It was only a matter of time until Spencer Pratt‘s house of fake-tit cards came crashing down, and it looks like that day has.. come. (Puns!) Vivid’s Steve Hirsch has apparently not seen a single second of man-on-mannequin action despite repeatedly requesting a preview from Jebediah Douchebeard above. TMZ reports:
Steven Hirsch tells TMZ he isn’t going to down to Costa Rica to meet with Spencer about the sex tape — until Spencer coughs up a preview. Specifically, Hirsch says he wants to see at least 30 seconds of whatever it is Pratt’s got.
As we first reported, Pratt is asking for at least $5,000,000 for his library of footage. Hirsch says he asked Pratt to send him some kind of preview because he doesn’t want to be part of any publicity stunt. So far, he hasn’t seen a frame.
I’m going to assume this plan failed directly on its face because there hasn’t been a single peep about the parties involved landing a reality show. Then again, the only doctor capable of using alien technology to move Heidi’s soul from body to body died in a car crash – Damn you, Fox Mulder! – which suggests she might be legitimately hiding in Costa Rica so no one will notice there’s 1/1,000th of a pore out of place behind her left ear.
OR these two are frantically trying to figure out how to fuck on camera before they go bankrupt.
SPENCER: I can’t do it.
HEIDI: What if we just do anal? You like anal – in a sense.
SPENCER: Okay. But you’re going to have to put an oven mitt over your vagina first.
HEIDI: How the hell are we supposed to edit that out?
SPENCER: Why do I always have to come up with the ideas?! *runs away crying*
Photos: Pacific Coast News
jkhjkh | August 31, 2010 at 3:59 pm
“Jebediah Douchebeard”
BRILLIANT
dudeatdudedotdude | August 31, 2010 at 4:01 pm
he’s starting to look like a homeless person. just a matter of time
DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD | August 31, 2010 at 4:05 pm
FIRT
Willie Dixon | August 31, 2010 at 4:08 pm
You misspelled “fart”.
dude | August 31, 2010 at 4:17 pm
well played, Willie.
Mohammed's Taint | August 31, 2010 at 5:04 pm
You should have said “FATWAH” you infidel piece of shit.
McFeely Smackup | August 31, 2010 at 4:06 pm
FIRST to spell it correctlyl!
DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD | August 31, 2010 at 4:08 pm
OOPS I MEAN *FART*
The O | August 31, 2010 at 4:09 pm
As I said before, they can’t make it until they are sure what others want to see in it. If Steve ponied up the cash, they’d be making it right now.
Lady Blah Blah | August 31, 2010 at 4:09 pm
I’d like to a snuff film of this douche getting snuffed.
puddleduck | August 31, 2010 at 6:50 pm
That’s good… I can’t compete, so I’ll agree with you!!!
Willie Dixon | August 31, 2010 at 4:09 pm
One of the funniest posts in weeks.
McFeely Smackup | August 31, 2010 at 4:16 pm
No way can he be a douchebag. Would a douchebag wear two watches?
well, would he??
dudeatdudedotdude | August 31, 2010 at 4:25 pm
good eye!
or that flag pin on a short sleeve..
Vito | August 31, 2010 at 9:38 pm
What the hell’s the matter with you? Of course he wears two watches. One for day and one for night. And just in case you don’t know it, the American Flag pin on his collar is just in case he gets lost. It says on the back, “This shithead came from the USA. Please don’t send him back.”
I’m thinking Steve Hirsch should go ahead and set up the meeting regardless. If Spence doesn’t produce the sex tape, you can film him being buttfucked to death by a runaway herd of Buicks.
I hear Costa Rica is a great place to hide a body.
Jill | September 1, 2010 at 1:48 am
hahahaha- thanks, needed that!
Q | September 1, 2010 at 11:55 am
@Vito Ha.. I wish more folks would travel with that type of lapel pin!
Photoshop Police | August 31, 2010 at 4:26 pm
I called it!
Now can we PAHLEEEEZE stop covering the douchnozzle twins?
In da Closet | August 31, 2010 at 4:30 pm
damnnnn this man is perfect!!! YUMM
dudeatdudedotdude | September 1, 2010 at 10:04 am
not to mention narcissistic, eh spence?
FruitLoop | August 31, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Welcome to a new era in celeb sex tapes.
