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ZOMG! Rachel And Joey Banged IRL!!

Here’s a fake story about Jennifer Aniston cheating on Brad Pitt with Matt LeBlanc. *checks keywords* Yep, we’re all set here.

Carmen Ribecca | July 15, 2015 - 2:29 pm

Gwyneth: ‘Men’s Insecurity Depends On How Many Blowjobs You Give Them’

“Haha! And then I said, ‘Well, you’re going to be insecure for a while because that’s not where that thing goes!’ He had sex with mostly groupies after that. It was for the best.”

Yesterday, Gwyneth Paltrow did an interview with Howard Stern where she said a goddamn slew of quintessential Gwyneth Paltrow

Mike Redmond | January 15, 2015 - 2:00 pm

Brad Pitt Seems Like A Good Sport

Full Disclosure: I’ve never watched an entire episode of Between Two Ferns. In fact, I think the only one I ever clicked on was the Natalie Portman one and bailed after a minute. And yet for some reason this morning, I decided to watch the new Brad Pitt episode in its entirety which surprisingly pays…

Mike Redmond | October 23, 2014 - 11:13 am

Kiss The Hand of LaBeouf, You Child-Stealing Bitch! KISS IT!

And in that moment we all became Jon Bernthal. As did Jon Bernthal become all of us.

Amen.

I miss Music Tits, too. Shh, shh. It’s okay, it’s okay.

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Photo: Getty

Mike Redmond | October 15, 2014 - 2:06 pm

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Are Married

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been together for nine years, the bulk of which they’ve spent as parents to six children. But what they don’t have a is a legal document that makes it a gigantic pain in the ass to break up, so their love has basically been meaningless horseshit if it even…

Mike Redmond | August 28, 2014 - 10:36 am

Brad Pitt Will ‘Stomp’ Vitalii Sediuk If He Goes For Another Lady’s Crotch

Last week, Brad Pitt was reportedly punched in the face by Ukrainian comedian Vitalii Sediuk whose schtick is usually burying his face in celebrity crotches on the red carpet. Which, according to Brad Pitt, is what actually happened until he was the one who punched. /heisenberg People reports:

“I was at the end…

Mike Redmond | June 3, 2014 - 9:00 am

Brad Pitt Got Punched In The Face

Vitalii Sediuk is a Ukrainian comedian who over the past few years has managed to kiss Will Smith, crash Adele’s Grammy speech, bury his face in Leonardo DiCaprio’s crotch and not even two weeks ago he shoved his head up Ugly Betty’s dress. And so for his next trick, he decided to take the more…

Mike Redmond | May 29, 2014 - 10:27 am

Angelina Jolie Just Pissed In Gwyneth Paltrow’s Organic Quinoa Cereal

Back in March, Gwyneth Paltrow complained about her plight as a working mother because one time she had to go to Wisconsin for a week and you have no idea how that hard that is. Although, in her defense, she did attempt to walk back those comments albeit while simultaneously dubbing herself a struggling single

Mike Redmond | May 22, 2014 - 10:31 am

‘Drink My Beer, Best Friend!’

While clearly staying in New Orleans without Angelina Jolie and their child army, Brad Pitt spotted Matthew McConaughey on a balcony across the street where he’s in town filming The Amazing Race with Drew Brees. So naturally he started throwing beers at them because that’s what best friends do when kids and their soft, delicate…

Mike Redmond | May 19, 2014 - 1:28 pm

So South Park Made A George Zimmerman Episode

Last night, South Park aired its new episode “World War Zimmerman” which basically spent 21 minutes ruthlessly kicking George Zimmerman and Stand Your Ground in the dick by way of World War Z. Which was even more amazing considering Trey Parker and Matt Stone usually make it a point to expertly slam both liberals and…

Mike Redmond | October 10, 2013 - 11:25 am

How Much Douche Is In Jonah Hill’s Canoe Today?

