Stephen Colbert Destroyed Kim Kardashian’s App

July 29th, 2014 // 19 Comments

Over the past few weeks, there’ve been no less than 800 novel-length takedowns of the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app which I didn’t read because I only need two words to tell me not to touch it, and those words are Kim Kardashian. As for the rest of America, it’s plunked $85 fucking million into it trying to become the virtual version of what Kim used to be to Paris Hilton minus that time Kim tried to breathe in Paris’ soul through a stab wound thus becoming her which everyone mysteriously forgot about after Kris Jenner obtained The Demon’s Bible. But enough facts and history, here’s Stephen Colbert ripping it apart in four minutes. (h/t Uproxx)

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  1. Kim Kardashian is an A-list celebrity? By association with Kanye West, who is genuinely A-list, perhaps, but never on her own. Celebrity is more about money and notoriety is not celebrity.

    • The Kardashians are certainly not A-List celebrities. Kim is B-List, the rest of them are C-List.

      Just try to imagine Kim in the same orbit as someone like George Clooney or Julia Roberts. It wouldn’t happen.

  2. Counselor Troi and Geordi got it on?

    • mark

      HA!! I could kind of see that….I used to beat the glory out of myself while enjoying troi’s bum bounce around in that tight grey uniform of hers. but now, the sheer over-saturation of kardashian has turned me off of her looks – particularly her massive corn-ripping-factory – the fucking repugnant stench that must tear from that abomination each day…..good god! and geordi laforge was far more eloquent and used elocution far more sophisticated than kanye’s “ya fell me yall?”, “knowwumsayin’ dawg.”

  3. JimBB

    “As for the rest of America, it’s plunked $85 fucking million”

    And people wonder why I’m suicidal.

  4. Fans are spending $500 in the game and still haven’t reached all of its goals:

    http://jezebel.com/oh-god-i-spent-494-04-playing-the-kim-kardashian-holl-1597154346

    America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between–Oscar Wilde.

    • dennis

      If people are willing to spend more money on an app buying digital crap and not real goods than they did their on smartphone or tablet than they deserve to be in debt and hopefully that debt comes with high finance charges every month.

      • New report shows 1 out of 3 Americans are so deep in debt that their debt is “in collection”, meaning those nice guys who call you 24/7 to hound you to pay what you owe.

        Now we know why.

        Hey, that $500 could have gone to a charity to feed homeless starving transgendered orphans or something…a bullshit waste of money. $500 to get to C-list celeb status in a shitty fifth-rate app–now that’s worth it.

  5. I’m kinda torn on this, since I hate me some Kardashian and love me some idiots being separated from their money.

  6. She is such a whore.

  7. Kiki

    Serious question: can I pee on her in the app?

  8. anonym

    if people are going to spend money on this shit, they deserve to lose it. fucking idiots.

  9. That fucking Colbert is one funny motherfucker!

  10. Juan Pablo

    Could he be any less funny?

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