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BREAKING: Christina Aguilera Can Fit Into Jeans

Since the dawn of man, Christina Aguilera has always worn black tights or dresses she can easily menstruate out of onstage. So imagine my surprise to not only see her in jeans that aren’t jeggings, but her ass actually looks.. well, her ass actually evaporated and looked better when she was fat. Wow, being a… More »


Christina Aguilera’s Boyfriend Won’t Be Charged With DUI

After causing a media shitstorm following their arrests last month, Christina Aguilera’s boyfriend Matthew Rutler will not be charged with a DUI after all. Apparently his BAC came back only .06 instead of the .08 needed to be considered legally intoxicated, according to Us Magazine. My, what a convenient turn of events…

CHRISTINA:… More »


Jordan Bratman Still Won’t Move Out

Despite separating months ago and Christina Aguilera more than likely carrying Matthew Rutler’s baby, Jordan Bratman is still refusing to move out of their $11.5 million mansion, according to Us Weekly. However, there are several factors to consider here before insinuating he hides in a closet, watching and weeping as his former bride receives another… More »


Christina Aguilera Defends Divorce

Because this won’t make her look guilty, Christina Aguilera agreed to an interview for the latest issue of People where she defended her divorce from Jordan Bratman, who apparently didn’t talk to her enough on the phone or whatever rationale she’s using:

“Things were so unhealthy and unhappy for both Jordan and me,… More »


Jordan Bratman Beat Christina Aguilera?

If the fact that Hans Moleman here was having sex with Christina Aguilera hasn’t been hard enough to absorb, it turns out he might’ve also been beating her making him pretty much the perfect dream man. Or at least that’s what RadarOnline seems to be implying with this report on Christina’s trip to the hospital… More »


Samantha Ronson is Stealing Our White Women

Just when you thought you had a crack at the now-single Christina Aguilera, word continues to pour in that Samantha Ronson already has her scorpion hooks in her because lesbians really have those. (A kid on the bus told me.) Not only was Sam spotted leaving Christina’s house the day she announced her separation from… More »


Christina Aguilera Was a Lesbian The Whole Time

A source for RadarOnline claims Christina Aguilera tried to pick her up at a gay bar – with Jordan Bratman in tow – for apparently such is her wont:

The source said Christina waved to her, but that she was confused because her husband Jordan was at the bar with her.
“The… More »


Christina Aguilera Filed for Divorce, Let’s Look at Her Pumpkins

PUNNED!

Christina Aguilera reportedly filed for divorce this morning then made her way to Mr. Bones’ Pumpkin Patch to prepare for her metamorphosis into Shauna Sand. Or at least that’s what’s happening in my head because I dare to dream:

“That’s right, show those gourds your rutabaga. They’ve been bad. Oh,… More »


Christina Aguilera Has Left the Mole-Man

Jesus. When it rains, it everyone gets divorces.

Seen here in June, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman have reportedly separated and are living apart, according to Us Magazine:

“They were very much in love,” explains the insider. “But over the last six months, it ­became clear they were more like friends… More »


Christina Aguilera has a birthday party

Christina Aguilera went with A Clockwork Orange theme for 28th birthday at Osterria Mozza last night, and remind me to thank her for letting Jordan Bratman play dress-up, too. I was just thinking to myself the other day “It’s been way too long since my retinas burned with an intense white-hot hellfire.”

On that… More »


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