A few weeks back, Jonah Hill gave a pissy interview to Rolling Stone where he got shitty with the writer and wouldn’t shut up about how he’s a serious actor now and no one else has ever transitioned from comedy to drama in the history of acting before so fucking recognize. This earned him exactly…

Mike Redmond | June 26, 2013 - 12:45 pm

Melissa Etheridge Doesn’t Think Angelina Jolie’s Double Mastectomy Was Brave

While most of the world fawned over Angelina Jolie’s bravery for cutting off her breasts then getting nice new ones just in case she might get cancer, Melissa Etheridge has a different opinion. Although, she is a lesbian and therefore predisposed to protecting awesome titties, and so together on this hill we shall stand and…

Mike Redmond | June 18, 2013 - 12:00 pm

It’s Angelina Jolie’s New Boobs

Angelina Jolie’s aunt died of breast cancer last week, the very same disease Angelina publicly took a pre-emptive strike against by chopping off her breasts and telling everyone about it in the New York Times, so you’d just assume she’d show up to her aunt’s funeral over the weekend because she’s so serious about breast…

Mike Redmond | June 3, 2013 - 10:50 am

Mike Tyson Used To ‘Bone’ Robin Givens During Their Divorce, And Then Brad Pitt Happened

Somehow back in April I completely missed Mike Tyson sharing an amusing anecdote about the time he caught Brad Pitt “boning” Robin Givens (Fun Fact: Mike Tyson likes to say “boning.”) while they were going through a divorce. Turns out the Champ and Robin were still hooking up despite their marriage falling apart because Mike…

Mike Redmond | December 6, 2012 - 10:45 am

Brad Pitt’s Going To Kill Some People Today (Softly Though) And Other News

- More pics of Hilary Duff’s mom-boobs? Done. [Just Jared]

- Ben Affleck gets to hang with the big boy directors, practically squeals. [Lainey Gossip]

– Celebs without all the lighting and makeup. They’re just like us! [theCHIVE]

- Kanye West truly is a fashion genius. [Dlisted]

Mike Redmond | November 30, 2012 - 9:25 am

So Brad Pitt’s Mom’s Kind Of A Homophobe

“Dear, you’re smiling like a gay.”

Brad Pitt has been pretty open about rejecting his strict Southern Baptist upbringing which is fortunately what happens when you abuse your parental authority, including but not limited to threats of corporal punishment and/or putting your children out on the street, to force them to swallow bullshit…

Mike Redmond | July 6, 2012 - 11:35 am

Jennifer Aniston’s Getting Married Now. Of Course.

Whenever anyone writes about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, there’s inevitably some joke about a jilted, bitter Jennifer Aniston which is then inevitably followed by a few random people defending her and saying she’s moved on with her life and couldn’t care less about Brad and Angelina. So to those people, I want you to…

Mike Redmond | April 23, 2012 - 12:17 pm

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Are Engaged

So remember when Brad Pitt said he wouldn’t get married to Angelina Jolie until everyone in America had the equal right to get married? Well, fuck you, queers, that shit took too long, is pretty much what they just said here. THR reports:

The Beverly Hills jeweler and former CEO of Asprey &…

Mike Redmond | April 13, 2012 - 2:58 pm

Angelina Jolie Really Wants You To See Her Leg

The Oscars were last night, and like every year, they were a regal and boring event second only to golf. So we’ll try to strafe through it as quickly as possible without making Charlie Sheen think we’re his long-lost F18 soulmate that needs coke banged into next week. Anyway, here’s Angelina Jolie who showed up…

Mike Redmond | February 27, 2012 - 8:25 am

BREAKING: Brad Pitt Gives His Kids Soda. Gasp!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have 27 kids, so short of running into their rooms firing shotguns into the air to wake them up – Which, by the way, I’m entirely cool with. – I don’t really see the need for a big kerfuffle over anything they do to somehow herd them out the door…

Mike Redmond | February 2, 2012 - 12:31 pm
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