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Chris Brown’s Baby’s Name Is ‘Royalty.’ Literally.

Chris Brown’s daughter name is Royalty. Yup. More »


Chris Brown Is A Dad, Your God Is Dead

Chris Brown is somebody’s father. This is our world now. More »


Pauly D Has A Love Child

“Shit, is that a meteor? Did I do that?!”

I used to always joke that Jersey Shore was the more responsible show than Teen Mom because at least the spray-tanned guidos weren’t actively shitting kids into the gene pool. But then Snooki ruined all that, and now Pauly D has confirmed he knocked… More »



Dan Marino Admits He Has A Love Child

“You want me to sign the inside of your vagina with my penis ink? I don’t see how that’s a collectible, but okay…”

Ace Ventura star, and previously revered family man, Dan Marino has admitted to the New York Post that he knocked up, Donna Savvattere, a CBS production assistant who then birthed… More »


Mariah Yeater Was Going To Give Bieber Baby Up For Adoption (UPDATE: And Claimed Ex Was The Father)

Getting knocked up by Justin Bieber is not only every girl’s dream, it’s also a winning lottery ticket waiting to fly out of your uterus and carry you to the bank on gossamer maple-wings. Which makes it odd that Mariah Yeater was contemplating giving up her infant son for adoption because if she’s not lying… More »


Justin Bieber & Mariah Yeater: Who Raped Who?
A Special Report

Only this beluga whale knows the truth. But will it turn rat?

While the police are busy contemplating a statutory rape investigation after Mariah Yeater publicly admitted to having sex with a then-16-year-old Justin Bieber, the Maple Christ went on The Today Show this morning to deny fathering a baby before dancing his… More »



Mariah Yeater Is A ‘Good Person’ Who Just Happened To Statutory Rape Justin Bieber

Mariah Yeater, the 20-year-old California girl above who allegedly had unprotected sex with a 16-year-old Justin Bieber then sued him for paternity of her three-month-old son via a tabloid is really a “good, honest person,” according to her grandfather. “Why if it weren’t for that boy’s maple-penis, I reckon she’d be a doctor. Just look… More »


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