Posts tagged "Barack Obama"

Scott Stapp Threatened To Assassinate Obama

Scott Stapp believes terrorists are hiding around every corner and taking prayer out of public schools has ruined America, so it's already been established he's crazy. All the evidence is there. And now comes words that he'd taken his batshit to the next logical step: Wanting to shoot things. Namely …
By: The Superficial / December 12, 2014

Welp, The Democrats Just Lost

While it's pretty much a given that today's midterm elections will favor the Republicans because old, white people have nothing but time on their hands to vote, Kim Kardashian tweeting her support for Obama isn't helping. You can just go ahead and call the whole thing right now. Not to mention, …
By: The Superficial / November 4, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Obama To Get Up In That

Chris Martin has a super-cool new girlfriend, so it behooves Gwyneth Paltrow to one-up him because conscious uncoupling is some hardcore shit. Which brings us to the President of the United States who, granted, is married, but if there's one thing Gwyneth has taught us it's that you can …
By: The Superficial / October 10, 2014

The President Has Seen Alexandra Daddario’s Boobs And So Now Must We

Yesterday, Defamer reported that President Obama personally asked HBO's CEO for advanced copies of Game of Thrones and True Detective because you know who calls you in that middle of that shit when you're the president? The talking bill from Schoolhouse Rock. Every time. More importantly, …
By: The Superficial / February 18, 2014

Oh, What’s That, Lady GaGa? You’re Marilyn Monroe And R. Kelly Is Obama?

MILEY CYRUS HAS A GIANT CAT PHOTO THAT ALSO WORKS AS A VAGINA JOKE. Get back in your egg. Photos: Getty …
By: The Superficial / November 25, 2013

Oh, STFU, James Woods, You’re Still Going To Work In Hollywood

James Woods recently tweeted his disapproval with Obama over the government shutdown along with one of those bullshit memes your old high school classmates post to Facebook between making fun of black people on food stamps. So naturally here's Fox News to hype up James' fear that he'll …
By: The Superficial / October 10, 2013

A U.S. Congresswoman Believes The Biblical End Times Have Started Because Obama

Continuing our series of Pointing Out The Crazy, Outdated Superstitions of The People Who Decide Our Laws, here's Michele Bachmann telling Christian radio show Understanding The Times that the events in the Book of Revelation are happening in real life because Barack Obama armed Al …
By: The Superficial / October 8, 2013

Samuel L. Jackson’s Playboy Interview Is Amazing

Samuel L. Jackson has a new interview in the October issue of Playboy, and it is a goddamn breath of fresh air after the whining, tone-deaf bullshit coming out of Kanye West and Chris Brown's mouths. I highly recommend reading the whole thing, but if you're strapped for time, here …
By: The Superficial / September 25, 2013

Obama Sent Jay-Z To Cuba To Steal Our White Women

Despite thousands of Americans visiting Cuba every year, Republicans got their panties in a bunch this week when Jay-Z and Beyonce vacationed in Havana. A situation that didn't get any better when Jay-Z decided to release a track called "Open Letter" where he says Barack Obama gave him clearance forcing the White …
By: The Superficial / April 12, 2013

Everyone, Relax, It Was The Devil Who Made The Devil On The History Channel Look Like Obama

"I, uh, would like to spend, uh, 40 days, and, uh, nights with you. In the, uh, desert." Last night on The History Channel's The Bible miniseries, Satan made an appearance (above) and looked an awful lot like a certain secret Muslim turning America into a socialist butt sex factory. A similarity that Glenn …
By: The Superficial / March 18, 2013

Beyonce Lip-Synched The National Anthem

Here's a little something that will make everyone who got butthurt over the Jesse James post have a little more spring in their goose step, Beyonce apparently lip-synched the National Anthem during Barack Obama's inauguration yesterday while Kelly Clarkson did not. (She did, however, earn Bill Clinton's seal …
By: The Superficial / January 22, 2013

Bill Clinton Won The Inauguration

In case you forgot how awesome Bill Clinton is, it's this awesome. Exactly this awesome. Not to mention, this happened next because we're dealing with a man who never shies away from life's sweetest rewards or shoving a cigar in them. And on the opposite side of that coin, you have …
By: The Superficial / January 21, 2013

The Black Guy’s Still The President Exactly Like Effeminate People Who Know Math Predicted

Thanks in no small part to Jon Hamm's penis stumping in Colorado, Barack Obama and his "Chicago-style politics" were run out of town last night by the American public, except no wait, they weren't. He was re-elected president to a resounding symphony of white butthurt. So if you're a Republican …
By: The Superficial / November 7, 2012

Katy Perry Wore Whatever The Hell This Is For Obama And Other News

- Tom Cruise is suing Life & Style for $50 million for claiming he abandoned Suri. It's called "avoiding suppressive persons," you jerks, gawd. [Lainey Gossip] - I will ride my trusty unicorn to the land where the redheads roam. [theCHIVE] - Fun Fact: I once broke up with a girl …
By: The Superficial / October 25, 2012

Oh, Good, Lindsay Lohan Tweeted The Debate

Lindsay Lohan spent a good portion of the 2008 election trying to convince her girlfriend Samantha Ronson that she understands politics, so in an attempt to relive that tradition, Lindsay spent last night at a sushi bar (No, really.) live-tweeting the presidential debates if live-tweeting means making no goddamn sense …
By: The Superficial / October 23, 2012

Everyone Be Quiet, Claudia Romani Wants To Say Something About The Election

If the first thought that pops into your head is, "Wait, can she even vote in this election?" why does your blind party allegiance hate butts so much? Did a butt kill its best friend? Touch it somewhere it shouldn't? Give an illegal homosexual Mexican food stamps and a free cellphone? HELP ME UNDERSTAND YOUR …
By: The Superficial / October 22, 2012

Honey Boo Boo Endorsed Obama. Goddammit…

Because apparently Octomom's endorsement wasn't enough (Goddamn, gun-toting single moms), Honey Boo Boo endorsed Barack Obama on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Monday night. So if you were giddy about last night's debate performance, knock that shit off and prepare thy magical underloons for the reign of your new Mormon overlord and also …
By: The Superficial / October 17, 2012

Go Debate Hayden Panettiere’s Breasts With Your Brother, Daddy’s Got A Headache

Here's the deal, Photo Boy got drunk and I completely put off sifting through yesterday's comments for Most Important People entries to tweet Big Love jokes about last night's debate between President Obama and Governor Ladybinders, so while we caffeinate and get our shit together, why …
By: The Superficial / October 17, 2012

Scott Stapp Won’t Vote For Obama. October Surprise, Bitches!

Because if there's one thing people who watch FOX News probably love, it's Creed, so Scott Stapp stopped by Fox & Friends this morning where he revealed that he voted for Obama in 2008, but won't this year because he found his administration "ineffective" and "a lot of promises but no real delivery." …
By: The Superficial / October 2, 2012

Madonna Calls Obama A Black Muslim, Threatens To Strip If He’s Re-Elected. NOT HELPING.

Because she's an idiot, Madonna genuinely believed she could influence the outcome of the presidential election in Obama's favor by calling him America's first black Muslim president and then promising to strip if he's re-elected. So if someone could patch me through to Mitt Romney, I'd like to congratulate him on his …
By: The Superficial / September 25, 2012
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