Steven Seagal is Patrolling The Border
When Photo Boy posted a pic of Steven Seagal visiting the Texas/Mexico border in yesterday’s The Crap We Missed, I just assumed he was filming some sort of segment for his reality show and/or really, really wanted a taco. Turns out he’s actually a legitimate deputy now and has taken it upon himself to protect America’s borders by hanging around with a bunch of overweight Texans itchin’ to shoot anyone Mexico-lookin’. *throws Ambien out the window* Don’t need you anymore. E! News reports:
According to the San Antonio Express, the Above the Law star called the department two months ago to lobby for the job—and not because he was in search of new storylines. After being sworn in this week, he will now join a contingent of deputies patrolling 98 miles of border and 5,500 square miles on the lookout for illegal border crossings.
“It became very clear to me that Mr. Seagal is not in this for the celebrity or the publicity,” Sheriff Arvin West told the paper. “He’s like the rest of us that live down here; he has a sincere passion for his country and he wants to do more to help.”
Yes, because if there’s one thing threatening the immediate security of America as we know it, it’s people sneaking in to pick mushrooms and work the shitty jobs we’re too good for. Thankfully, Steven Seagal’s sitting in a pickup with a flashlight and AK-47 dealing out institutionalized racism or we’d all die in a lake of picante fire. Never change, Texas.