Posts tagged "Love Child"

Chris Brown’s Baby’s Name Is ‘Royalty.’ Literally.

Chris Brown’s daughter name is Royalty. Yup.

The Superficial / March 5, 2015

Chris Brown Is A Dad, Your God Is Dead

Chris Brown is somebody’s father. This is our world now.

The Superficial / March 3, 2015

Pauly D Has A Love Child

“Shit, is that a meteor? Did I do that?!”
I used to always joke that Jersey Shore was the more responsible show than Teen Mom because at least the spray-tanned guidos weren’t actively shitting kids into the gene pool. But then Snooki ruined all that, and now Pauly D has confirmed he knocked up a…

The Superficial / October 22, 2013

Dan Marino Admits He Has A Love Child

“You want me to sign the inside of your vagina with my penis ink? I don’t see how that’s a collectible, but okay…”
Ace Ventura star, and previously revered family man, Dan Marino has admitted to the New York Post that he knocked up, Donna Savvattere, a CBS production assistant who then birthed a secret…

The Superficial / January 31, 2013

Mariah Yeater Was Going To Give Bieber Baby Up For Adoption (UPDATE: And Claimed Ex Was The Father)

Getting knocked up by Justin Bieber is not only every girl’s dream, it’s also a winning lottery ticket waiting to fly out of your uterus and carry you to the bank on gossamer maple-wings. Which makes it odd that Mariah Yeater was contemplating giving up her infant son for adoption because if she’s not lying…

The Superficial / November 4, 2011

Justin Bieber & Mariah Yeater: Who Raped Who?
A Special Report

Only this beluga whale knows the truth. But will it turn rat?

While the police are busy contemplating a statutory rape investigation after Mariah Yeater publicly admitted to having sex with a then-16-year-old Justin Bieber, the Maple Christ went on The Today Show this morning to deny fathering a baby before dancing hi…

The Superficial / November 4, 2011

Mariah Yeater Is A ‘Good Person’ Who Just Happened To Statutory Rape Justin Bieber

Mariah Yeater, the 20-year-old California girl above who allegedly had unprotected sex with a 16-year-old Justin Bieber then sued him for paternity of her three-month-old son via a tabloid is really a “good, honest person,” according to her grandfather. “Why if it weren’t for that boy’s maple-penis, I reckon she’d be a doctor. Just look…

The Superficial / November 2, 2011

Aww, Justin Bieber’s First Paternity Suit

“Look, ma! I didn’t use my hands!”

When Justin Bieber’s mom sat him down and explained to him how an invisible maple syrup manifestation of God himself mysteriously impregnated her – and made her pancakes more delicious – she should’ve immediately followed that conversation up with, “Oh, by the way, I hope you…

The Superficial / November 2, 2011

January Jones Might Have Named Xander After His Father

Astute, sexual panther-like reader TomFrank made the following observation in the comments after January Jones named her illegitimate son Xander Dane who is allegedly the result of an affair with a married man on the set of X-Men: First Class. Except it turns out that last part might have been a tad off:
What if…what…

The Superficial / September 16, 2011

Jay-Z Has A Secret Son

Apparently, Beyonce isn’t carrying Jay-Z’s firstborn, according to a new report that claims nine years ago he secretly knocked up a Trinidadian model Shenelle Scott who tried to convince her boyfriend Malik the baby was his only to have that plan blow up and earn her a million dollars in hush money. Via RadarOnline:
“Maybe…

The Superficial / September 15, 2011

Maria Shriver Didn’t Have Enough Sex With Arnold

“Do naht hate da playah, hate da game.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger reportedly used to complain that Maria Shriver didn’t have enough sex with him which seems like a weird reason to make yourself the target of a massive criminal investigation considering she looks like the goddamn Predator. And, yes, you read that right, Maria has spiked…

The Superficial / May 26, 2011

Maria Shriver Leaked The News of Arnold’s Love Child

Presumably because he pulled shit like, I dunno, taking his secret love child on family vacations, Maria Shriver originally planned to hold a press conference announcing Arnold Schwarzenegger had an affair with the maid, according to TMZ:
TMZ has new information from sources connected to Maria. We’re told when Maria found out that Arnold wa…

The Superficial / May 24, 2011

Jane Seymour: ‘Arnold Definitely Has More Love Children’

Apparently, you should never tell secrets to Jane Seymour because here she is at last night’s premiere of Love, Marriage, Wedding blabbing to CNN about how she wasn’t even “remotely surprised” to hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child, and that she knows there are at least two more floating around out there:
The former Dr.

The Superficial / May 19, 2011

Maria Shriver Used to Joke That The Maid’s Baby Looked Like Arnold

“Mom!”
“I know, I know. I’m an idiot…”
In a telling anecdote of just how well Maria Shriver conditioned herself to ignore obvious signs of Arnold Schwarzenegger groping literally anything with a vagina – Herself being the first clue. – Hollywood Life reports she used to joke that Mildred Baena’s son looked exactly like Arnold.

The Superficial / May 19, 2011

Patrick Schwarzenegger Changed His Name to Patrick Shriver

As absolutely everyone, including people in his own party, continues to be not even close to surprised by the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a love-child with the help and kept it a secret from Maria Shriver while the woman worked in their home and brought the kid around for a decade, Patrick Schwarzenegger ha…

The Superficial / May 18, 2011

When a Grope Becomes a Baby: The Maria Shriver Story

For those of you still losing sleep over how Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver’s marriage could’ve seemingly fell apart out of nowhere, turns out ten years ago he knocked up a woman who worked for them and then paid her to pretend the child was her husband’s as she continued to work for the family…

The Superficial / May 17, 2011

This is Not Baby Tiger.

A DNA test proves Tiger Woods is NOT the father of the young boy above whose face first appeared on Kikster.com because his mother’s a filthy porn star who loves money. TMZ reports:…

The Superficial / June 17, 2010

Simon Monjack Had Secret Love-Children

Apparently Simon Monjack had two secret love-children that not even his family or Brittany Murphy knew about. His mother and brother discovered e-mails on his laptop which they handed over to the police despite Brittany’s mom begging them not to. TMZ reports:…

The Superficial / June 14, 2010

Tiger Woods made love children and sex tapes. Of course.

Based on his new hobby of banging 800 cocktail waitresses and porn stars without a condom, it was inevitable Tiger Woods would be caught on tape not only doing one but fertilizing her eggs with his magic golf sperm. The National Enquirer reports:
“That would be the final straw for his wife – AND Tiger…

The Superficial / December 9, 2009

Keanu Reeves has secret Canadian love-children?

A Canadian woman, Karen Sala, has requested a court-ordered DNA sample from Keanu Reeves to prove he’s the father of one, if not four, of her children. Though she admits she’s not sure which ones. Nice. The Toronto Star reports:
With her children, aged 20 to 25, in post-secondary schools, Sala said she could use…

The Superficial / May 29, 2009
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