Over the weekend, Kim Kardashian accused British Airways of stealing “special items” from her luggage which I just assumed was a clever ruse to leak a sex tape she made with Kanye. Turns out she was only doing the press version of whoring because it turns out the whole thing is over a pair of “priceless” sunglasses her father supposedly gave her, so keeping in the mind the First Rule of Kardashian, just assume everything you’re about read is a lie to Kim having a father because now we know she was hatched from an egg. TMZ reports:
When Kim arrived home from France Friday night, she noticed her luggage was significantly lighter than when she left. A search inside the suitcase quickly revealed the thieves made off with a pair of vintage sunglasses her dad, Robert Kardashian, gave her just before he died — sunglasses she only wore on very special occasions.
ROBERT: Kim, my sweet, sweet Kim, come closer to your father. Remember when I helped O.J. get away with murder and we made a bunch of money from it?
KIM: Of course, daddy, you were so brave.
ROBERT: Well, I took that money and bought you these sunglasses so whenever it’s sunny out you’ll always remember I helped a man get off scott-free for murder so we could be rich.
KIM: Oh, daddy, don’t go. You have so much to teach me!
ROBERT: Remember, Kim, souls can’t buy fancy things… Oh, and your mother’s a whore. *croaks*
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News
Wait, her luggage is “significantly lighter” after having a pair of sunglasses removed from it? Are they made from Osmium or something? She has all the logic of a colicky 3 year old.
Colicky 3 year old? By three isn’t it just indigestion?
I’m using it more evocatively than literally, clearly. I’m trying to not envision her being an intolerably whiny miserable pain in the ass when this happened and it’s not working, hence colicky.
You actually thought there was a brain involved here ?
well, even flatworms have brains. I was being generous.
some flatworms fight each other with their dicks out, with the loser ending up pregnant.
LOL, thanks for the first laugh of the day !
Can you drown if a mouthful of coffee goes down your windpipe?
Laughing and drowning at the same time is really painful, as it turns out.
I have a three year old and he is a complete asshole.
You could pull a “Casey Anthony”, but trials are messy. Just drop him off at the firestation. He’ll be the states problem then.
Well, a pair of her underwear was missing too. That’s gotta be…what? 40 lbs?
barn animals have a sixth sense for this kinda stuff. hide a pig’s sunglasses, watch how fast he updates his twitter. nature is awesome
I appreciate her continued support of the sheer shirt industry, but I wish she’d preach that gospel to some younger, more attractive women.
Also … MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
who ever writes this is an ass hole
I think you just called yourself an asshole, non?
Now that’s not very nice of you; you clearly don’t get the humor. I’ll admit that I get sick of Fish and Photo Boy being lazy shits and covering the Kardashian whores and that nobody Courtney Stodden skank; there are more interesting people out there and more interesting things going on. And I do get annoyed when the boys use this site as a political or morality soapbox; if I want that shit I’ll go somewhere else. I’m not interested in their liberal views because this is supposed to be a FUN site. But Fish is not an asshole. Loosen up.
“Asshole” is one word, asshole.
Shut up Khloe.
How heavy were those sunglasses?
blah, nobody cares
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOO
McBeef, you inspired me to use more M’s. You can never have too many mmmmmmm’s.
You’re a damn poet!
This is an awesome pic.
So, her assistant missed packing her “special sunglasses” at the hotel, and housekeeping probably threw them out.
i always pack sunglasses in a suitcase that i know will get smashed and thrown around like a mother fucker into the back of a plane.
Bench pressing cocks for 15 years has fine-tuned her ability to estimate weight discrepancies of as little as 20g.
Did she look for them in her butt crack? I’ll bet they’re in her butt crack.
No, but she may have found a couch there, and possibly a small child or two that went missing a few weeks back.
You know how you always seem to lose a sock in the wash? Well, that ass is probably where all the lost socks go.
When a psycho stalker slices kimkuntrashian into pieces how many persons are gonna show up at the courtroom to cheer on the psycho stalker besides me?
booo stop posting this bitch!!!
why this bitch get 24 comments already while michelle rodrigues and Dominic Monaghan got posted before but only have 14 and 18 comments
you people are pathetic and obsessed with hating this tramp
fuck you *superficial* for posting this bitch
fuck you commenter’s for being obsessed with hating this bitch
bye
That’s the sort of site The Superficial is, muahah. Your incorrect apostrophe sucks, too. bye.
Poor grammar negates any point, well made or not.
Her father really should have held on to those sunglasses because he surely could use them now. The fires in the fourth circle of hell must burn very bright.
She’s either full of shit or an idiot. Who the hell puts valuables in their luggage? That’s what those giant bags you are always hauling around are for, you stupid jackass! They call them “carry-ons” and while she couldn’t take her pee jar on board, last I checked you could bring glasses and shit on. And how heavy were these f***in’ glasses? Where they made from beer bottles or something (more like specimen jars, I would suspect)?
Typical celebrity attempt for pity; oh boo hoo, the bad guys at LAX stole my stuff.
How the hell could you tell if a pair of sunglasses was missing from your luggage? Were the 10 pound sunglasses? Mine only weigh about 6 oz. And since when did this bitch handle her own luggage? She is full of shit
Her luggage was “significantly lighter” due to a single pair or sunglasses?
Sounds like media whoring to me. Pretty desperate to accuse people of steeling just to get your name in the news for free. Shame on you.
How could ANyone give this comment a thumbs down ??? It’s great !!!
Here I thought it was something important, like her ass napkin
“MOOO”, I said, “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
Foghorn Leghorn? :D
Forgot the stutter.
It’s funny because O.J. Simpson in all likelihood murdered two people and the Kardashians are the direct beneficiaries of it.
Haha
Ah that old phrase “A pair of sunglasses lighter”
Cheap ass fuckin heifer. You can buy more sunglasses, bitch! Greedy little cunt. MmmmmmmmmmmmmoooooooooooooooooooOoooooOOOOOO!
One can only hope the suitcase the glasses were stolen from was a wedding gift from her faux marriage.
The last item your dying father gives you, and you take them traveling? Really? Because a film festival is a “special occasion” and they’re so important to you that you let them out of your sight? I keep my costume jewelry on me when I travel for god sakes. Such a load of crap. She travels way too much to be that stupid about luggage security. What a tard.
Sunglasses, eh? Well now I feel less weird about being given a shoe tree by a dying relative.
Sunglasses ? Really!!!! …you can’t fix stupid…OH BLOODY HELL!!!
I can’t resist..MMMMMmmOoOoOoOOoOMMmMOOoOOOOOO..
Well, to be fair, sunglasses made specifically for cattle would be larger and weigh significantly more than human sunglasses. mmmMMMOOOOOOooo!
Hahahaha! Awesome!
Why do we all know those sunglasses are sitting on a night stand in a suite in whatever hotel she stayed in because she forgot to pack them. Either that, or she just missed seeing her name in the gossip columns for two minutes.
MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO
MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO
MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO
MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO
MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO
“Hey girl, great workouuuMooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO”
MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO
MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO
MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO
She walks like a spaz….. err I mean MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO