Amber Portwood


More Amber Portwood stories

Everybody F*cking Hates Farrah

‘Teen Mom OG’ is apparently all about how much everyone hates Farrah Abraham. You watch ‘Real Housewives,’ so don’t pretend you’re above this. More »

MTV Drops Farrah Abraham From ‘Teen Mom’ For Being A ‘Bad Example’

Snooki is a drunken little shit-midget pickle-vacuum who’s not even potty-trained. Amber Portwood is a suicidal drug addict who’s been in and out jail for beating the shit out of her baby’s daddy presumably because he has a goddamn tail. And Jenelle Evans is so out of control she almost got Teen Mom cancelled, yet… More »

Teen Mom Amber Can’t Live Without This

Teen Mom star Amber Portwood reportedly attempted suicide Tuesday morning, and now details are coming in that she did it because she thought Gary Shirley was cheating. The same Gary Shirley pictured above with a butt tail and pulling McDonald’s out of his car, so basically everything a woman dreams for. Plus butt tail. RadarOnlineMore »

Teen Mom Amber Attempted Suicide

“Ha! Isn’t my life wonderful? Fat man who knocked me up, put these Walmart bags in the Grand Am, won’t you?”

Because shoving pregnant teenage mothers from dysfunctional backgrounds into the limelight is always a great idea with absolutely zero potential for horrific backfire, Teen Mom star Amber Portwood allegedly attempted suicide this… More »

Gary Shirley is Too Fat For Handcuffs

“Girl, I’mma make love to you until a baby comes out.. did we finish those chili fries?”

Seen here drunkenly celebrating Amber Portwood’s 21st birthday, Gary Shirley was arrested yesterday for driving with a suspended license after police could hear Amber screaming at him from outside of his car which I’m assuming had… More »

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Turned 21

And I’ve officially overloaded this day with too much sexy.

Here’s Teen Mom star Amber Portwood celebrating her 21st birthday with Gary Shirley at “Jimbo’s Bar” in Indiana because if there’s one thing this show was missing, it’s fetal alcohol syndrome. I’m actually not joking, this is probably just the angle MTV was… More »

The Teen Moms Have Great Ideas

Posted by Photo Boy

The Teen Moms are in front of the camera again, only this time, instead of cashing in on their poor life decisions and personal tragedies they’re joining forces to give kids a great alternative to unprotected sex: CUDDLING! I hate to be to one to break this news especially… More »

‘Teen Mom’ Amber and The Fat Dude With a Tail Are Getting Married

Presumably to pitch their own reality show considering just last week she was pregnant with a baby that literally anybody could’ve been the father of, Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley were spotted shopping for a “promise ring” over the weekend at Kay Jewelers. Of course, the whole thing would’ve looked less staged if Gary didn’t… More »

Hey, Look, I Committed a War Crime!

Since its Friday, we decided to go ahead and shoot you in the eyes since you have all weekend to recover, so here’s Gary Shirley, baby daddy to Amber Portwood and basically the perfect specimen of masculine perfection. Because what better use for sudden wealth than low-rise jeans, graphic tees and a Dodge Avenger? It’s… More »

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Has Nude Photos Now

Because God has truly forsaken us, Teen Mom star Amber Portwood sold nude photos of herself which sounds highly unusual for someone who puts on make-up first thing in the morning and smiles directly at the paparazzi for exclusive photos. Trust me, I know. RadarOnline reports:

The controversial Teen Mom star posed for… More »

‘Teen Mom’ Amber is Pregnant Again

Despite Teen Mom being a positive learning experience filled with life lessons so valuable, eight out of the 10 people who combine to form Rosie O’Donnell approve, Amber Portwood has reportedly taken three at-home pregnancy tests, all with positive results, according to RadarOnline:

“When Amber tested positive, she decided to go to a… More »

Rosie O’Donnell: ‘Teen Mom Sends a Positive Message’

And that message is, Babies = Money for Implants. I’m on board.

While Kim Kardashian has become a vocal opponent of MTV’s Teen Mom conveniently before her own show premiered, Rosie O’Donnell has come out in support of the reality show which she feels teaches kids a valuable lesson. Us Magazine reports:
More »

Kim Kardashian Will Teach Us About Teen Pregnancy Now

Can you tell someone has a new show coming out?

While visiting the Today Show yesterday, moral crusader Kim Kardashian found herself experiencing emotions beyond, “Hey, look at me,” and “Why are you not looking at me?” Turns out she was disturbed by the recent report of a Memphis high school that had… More »

Dear Colts, This is Why You Lost

When the New York Jets squeaked out a last minute field goal against Peyton Manning and the Colts on Saturday, there’s nothing anyone could do but blame Jesus who was clearly pissed off about something that day. I just wish we had some sort of clue what that was so we can burn it at… More »

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood Offered $500,000 To Do Porn

“And it’s nothing I don’t already do for free/meth. Hmm…”

Vivid Entertainment’s Steven Hirsch is out of his fucking mind. When he’s not trying to fulfill some sick, twisted obsession with providing shelter for Octomom, he’s pursuing people who have absolutely no place being in porn. People like, oh I dunno, Amber Portwood. More »

Gary Shirley Told Girlfriend to Cover Up ‘Teen Mom’ Amber Hitting Him Again

See that face? That’s why you always wear a condom. Even if you’re married.

Earlier in the month it was reported that Teen Mom Amber Portwood decided it’d be a smart idea to assault Gary Shirley again while she’s currently facing felony charges for beating him in front of an entire MTV audience… More »

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood: ‘MTV Didn’t Make Me Hit Gary’

Seen here fulfilling her family’s dream to be the first grandkid to make bail in 24 hours, Teen Mom star Amber Portwood has apparently changed her tune about MTV paying her to assault Gary Shirley, according to RadarOnline:

Paperwork filed by prosecutors says that Portwood admitted her violent incidents were not staged for… More »

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood Arrested

If you get a makeover just for your mugshot, you might be a redneck.

Teen Mom star Amber Portwood was arrested on Monday for beating Gary Shirley in front of their toddler daughter while MTV filmed the entire incident and/or possibly orchestrated it. People reports:

“Domestic battery has an automatic 24… More »

‘Teen Mom’ Amber: ‘MTV Made Me Hit Gary’

Seen here presumably having the very epiphany that spawned this post, Teen Mom Amber Portwood is now trying to claim MTV paid her $1,000 to assault Gary Shirley in front of their daughter to add more drama to the show. The National Enquirer reports:

But Amber insists the violence was all a ruse… More »

‘Teen Mom’ Amber Continues to Win at Life

When we last left Teen Mom star Amber Portwood at the beginning of the month, child services had just let her have her daughter Leah back which only further proved their mission statement is, “If it came out of your uterus, we’ll you give another chance to kill it.” Since then, she’s managed to fuck… More »

Page 1 of 2