Kirstie Alley


More Kirstie Alley stories

Kirstie Alley Hands Donald Trump The Batshit Xenu Vote

Kristie Alley is voting for Trump because she’s a woman. Okay. More »

The Great Scientology War Has Begun

“Your escort has chosen. Representing House Alley: Katniss Everdeen!”

With Leah Remini very publicly quitting Scientology last week, the church has been in a mad scramble considering it’s been widely revealed her reasons for leaving are, oh I dunno, being forced into re-education camps for five years after daring to ask Chancellor Supreme… More »

Kirstie Alley Probably Shouldn’t Have Lost All That Weight So Fast

Possibly motivated by a self-imposed dry spell after refusing to engage in “fat sex” (a.k.a. Every night of the week for this motherfucker. High five!), Kirstie Alley rapidly shed a dramatic 100 pounds presumably by using Scientology slave laborers to tunnel out all the cellulite so it can power an entire prison/pleasure yacht. Except she… More »

Kirstie Alley Refused To Have ‘Fat Sex’

An allegedly 100 pounds lighter Kirstie Alley is opening up about her dramatic weight loss and how it’s improved her sex life because fat people know having sex with them is freakish and unnatural yet still happens because men will stick their penis in anything. It’s our superpower. Via The Daily Mail:

The… More »

‘The Snozzberries Taste Like Snozzberries!’

Oompa Loompa, doopity doo,
I’ve got another story for you,
What do you get when you’re feeling depressed?
Turns out there’s an alien living in you,
How do I get him out of my chest?
You must buy an eMeter, you must buy an eMeter,
You must buy an…
More »

Kirstie Alley is Giving Anorexia a Shot

“Starting tomorrow. I mean, Friday. No, wait, after the holiday. — March 4, 2016.”

Following Monday’s Dancing With The Stars performance, Kirstie Alley, who apparently people think is thinner now, shared her new diet secret and claimed to be a size six rocketing toward a two, according to Extra:

Kirstie Alley… More »

Maksim Chmerkovskiy Drops Kirstie Alley on ‘Dancing With the Stars’

The laws of physic visited the set of Dancing With the Stars last night as Maksim Chmerkovskiy’s leg basically exploded while attempting to drag Kirstie Alley across the stage. If you watch the video after the jump, you can literally see the exact moment his body went, “You’re on your own, buddy.” This also led… More »

Kirstie Alley Was a Good Choice

Part of the deal of being a Dancing With The Stars contestant is striking sassy poses in front of the paparazzi as you leave your daily rehearsal with your dance partner. Which is something someone probably should’ve explained a little bit clearer to Kirstie Alley who looks like she’s about to birth sextuplets in the… More »

Eva Longoria is sportier than Mischa Barton

Eva Longoria has replaced Mischa Barton as the new face of Bebe Sport, because at least Eva pretends to work out as opposed to smoking pot all day. And for some reason they celebrated the announcement with Eva Longoria’s birthday. She cleans up real nice, but she looks more than a little insane… More »

Kirstie Alley is really skinny

Kirstie Alley has no shame

In case yesterday’s thumbnails weren’t good enough here’s video of Kirstie Alley’s bikini appearance on Oprah yesterday. From the ribcage up she actually looks pretty good. But then my eyes wander south and I get all confused because I thought this was supposed to be Kirstie Alley. On Oprah. How did I suddenly… More »

Kirstie Alley wears a bikini on Oprah

If you watch today’s Oprah you’ll be treated to Kirstie Alley showing off her newly slimmed body (she dropped 75 lbs) in a bikini. And I use the word ‘treated’ in the loosest possible sense, since looking at her is still akin to sticking your penis in the garbage disposal. She looks way… More »

Angelina Jolie is still really pretty

Angelina Jolie has made the cover of People magazine’s “100 Most Beautiful People” issue for the first time, despite being on their list four times now. Additionally, her adopted children and Brad Pitt were also named the World’s Most Beautiful Family.

Don’t read too much into the list though since Kirstie Alley and… More »

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes already married?

The National Enquirer is reporting that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes already got married last July in a Scientology ceremony at sea.

Cruise and Holmes, who met a few months earlier, are said to have exchanged rings emblazoned with triangular Scientology symbols during a Caribbean cruise aboard the sect’s ship the Freewinds. (They supposedly… More »

Kirstie Alley Looking for Death and Love, In That Order

In a story bound to make all married women a little bit nervous (not to mention their husbands), Kirstie Alley says that she has not had sex for four years and is desperate to bed a widower with kids.

“I want a man who loves his wife desperately and she just died a… More »

Scientology wants to “help” Kate Moss

Scientology: it rids you of those overbearing alien souls that inhabit you body and keep you from reaching your full potential. But that’s not all! Scientology helped Tom Cruise get rid of all those pesky Hollywood friends and resources. It helped Kirstie Alley finally free herself from the shackles of sex-appeal (only to have the… More »

Kirstie Alley is thin-ish!

In case you haven’t seen the new Jenny Craig commercials where Kirstie Alley chases a child around the screen and managed to not eat him in a kiddie pool filled with teriyaki sauce, the former Cheers actress has now lost 50 pounds by regularly exercising and limiting her calories through a diet plan.

“When… More »

Liv Tyler is not skinny

Did Liv Tyler eat Kirstie Alley while I wasn’t looking? Because you shouldn’t eat people. You should eat food. … More »

Surprisingly, psychiatrists disagree with Tom Cruise

From Yahoo News: “It is irresponsible for Mr. Cruise to use his movie publicity tour to promote his own ideological views and deter people with mental illness from getting the care they need,” APA President Dr. Steven Sharfstein said in a statement. … More »

Kirstie Alley is disgusting

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