Posts tagged "Gary Shirley"

Gary Shirley’s 11-Hour Stripper Bender

Teen Mom Amber Portwood attempted suicide earlier this summer after she thought baby daddy Gary Shirley was going to curl up his butt-tail and stop smothering her to death with his sex. She’s since checked herself into rehab leaving Gary completely to his own devices and responsible for their young daughter, so naturally, he went…

The Superficial / August 12, 2011

Teen Mom Amber Can’t Live Without This

Teen Mom star Amber Portwood reportedly attempted suicide Tuesday morning, and now details are coming in that she did it because she thought Gary Shirley was cheating. The same Gary Shirley pictured above with a butt tail and pulling McDonald’s out of his car, so basically everything a woman dreams for. Plus butt tail. RadarOnline

The Superficial / June 16, 2011

Teen Mom Amber Attempted Suicide

“Ha! Isn’t my life wonderful? Fat man who knocked me up, put these Walmart bags in the Grand Am, won’t you?”
Because shoving pregnant teenage mothers from dysfunctional backgrounds into the limelight is always a great idea with absolutely zero potential for horrific backfire, Teen Mom star Amber Portwood allegedly attempted suicide this morning, according…

The Superficial / June 14, 2011

Gary Shirley is Too Fat For Handcuffs

“Girl, I’mma make love to you until a baby comes out.. did we finish those chili fries?”
Seen here drunkenly celebrating Amber Portwood’s 21st birthday, Gary Shirley was arrested yesterday for driving with a suspended license after police could hear Amber screaming at him from outside of his car which I’m assuming had something to…

The Superficial / May 25, 2011

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Turned 21

And I’ve officially overloaded this day with too much sexy.
Here’s Teen Mom star Amber Portwood celebrating her 21st birthday with Gary Shirley at “Jimbo’s Bar” in Indiana because if there’s one thing this show was missing, it’s fetal alcohol syndrome. I’m actually not joking, this is probably just the angle MTV was looking for.

The Superficial / May 16, 2011

‘Teen Mom’ Amber and The Fat Dude With a Tail Are Getting Married

Presumably to pitch their own reality show considering just last week she was pregnant with a baby that literally anybody could’ve been the father of, Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley were spotted shopping for a “promise ring” over the weekend at Kay Jewelers. Of course, the whole thing would’ve looked less staged if Gary didn’t…

The Superficial / February 28, 2011

Hey, Look, I Committed a War Crime!

Since its Friday, we decided to go ahead and shoot you in the eyes since you have all weekend to recover, so here’s Gary Shirley, baby daddy to Amber Portwood and basically the perfect specimen of masculine perfection. Because what better use for sudden wealth than low-rise jeans, graphic tees and a Dodge Avenger? It&#8217…

Photo Boy / February 25, 2011

Gary Shirley Told Girlfriend to Cover Up ‘Teen Mom’ Amber Hitting Him Again

See that face? That’s why you always wear a condom. Even if you’re married.
Earlier in the month it was reported that Teen Mom Amber Portwood decided it’d be a smart idea to assault Gary Shirley again while she’s currently facing felony charges for beating him in front of an entire MTV audience and more…

The Superficial / December 30, 2010

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood Arrested

If you get a makeover just for your mugshot, you might be a redneck.
Teen Mom star Amber Portwood was arrested on Monday for beating Gary Shirley in front of their toddler daughter while MTV filmed the entire incident and/or possibly orchestrated it. People reports:
“Domestic battery has an automatic 24 hold,” an officer at…

The Superficial / December 28, 2010

‘Teen Mom’ Amber: ‘MTV Made Me Hit Gary’

Seen here presumably having the very epiphany that spawned this post, Teen Mom Amber Portwood is now trying to claim MTV paid her $1,000 to assault Gary Shirley in front of their daughter to add more drama to the show. The National Enquirer reports:
But Amber insists the violence was all a ruse and that…

The Superficial / December 22, 2010

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Continues to Win at Life

When we last left Teen Mom star Amber Portwood at the beginning of the month, child services had just let her have her daughter Leah back which only further proved their mission statement is, “If it came out of your uterus, we’ll you give another chance to kill it.” Since then, she’s managed to fuck…

The Superficial / December 16, 2010

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Got Her Baby Back

Let’s keep the white trash flowing.
Despite just being charged with two felonies and having her child deemed a ward of the state, Teen Mom Amber Portwood already has her baby back this week. Child services apparently warned her that this is her last chance and they’ll remove Leah if they find her living i…

The Superficial / December 1, 2010

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood’s Baby a Ward of The State

During an emergency child placement hearing Tuesday, Teen Mom Amber Portwood’s daughter was legally declared a ward of the state following last week’s charges of two felonies and a misdemeanor. RadarOnline reports:
That means that as the Department of Child Services assesses Leah’s living situation the child technically becomes a ward of the state, eve…

The Superficial / November 24, 2010

MTV Issues Statement on ‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood

“Yeah, I dunno. I’m thinking about having a kid named Sloth then chaining him in the basement of an old restaurant.”
Following Teen Mom Amber Portwood’s charges of two felonies and a misdemeanor for beating Gary Shirley in front of their toddler, MTV has issued the following statement:
“We are cooperating with all parties and…

The Superficial / November 19, 2010

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood Charged With Two Felonies

Seen here outside an Indiana Walmart (Stereotypes win again!), Teen Mom star Amber Portwood has been officially charged for beating Gary Shirley, the father of her child, in front of their daughter. HollywoodLife reports:
Amber, 20, was officially charged Nov. 18 with two felony counts and one misdemeanor for domestic violence and battery. Under Indiana…

The Superficial / November 18, 2010