Posts tagged "George Zimmerman"

George Zimmerman: Killing Trayvon Martin Was ‘God’s Plan’

George Zimmerman said killing Trayvon Martin was 'God's plan' and to question that is 'blasphemy.' Yeah...
By: The Superficial / March 24, 2015

George Zimmerman Is Randomly Guarding Businesses Now, Oh Good

"George, they infiltrated the police, George. We're sitting ducks." "There's a gun inside my rectum. You know what to do." When we last left George Zimmerman, he was attempting to make money by competing in underground fight clubs to benefit The Trayvon Martin Foundation (You just read all of…
By: The Superficial / July 30, 2014

George Zimmerman Is Done With Celebrity Boxing, And On To Underground Fight Clubs For Trayvon

"┬┐Que?" After announcing that DMX would be boxing George Zimmerman on the day that would've been Trayvon Martin's 19th birthday, fight promoter Damon Feldman cancelled the whole production after getting his ass chewed out on Twitter. Fortunately, George Zimmerman won't rest until he can commit more acts of…
By: The Superficial / February 10, 2014

DMX Is Fighting George Zimmerman

Because he's a level-headed man who's not at all prone to extremes, George Zimmerman was hoping he'd get a chance to celebrity box Kanye West. Instead, he got DMX which is still great news because all that mattered was George had probable cause to stand his ground, so go…
By: The Superficial / February 5, 2014

George Zimmerman Wants To Fight Kanye West

Last week, George Zimmerman announced that he'd compete in a celebrity boxing event against whatever opponent will pony up the cash for an unnamed charity that George will make a minimal, legally-required 10% donation to so all of this doesn't look like the scam it really is. Since then, The Game…
By: The Superficial / February 3, 2014

George Zimmerman Is Doing Celebrity Boxing Now

When we last left George Zimmerman, he was cornering the market on gun nuts with $100,000 to blow on murderous shitbag art which somehow no one's figured out is money laundering yet. Then again, Florida. Except now he's turned his attention to celebrity boxing, the sport of kings and…
By: The Superficial / January 31, 2014

George Zimmerman’s Painting Was Copied From Shutterstock

With George Zimmerman free from domestic violence charges thanks to his girlfriend changing her story so they can reunite and continue trying to find ways to get paid for TV appearances, he now has time to return to his true passion: pulling a gun at the dro…
By: The Superficial / December 17, 2013

George Zimmerman’s Guns Just Got Taken Away

Yesterday George Zimmerman was arrested for domestic violence which I'm sure we'll find out was just a couple having an argument just like the rest of us. Right, gun lovers? Right. Via The Orlando Sentinel: George Zimmerman was arrested Monday after he cocked and pointed a shotgun at hi…
By: The Superficial / November 19, 2013

I’ll Just Go Ahead And Leave This Here

George Zimmerman Arrested For Domestic Violence - NBC Orlando Adding... This time the victim is white, so we're probably looking at the chair. However, she is a woman, so it'll come down to Florida statutes on whether or not she was cooking a delicious meal, book learning, or communing with the devil. (Unverifiable…
By: The Superficial / November 18, 2013

So South Park Made A George Zimmerman Episode

Last night, South Park aired its new episode "World War Zimmerman" which basically spent 21 minutes ruthlessly kicking George Zimmerman and Stand Your Ground in the dick by way of World War Z. Which was even more amazing considering Trey Parker and…
By: The Superficial / October 10, 2013

Sanford Police Chief: George Zimmerman Is Another ‘Sandy Hook’ Waiting To Happen

"Did you just reach for your gun because it looked like we were losing?" ".... Noooo?" When we last left George Zimmerman, his lawyer had just quit following a domestic dispute situation where George's estranged wife Shellie accused of him going to his truck to get a gun after threatening her…
By: The Superficial / September 13, 2013

George Zimmerman’s Lawyer Quit
(Subtitle: So What Was That Shit Yesterday?)

"Your honor, before we waste a lot of people's time and money here, I feel like I should point out that my client shot a black kid and we're in the state of Florida. -- Still going to do this? Fair enough, that's on you." Yesterday, George Zimmerman was briefly detained by police after…
By: The Superficial / September 10, 2013

George Zimmerman In Police Custody After Allegedly Pulling Gun And A Knife On His Wife

"But she had Skittles?" Stop me if you've heard this one before. George Zimmerman started losing a confrontation... ABC News reports: George Zimmerman is being questioned by police after a domestic incident today with his wife, Shellie, and her father, that involved a gun, according to police. Zimmerman is being held at…
By: The Superficial / September 9, 2013

George Zimmerman’s Wife Filed For Divorce

Sad news, Freedom Lovers. The George Zimmerman fiasco has finally claimed a casualty: A marriage. A straight marriage. I could barely stir my arugula tea while listening to NPR this morning, it made me so sick. Turns out George's wife Shellie Zimmerman stood by his side while he was on trial for murdering…
By: The Superficial / September 6, 2013

George Zimmerman Is Buying Tactical Shotguns

Wait a minute. Noooo... Before I even get into this post, inevitably some shithead is going to bring up the Christopher Lane shooting in Oklahoma, so do yourself a favor and read this even though you're still going to froth at the mouth that it was entirely justified to shoot Trayvon Marti…
By: The Superficial / August 23, 2013

So George Zimmerman Is Driving Aimlessly Across America With A Gun

With the town of Sanford now safe from the villainous clutches of Trayvon Martin and his gang of Skittles, it became time for George Zimmerman to take his brand of justice across America, shooting out evil wherever it wins a fight he started with it. TMZ reports: Zimmerman was speeding i…
By: The Superficial / August 1, 2013

George Zimmerman Rescued A Family From A Truck Crash. Yes, That George Zimmerman.

"Whoever the punk was that took the last powdered donut better have saved room for a side of justice," George Zimmerman thought as he strolled into the courtroom. "For today, I rain my vengeance down upon thee... or reach into an empty pocket because, right, evidence. Shit." In case you haven't heard by now, the…
By: The Superficial / July 23, 2013

Farrah Abraham Just Made Ted Nugent Look Like A Genius

For the record, I don't (entirely) mean to keep bringing up how it's open season on black kids in Florida now, but this time, I thought it'd be nice if we heard an opinion about Travyon Martin that we can all agree encompasses everything that's wrong with America, starting with the hole it snowballed…
By: The Superficial / July 18, 2013

Ted Nugent Wrote About The George Zimmerman Verdict. Oh God Yes.

Before I dive into this almost embarrassing treasure trove of bullshit, I just want to remind everyone that in April 2012 Ted Nugent threatened to assassinate Barack Obama if he won the election. In fact, his exact words were, "If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either…
By: The Superficial / July 17, 2013

Chris Brown Tweets Support For Trayvon Martin. Oh, Goddammit…

Spike Lee being a fucking idiot aside, things were starting to turn around in the Trayvon Martin case. ABC News obtained footage that showed a clearly non-injured George Zimmerman despite conveniently leaked police reports claiming he was punched repeatedly and his skull bashed against the curb. From there,…
By: The Superficial / March 30, 2012