Spencer Pratt Might Be Lying. You Think?

August 31st, 2010 // 55 Comments

It was only a matter of time until Spencer Pratt‘s house of fake-tit cards came crashing down, and it looks like that day has.. come. (Puns!) Vivid’s Steve Hirsch has apparently not seen a single second of man-on-mannequin action despite repeatedly requesting a preview from Jebediah Douchebeard above. TMZ reports:

Steven Hirsch tells TMZ he isn’t going to down to Costa Rica to meet with Spencer about the sex tape — until Spencer coughs up a preview. Specifically, Hirsch says he wants to see at least 30 seconds of whatever it is Pratt’s got.
As we first reported, Pratt is asking for at least $5,000,000 for his library of footage. Hirsch says he asked Pratt to send him some kind of preview because he doesn’t want to be part of any publicity stunt. So far, he hasn’t seen a frame.

I’m going to assume this plan failed directly on its face because there hasn’t been a single peep about the parties involved landing a reality show. Then again, the only doctor capable of using alien technology to move Heidi’s soul from body to body died in a car crash – Damn you, Fox Mulder! – which suggests she might be legitimately hiding in Costa Rica so no one will notice there’s 1/1,000th of a pore out of place behind her left ear.

OR these two are frantically trying to figure out how to fuck on camera before they go bankrupt.

SPENCER: I can’t do it.
HEIDI: What if we just do anal? You like anal – in a sense.
SPENCER: Okay. But you’re going to have to put an oven mitt over your vagina first.
HEIDI: How the hell are we supposed to edit that out?
SPENCER: Why do I always have to come up with the ideas?! *runs away crying*

Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. jkhjkh

    “Jebediah Douchebeard”

    BRILLIANT

  2. Spencer Pratt
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    of course there is no tape. I wish Audrina had one though…

  3. he’s starting to look like a homeless person. just a matter of time

  4. DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD

    FIRT

  5. McFeely Smackup

    FIRST to spell it correctlyl!

  6. DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD

    OOPS I MEAN *FART*

  7. The O

    As I said before, they can’t make it until they are sure what others want to see in it. If Steve ponied up the cash, they’d be making it right now.

  8. Lady Blah Blah

    I’d like to a snuff film of this douche getting snuffed.

  9. One of the funniest posts in weeks.

  10. McFeely Smackup

    No way can he be a douchebag. Would a douchebag wear two watches?

    well, would he??

    • good eye!

      or that flag pin on a short sleeve..

    • Vito

      What the hell’s the matter with you? Of course he wears two watches. One for day and one for night. And just in case you don’t know it, the American Flag pin on his collar is just in case he gets lost. It says on the back, “This shithead came from the USA. Please don’t send him back.”

      I’m thinking Steve Hirsch should go ahead and set up the meeting regardless. If Spence doesn’t produce the sex tape, you can film him being buttfucked to death by a runaway herd of Buicks.

      I hear Costa Rica is a great place to hide a body.

  11. Spencer Pratt
    Jerem
    Commented on this photo:

    What douchebag wears a watch on each arm?

  12. Spencer Pratt
    Jeremy
    Commented on this photo:

    What douchebag wears a watch on each arm?

  13. Photoshop Police

    I called it!

    Now can we PAHLEEEEZE stop covering the douchnozzle twins?

  14. In da Closet

    damnnnn this man is perfect!!! YUMM

  15. FruitLoop

    Welcome to a new era in celeb sex tapes.

    People, you don’t have to have a sex tape at all. All you need to do is SAY that there is one. Every Z-lister will claim that their ex is shopping around their sex tape and that they are outraged and ready to fight it’s release with legal action.

    Is your 15 minutes of fame fading fast, not enough publicity anymore? Just say that someone broke into your house and stole your home made sex tape, where you and your boyfriend/wife/bimbo did every filthy thing imaginable, plus some things that you can’t image. Be sure to be OUTRAGED and say you hired a lawyer to stop this gross invasion of you privacy from hitting the internet or local porn shop.

  16. please die…thank you…

  17. who cares

    what a fucking Marty Stouffer FUCKTARD!

  18. Shart

    Is her nose falling off?

  19. RoboZombie

    I wish someone would take a sledgehammer to this ugly bastard’s face!

  20. ryry

    shit pile

  21. fester

    Pretty safe bet Heidi and Spencer doing anal requires a strap-on.

    Heidi: “I’ll teach you the meaning of the word RESPECT! Bark like a dog!
    Spencer: “Woof-woof-woof, owooooooOOOOOOO!!”

  22. Ksurfiws

    Why does he need 2 watches?

  23. Parker

    haha every conversation they ever had about sex starts out like that. Inevitably, it ends with Heidi lacing up a strap-on.

  24. J

    crap, i have the same hat…..

  25. Mr. OBvious

    wait… there isn’t a sex tape with Karissa and Heidi? What the hell. I was actually looking forward to that.

    Let me get this straight, they wanted attention and yet never made a sex tape. You just do the sex tape and keep it around for when you might need a little money. It’s like an insurance policy, you hope you don’t have to use it but it’s nice to have around.

    • No, this is even better. In fact, it’s brilliant. If you make a sex tape, you run the risk of losing control of it. getting it stolen and released on the internet, which you don’t get paid for and kills the value of a valid release.

      This way, you test the market and find out what it’s worth before the tape even exists, and if the money is right you tun on the cameras, climb on top of Mt PlasticTitties, and let the money flow like so much spent manchowder from a used up has-been’s vagina.

  26. Spencer Pratt
    Phil
    Commented on this photo:

    I am NOT a homosexual!….I’m gonna tell your mom!

  27. timmy the dying boy

    Oven mitt? More like a welder’s glove.

  28. captain america

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    hahahahahahahahahahahaha, turn into a STAND UP COMEDIAN like this, ha
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    hahahahahahaha, SUCCESS GARANTEED,hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha!!

  29. Spencer Pratt
    Peggy
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok where’s the REAL number three picture??? The one where he falls flat on flat after trying to lean on that pole??

  30. horsefaceskank

    it’s the hontag & splatt bitch again !

    bend over & spread ‘em …
    you can sell that ..
    you know you want it ..
    they pay you to keep vomiting them up here even though nobody wants to read about them …

  31. atotalcad

    there never could be a sex tape because those two don’t have sex.

  32. Alexandra Hemale

    God what an ugly douche.

  33. Rhialto

    The art of extending the 15 minutes of fame.He’s pretty good in it!

  34. bimbamboing

    He’d look like an eccentric artist.

  35. BM

    I would have thought they would have at least thrown together a 30 second grainy night vision G rated clip to send to Hirsch at the very least just to keep the rumor mill going.

  36. Spencer Pratt
    Strega
    Commented on this photo:

    What a complete putz… Jebediah Douchebeard … thats priceless! lol Someone please make him just go away…now.

  37. poohtattoo

    Wait, wait, wait…that’s not Joaquin Phoenix?! Damn, wrong thread…

  38. Spencer Pratt
    theantichrist
    Commented on this photo:

    I think that {gay porn star} lifeguard catches him and they ride off into the sunset together.

  39. Spencer Pratt
    Rush
    Commented on this photo:

    no comments here? hmm.

  40. wallis

    wtf happend to the pratt hes turned into malibu hobo

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