Supposedly Ashlee Simpson Looks ‘Great’ Here

This may come as a shock to you, but I’m not a maven of high fashion society, so I really have no clue why everyone was raving about how “amazing” Ashlee Simpson looked at the SAG Awards last night. Maybe because she’s not standing next to a sobbing little boy with girl’s hair? Or maybe because Bronx Mowgli isn’t there either? I dunno. I’m just a simple man with simple dreams. Like having sex with Amber Heard while wearing a jetpack. Call me old-fashioned.

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