show than Teen Mom because at least the spray-tanned guidos weren’t actively shitting kids into the gene pool. But then Snooki ruined all that, and now Pauly D has confirmed he knocked… More »


Dan Marino Admits He Has A Love Child

“You want me to sign the inside of your vagina with my penis ink? I don’t see how that’s a collectible, but okay…”

Ace Ventura star, and previously revered family man, Dan Marino has admitted to the New York Post that he knocked up, Donna Savvattere, a CBS production assistant who then birthed… More »


Mariah Yeater Was Going To Give Bieber Baby Up For Adoption (UPDATE: And Claimed Ex Was The Father)

Getting knocked up by Justin Bieber is not only every girl’s dream, it’s also a winning lottery ticket waiting to fly out of your uterus and carry you to the bank on gossamer maple-wings. Which makes it odd that Mariah Yeater was contemplating giving up her infant son for adoption because if she’s not lying… More »


Justin Bieber & Mariah Yeater: Who Raped Who?
A Special Report

Only this beluga whale knows the truth. But will it turn rat?

While the police are busy contemplating a statutory rape investigation after Mariah Yeater publicly admitted to having sex with a then-16-year-old Justin Bieber, the Maple Christ went on The Today Show this morning to deny fathering a baby before dancing his… More »


Mariah Yeater Is A ‘Good Person’ Who Just Happened To Statutory Rape Justin Bieber

Mariah Yeater, the 20-year-old California girl above who allegedly had unprotected sex with a 16-year-old Justin Bieber then sued him for paternity of her three-month-old son via a tabloid is really a “good, honest person,” according to her grandfather. “Why if it weren’t for that boy’s maple-penis, I reckon she’d be a doctor. Just look… More »


Aww, Justin Bieber’s First Paternity Suit

“Look, ma! I didn’t use my hands!”

When Justin Bieber’s mom sat him down and explained to him how an invisible maple syrup manifestation of God himself mysteriously impregnated her – and made her pancakes more delicious – she should’ve immediately followed that conversation up with, “Oh, by the way, I hope you… More »


January Jones Might Have Named Xander After His Father

Astute, sexual panther-like reader TomFrank made the following observation in the comments after January Jones named her illegitimate son Xander Dane who is allegedly the result of an affair with a married man on the set of X-Men: First Class. Except it turns out that last part might have been a tad off:

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Jay-Z Has A Secret Son

Apparently, Beyonce isn’t carrying Jay-Z’s firstborn, according to a new report that claims nine years ago he secretly knocked up a Trinidadian model Shenelle Scott who tried to convince her boyfriend Malik the baby was his only to have that plan blow up and earn her a million dollars in hush money. Via RadarOnline:
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