People, you don’t have to have a sex tape at all. All you need to do is SAY that there is one. Every Z-lister will claim that their ex is shopping around their sex tape and that they are outraged and ready to fight it’s release with legal action.
Is your 15 minutes of fame fading fast, not enough publicity anymore? Just say that someone broke into your house and stole your home made sex tape, where you and your boyfriend/wife/bimbo did every filthy thing imaginable, plus some things that you can’t image. Be sure to be OUTRAGED and say you hired a lawyer to stop this gross invasion of you privacy from hitting the internet or local porn shop.
pimp | August 31, 2010 at 4:36 pm
please die…thank you…
who cares | August 31, 2010 at 4:53 pm
what a fucking Marty Stouffer FUCKTARD!
Shart | August 31, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Is her nose falling off?
RoboZombie | August 31, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I wish someone would take a sledgehammer to this ugly bastard’s face!
ryry | August 31, 2010 at 4:58 pm
shit pile
fester | August 31, 2010 at 4:59 pm
Pretty safe bet Heidi and Spencer doing anal requires a strap-on.
Heidi: “I’ll teach you the meaning of the word RESPECT! Bark like a dog!
Spencer: “Woof-woof-woof, owooooooOOOOOOO!!”
Kelley | August 31, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Good one !! LOL
Ksurfiws | August 31, 2010 at 5:18 pm
Why does he need 2 watches?
Omega Man | August 31, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Because one of them is broken. Little fudge packer just can’t figure out which one it is….
McFeely Smackup | August 31, 2010 at 9:25 pm
He’s confused because one of them is always off by five minutes, but the other one is exactly correct twice a day. So he can’t figure out which one is broken.
Parker | August 31, 2010 at 6:10 pm
haha every conversation they ever had about sex starts out like that. Inevitably, it ends with Heidi lacing up a strap-on.
J | August 31, 2010 at 6:36 pm
crap, i have the same hat…..
McFeely Smackup | August 31, 2010 at 9:26 pm
I hope you forgot to include “…used to…”
Mr. OBvious | August 31, 2010 at 8:11 pm
wait… there isn’t a sex tape with Karissa and Heidi? What the hell. I was actually looking forward to that.
Let me get this straight, they wanted attention and yet never made a sex tape. You just do the sex tape and keep it around for when you might need a little money. It’s like an insurance policy, you hope you don’t have to use it but it’s nice to have around.
McFeely Smackup | August 31, 2010 at 9:29 pm
No, this is even better. In fact, it’s brilliant. If you make a sex tape, you run the risk of losing control of it. getting it stolen and released on the internet, which you don’t get paid for and kills the value of a valid release.
This way, you test the market and find out what it’s worth before the tape even exists, and if the money is right you tun on the cameras, climb on top of Mt PlasticTitties, and let the money flow like so much spent manchowder from a used up has-been’s vagina.
timmy the dying boy | August 31, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Oven mitt? More like a welder’s glove.
captain america | August 31, 2010 at 11:51 pm
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahaha, turn into a STAND UP COMEDIAN like this, ha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahaha, SUCCESS GARANTEED,hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha!!
Q | September 1, 2010 at 11:59 am
You may wanna break the valium in half next time…
horsefaceskank | September 1, 2010 at 1:01 am
it’s the hontag & splatt bitch again !
bend over & spread ‘em …
you can sell that ..
you know you want it ..
they pay you to keep vomiting them up here even though nobody wants to read about them …
atotalcad | September 1, 2010 at 9:17 am
there never could be a sex tape because those two don’t have sex.
Alexandra Hemale | September 1, 2010 at 9:27 am
God what an ugly douche.
Rhialto | September 1, 2010 at 9:46 am
The art of extending the 15 minutes of fame.He’s pretty good in it!
bimbamboing | September 1, 2010 at 9:58 am
He’d look like an eccentric artist.
BM | September 1, 2010 at 1:30 pm
I would have thought they would have at least thrown together a 30 second grainy night vision G rated clip to send to Hirsch at the very least just to keep the rumor mill going.
poohtattoo | September 1, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Wait, wait, wait…that’s not Joaquin Phoenix?! Damn, wrong thread…
wallis | September 5, 2010 at 11:21 am
wtf happend to the pratt hes turned into malibu hobo